The Blueprints
Verse One
You are my sweetest downfall.
You are my greatest weakness; you are everything that will ever make me stumble. You are the person that makes me tremble and quake; you are the person who awakens fear in my mind. But without fear, there is no racing heartbeats, no stammered breaths, no stuttered words. Without fear, there is nothing. Without you, there is nothing.
We love and we lose, we cry and we laugh; this is us, our life. We are together, you and I. The lyricist and the vocalist. Ryan and Brendon.
We fit together, Ryan. Not like a jigsaw piece or two pieces of a heart, or anything else cliché. We needed to be planned, put to paper, measured, cut out, filed down and then, when that didn’t work, the plans were redrawn. And we started again. No, we’re not a jigsaw. We were blueprints. We are architecture.
But even the greatest examples of architecture eventually begin to weather from storms, winters, freak weather conditions. One earthquake and we fell apart. People said no one could be blamed. Spencer and Jon told me it wasn’t my fault. But it was; because of you. You are my sweetest downfall.
I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to indulge in everything that is you. And you, you can’t deal with that. Ryan, you’re so much more than I could ever be and you’re not used to feeling trapped. I trapped you, I wanted you to myself. I can’t help but want you, to care for you, to see you achieve everything you dreamt of.
And I did. I watched you achieve, over and over again. You grew so much; you became magnificent and different and utterly fucking amazing. It made me so happy just to see you with that smile. That one that makes you look so pretty. Your eyes seem so much brighter than when we first met. I stopped caring about myself; I was so busy making you happy I forgot to do things. I forgot to eat, to sleep. If it weren’t for it being an involuntary function, I’d have damn well forgotten to breathe. You were my one and only weakness. I just couldn’t help myself, I just wanted you. Only you, but with all the change, things got complicated. Our architecture, us, we started to fall apart. It was when you realised how much you’d changed and how much I’d simply let myself fall apart just to help you – that was the earthquake.
The aftershock was when you, Spencer and Jon found out what I was doing; trying to make myself perfect, to make myself try and reach your standard. I stopped eating; you were so skinny and I wanted to be the same, you were perfect because you weren’t me. I didn’t want to be me. The aftershock was my absolute breakdown, it was me fainting because I wouldn’t eat; the aftershock was my insomnia, caused by my own damn self hatred. The aftershock; it was what destroyed us.
You are my greatest weakness; you are everything that will ever make me stumble. You are the person that makes me tremble and quake; you are the person who awakens fear in my mind. But without fear, there is no racing heartbeats, no stammered breaths, no stuttered words. Without fear, there is nothing. Without you, there is nothing.
We love and we lose, we cry and we laugh; this is us, our life. We are together, you and I. The lyricist and the vocalist. Ryan and Brendon.
We fit together, Ryan. Not like a jigsaw piece or two pieces of a heart, or anything else cliché. We needed to be planned, put to paper, measured, cut out, filed down and then, when that didn’t work, the plans were redrawn. And we started again. No, we’re not a jigsaw. We were blueprints. We are architecture.
But even the greatest examples of architecture eventually begin to weather from storms, winters, freak weather conditions. One earthquake and we fell apart. People said no one could be blamed. Spencer and Jon told me it wasn’t my fault. But it was; because of you. You are my sweetest downfall.
I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to indulge in everything that is you. And you, you can’t deal with that. Ryan, you’re so much more than I could ever be and you’re not used to feeling trapped. I trapped you, I wanted you to myself. I can’t help but want you, to care for you, to see you achieve everything you dreamt of.
And I did. I watched you achieve, over and over again. You grew so much; you became magnificent and different and utterly fucking amazing. It made me so happy just to see you with that smile. That one that makes you look so pretty. Your eyes seem so much brighter than when we first met. I stopped caring about myself; I was so busy making you happy I forgot to do things. I forgot to eat, to sleep. If it weren’t for it being an involuntary function, I’d have damn well forgotten to breathe. You were my one and only weakness. I just couldn’t help myself, I just wanted you. Only you, but with all the change, things got complicated. Our architecture, us, we started to fall apart. It was when you realised how much you’d changed and how much I’d simply let myself fall apart just to help you – that was the earthquake.
The aftershock was when you, Spencer and Jon found out what I was doing; trying to make myself perfect, to make myself try and reach your standard. I stopped eating; you were so skinny and I wanted to be the same, you were perfect because you weren’t me. I didn’t want to be me. The aftershock was my absolute breakdown, it was me fainting because I wouldn’t eat; the aftershock was my insomnia, caused by my own damn self hatred. The aftershock; it was what destroyed us.