Living Silver

August 4th, 12:32 pm.

“I feel dirty,” I said to Aimee, slamming my head down on her kitchen table. “I complain to Gage about him cheating on me and then not even two days later, I’m doing the exact same thing I accused him of.”

“Except you’re the other woman,” she said, petting my head. “If it’s any consolation, I’m happy that it happened.”

“That’s because you wanted me to get together with Pax,” I said, biting my lip. “What am I going to do? I’m so horrible, and I’m a hypocrite. I’m like . . . lower than low right now.”

“Andy, stop beating yourself up. Hailey’s a bitch anyway. She deserved it.” Aimee fell silent for a second. “Does she even know?”

“No, not yet. I’ve got to end this thing with Pax,” I said, standing up. “I don’t want a relationship. I don’t know what he wants but he shouldn’t cheat on her when he knows exactly what it’s like. Even Hailey doesn’t deserve that.”

“You go girl!” Aimee cheered. “But before you talk to Pax, remember you have a shift at the kennel.” I groaned, my shoulders dropping.

“Shit,” I mumbled and dragged myself out the front door. I spent four hours at the shelter by myself in the back room because Meredith was busy doing paperwork in her office, Cody was coming in later and Gage—thank the heavens—was attending a commencement hosted by his future University for a tour and a bunch of other stuff. I wasn’t going to be able to face him for a while.

When I walked out of the back after my shift, I caught sight of Hailey and immediately felt swarmed with guilt. Not only was it my idea to hold a truce avoiding drama but I then went and kissed her boyfriend. But when I saw what she was doing—leaning against the counter, thrusting her boobs in front of the face of poor, horrified Cody—I actually judged myself for wasting any guilt on someone as ridiculous as her. And she was clearly back to her old self before we had talked things out because when she looked at me, that same ridiculous smirk crossed over her features and I glared.

“You’re taken. Remember that,” I said.

“Not anymore,” she said, turning to the side with one hand on her hip and the other propped up on the counter. Cody looked between the two of us, confused and obviously desperate for an escape. “Pax broke up with me last night . . . right after he went out with you.” She stepped closer to me, her overly-sized heels clicking against the hardwood floor. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

And I actually had the decency to be a little intimidated and ashamed. “No,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat that just screamed “liar” and “fraud”. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I know Pax, and I know you,” she replied.

“Clearly not well enough,” I said.

Cody cleared his throat and we looked over at him. “You’re uhm . . . you’re heading out, right Andy?” he asked hesitantly, obviously trying not to look at Hailey.

“Yeah. My shift is done and over with. Why?”

He grabbed his bag, hoisted it over his shoulder and took hold of my arm. Then he walked us to the door and Hailey shot daggers through her eyes at me as I passed. Cody shook he said. “Come on,” he said quietly. “Let’s go for a walk.”



“So what happened with Gage?” Cody asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I know something happened. Otherwise, he would have come in with his teeth gritted yesterday. And he wouldn’t have nearly ripped the doors off its hinges either.”

I looked at him. “Are you exaggerating?”

“Just a bit.”

“We broke up,” I said, shrugging. “I thought that part was obvious. What’s going on? Are you interested in Hailey or something?”

“No,” Cody said assertively, shaking his head at a rapid speed. “She’s asked me out a few times but I’ve never said yes. I don’t like her.”

“Okay.”

“Look, if you want to know about Molly and Gage . . .” Cody paused and cleared his throat, looking suddenly uncomfortable when I turned my curious eyes to look at him expectantly. “I can tell you all I know but I’m sure you’ve heard it before.”

“I don’t care,” I said, looking forward again. And that was the truth; I didn’t care. I didn’t care what happened with Molly and Gage or what was going to happen with them because for some reason, all I could think of since that night in the alley was Pax. I cared about where we were going, but that was it. Even the thought of him or remembering what happened sent anxious shudders all over my body. No one had had that effect on me before, and it wasn’t exactly settling. It made me nervous.

“Andy, what happened between you and your friend Pax?” Cody asked, cutting through my thoughts. “Hailey told me that you . . . you made out with him?”

My jaw dropped. There was no way she knew what happened in the alley, because if she did she would have come after me to slit my carotid artery. Pax wouldn’t do something as ballsy as telling her that he had cheated on her with me because she would have accused me of the exact same thing that I had accused her brother of. It was fair but at the same time, it wasn’t. Because if she wasn’t talking about the alley, then she was talking about something else and I had admitted to her Pax kissed me on Valentine’s Day as some sort of favour. So she was stretching the truth, surely to get under my skin, and it was working.

I shrieked with anger. “No!” I exclaimed. Cody stared at me, eyes wide with shock and dismay. “Hailey’s lying, okay? I would never tell her that I made out with Pax when I didn’t. What she’s talking about was just one kiss. One! We didn’t make out or anything. It was just a simple nothing!”

“So you and Pax have never made out?”

“No! Well . . .” I bit my lip. I didn’t want to lie, and I could trust Cody. Or at least, I hoped I could. “Can you keep a secret?”

“Of course I can,” he said, giving a sharp nod.

“After Gage and I broke up . . . well, Pax was still seeing Hailey but he decided to take me out to cheer me up and . . . I don’t know how it happened but we ended up sort of hooking up in the middle of an alley,” I said, biting my lip. That was a lie. I knew exactly how it happened. Now that I said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous and trashy. I felt even worse than Hailey, who broadcasted her need to get with someone for the whole world to see. Of course, I would never say that to anyone except for Karlee, or another person I knew would never carry it on to someone else.

“Jesus,” Cody breathed, pushing his hair back and chuckling lightly. “I always figured something would happen between you and Pax. I just never took you for the hook-up type.”

“Oh, I’m not,” I said, putting my hands out and shaking my head. “That was just . . . so unlike me. I would usually never even consider hooking up with someone, much less a best friend, but I guess I was just—”

“In a bad place?”

“Exactly.”

He nodded. “Well, this is your stop right?” he asked, coming to a halt and looking up at my house. I hadn’t even realized he had walked me all the way from the shelter to home until I was actually there. “Listen, don’t let Hailey get to you. It’s what she wants and I’m sure that you've heard it before but I’m not dicking around. She likes screwing with people’s heads.”

I nodded. “Thanks for the talk,” I said. “I needed to get that out.”

“You hardly even vented,” he laughed. “But no problem.” He gave me a hit on the arm. “I’ll see you on Monday at the shelter?”

“For sure,” I said over my shoulder, as I was already walking up the driveway to my doorway. I pulled the door open and glanced over my shoulder quickly, seeing Cody retreating back up the street. When I stepped inside, Nick suddenly came bolting out of the living room, his eyes angry. He was obviously in a bad mood, and feeling just nasty enough to take that rage out on me.

“Who was that?” he demanded.

“Cody. I work with him at the shelter,” I replied, slipping my shoes off and rubbing my sweaty hands on my bare thighs. Even the smallest raise of temperature could make my hands clammy and sticky, which was just disgusting. I felt dirty because of how humid it was outside, and here I was in torn jean-shorts, finished a four-hour shift in a room filled with sweaty, panting dogs and had my hair tied up in a messy bun, which I only did when I was lazy, hot or didn’t care about my appearance. If I had remembered I had things to do today, I definitely would have dressed a little more respectful for the occasion but due to my distraction thinking about Pax, I was completely off my game.

“I thought you were dating Gage,” Nick said, folding his arms.

“Not anymore. But I said I work with Cody, I didn’t say I was dating Cody.”

“What happened with Gage?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

“Not good enough for him or something?” he said. I knew he was just kidding around but with the tone, I knew he was trying to get on my nerves, testing me to see how far I could go before I blew up at him. He had been doing that a lot lately, and I didn’t know why.

“What’s your problem?” I asked, putting my arms out. “You used to be nice.”

“What’s your problem?” he returned. “You never used to be such a bitch.”

My eyes went wide. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I didn’t do anything to you!” I yelled. “And you have no business asking me what happened with Gage! You were never there for me to listen when I was going through problems with him so why do you care now?”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re sixteen. You don’t have problems.”

I threw my water bottle at his head and he ducked, turning his shocked face to me as it hit the wall and the cap popped up, sending water everywhere.

“Do you even know what it means to be a decent brother?!” I screamed, my fury getting the best of me. I raced up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door for good measure, hoping that Nick would get the point. He wasn’t good at apologies so if he was ever going to say anything, it was going to take a while and it would definitely be awkward.

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day, doing some reading because I really had nothing else to do. Karlee and Trey were hanging out together, Gage was obviously with Molly and Pax . . . well, I really didn’t know where he was but even if he did, chances were we wouldn’t have been hanging out with each other because of what happened. I had hit rock bottom, and I didn’t have a clue what to do.

A scratching noise against the side wall about a half an hour later had me looking up from my book and glaring at the window. Then suddenly, a hand appeared against the window ledge and my eyes went wide. I jumped off the bed and grabbed the first thing I could see that could be taken for a weapon, which, unfortunately, was my laptop.

“I will hurt you!” I yelled when the window flew open.

Then Pax’s head appeared and he grunted as he pushed himself up, hanging halfway inside of my room with his legs sticking outside. I let out a breath of relief and put my laptop back down on my desk. My stress level skyrocketed again though, when I realized what I looked like and how Pax was the one climbing through my window. I just couldn’t catch a break today.

“Can I get some help here?” he groaned and I rushed over to pull him all the way through. He toppled over into a clump on the floor and I kneeled down in front of him, sighing.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

“Why were you holding your laptop up and threatening me with it?” he retaliated, rubbing his sore stomach.

“I don’t know. I thought you were a kidnapper or something,” I said, looking away from him and feeling my face go red.

“Yeah, I’m coming to kidnap you in the middle of the day,” he said sardonically, managing a tiny laugh. “What’s the matter with you? It’s broad daylight out there.”

“Seriously, why didn’t you just ring the doorbell?” I asked. “If you wanted in, Nick would have let you.”

“That’s doubtful. He just left and I knew you weren’t going to open the door for me,” he said, cocking a brow. My face flushed an even deeper scarlet. “We need to talk about what happened.” He brought one leg up and put his elbow on top of his knee, tilting his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. He let out a deep sigh, most likely waiting for me to talk first.

“What is there to talk about?” I asked, trying to avoid the topic.

“You and me,” he said, looking back at me again. His face was dead serious, and it wasn’t something that suited him well because I was so used to him constantly cracking jokes or kidding around. “You’re obviously uncomfortable.”

“What makes you say that?” I mumbled sarcastically.

Pax let out a single breathy laugh. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s not obvious or anything,” he said just as jokingly as I had said my comment. I got out a tiny smile. “Come on. Tell me what you’re thinking, what bugs you, anything.”

“How about the fact that you’re my best friend and you kissed me in an alley when you had a girlfriend?” I said. Pax raised his eyebrows, surprised. “Yes, I know you broke it off with Hailey. You didn’t tell her, did you?”

He shook his head. “I just told her that it wasn’t working out, and that I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now,” he said. “The biggest reason I kissed you is because I wanted to see what it would be like. And call me crazy but Gage is obviously insane for cheating on you if you kiss that good.”

“Well isn’t that romantic,” I teased.

Pax pushed his bangs back. “Okay, there’s no way to recover from that. I probably should have worded it a little bit better.”

“Probably.”

“I might be interested in you,” he said, sitting up and leaning toward me. I, impulsively, leaned back. He frowned. “You were upset about Gage, I’ve never really been all that attached to Hailey. You said so yourself that you were considering having a friend with benefits because it gives you that pleasure of having a companion, someone who is there for you, but none of the responsibility or that stress that comes with being in a full-fledged, committed relationship. Who could be better suited for you than someone you’re already close with as it is and spends pretty much all their time with you anyway? Besides, we’ve already kissed twice and decided that we’ve got chemistry. Don’t try to sit and there tell me it’s not a good idea.”

“Pax, it’s risky,” I said. “What happens when it ends?”

“That’s something we’ll figure out later,” he said. “Come on, Andy. Give it a shot. We’re good together, if I do say so myself. I like to hook up, and you need to.”

I growled under my breath. “I’m not so sure that this is a good idea.”

His eyes narrowed like he was scoping me out, trying to determine what my next move would be while he figured out his own. “Well,” he said, grabbing my hand and yanking me forward. “My time here is limited, so you think about it and then get back to me.” Then he kissed me, his lips molding perfectly to mine. Maybe he had a point; maybe this could work out but the one thing I was most worried about was our friendship. There was no telling how it was going to affect it in the aftermath and I couldn’t handle giving up a friend as good as Pax.

“You have to go,” I said, giving him a light push on the chest.

“Got it.” He stood up and dusted off the butt of his jeans. “I fell in something wet on the way up here. I don’t know what it is but I definitely need a new pair of jeans.”

“You fell in my mom’s rose garden,” I laughed.

Pax froze. “Shit. Apologize to her for me?”

He put a leg out the window, then the other, then his waist went and finally he was fully out of sight. And this was the time that my mind had decided without the rest of me that Pax’s plan was pure genius.

“Pax!” I called out the window. He was just hanging from the second story window ledge when he looked up at me, his face red from the effort it was taking to hold himself up.

“What’s up Andy?” he got out, his voice strained with discomfort.

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Would you like to get together?”

“Like hook up?”

I nodded.

Pax smirked. “Babe, you’re a woman after my own heart.” Then he lost his balance and fell right on top of my mom’s hydrangea bush. I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to keep back the laugh.

“Shit, are you okay?”

He rolled over with a groan and pushed himself off the ground. “That’s going to hurt in the morning,” he said, looking up at me again. “You shocked me so much that my grip loosened.”

“I’m sure that’s what it was,” I joked. “It’s not that you’re uncoordinated or can’t keep your balance.”

“I was hanging from a window ledge!”

I smiled. “See you tomorrow,” I said, closing my window and biting my lip, still grinning like mad from being so giddy.

This could be so bad, I thought, internally scolding myself. But at the same time, it could be so, so good.