Living Silver

December 25th, 1:45 am.

“This is really bad for me,” I said to Pax as we sat on the floor, eating from a bag of chips. Even though I knew it wasn’t the best choice to eat so early in the morning—much less to be eating chips over anything else—it didn’t stop me from reaching back into the bag and grabbing a handful more. I couldn’t get my mother’s voice out of my head, with her “if you eat now it will just sit in your stomach” lecture. I still couldn’t tear myself away, mostly because I didn’t care. I was too focused on Pax.

“Do you remember that bonfire?” Pax asked. “Hailey was all over me.”

“They’re both idiots,” I said, crossing my legs. “I have this theory.”

Pax sat up straighter. “Okay.”

“I think Gage introduced Hailey to you so that he wouldn’t have to look after her all the time. And I think Hailey latched onto you to see if it would make me angry.”

Pax bit his lip, thinking it over. “I think she was jealous of you. I mean, she’s practically in love with her brother and she had a crush on Cody, who you work with. She’s just immature. And I wouldn’t have hooked up with her if I knew she was going to turn out to be such an evil bitch.” I smirked at him, doubtful. “Okay, maybe not.”

I laughed. “You didn’t just hook up with her. You dated her.”

“Longest relationship I’ve ever been in,” he replied, running a hand through his mussed hair. He shot a sideways glance at me. “Unless you count what we had a relationship.”

“It wasn’t,” I said immediately, glaring.

“You have to admit though; it was pretty great while it lasted.”

“It wasn’t bad,” I said, biting off the tip of my chip. It snapped loudly and Pax stared at me, amused. I didn’t know what to say, and he was aware of it. Then again, he knew everything about me and what I could say or do if I wanted to, even without me doing it. “Meaningless hookups in our bedrooms and around corners can’t really be considered a relationship. It was based on sneaking around. We never even went on a date together, and we couldn’t hold hands in public. So no, it was not dating.”

“It was more than friends though,” he reminded me.

“Yes.”

Pax had run out of words, and it took him about a minute before he was able to say something else. “So the bonfire . . .” he said. “Could we count that as the beginning? Because before that, it was just shameless flirting. Even though we said we would get together, something always got in the way.”

“I guess,” I shrugged. “That bonfire was hell, though.”

Pax brought his finger up to his mouth and began digging in between two teeth to get a piece of chip out. “Well,” he said, frowning from the unsuccessful attempt to remove the annoyance. “One good thing did come out of it.”

“And what was that?”

He smiled. “You finally gave Hailey a taste of her own medicine.”



August 6th, 7:33 pm.

One of the football jocks at our school had decided to host a birthday bonfire for himself at the beach and thought it would make him look even better to invite the soon-to-be eleventh and twelfth grade school population. To say the least, he had dropped way too much money on alcohol when all of us were under the legal drinking age. Although, that didn’t stop most of them and they went at it anyway. That was why I was looking forward to having the cops show break up the party but it was going to be a while until someone bothered to complain about it. David was planning on going out with Karlee’s older sister and her boyfriend, Nick and Marcy, and then a few other people so he was able to give Trey, Karlee and I a ride to the lakeshore. Pax had already hitched a ride with one of the older kids making an appearance and I was actually a little thankful that he did because it would have been unbelievably awkward in the car if he hadn’t. We were still stuck in that “new relationship” phase even though we had stayed up all night, two nights in a row talking about it but that didn’t make it any more comfortable to be around him in a car with his leg touching mine.

When David dropped us off, I climbed out first and the minute I closed the door behind me and said my thank you’s to David through the open window, I spotted Pax. He was leaning against Ryan Myers’ car with his arms crossed over his shirtless chest, wearing only a pair of black swim trunks with a white line running across his hips and outlining the pockets, then down the side of his legs. I was drawn to his hip bones first, and instantly my mouth began to water and the idea of running my hands over his chest. But when Karlee put a hand on my back and gave me a tiny curious smile, I snapped myself out of it before I had a chance to visualize anything else. I was going to have to save that for another time, because I actually got the real thing; I was hooking up with Pax and I started to reprimand myself within for actually not considering doing it before. If I had paid this much attention to how good he looked without a shirt on before, the thought would have crossed my mind a billion times.

Pax pushed his black bangs back and laughed at what one of the three boys standing with him had said, and then turned his hypnotizing blue eyes on me. I was obviously staring but I didn’t want to make it too visible and quickly lifted a hand as a wave. Pax smiled back and gave me a tiny wink, before turning back to the guys in front of him, still holding that same smile as he talked. I beamed, pleased and walked off with Karlee and Trey to meet up with Aimee and Dylan, and a few other people we talked to at school.

“I’m bored,” Aimee said after about an hour of sitting on a log around the massive fire. “This just isn’t doing it for me anymore. I either want smores . . . or I want to go swimming.”

“I vote swimming,” Dylan laughed.

“That’s because it’s another excuse for you to see your girlfriend in minimum clothing,” Trey returned with a smile. Ruby suddenly squeezed herself between Trey and Karlee, who moved herself away from them to avoid bumping hips with Trey’s girlfriend. Something flashed across her face—I couldn’t tell what it was but it didn’t look good. For a minuscule moment, she looked jealous and almost angry, but she got rid of it fairly quickly and returned to the conversation. I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously, making a reminder to myself to look out for that throughout the night. If there was something going on, I wanted to find out what it was.

“I don’t care. I’m going for a swim,” Aimee said and stood up, peeling off her top and bottoms to reveal a bright pink bikini set. We all whistled and laughed. “Come with me!” she yelled, grabbing my hand and beginning to pull me toward the water.

“Oh no, no way,” I said, shaking my head and trying to pull myself in the other direction.

“Yes way!”

“I don’t have a bathing suit on!” I objected.

“Who cares?! A bra is essentially the exact same thing as a bathing suit. It just contains a bit more padding.”

“And we’ve all seen you in a bathing suit before,” Karlee added, standing up and taking off her shirt. She tossed it in the pile created by Aimee’s clothes, then Dylan’s and Ruby’s. I noticed almost instantaneously that Trey’s eyes were drawn to Karlee, wide with fascination and amazement. His cheeks went pink and I quickly kicked him in the shin so he wouldn’t be embarrassed if he was caught gawking at her. He shook his head and stood up, pulling his shirt over his head. He reminded me of Pax, and that thought alone had my insides twisting and turning all over again. When all of them were down to their bathing suits or whatever they chose to wear, I scoffed.

“Screw it,” I said, and yanked my tank top and shorts off.

“There you go!” Aimee cheered, and we all ran into the water to join the other half of people at the party. But the initial rush from jumping into the lake with nothing with my underwear on wore off pretty quickly, and my good mood was especially plummeting when I caught sight of Pax again but he wasn’t alone. Hailey was glued to his side.

Pax looked less than enthused, trying to get her to understand that he wasn’t interested anymore. That just proved that since she was running back to him, she either knew I was here and wanted to make me reach my boiling point, or just couldn’t find anyone that was willing to hook up with her. I refused to let her know that she was still getting on my last nerve at this point and stayed in the water, focusing all of my attention on my friends. After another twenty minutes passed, we got out of the water and put our clothes back on, then just sat around with our butts soaking. Two large wet stains appeared on my red tank from my bra being drenched so when Pax finally found me, his eyes immediately landed on my breasts.

“What did you do?” he laughed. He was wearing a shirt now, so I looked even more ridiculous. If he was half naked, at least I wouldn’t be so self-conscious about being exposed and soaked at once.

“I went swimming,” I said, pushing myself off the sand and dusting off my bottom. “Want to take a walk?”

He glanced over his shoulder. “Absolutely. Let’s go,” he said, grabbing my hand and yanking me away. We had agreed not to make it obvious that something was going on so as soon as he had touched me, he let go and we walked down the beach, his hands in his pockets and mine crossed over my chest.

“So what was going on with Hailey?” I asked hesitantly.

Pax shrugged. “She wanted to know if I wanted to go somewhere and . . . you know.” He cleared his throat. “I told her I wasn’t interested. I guess she didn’t get it the first time I said it. I never expected I would actually have to repeat myself word for word.”

“What got her to leave?”

“Gage, obviously,” he snickered. “He showed up with Molly and she just clung herself to him.”

“Are they dating again?”

“I guess so.” He looked over at me. “Does that bother you?”

“No,” I said quickly. “They could have sex right there in the sand. I wouldn’t give a crap either way.”

“Okay, I really didn’t need to picture that,” he laughed.

“Sorry.”

“So listen.” Pax stopped walking and put his hand on my arm, turning me to face him. “I don’t want things to be awkward with us. I know that this is a big change and everything but if it’s going to work, we can’t let this personal thing get in the way of our friendship. It’ll be especially obvious when we’re around our friends and neither of us wants that, right?”

“Right,” I agreed, nodding assertively. “I’ve just never hooked up with anyone before. I’m not entirely sure how it works.”

Pax smiled. “Want me to show you?”

“Aren’t we supposed to distance ourselves? We should be hiding it, not publicizing it.”

“We’re far enough away,” he said, taking a step closer and dipping his head. His lips pressed against mine gently at first but after the primary feeling, both of us now used to it, he got a little closer and made it a lot more aggressive. His arms came around my waist while mine came up and around him as well. I felt for his shoulder blades, then traced down the curve of his back, stopping at his hips. Pax shivered and I smiled, forever remembering that spot.

A throat cleared behind us and we jumped back from each other. “Well, what have we got here,” the Ice Princess herself said, an evil smirk coming to her face. Hailey’s two friends—practically her sad puppies—stood behind her, watching and snickering about the scene unraveling before them. “The ugly duckling and the . . .” She paused and stared at Pax. “Prince charming?”

“What do you want Hailey?” he said, scowling at her. “Do you know the meaning of the word privacy? Or is it not in your vocabulary because it is outweighed by ‘stalk’?”

She scoffed. “I always figured you two were hooking up. I just never knew you were going to be so risky and make out in such an open environment like a beach party. Should I spread the news around?”

When neither of us said anything, she began to step toward me but then changed her course and made circles around me, eyeing me up and down like a predator about to attack its prey. “So when did this happen?” she asked. “Was it before or after you ended it with Gage?”

“Is it really your business either way?” I spoke through my teeth, folding my arms over my chest.

“It is when it concerns my brother.”

“Well it doesn’t, so I guess it’s time for you to butt out. Although, you’ve never really been good with that, have you?”

Hailey snorted. “You think you’re so clever,” she said, stopping in front of me. “You tell me you want to make a pact to avoid drama but then you go and make out with my ex-boyfriend? Way to follow your own advice, Andy.”

“Can you just leave us alone for once?” I mumbled.

“I’d rather not,” she said, stepping back and chuckling. She looked at Pax over her shoulder, and he glared at her. “I need a favour.”

“Why would we do anything for you?” I snapped.

“Because if you want me to keep this a secret, you better do what I say or the entire school will know you’ve been whoring yourself around with your best friend,” she hissed. I fell silent. “That’s better. Now . . .” She treaded to me again, directly in my face. “I want you to break Molly and Gage up."

I was flabbergasted. “You just spent all of your time and energy trying to get them together. Why the hell do you suddenly want him to be single again? Are you that messed up in the head?”
“Do you want this little thing between you two to get out in the open or not? No, I didn’t think so. Listen,” she said, grabbing me firmly by the wrist. “Either do it, or I’ll tell everyone. If it’s not enough of a shocker that one of the most popular guys on the football team is going for his best friend, the fact that it’s you will set people right over the edge.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She scoffed, her lips practically dripping with evil. “Have you seen yourself?”

Pax stepped forward, his jaw set. “Now wait a second—”

“Don’t you dare try to defend her. You want this to be kept a secret just as much as she does so just keep your mouth shut,” she snapped. I knew it wasn’t so much the fact that we were incapable of supporting ourselves, but rather the shock of the vulgarity and harshness of Hailey’s words that had both of us rendered speechless. I didn’t blame Pax for not saying anything.

“They’re a bad couple. They have been from day one, and everyone knows they’re on a crash course to the end of their relationship so you might as well end it. You started it, so you can finish it,” she told me.

“How did I start it?”

“You motivated him to go after her since you were such a shitty girlfriend,” she glared.

“Hey, I was not a shitty girlfriend—”

“You were a shitty girlfriend,” she repeated herself. “Why else would he go back to her?”

“You had no right to get involved in their relationship, Hailey,” Pax cut in. “Nor do you have any right to get in the middle of his relationship with Molly. If he’s happy, leave him be. You’re his sister, after all. Don’t you want to see your brother in a relationship he enjoys?”

“Of course she doesn’t. She wants him all for herself,” I sneered.

“You need to leave him alone.”

“Oh relax. I’m not asking you to get involved,” she said to him. “I’m asking it of Andy. And you might want to watch what you say to me because if you don’t want this little thing you have going on with her, then you’re kind of pressing your luck by insulting me. I will say something, and don’t you think I won’t.”

“Believe me, I don’t doubt you.”

“Good.” She looked at me again, eyebrows lifted to test. “Well? Do we have an agreement or what?”

“Blackmailing is low, even for you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Just answer the question. It's as simple as telling him a lie. I don't care, just do what you have to do. If you don't, I'll make sure that whatever you have with Pax is over as soon as it began. So what's your decision?”

I couldn't really decide whether it was selfishness for the defense of my own relationship, or some sort of revenge on Gage and Molly burning deep inside of me, but it was strong enough to make me give in to her. I took one look at Pax, whose eyes were filled with desperation, but what they were desperate for, I did not know.

Finally, I sighed, admitting defeat. "Okay. I'll do it."



When it came down to it, I couldn’t do what Hailey had asked me to. Even though I didn’t want anyone to know that Pax and I were hooking up, getting involved in a relationship that had nothing to do with me and I honestly couldn’t care less about just wasn’t right. What happened between Gage and I was simply a blur in my mind, and if he was happy with Molly, I could accept that. The fact was, I never really liked him as more than a friend to begin with; I just liked the idea of having a boyfriend and I knew he felt the same way about me. He had never gotten over Molly, but that didn't bother me as much as Hailey or anyone else believed. Of course, learning that he had cheated on me had effected me, but only the action itself, and not so much the idea of him and Molly being together behind my back. I had seen it coming, but it wasn't getting to me as much as Hailey liked to think it was, and that was where she had made her mistake. There was nothing she could to that would tear them apart now. For all I knew, Hailey was just a psychotic bitch with some weird crush on her older brother, and could not care less who she hurt, as long as his attention was set fully on him.

Then again, it didn’t come as a surprise.

But Hailey had nothing on me. She could try as hard as she wanted to ruin whatever it was that Pax and I were starting with each other, but I wasn't going to let her.

After I had had enough of the bonfire, I found Pax and asked him to take the bus back home with me. He was more than ready to leave as well so we walked up the tiny hill of sand to the parking lot, passing Molly and Gage in the process. I looked at them for a millisecond, sitting together all cozy on one of the logs, laughing and smiling at each other, and felt . . . nothing. No anger, no sadness, no dread for seeing my ex-boyfriend with the girl he had cheated on me with. It was just like walking by a complete stranger. But when I walked by, they looked up and their smiles instantly disappeared. On Gage’s other side sat Hailey, who stared at me as well and as hard as I tried to avoid her by walking faster and swerving through groups of people, it didn’t stop her. She was gaining on me.

Pax put a hand on my back and steered me up the concrete, away from her. But she gained on us, and it was only a matter of seconds before she had nearly everyone’s attention as she began to yell things out at me.

“Leaving so soon? Or are you just going to find somewhere secluded to make out with your boyfriend?” she called. I rolled my eyes and tried my best to ignore her, but my patience was being tested. I thought Pax breaking up with her was going to be the end of her, but obviously this giant pain in the ass was going to stick around for as long as possible until someone set her in her place.

“Just ignore her,” Pax whispered in my ear. Ordinarily, that would have calmed me down but it just reminded me that I was being harassed by the most annoying person in the world.

“You know, I always did wonder how long it would be before you broke my brother’s heart. I saw it coming from day one but I never expected you would actually cheat on him with my boyfriend.”

This got people whispering, but it also pushed me right over the edge. I whirled around and sped over to her, my feet leaving deep imprints in the sand. For the first time this summer, Hailey actually looked intimidated.

“Do not even pretend like your version of the story is the real one. You’ve never told a single good thing to someone in your life and I have a crapload of things over your head that you’ve done to people so don’t act like you’re the bigger person. And you know what happened with your brother and I, so don’t switch it to make it look like I was the one who did this big, bad thing to him. I’m over it and he is over it. Maybe it’s time you stop obsessing over your own goddamn kin and go for someone who you actually have a chance at being with!”

Hailey’s face burned crimson when people began to exclaim in disgust and laugh as well.

“I didn’t want to make a scene out of this,” I snapped. “But when it comes to my friends and me, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you get the hell out of our lives and mind your own damn business.”

“Can you even call him your friend? He’s like your bang buddy over everything.”

“We haven’t done shit so stop lying already,” I said. Even though technically, I was the one lying, people listening were more likely to believe me than her. Everyone knew what Hailey was like, so if I had to tell a tiny lie to keep something bigger under wraps, then I was going to. My fib was never going to be the equivalent of everything she had done, so in my eyes I was still in the clear.

“This isn’t even about Gage—”

“Oh, I know what this is about. This is about your inability to be a loyal friend. I’m sorry but asking someone you can’t stand to break up someone else you consider a companion is not being a good person,” I argued. “If you want your brother to be single so badly, then tell him yourself but don’t get me to try and separate him and Molly if they actually have a lasting chance.”

“What?” Molly asked from outside the circle, eyes wide. A wide range of eyes turned on Gage, but he just stood there, shock-ridden.

“I am tired of you pretending to be a good friend and then turning around just to stab me in the back. You’ve screwed me over so many times that I’ve lost count. If you’re going to be a bitch, then be a bitch but don’t keep switching your personality to gain a bit of someone’s trust only to lose it two seconds later.”

“What’s going on?” Gage asked suddenly, pushing himself through the crowd of spectators.

“Andy! She’s trying to embarrass me,” Hailey said, taking a step back. Gage looked at me expectantly but I just scoffed.

“Wow. You’re fifteen years old, Hailey. Act your age and own up to what you’ve done already.”

“See?! She’s trying to make a fool out of me!”

Gage remained silent for several seconds and everyone watched in anticipation, waiting to see his next move. Then finally, he sighed and shook his head, putting his hands up. “Sorry Hails,” he said. “I can’t defend you all the time.”

Her eyes went wide. “What?” she spluttered. “But . . . but Andy—”

“Is finally giving you what you deserve,” he said, and walked away.

Everyone was livid, but Hailey was humiliated beyond belief. If I was feeling a little more sympathetic and she had been a little bit nicer, I probably would have apologized or admitted I took it too far. But we were past that point, and I didn’t plan on doing anything to save her now. Hailey pushed through the crowd of people watching her and whispering. I sighed, relieved and turned around, head spinning. Pax looked amazed.

“Wow,” he breathed. “I knew you could get angry but I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“You don’t know everything about me,” I said.

“Obviously not,” he laughed. “Come on. Let’s catch the bus before it’s too late.”

Pax put his arm around my shoulder and led me to the nearest bus stop. When it pulled up, we climbed on and put our money in, then immediately went to the back. Usually, the lights would be on but tonight, the bus was completely dark so there we were, the only two people on it besides the driver, watching the city fly by us in a blur as I went over tonight’s events in my head. We had gotten out lucky, because no one believed we were hooking up with each other, and the issue with Hailey was finally solved; at least for now. If she came back again, I was going to have to kick her ass.

“You really stunned me out there,” Pax smiled. “I never would have thought you would be one to school someone in the middle of a crowd without even raising a fist. Usually that’s how most fights get solved around here and you actually got through it rather collectedly.”

“It’s not my first public argument.”

“Well, at least it’s done and over with.”

“I actually really appreciated you not jumping in,” I said seriously. “You knew I wanted to handle it myself, didn’t you?”

“Well, you’re independent and you like the challenges. If you wanted me in there, I would have joined but you looked to be holding your ground really well. Plus if I intervened, it probably would have made it obvious that we . . . well, you know . . .”

I nodded. “I get it. But thank you.”

“But if you needed me . . .”

“You would have been there. I know,” I said.

Pax looked down at me. “I would do a lot more for you than you think, Andy.”

I took an unexpected jolt to the heart from hearing this. When I turned to face Pax, he was facing the window with his elbow on the side of the bus and his chin in his hand.

“Pax.”

“Yeah?”

I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to my level. And for once, I was the one kissing him.



August 18th, 3:07 pm.

It had become a normal routine to meet up with Pax at his house or mine at some time in the afternoon through the week. At first, it was awkward to be in such a position with someone I had considered a best friend for years but after we got into it, it was a lot more comfortable and not at all out of my depth. We didn’t spend all of our time together doing what couples would do if they were left alone in a bedroom, but most of the time, it did lead to it. It was nice to think that it was Pax who I was in those positions with though, and not someone I had just met. Even though I went into the relationship with next to zero knowledge on how hookups actually worked, I was getting the hang of it by the end of the first two weeks being with him.

“Wrong way,” Pax said with a yawn, rubbing his eyes as he lied in bed that afternoon and I abused his gaming system. He had stayed up late the night before watching television that he didn’t get to sleep until six in the morning and when I got to his house at quarter to three, he was still asleep in his bed. I liked the added benefit of being able to find him without a shirt, and being the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. He obviously appreciated it too.

“Don’t look. Go to sleep,” I said, pushing him back down onto his pillow by the forehead.

“Ouch,” he said. “You’d think you would want me up so you could violate me.”

“Do you want me to?”

“I like the sounds of it. But I haven’t brushed my teeth.”

“There you go. No kissing until you’re done,” I called when he pulled the covers off and went into his bathroom. Pax made a weird groaning noise in the back of his throat and closed the door. I heard the sink tap turn on and smiled, shutting off his television and putting on the radio. He stepped back out a few seconds later, toothbrush in his mouth as he fixed up his teeth.

“I think we need a rule. You don’t come over until I’m somewhat decent,” I heard.

“And what counts as ‘somewhat decent’?”

“I don’t want my breath to smell like last night’s dinner,” he said, rubbing his forehead. “And I would also appreciate it if you could let me have a shower. Unless you want to join me.”

“We’re not there yet.”

“Are you saying we will be?”

“You never know.”

“Hm.” He turned around and spat the toothpaste out in the sink before giving his mouth a rinse out with water and then wiping it with a towel. “Ugh, I look like a homeless person. Can you give me five minutes?”

“Hey, you came over last week when I was wearing my cookie pants. This is payback,” I said, leaning back on his bed on my elbows.

“Has Nick apologized to you yet?” Pax asked, stepping out and sitting down next to me.

“Nope. We’ve only talked once and that was at dinner when he asked me to pass the potatoes.”

“That’s bad.”

“Mhm.”

“Maybe you should talk to him?” he suggested, and I shot him a glare. “I’m just saying; it’s better than ignoring him for God knows how long. He’s your brother, after all.”

“You’re just saying that because you actually like your brother,” I scoffed. “If you were in my position, then you would be a little more flexible.”

“I’m sure I would be but I’m not,” he smiled. “Talk to him! You two share blood.”

My face squished together, disturbed. “You make it sound weird.”

“I know. That was the point.” Pax put his hand on the back of my neck and planted his lips against mine. I couldn’t control being able to stay in a sitting-up position and fell back, wrapping my arms around his neck. It was a lot easier to kiss him now that I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting myself into, but we would still run into little surprises along the way, like spots I could touch on him that made his skin tingle, or places he touched that shot a shiver right up my spine and everywhere else on my body.

Pax lifted a leg and put it between mine. I pushed myself back on the bed more and he followed, moving his lips to my neck.

“Just so we’re clear,” I got out shakily, my eyes heavy. “How far are we going here?”

He looked up at me. “Just tell me where to stop and I will,” he said. “I’m not going to force you to go further than you want.”

“So there’s no stress on sex?”

“None.”

I nodded. “Good.” And I kissed him again.