Living Silver

September 4th, 7:43 am.

School started on Monday. I was mostly dreading it because of the fact that I was going to see Hailey again, but I had had enough of her the minute I met her. I found Karlee and Trey by my first period class, because I had first with him and second with her. Biology, I knew, was going to be a hassle but I was only taking it since I needed it for what I wanted to do after high school. Although if I had Trey around, I had someone to go to for help. He was like a giant brain when it came to science classes.

“I have some good news for you that I know you will be pleased to hear about,” Karlee said when I got to her. “Hailey transferred high schools.”

I couldn’t contain the grin on my face. “Seriously?”

“Yeah! She was probably upset because she has next to no friends at this school now,” she replied. “I figured you would like that.”

“I do!” I laughed.

“You look different,” she said, tilting her head to the side. “Don’t you think she looks different, Trey?”

He squinted at me. “A little bit. Wait, do you mean besides the haircut?”

“Yes.”

“Ahh. Well, yeah. Sort of,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. I had gone to get a new hair style on Saturday so that may have been what they were seeing but at the same time, ever since that night with Pax I definitely felt different. It wasn’t like in movies where people would get to a certain point together and the girl would suddenly feel like a woman rather than just a teenager, or was empowered or able to embrace her sexuality. I was still self-conscious about my body, I knew I had flaws. But the acceptance that I had gotten to that stage with Pax did give me a little more perspective that I wasn’t as ugly as I saw myself to be. And being called beautiful fifteen times an hour by him kind of helped with that.

But I felt better about myself, so the boost in confidence was probably what they noticed more than anything. “Well, nothing’s different besides the hair,” I lied, folding my arms and smiling.

“It looks really good on you,” Karlee grinned. “You suit front bangs.”

“Thank you.”

“So have you seen Pax?” Trey asked, glancing around.

“You live with him. Shouldn’t you know where he is?” Karlee giggled.

“Well, he left after me. Apparently forgot something in his room. But you haven’t seen him?” he asked me and I shook my head.

“Nope.”

I actually hadn’t seen him since that night at my house, but we had talked on the phone and he spent a lot of time texting me to make sure I was okay. Even an hour of reassurance that he didn’t do anything wrong didn’t seem to stop him from worrying about me, but I probably appreciated that a lot more than he thought.

“Oh there he is,” Karlee said, pointing over my shoulder. I turned around and saw him down the hall with a tall black-haired girl. She was leaning close to him, batting her eyelashes and lifting her chest up to try and make him pay attention to it. But he didn’t look; he just spoke with her calmly and smiled.

“Typical,” Trey chuckled. “The first day of school and he’s already flirting with a new girl.”

Something about this got to me. I felt a painful sting in my gut but I didn’t know what it was. All I knew about it was that I did not like it.

The bell rang suddenly and drew my attention to Trey, who was tapping me on the shoulder and telling me to come into the classroom and find a seat with him. I said goodbye to Karlee and we both sat down on the far side of the class at the back. We went through the introduction of what grade eleven biology was going to be like, what the teacher expected of us and where it could lead us to in the future. But I couldn’t concentrate on any of my classes through the day because I was worried about Pax.

By lunch time, the cafeteria was filled with new grade nine prep’s wearing their shirts too low and their skirts too high. I understood that showing a little skin could be sexy, but coming to school in next-to-nothing way just ridiculous.

“It wouldn’t harm you to put some clothes on,” I mumbled to a group of them, squeezing past to grab a table with Karlee while we had the chance.

“How many fights do you think we’ll get this year?” she asked, pulling out a chair and throwing her bag down on the table.

“No more than last year,” I answered, taking out my lunch.

“So a hundred?”

“About that,” I said and she laughed. “I need your help on this homework, Karlee. If I don’t get this review done by tomorrow, I’m screwed.”

“We’re all screwed. If I were you, I’d be focusing more on understanding it than just getting it done,” she smiled, grabbing her binder and textbook from her backpack. “We’ll just work from mine. What do you need help with?”

“Everything,” I whimpered. Karlee started off on percentages, working faster than my brain could process so about three minutes in, I had to grab my calculator and a piece of paper and rewrite all of my notes from grade ten because either my teacher had taught me wrong, or I really had forgotten absolutely everything. It was hard to follow along when I was sitting across from something that was probably a mathematician in her previous life.

But on one of the questions, I noticed her mistake when my calculator came up with a different answer and I slammed my hands down, a little too proud that she had made a mistake.

“You’re wrong,” I said.

She raised her eyebrows. “How am I wrong? You have to divide the percentage by whatever the other number is and then multiply it by one hundred. You subtracted. You’re wrong,” she replied, and pushed my hand off her book. “And by the way, seven minus thirty-two is not negative twenty. I don’t understand how you’re in a University level math class.”

I looked from my calculator to her and frowned. “I don’t either. Why am I so bad at math?” I groaned, rubbing my hands down my face.

“Probably because of Pax,” she laughed. “He told you that multiplication and subtraction were the opposite things in grade four and now it’s drilled into your brain.”

She wasn’t wrong. I had relied on Pax for math help for most of my life and now that I thought about it, I couldn’t understand why. He liked to mess with my head and way back when—when we were hardly friends and mostly just acquaintances whose parents went to high school together—he loved telling me false things that would affect me later on.

And suddenly, the man of the hour sat down at our table beside Karlee, and my heartbeat immediately sped up. I understood the distance because we didn’t want to give anything away if we got a little too close or caught up in something but if Trey or Karlee really couldn’t see anything happening, I didn’t get the harm in sitting next to me.

“What’s up people? I heard my name,” Pax said. He caught my eye for an extremely quick second and smiled, then looked down at Karlee’s math sheets. “Why are you doing homework right now? We just got back to school today.” Karlee held up the review for him to see. “What the hell is wrong with your teacher?”

“University level course,” she replied, going back to work. “We’ve got to get this done.” I spotted Dalton Tanner entering the cafeteria with his friends and, on impulse and out of need to spread the news, quickly kicked Karlee in the shin beneath the table. “Ow! What?” she grunted between her teeth.

I nodded at him over her shoulder and she turned around, immediately going into her dream state, like every other girl did when she saw him. I, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about him. His girlfriend was the cause of that; if he hadn’t dated Roxanne Porter for so long—or at all—then I would have a lot more respect for him.

“Good grief,” Pax mumbled, rolling his eyes. “You had to point him out, didn’t you? Now he’s going to be all she talks about for the rest of the lunch period.” I would have taken this to be bitter if I didn’t hint the joking tone in his voice.

Karlee glared at him. “Give it a rest. I’m not going to talk about him all through lunch,” she said. “I have work to do.”

“I heard he and Roxanne broke up,” I whispered, tapping her hand with my finger to get her attention. “They’ve been together for years. No one saw it coming.”

Pax rolled his eyes. “Thanks for the support, Andy.”

“Where’s Trey?” I asked, looking around once I realized that we were missing our significant other. “I haven’t seen him today, besides first period.”

“He’s with Ruby right now, I think,” Pax responded, holding up his phone. “Want me to text him?”

“Nah, it’s no big deal,” I replied, shaking my head. I couldn’t have cared less about Ruby, because she wasn’t Karlee and if Trey wasn’t dating her then no girlfriend of his was going to be acceptable in my eyes. Plus, she had an attitude—an indirect way to insult you and then laugh it off like it was a joke but I knew the truth—and lately, whenever one of us offered to hang out with Trey alone, she would demand he come visit her during that scheduled “Us Time”, or request to tag along. He was spending a lot more time with her, and it was beginning to get on my nerves as much as it was Pax. Karlee, however, was still oblivious to her own feelings and if she didn’t realize it soon, I was going to have to knock her out.

Karlee reached into her bag and felt in her pockets for something but when she didn’t find it, she turned her frown to me. “Andy, did you take my calculator?” I shook my head and pointed to Pax, who snickered and held up the calculator proudly. “How did you steal that without me noticing?”

“I’m that good,” he replied. “Look, I spelled ‘boobies’.”

Karlee rolled her eyes and snatched it from him. “You’re so mature.”

He grinned. “What are your next two classes?”

“Philosophy and then English. What about you?”

“American history with Andy, and then graphic design,” he said, nodding. “You’ve got English with Trey.”

“Cool. No one else I know has that class,” she said, leaning back and crossing her arms. “It’ll be nice to know I have some sort of solidarity even though he’ll probably make fun of my grammatical errors. He could definitely be a critic.”

I laughed at her. “Hey, maybe you’ve got a class with Dalton,” I suggested, knowing that that would please her. “That would be ten times better than having class with one of us, right?”

And I knew that from the look in her eyes and the smile on her lips that having class with us would be nothing compared to having class with Dalton.



“I feel stupid sitting with you in math class,” I said to Karlee as we walked home together after school. I had gotten through the day without anything slipping about Pax and I, so I had to come up with things that would keep me off the topic as much as possible.

“Math is my best subject. You’re not stupid,” she said, giving me a comforting but painful thump on the back. When she fell silent, it was then that I realized she was staring at me oddly.

“Are you okay? You’re walking kind of funny,” she said, furrowing her brows.

My eyes went wide. “Oh! Yeah, uhm . . . Nick and I were playing football on the front lawn last night. He tackled me really hard, that’s all,” I came up with quickly. I was impressed; I had never thought up an excuse that sounded so legitimate that fast before.

Karlee nodded. “Oh, I see. Well that sucks! Is he still being an asshole or has he apologized?”

“Still hasn’t said anything to that affect but neither of us can turn down a chance to kick the other one’s ass at a sport we’re both good at.”

She laughed. “Okay. So what are you up to now?” We stopped in front of my house and she pulled her bag back up when it started to slip off her shoulders. “Math homework or what?”

I was supposed to hang out with Pax, but neither of us had had a minute to talk to each other about it privately, and he was obviously concentrated on his classes this year since the University he was thinking of applying to looked at, not only grade twelve classes but grade eleven as well, so we didn’t have any chances to text each other. But even though I knew it shouldn’t have bothered me that he was flirting with that girl in the hall, it really had my blood boiling.

“If you’re not busy,” Karlee continued, “do you want to hang out or anything? We can go downtown and get something to drink at Rooney’s.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I uh—I have a lot of homework tonight. Biology is already piling the workload on me and if I don’t get a head start, I’ll be swimming in it by the end of the week.” I, of course, had no homework and even if I did, I wouldn’t be doing it but I just didn’t feel like going out tonight so I lied to avoid it.

“Bummer! Too bad it’s not like Trey; that guy gets his homework done in a millisecond.”

I smiled. “Yeah, well not everyone is as perfect as Trey,” I joked. “Anyway, I’ll see you later?”

“Absolutely! Call me if you get the chance, okay?” Karlee called to me as she started to walk away.

I nodded and waved while she retreated down the sidewalk. When I stuck my key in the door and stepped inside, taking off my shoes and tossing my empty bag on the floor, I went into the kitchen and saw Nick’s legs from beneath the opened fridge door.

“Did mom say when she’s coming home?” I asked, grabbing an apple and holding it in my mouth while I tied my hair up.

“Nope.” I looked up when I heard the difference of tone in Nick’s voice and saw Pax emerge. I blushed and shook my head, taking the apple in my hand again.

“Did my brother let you in and give you permission to ransack the fridge?” I asked, sitting down at the table.

“No. I just know where you keep the spare key,” he smiled, holding it up for me to see and then putting it on the countertop. “How was your first day of school?”

“Boring. I’m pretty sure this will be my hard semester. What about you?” I asked, pushing my bangs back.

“Also boring.” He sat down next to me, folding his arms on the table. Then he leaned over them, closer to me with a smile grazing his features. “I like your hair like that,” he said, and reached up to grab some and twirl it around his finger.

“Thank you. So uhm . . .” I stopped to clear my throat. “Who was that girl you were talking to this morning?”

He bit his lip and looked at the ceiling while he went over in his head who he had talked to. “I don’t know. I talked to a lot of girls this morning. Care to be more specific?”

“That girl with the black hair.”

He put his arms out, still not sure.

“It was just before first period, Pax,” I sighed.

“Oh! That’s Caitlin. She lives around the corner from me and just needed help finding some of her classes. She’s a grade nine.” Pax looked at me skeptically. “Why do you ask?”

I shrugged. “Just wondering.”

“Okay.” He pushed himself out of his chair and went back to the kitchen to actually get something to eat but then paused after about two steps, his back still to me. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Are you jealous?” he asked.

I blinked. “What? No.”

“Sounds like you are,” he laughed, putting his hands on the counter and leaning into it, his other arm resting against his hip.

“I’m not,” I objected, shaking my head. “Because jealousy would mean . . . well, feelings and we agreed that the minute one of us starts to feel something for the other, we have to end it.”

“And you don’t want to end it,” he clarified, walking back over to me.

“No.”

Pax chuckled. “But it upset you to see me with Caitlin.” He cocked a brow, testing me to see if I would crack.

“I’m not jealous,” I grumbled, looking down at the floor. Pax put his finger under my chin and lifted it up again so I was looking at him.

“You’re jealous,” he said, kissing me sweetly.

I stared at him. “I thought we weren’t allowed to get all cute and coupley,” I said.

“And I thought we weren’t allowed to get jealous,” he returned.

“Touché.”

And he kissed me again.