Living Silver

September 18th, 4:34 pm

“I hate my life,” I cried over a container of Oreo ice cream. My eyes were watering as I shoved my spoon in my mouth and Karlee sat down next to me. She put a blanket over my legs and pulled me into a tight squeeze.

It was that time again. It happened twelve times a year for several days, and led to my fragile, emotional state where even the smallest thing could make me cry so much I could refill a previously dried-up salt lake. While most girls only had it mild and would barely even show any symptoms of something being wrong, I was the exact opposite. And there was no way I could control it. I didn’t just feel it emotionally, but also physically. Any normal cramp was multiplied by a billion, and had me going fetal for at least ten minutes. That’s why I was always careful and usually walked around with my hands up above my head.

I had my period, and I wanted to kill myself.

“You’ll be okay,” Karlee said, rubbing my arm. “Pax and Trey are coming by soon. That’s good, right?”

“If they touch my ice cream, they’re dead.”

She smiled. “Believe me, they’ve already been warned.”

“Good,” I said, and dug out another huge spoonful. Every time I had my period, PMS was a daily thing. That’s why everyone was so careful when they were around me, because I would make them cry. I made Pax cry once. He never made menstrual jokes around me ever again.

Pax had unfortunate period experiences. During Karlee’s first, she was in the exact same depressed condition that I was in for all of mine. But she was the lucky one, because she never had to undergo that kind of upsetting feeling ever again. With her though, she got angry. And Pax, being his twelve-year-old clueless self, didn’t have any idea what PMS even meant, or what could happen to a girl when she got it.

We had been lying under this huge quilt together while she ate her third chocolate bar of the hour, and he made the mistake of saying “I’m sure it’s not that bad”, which just set everything else in motion.

“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have a vagina,” Karlee had snapped.

“Are you sure you’re not just overreacting?”

I bit my lip, nervous for my misguided friend, and looked over at Karlee. Her whole face had swelled into this deep red shade, mouth turned into a frown of anger that she was barely able to control.

And that was the day we all learned that Karlee could kick Pax’s ass.

I didn’t get my period until I was thirteen and by that time, everybody was bleeding, so I was known as the “late bloomer”. Every time following my first period, my emotions went haywire. It wasn’t like any other girl’s period; it was like a normal period to the tenth degree. It wasn’t just that the little things annoyed me; it was that I would burst into tears for absolutely no reason at all.

I needed the relaxing day, but I actually wasn’t looking forward to seeing either of the twins. Ever since that day I eavesdropped on Dalton and Ruby in the hall, problems between her and Trey had escaladed. Pax knew about it before I did, and since we were closer than anyone was at the moment, he had told me what was going on. And it may have been partially because of a weekend’s supply of PMS built up to the surface, just waiting to be unleashed on someone or maybe because it was making me angry that he kept hiding his feelings from Karlee; but after he scolded her and I for trying to get two teachers to realize their feelings for each other by hooking them both up on imaginary city tours with imaginary cousins, I snapped at him. Whatever was going on between him and Ruby wasn’t any of my business, and I still hadn’t apologized to him yet. So with my tears came a hundred tonnes of guilt for being such a bitch to him.

I also didn’t want to see Pax, because that morning at my locker—through no fault of his own—he made fun of my shirt. And now I was angry.

The twins stepped through the door then; Pax looking scared out of his wits and Trey looking a little upset with me but he still had the decency to be sympathetic for me and my PMS.

“Hey,” Pax said first, slipping off his shoes and coming to sit on my other side. I glared at him and he put a hand on my knee. “I want to apologize. I didn’t mean to make fun of your shirt. I completely forgot that today was . . . well, yeah. I hope you can forgive me. And also—” He stopped himself to pull something out of his coat pocket. I only blinked when I spotted the silver pearl in his palm. He took my hand and put the pearl there. “I had to get my house key from your locker and I found it in the bottom again. I thought it might cheer you up.”

I threw my arms around him, eyes watering and hugging him tightly. “Thank you!” I wept. “That was very sweet of you, and yes, of course you’re forgiven!”

Pax was obviously shocked from this, but then he laughed and hugged me back. “Good.”

“Andy, can I get some water from your fridge?” Trey asked, clearing his throat. I tore myself away from Pax and nodded at him. He stood up and walked quickly to the kitchen.

Karlee gave me a look that told me to go talk to him, so I tore the blanket off and followed him out of the room. “Trey?” I asked, fiddling with the bottom of my shirt. He leaned back to look at me from behind the refrigerator door, then closed it and put his hands flat on the countertop. I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I stressed expressively, but he remained silent. “I was wrong to say what I did. I have no right to butt into your business, since you obviously didn’t want me to know if you didn’t tell me.”

Trey still said nothing.

“Please talk to me. Look, you know I would never yell at you unless it was for a really good reason or, well . . . I guess in this case, if I’m going through the ‘emotional cycle’. I just wish you could tell Karlee how you feel and get rid of Ruby. She’s not right for you,” I said. He frowned, clearly not impressed and I put my hands up. “Okay, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just . . . I know that whatever she has going on with Dalton right now is getting to you. I hate to see you so down in the dumps, so please forgive me and cheer up.”

He kept his mouth shut for a few seconds, then heaved a sigh to show his defeat. “It’s okay, I guess,” he said. “I probably should have told you. You are one of my best friends, after all. I just didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t even tell Pax, so however he found out is still a mystery to me.”

“He may have overheard you talking to Karlee.”

He nodded. “Probably. Well, I guess we can call each other even. You had yelled at me but you have your period, and I kept things from you. If anything, you should yell at me more.”

“I could if you want me to.”

“No, please don’t,” he said with a laugh. “I’d rather not cry today, if that’s all right with you.”

“Got it.”

“But you were right about something,” he said, pushing his hair back. “What’s going on between her and Dalton is getting to me, but it really shouldn’t, you know? It’s not like she’s my girlfriend or anything. And I’ve got a great one with me right now. Ruby and I are good for each other, and she’s so sweet and funny and . . . and great.”

Sure, if great means psycho bitch.

“You said ‘great’ already. If you feel this strongly about Karlee, why are you even with Ruby?” I questioned.

“I don’t know, I—maybe she’s a distraction? I don’t . . .” He stumbled blindly over his words. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he turned to me, appalled. “Oh God, please don’t repeat that to anyone.”

“I won’t.”

“Maybe being single really is better,” he said, shaking his head. “Man, I need to get over myself. Romance is a waste of time, huh?” He hit me on the shoulder as he walked by. “You’ve got a good thing going for you by not being involved with anyone.”

My eyes went wide.

Yeah, I thought. If only it were that simple.



October 9th, 11:28 am.

“What do you guys want to do today?” Pax asked, leaning across the counter at Karlee’s house while we all thought about how we were going to spend our Sunday afternoon. It had been a while since we were all together, because Trey was recovering still from his appendicitis, and Karlee was disappearing more and more often. I knew that every now and again she was with Dalton or Roxanne—which was a really low blow, since she know how I felt about her—but more recently of late, she would come up with really bogus excuses to get out of hanging out with me, even when we had already made plans together. I didn’t want to say anything though, because obviously whatever it was that she was sneaking off to do was making her a lot happier. She was always smiling.

“I think we should go see a movie,” Karlee said. “That new one with Ryan Reynolds is out. What’s it called again? I can’t remember.”

“Seen it,” Pax and I said simultaneously. Then we looked at each other, a little panicked and returned our eyes to Karlee and Trey as fast as possible. We had gone on a semi-date or as much of one as we could call it when the two of them were busy with school activities, but they had no idea. Trey looked confused.

“When?” he asked.

“I went with my cousins,” I lied.

“Yeah, and I went with mom and dad,” Pax added.

Trey frowned. “No you didn’t. They’ve been at work practically all week,” he said. Pax swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Right, I was lying. I just don’t want to watch it,” he said.

“Oh, okay. Anything else you guys want to see then?” Karlee asked, unfazed and oblivious.

“I don’t know what else is playing,” I said, putting my hands in my pockets and shrugging.

“I can check my computer,” she offered.

“Oh! Pax, I found a something in the back of dad’s car last night. I take it your hot date went very well,” Trey said, smirking at his brother. I gulped. I was actually the one who had spent the night with Pax in his dad’s car the night before, but I couldn’t remember losing anything.

Karlee shook her head. “I don’t even want to know,” she said, walking out of the kitchen. I went to grab my purse off the back of one of the dining room chairs but suddenly, the underwire of my bra poked me in the side of the breast.

“Ow,” I groaned, trying to adjust it. “I think the padding of my bra is off. This is so uncomfortable.”

“Are you okay?” Pax asked, coming to my side.

“Yeah, just a little awkward, that’s all,” I said, trying to adjust it. I turned back around and saw Trey staring at us, eyes wide.

“Your bra—oh my God! You!” he exclaimed, pointing at me with his mouth hanging wide opened. “You and Pax! I—oh my God!”

My jaw dropped. “Oh my God!”

“You and my brother?! Oh my God!”

“Oh my God, shut up!” Pax whisper-yelled, slamming his brother against the wall and covering his mouth. I could hear Trey trying to yell things from beneath Pax’s hand, but he was not willing to give up.

“Shut up!” I hissed, putting my hands over Pax’s for good measure. “We need you to be quiet! Karlee can’t know about any of this so don’t say something to her, okay?”

It took a minute before we removed our hands. When we didn’t hear or feel Trey fussing against us, we no longer felt the need to restrict him but he did glare. “I wouldn’t do that,” he said coldly. “I doubt she wants to die of a heart attack at sixteen.”

“How did you find out?” Pax asked, crossing his arms.

“Because I found the other underwire in the backseat of dad’s car. It’s not the padding that’s off; it’s the fact that you’ve been fooling around with Pax and have kept it a secret from us.”

I frowned. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“I’m trying to make a point here,” he said, putting his arms out.

“Okay, so the internet is down right now. Apparently the storm last night knocked out the power and—is everything all right?” Karlee asked, looking at the three of us, confused.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. We’re just uh . . . talking about your birthday party—present! Sorry, your birthday present,” Pax said, correcting himself when I had elbowed him swiftly in the stomach.

Karlee cocked a brow. “Whatever. Let’s just go to the theatre and see what’s playing when we get there,” she said, heading for the door to get her shoes on. I let out a deep breath and looked at Trey, who glared at me and shook his head, extremely unimpressed.

“We’re not done,” he mouthed to me, and I bit my lip.

This was obviously going to be a distracting complication.


“We’re freaking screwed,” I repeated for the billionth time as I paced back and forth the width of Pax’s bedroom. “What are we going to do? He’s going to kill us and then bring us back to life just so he can kill us again!”

Pax didn’t even falter. “Who cares? We’ll figure it out when he comes to talk to us?”

“How can you be so calm about this?!” I exploded, burning with rage.

Pax grabbed my arms when I passed by his bed, and pulled me down onto it so I was sitting beside him. “Andy, you need to relax. Trey isn’t going to kill us and then bring us back to life and kill us again. He’s not that kind of person and on what grounds would he have to be mad at us in the first place? Whatever happens with us is our business, just like whatever happens between him and his girlfriend isn’t any of ours. Will you calm down now? It’ll be fine.”

His bedroom door suddenly smashed against the wall and I jumped, seeing Trey storming in and then slamming it back closed again once he was in. “All right,” he said passionately. “We need to talk about this—this . . . what is this?” He pointed between Pax and me, keeping us at a distance.

We looked at each other, then back at him. “Well, we’re—”

“No, you don’t get to talk,” he said, putting one hand on his hip while the other ran over his face. Pax raised his eyebrows at his brother.

“Then how are we supposed to answer your questions?” he asked.

“So let me get this straight,” Trey said, completely ignoring him. “You two obviously aren’t in a relationship, seeing as Andy, you’re probably still getting over Gage and Pax, you don’t date people.” Pax was about to say something but Trey went “Ah!” and he shut up. “How could you keep this a secret from us? We’re your best friends.”

Pax and I looked at each other, not sure of what to say. “Can we speak now or . . .?” I asked.

He sighed. “Yes.”

“We weren’t sure how you guys were going to react, and we kind of just knew you wouldn’t approve right off the bat—”

“Well of course we wouldn’t! What were you thinking—”

“Ah!” I mocked, holding up a finger. He crossed his arms and let me continue. “And seeing as its neither Karlee’s, nor your business, we didn’t feel it was our obligation to tell you that anything was going on. But now, since you know, we’re asking you to keep it a secret.”

“Why should I?”

Pax glared at Trey. “Maybe you’ve forgotten about a little thing called ‘you’re in love with your best friend’,” he seethed. “If we’re keeping quiet about that for you, the least you can do is not say anything about this.”

Trey’s cheeks flushed, and then he frowned. “That’s none of your business.”

“Exactly! Do you see what we’re saying now? It’s not that we didn’t want to tell you, it’s that it’s something that doesn’t concern you. But it is our business, because she’s our best friend too,” I said.

“When are you going to tell her?” Pax asked.

“Later. I don’t know, I haven’t decided. Just . . . later. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you two,” he said, shaking his head. “When did this start?”

“Like, the beginning of August, somewhere around there,” Pax said and I nodded for confirmation.

Trey’s mouth dropped opened. “How the hell have you guys managed to keep it a secret for so long?!” he exploded in disbelief.

“It wasn’t easy,” Pax laughed, scratching the back of his head.

Trey pushed his bangs back, but they fell right back into their previous place so it was basically a wasted effort. “I know I’m probably going to regret asking this,” he began hesitantly, “but . . . just how far have you two gone?”

Pax and I exchanged a look. “Should we tell him?” I asked.

He shrugged. “If you want to.”

“You do it.”

He sucked in a breath and looked back at Trey. “In baseball terms . . . we’ve gotten like, ten home runs.”

I slapped him on the arm. “Oh my God! You didn’t have to tell him how many times we did it!”

“I thought that’s what you were implying!”

“You guys . . .” Trey covered his mouth, not sure what to say. “You two had . . .”

“You can say it, Trey,” I tried.

“I don’t want to,” he said, shaking his head. “Wow, that’s honestly the last thing I expected. I never would have guessed Andy would take your v-card, Pax.”

“What?” I turned back to him with wide eyes and he blushed. “You were a virgin?”

He nodded. “You never asked.”

“Oh my God, this is like the truth circle,” I said, pushing my hair back and closing my eyes.

“Look Trey, we need you to keep this a secret,” Pax said. “We know that it’s probably a big thing to ask but we need it, okay? What we have going on is working really well for us. I don’t feel the need to have a bunch of random hookups so if that means I’m growing and that I’m actually able to handle a steady, head-on relationship, then I’m going to keep working at it.”

“Right, except you’re not in a relationship,” Trey returned, glancing at me. I looked at my knees guiltily. “But if this works for you guys, then I won’t say anything. Just promise me one thing.”

“Absolutely.”

“Don’t knock her up,” he said, pointing to me. “If I turn out to be an uncle at eighteen, I will kick you in the teeth.”