Back to December.

“I’m so glad you made time to see me, How’s life, tell me how’s your family?...We small talk; the work, the weather. Your guard is up and I know why.”

9 months, 23 days, 6 hours. That’s how long it had been since I had stood here. This place... so many memories started to flood my mind. I quickly shook them away, making my way slowly up the front porch steps that I used to be so familiar with. I still didn’t know if I would be able to do this, but I had to and that I couldn’t live with myself anymore for doing what I did to you. You didn’t deserve that, all you did was love me. I took in the biggest gulp of late-night fall air and knocked ever so softly on your door. For a second I considered turning back, theres no way you would ever want to speak to me again and to be perfectly honest if it was you that had done that to me, I wouldn’t have opened the door. “Taylor?” I heard you say, looking up my eyes met with yours. I couldn’t move, it’s like our eyes were super glued together. “So... you want to sit?” You asked breaking the gaze, you probably couldn’t look at me anymore, just perfect. I nodded and followed you over to the swing where we had spent so much of our time before, even our first kiss. I pulled my knees to my chin and sat there awkwardly playing with my hands as we swung in silence. “How’s everybody... here?” I wasn’t good at this, probably because I’ve never done it before. “They’re good.” You said flatly. This was great, we obviously weren’t getting anywhere and it was all my fault. No matter what I possibly say now, wouldn’t make anything about what I had done previously any better but I was surely going to try.

“Cause the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind. You gave me roses and I left them there to die.”

December 21st. The day neither of us would or could ever forget. That’s what’s making tonight so awkward, it’s what made our lives what they are right now. “If I could take it back, I would Gare.” I finally choked out after a good fifteen minute silence. Let’s flashback to that day first, the day everything blew up:
“Garrett and I were getting ready to come home from a long weekend we had spent together. I was in mega bitch mode and once again, he didn’t deserve it. It had come to the point where I blamed him for everything that had went wrong in our relationship when it was me the whole time. All he ever did to me was love me and it just makes me want to cry when I think back on it. When we finally arrived back at my driveway from the trip, he handed me exactly one dozen red roses and he finally got up the courage to tell me he loved me for the first time that night and all I did was throw it back in his face and told him it was over and that I couldn’t take it anymore, that I found someone else who just so happened to be one of his bandmates. At that point in time I didn’t care about anything, I even dropped the roses at his feet and walked into my house not even shedding a tear.”
It’s not that I didn’t care about you, I did. I just felt like we were moving too fast and that I needed space. But enough of the excuses, I was wrong... about everything.

“When your birthday passed and I didn't call. And I think about summer, all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side.”

I started to remember memories from our past. I don’t think you know how much I actually do remember. I’d have to say my favorite memory was two summers ago when you finally got the courage to ask me out. Like on our first date, we both were so nervous we could barely function. I remember driving around in your car for hours laughing about everything, we learned so much that day about each other. Now here they are, the tears now flowing down my face. I saw you turn towards me, but then you looked away, I know it kills you to see me and honestly I didn’t think that it would tear me apart this much. I hated this feeling, the feeling of being alone, being without you.

“And how you held me in your arms that September night,
the first time you ever saw me cry. Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming.”

I just wanted you to say something, anything. “So... do you remember last September?” I finally asked after wiping most of the tears away. You glanced over and nodded. “It was your birthday and you got into a fight with your parents about them not letting you come with me on tour.” You said looking straight forward. “And you held me that whole night in the treehouse in my backyard and I started to cry.” I bit my lip thinking back to that day, I couldn’t do this much longer. The tears had started flowing again and they weren’t stopping this time. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have pushed you out of my life like that? Especially for... John, all I wanted was to party and John had all the answers to that.

“If we loved again I swear I'd love you right. I'd go back in time and change it but I can't, so if the chain is on your door, I understand.”

“Garrett, I just wish th-” I was interrupted by your lips crashing into mine. I was caught completely off guard and I loved every second of it. After a few more seconds you pulled back, but just barely placing your forehead on mine. We were both smiling like idiots. “I promise I’ll never leave...again.” I closed my eyes as you took my hands. “And I promise that I’ll never let you leave again.” I had never been so happy. I looked into your eyes and kissed you again, I was so happy that now I could do that whenever I wanted, and no one would get in the way of that. You smiled and told me, “I’ll be honest the whole time we were apart I kept thinking about December.”