The Past Isn't Really In The Past

I kept my eyes down on my plate, trying to avoid a certain person’s gaze who kept trying to grab my attention.

You see, I thought it was just going to be us at the Arby’s, but the other bands we were touring with if you know what I mean were there, and that meant that he was there.

Reaching for my sandwich, my arm twitched again a little, and this time, I could tell that Alex saw.

Fuck!

Alex excused himself and stood up and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards and into the restroom.

“What the fuck were you doing in there this morning?” He asked, and I looked down at my feet ashamedly.

“Look, I just-“

“Don’t do that.” Alex hissed, his happy demeanor when we were just out with our friends doing a vanishing act.

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. “I just…” I breathed out, another tear slipping down my face.

“I don’t know what to do with you.” Alex murmured, pulling me into his chest. “Just tell me what you were doing?” He asked, and I nodded.

I have to do this, to be strong and he will help me get better. I told myself as I slipped my jacket up my arm.

“I burned myself with my straightener.” I whispered, not daring to meet Alex’s eyes.

Oh shit, what if he leaves me because of this. What if he stops standing by my side and he just drops me like a hot potato and I have no one. Of course I have the other guys, but….we’re just not as close as Alex and I are.

I closed my eyes to prepare myself for the harsh rejection of my best friend, but it never came. I looked up to see Alex staring at me.

“Why?” He asked his voice so quite I hardly heard it. “I just want to know why.” He asked as I remained silent.

“It hurts inside and this helps it not hurt.” I said, sobbing a little.

Alex sighed before pulling my arm towards his lips, kissing the slightly burned skin gently. “You don’t need to do this, to make yourself feel alright. How many times do I have to tell you that I am here for you to believe me?” He asked, resting his forehead against my own.

I smiled a little, “It’s just…I’ve been on my own for so long and-“

“But you’ve never really been alone.” He said, looking at me with those deep eyes I adored so much. “I’ve always been here for you; you just haven’t opened yourself up to me enough to realize that. We’ve always been best friends, but sometimes I feel like I know no more about you thank any stranger who knows your name does.” He said, and looking at him, I saw the earnest expression on his face.

He was being completely open with me and here I was, lying to him and harming myself after I told him I wouldn’t.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” I sobbed out, throwing my arms around him, hugging him close.

Alex shushed me, keeping his arms around my body and holding me close to him. “It’ll be alright, sweetie.” He told me, and I nodded, believing what he told me.

“Well, what do we have going on in here?” I heard and the voice made me shiver.

Immediately recognizing it as himI won’t say his name Jack stepped in front of me protectively.

“What are you doing here, Jon?” Alex hissed out, and I flinched as he said his name. I started to shake, and only then did I notice the tears that were on my face.

“Nothing much.” He said, shrugging, his eyes meeting mine and not leaving.

“Stay the fuck away from Jack.” Alex growled out.