The Past Isn't Really In The Past

I squeezed my eyes shut. I cannot believe that I just tried to kiss Alex for the second time today. I swear we had a moment. He was holding me, well....he still was, but he had looked down at me and I was looking up at him, and my eyes were slipping shut....when of course I realized that this was Alex, my best friend there, and I couldn't do anything to him in fear that our relationship would be ruined.

I shook my head. No, I didn't like guys, ah fuck it. I could try pulling that one with everyone else, but.....I guess I was going to have to admit it to myself sometime and now was better than never right?

Smiling at the arms that wrapped around me, I hummed to myself and leaned back against my best friend, reveling in the feel of his arms around me, holding me against him in the same way I had fallen asleep crying because of what that man did.

Feeling Alex stir though, I stayed silent and stopped moving. I heard a yawn from him, and he moved his hands, rubbing my hips gently before sliding a hand to move my left arm. I tried not to tense up, but failed miserably.

Realizing that I was awake, Alex sat up, but when I sighed and tried to move as well, he whispered "no," and held me close against him. "We need to talk about this." He said quietly, and took my left arm in both of his, sliding my sleeve up and I squeezed my eyes shut.

When he saw the marks, the cuts that I had inflicted upon my own flesh, he frowned and looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm fine with just leaving it as it is." I said, "Besides, we have to meet up with the guys for dinner." I said, and then froze when I realized that the guys also meant him.

"You may be Jack, but I'm not. I'm your best friend, I don't like seeing you harm yourself like this." He told me and I frowned, looking down at my arm, seeing the three fresh marks.

Closing my eyes, I looked back at him. "Alex.......It's fine. It's something that's been happening for a long time and it will be happening in the future, don't beat yourself up about this, it's nor something you can help." I told him, trying to make him feel better, but no, it angered him.

"Don't fucking tell me that." He said, suddenly angry. Alex stood up, sliding me off of his lap and down onto the couch. He put his finger in my face and shouted at me. "Don't fucking tell me that." He said again. "I care more for you than you will ever know, and you want me to just turn a blind eye to your self-harm? Not anymore, Jack." He hissed, and started to leave, he got to the door by the time I got there.

"No, Jack, don't leave me, please" I begged, "I don't know what I'd do without you. You...you're special to me." I breathed, looking up at him with big eyes, tears starting to form at the cold look in his eyes. "Please." I continued.

"Show me you want me to stay." he said, and from his wording, I couldn't quite tell what he meant. He said it rather....suggestively.

"How?" I asked.

"Promise me you won't...or, you'll try not to cut again, just talk to me if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you, I'm always here for you." He whispered, and then put his hand on my chin, tilting my head towards him. "And one more thing." He told me.

"Anything." I whispered, and I couldn't stop my eyes from flickering to his lips.

"Kiss me." he commanded, and boy did I.