Without a Doubt You're All I Dream About

So today was the day we were going to see my dad. Ever since I found out about him I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and I decided I wanted to go see him. Josh insisted that he come with me and I was so thankful for this because I really felt that I needed him here. When we got out of the truck Josh slipped his hand into mine and laced our fingers together. I slightly squeezed his hand as I leaned into him.

“Are you ready, honey?” He asked as we were about to enter the Riverside County Jail.

“I hope so,” I sighed.

“Hey,” Josh said while putting his index finger under my chin and lifting it up so I looked him right in the eye. “I’m right here for you Kirstie.”

“I know,” I told him while we shared a hug.

“When you’re married….well for us it’s engaged but….you can depend on the other person when you’re going through a hard time. I want you to be able to depend on me, Kirstie because I want to be there for you,” He sweetly said.

“I do depend on you Joshie,” I replied while hugging him tighter. ”Lean on me, when you’re not strong and I’ll be your friend.”

”I’ll help you carry on,” Josh finished the chorus which made us both let out a little giggle.

I took a deep breath before we walked inside. When we got to the front desk Josh told the officer what we were here for and that we wanted to see Troy Peterson. He led us into a room that had a lot of cops in it, along with security cameras. There were tables and chairs where people were talking with whoever they wanted that was in jail.

The police man told us we could take a seat at an empty table and they’d bring him out, so we did just that. I sat down and Josh did the same right next to me. He put his comforting arm around me and I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. I took deep breaths and inhaled his scent which immediately put me at ease.

”Kirstie,” I heard a voice speak.

I turned my head to see the owner of the voice and…there he was. Standing right before me was my dad. He looked at me with so much emotion in his eyes and I saw love in them. It was in that moment that I knew he loved me, I really did. It was a weird feeling too because I instantly loved him back because he’s my dad.

“How did you know it was me?” I asked.

“You’re my daughter, I’ll always be able to recognize you. No one else could have those beautiful eyes of yours,” He smiled.

I got up and threw my arms around him and he tightly hugged me back. It was a beautiful moment. Basically it was the first time I was meeting my own father. We stayed in our embrace for so long, both of us bawling but not in a sad way, it was happy because we have each other now.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Dad asked once we parted from our hug and sat down. I sat next to Josh while my dad sat across from us so we could talk better.

“This is Josh Grant and he’s….my fiancée,” I beamed.

“My baby girl is getting married,” He smiled. “It’s good to meet you Josh.”

“It’s good to meet you too sir,” Josh smiled right back.

“Please, call me Troy,” Dad insisted. “I don’t want you to call me sir if I’m going to be your father-in-law.”

“You got it Troy,” Josh chuckled.

“How did you two meet?” He questioned.

“Well actually we were best friends as kids. And I do mean best friends, we did everything together!” I started the story.

“In the ninth grade I think it was, Kirstie and Toby moved and I didn’t see her again. But I’m a professional motocross rider and I’m on the Metal Mulisha, I’m not sure if you know what that is?” Josh went on.

“Yeah, I know of the Metal Mulisha. I’m sure Toby loves that you’re a motocross racer. Him and I grew up riding but anyway, go on with your story,” Dad laughed.

“So Kirstie is friends with a bunch of the guys in the Mulisha because she knows them from being the graphic designer at Rockstar and they were having a party that I was at and I met Kirstie again. We started hanging out again and it eventually turned into dating,” Josh finished.

“He’s so sweet Dad, you’ll love him. I know he looks kinda harsh on the outside with the Mulisha clothes, tattoos, spikey hair and all of that but he’s amazing, kind, and thoughtful. He’s my best friend and I love him,” I beamed.

“If you love him then I love him,” Dad smiled.

For the next couple hours the three of us talked about anything and everything. I pretty much filled him in on my life. Obviously my Uncle Toby talked to him a lot and told him stuff but it’s different to hear it from the person. We really connected. I think if my dad was there when I was growing up, we’d be the father and daughter that were super close and did everything together. I have the feeling that once he gets out of jail we’ll be able to be like that anyway.

Josh and my dad really hit it off too. That made me happy. I know Josh can look a lot different on the outside that he really is but all those people who judge him on the way he looks are missing out for sure.

“So did Toby give you the letter when you got engaged?” He asked.

“Yeah. I actually just found out about you when he gave me that letter. Growing up I never knew what happened to you and mom. I always thought you were dead or something. Uncle Toby never told me because he said he thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it and I think he was right. I’m so glad I know now though,:” I stated while reaching across the table and taking one of my dad’s hands in mine.

“I’m so sorry Kirstie. I wish I could take it all back. I was young and stupid and I should have never went to that bar. Stress was high back then though, your mom never really wanted to have a baby and we were too young. We shouldn’t have ever done that but we did and got married. Then we had you and I was so happy. I couldn’t look at you without smiling, you were and are such a blessing to me,” He smiled.

“Thanks dad,” I replied with glossy eyes from his heartfelt words.

“Your mom, Cindy, wasn’t as thrilled. She was looked at differently by a lot of people and she left me and you when you were still a baby. That hurt me a lot so I went to a bar. I never should have done that but I was young and stupid and killed a mother and two children. That still haunts me to this very day. The worst was knowing I had a baby that I loved so much and for all of her growing up years she wouldn’t have me to take care of her. I was lucky that Toby was so kind and took you in. I don’t know what I would have done if you went into foster care, I don’t know if I’d be alive today if that happened.

“You were the one thing that kept me going here in jail. I looked forward to the day I got out because then I’d get to see my baby girl who I love so much. Toby would send me pictures of you and I keep them all under my pillow and I look at them every night before bed. You’re all I think about here because I love you so much. And now in a year when I get out I’ll be able to spend time with you again and at that point I’ll be able to spend time with your husband as well,” Dad told me.

“I love you dad,” I cried while we shared another hug.

“I love you too Kirstie,” He replied while kissing my forehead.

I felt something wrap around the both of us and looked up to see Josh joining in on our hug.

“Isn’t he sweet?” I smiled while leaning up to kiss Josh’s nose.

“He’s a good guy and I’m so happy that he’s the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with,” My dad said to me but his words were directed toward both of us. “Marriage is a lot different than dating. I used to think it was only a thing that made you not be able to be with anyone else but I finally realized that it’s so much more than that. It’s a deep commitment that isn’t always easy to carry out but you both try because you love each other. It’s a beautiful thing and I’m happy you two love each other so much and want to commit your lives to each other.”

“I don’t want to be with anyone else but her,” Josh smiled down at me. “I sometimes still get butterflies when I’m around her because I think of how wonderful she is and how happy she makes me. All I want is to be a good man and a good husband to her and hopefully, one day a good father to our children.”

”Awww,” I cooed from the touching words. “I think both of you guys have the uncanny knack for being able to make my cry from only a few words.”

“We’re just saying how we feel,” Josh stated. It’s things like that, that make me want to say aw.

I can’t believe I have my dad back in my life. It’s such an amazing feeling. I’m still kind of bummed that he won’t be able to see me get married but I know we have his blessing. This day has not only brought me close to my dad, but I feel that it’s brought me closer to Josh too. We all need somebody to lean on.