Kiss My Ass

Alex bit his tongue for one week. (Which, when he really thought about it, was probably closer to a year, considering Alex rarely bit his tongue…at all.) He went to the studio (on time) and had a good attitude (relatively) and he didn’t pick a fight with Lyle. But it wasn’t as if Lyle made it easy; no, she tried to make it as difficult as she could. Well, without actually doing anything.

Considering the one little clause that if she and Alex fought, she would be fired, she didn’t do much.

But oh, even without doing much, she still did enough.

But Alex was trying a new thing—not trying to piss Lyle off every couple of seconds. It was an interesting change of events. And for a minute, it took him back to high school. Well, pre-Ryan rumor. Back when things had been simple between them, and his biggest issue was debating on whether or not to tell her that he had always, well, liked her.

He knew that things weren’t as simple anymore.

And he kind of wished they could be.

+

For an entire week, Alex had been trying to do little things to get Lyle back on his side. He would have liked to think that no one else noticed, but they did. Rian noticed when he ordered an extra hot chocolate before recording; Zack noticed when he took in Little Debbie snack cakes (because he knew they were Lyle’s favorite); and Jack even noticed when Alex started paying more attention to Lyle’s opinion regarding their songs.

And, well, Matt even noticed when Alex actually asked Lyle for her opinion instead of waiting for her to tell him.

Alex knew that Lyle wanted to reply. He couldn’t describe exactly it but she had changed in the last four years—she had definitely become more extroverted, more outspoken. And while it was a quality that he rather liked about her, it was one that was sorely testing his patience as of late.

Of course, Lyle never said anything in front of the others. No, she couldn’t risk Matt figuring out that it was all pretty much a lie. No, Lyle waited until the increasingly rare moments when she and Alex were alone. While those moments were few and far between, the tension between them was not.

+

“Here,” Alex said, tossing a bag of lunch onto the soundboard. It was one of those rare moments that Lyle was alone in the room, and Alex had managed to pretty much bribe the band to not interfere.

Lyle glanced up from her phone with a frown on her face. “What’s that?” she asked, nodding towards the bag.

“Lunch,” he told her with a no-shit-Sherlock tone in his voice. He took a drink of his Coke before sitting down in the seat that was normally occupied by Matt.

Lyle rolled her eyes. “Why?”

“Because people are weird, you know?” he said, kicking his feet up on the desk. “We’re weird in this sense that we need, you know, food and drink to survive. And I know you don’t go out—you never leave this fucking place during the day—so I figured I would bring lunch to you,” he said with a shrug.

“Mhmm, yeah, that is weird,” she agreed, smoothing out the side of the bag. She paused, eyes reading over the lettering. “You. You got me Chipotle?”

Alex shrugged again. “Extra cheese?”

She nodded slowly.

“I remember some things,” he told her. “Got you a Coke, too.”

“Hmm,” she mused, opening the bag slowly and taking a bite of one of the soft tacos. She bit back a smile—Alex did remember how much she loved Chipotle cheese. She didn’t say much else; she didn’t even make eye contact with Alex as she finished her tacos and her Coke. She rolled up the napkins and tossed them in the bag before setting it in the trash can that was under the desk.

“You’re welcome,” Alex muttered.

“I didn’t ask you to bring me anything,” Lyle told him.

Alex pursed his lips. “I know you didn’t. I was trying to be nice.”

“That must be foreign for you.”

Alex sighed. “I was just…” he trailed off, shaking his head.

“Just trying to what?” Lyle asked.

“I just wanted you to forgive me,” Alex said quietly.

Lyle nodded slowly. “So all of these little things have been your half-assed attempts at an apology?”

“Well, you wouldn’t accept my verbal apology,” he commented, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You can’t…buy my forgiveness, Alex. It’s not that easy.”

Alex sighed deeply. “Yeah, I’m kind of getting that now.”

+

Alex was musing quietly. Which was yet another change of events for his usual persona. While Erika and Jack were making dinner in the kitchen (God, that’s all he hoped they were doing), he was chilling on the couch while Zack and Rian bickered over what to watch on the television. He scrolled through his cell phone, feeling like he just wanted to text someone, and his name landed on Lyle’s number.

Yeah, yeah, he knew he was pathetic for never deleting her number.

“Do you guys think Lyle has the same number?” he asked.

Rian paused. “What?”

Zack used this to his advantage to steal the remote away and change the channel. “Are you sure texting her is a good choice?”

Alex shrugged, rolling over onto his stomach. “I mean, I was just wondering.”

“I highly doubt she still has the same number,” Rian said.

“But she might,” Zack added.

“Should I text her?”

Zack replied with an eager yes, while Rian replied with a resounding no.

Alright, that didn’t help at all.

"Why do you want to text her anyway? Isn't she doing the whole passive-aggressive anger thing?" Rian asked, trying to get the remote back from Zack.

Alex sighed and what could be construed as a pout fell upon his lips "I don't know why. She won't even let me apologize."

"You? Alex Gaskarth? Apologize?" Zack asked in mock surprise.

Alex didn't even have the heart to roll his eyes. Mainly because it was the truth. The guys should have been shocked, in the same way Lyle was. He didn't apologize—it just never happened.

"Dude, we're just fuckin with you. You know that, right?" Zack asked. He didn't mean to insult his friend but he also wasn't used to Alex being...quiet.

"Yeah, I know," he replied. "But you guys are right. No wonder why she doesn't believe me. I don't think I've ever actually apologized to her before and meant it."

"Just buy her chocolates or something," Zack suggested with a shrug. "Girls are into that kind of thing, right?"

Rian threw a pillow at Zack's head. "Don't get her chocolates. Girls will take that as a cheap shot to their weight—"

"But Lyle is skinny as fuck," Alex pointed out.

"Do you really want to risk her taking it the wrong way and having a new reason to be mad at you?" he asked.

Alex paused. That was a very good point. But if course it was. Rian always had good points to make. Alex was almost sure it was strictly because he was a drummer. "So what should I do?"

"Get her flowers and beg for her forgiveness on one knee," Rian said.

"And if she actually forgives you them, I'll be surprised," Zack added in.

Alex frowned. "Thanks, asshole."

Zack shrugged. "I'm just being honest."

"Don't be," Alex muttered before standing up and retreating to his bedroom. He didn't feel like being around people. And that alone made him mad. He couldn't remember a time when someone (mainly a girl) had made him so asocial, someone who made him actually think about earning their forgiveness instead of assuming that he deserved it without actually doing anything.

He could have been mad, but he didn't see the point.

Instead, he typed a quick text message, sent it, and hoped for the best.

+

Lyle’s head snapped up as her phone started vibrating on the couch next to her. She frowned, rubbing her eyes, mascara crusting beneath her fingertips. She stretched, accidentally knocking a pillow off of the couch, and she rolled over onto her stomach. She unlocked her phone, eyes widening when she saw Alex’s name flashing across the screen.

Yeah, yeah, she never got rid of his number. Her theory was, just in case he ever tried to contact her, she wanted to know so it would be easier to ignore him.

But, well, of course that wasn’t the real reason. Not that she would ever admit it.

This is probably useless. You probably got a new number. But I’m giving it a shot anyway. Hi.

She allowed herself exactly five minutes to contemplate what was going on. The first thought that ran through her head was, why was he even texting her? The second thought was, why do I want to text back? And okay, she knew it was because she was curious. That was more than likely always the answer for her. But that was good enough for her.

Same number. What do you want?

She wasn’t even surprised when he texted back not even thirty seconds later. And okay, she tried to ignore that feeling that was rising in her stomach that reminded her of high school.

I know I’ve screwed up multiple times over. All I want is for you to forgive me. Please?

If she was being honest with herself, then she would be able to admit that talking to him just felt right. And, well, that she didn’t want to be mad at him forever. But she didn’t want to forgive him so easily. Alex had gone years under the assumption that he could pretty much do no wrong. And if he did fuck up, people would forgive him just because he was Alex Gaskarth. She had always thought those who forgave him so quickly and blindly were weak, caught up in the spell that he had the tendency to cast over females around him. But now she realized that she was no less immune to it than anyone else.

Why does it even matter? We only have to put up with each other for a couple more weeks. Then you’ll never see me again.

What if that’s not what I want?

Then what do you want, Alex?

Lyle hated waiting for a response, especially since Alex had responded so quickly before that last message. Of course, she didn’t even know what answer she was waiting for. She just knew that she was waiting for something.

I want things to go back to the way they were. Before the rumor. Before we stopped talking. Rewind four years and…go back to what it was.

Alex had a tendency of saying things that Lyle didn’t know how to reply to. And this was just one more example. There was still a part of her that wanted the same thing, but she didn’t want to give in too quickly. She didn’t want to be that girl who gave in just because he said a few nice things to her. She couldn’t deny that things would be…nice if they went back to normal. But that wasn’t realistic.

It’s not that easy.

Make it that easy.

She knew it wasn’t that easy—she knew she wouldn’t be able to make it easy. Alex had always been the type of guy to idealize how things actually work. Things didn’t become easy because someone wanted them to become easy.

Do you honestly think that trying is more difficult than bickering constantly?

She really hated when he made a valid point. Of course, it happened so rarely that it didn’t bother her as much. But he was right. It would be a whole lot easier. But of course, being angry at Alex had become easier since high school. But, well, routine had to be broken at some point…right?

Maybe you’re right.

Can we please try?

Lyle was about to reply when he had sent another message.

I miss you.