I Still Need You

April 2005
Four months pregnant.

“Stupid girl, love is for fools,” my father’s sister explained to me as she made me dinner.

I just sat there, on that ugly brown stool, not hearing a word she said. Aunt Linda proceeded to say something about how men just want sex; their brains aren’t hooked up to their hearts.

I believe her actual words were, “Men love pussy, and nothing else.”

She kept ranting, onward, about how the only way a woman could survive in modern day was with appropriate planning, or the most effective birth control, some kind of gum with all the calcium to help prevent osteoporosis and inhibit pregnancy. After that little segway into family planning my brain turned off. The only thing running through my mind was Brian; the way he looked at me, the way he kissed me, the way he made stupid jokes, and finally how he broke my heart without disregard.

It’s been four months since Brian broke my heart, and just a month since I found out that he would father my child. Brian and I have a little girl on the way. He doesn’t know a damn thing, and if I can have it my way, no one except for Zacky and my dad will ever find out. After I received my settlement from Nathan’s parents, I decided it would be best to leave the town I love to keep my pregnancy a secret. Much like the pregnant teenage daughters of diplomats, saving face is more important than I ever realized. So I moved up north, to San Francisco with my Aunt Linda, she’s dad’s baby sister. She owns one of the largest advertising agencies in the country; she knows everyone and has helped the biggest companies come up with the best ad campaigns. So a few weeks after finding out I am pregnant here I am...with Aunt Linda in her historic San Francisco home. Out there, Brian and Zacky and the rest of the band are still following their dreams, and here I am pregnant with a piece of Brian he never knew was inside him.