Closer to the Edge

“No he is not he was pronounced dead on the scene” she puts her hand on mine and I curl into a ball and sob.
This is when I realize that I am in more pain than I thought I was I have blood gushing out of my head and my knees are killing me I roll over to my back and let the EMT’s work away at my cuts and bruises as I stare blankly into the ceiling of the vehicle.
“Can I go home tonight please I really want to be with my family” I ask tears still staining my cheeks.
“Yes dear just let us clean you up and we will get your release papers ready.” They wheel me into a room and leave me to wallow in my thoughts.
Why didn’t I make him wear his seat belt? Why didn’t I see that car coming towards us? The tears begin again. I see my parents walk in through the windows in my room. My father’s been crying my mother still hysterical about her babies. They come rushing in and hug me so tight. I am so drained of tears I don’t know what to do anymore so I just stare off into the distance and listen to my parents break down. I am blaming myself for this accident, for the loss of this amazing person. The weeks past and turned into months Jared and I haven’t spoken since the accident. He calls me and texts me everyday asking if I want him to come over but I never answer. I sit in the middle of my brother’s room in silence looking around at the collective clutter that he has obtained over the years of living here. I hear the door open behind me and I listen to the footsteps patter across the carpet in his room.
“What do you want mum” I ask looking at my hands.
“Well I’m not your mum but…” I turn quickly and see Jared standing before me hair pink as ever and all spiked up. I stand and cross the room to where he is standing.
“You came and I didn’t even have to ask you to” I collapse into his arms as the tears begin to fall again.
I haven’t talked to anyone about the accident and how badly it is affecting me. Jared and I sit on the floor me in his arms and he rocks me as the sobs consume my body once again.
“Jared this is eating me slowly I didn’t know how hard it was to lose some one you care about but to hold them in your arms as they die and to see the guy that hit them laugh in your face I just couldn’t stop beating him up” I wipe some of the tears from my face and turn to him as I begin talking again.
“Every day I blame myself for what happened it’s my fault that he was laughing it’s my fault that I didn’t see the guy come on to the other side of the road he made me promise him that I wouldn’t blame myself but I do” By now I am yelling more at myself than at Jared.
“Ev…Ev” Jared yells at me.
“Listen to me” He grabs my shoulders and I look up into his eyes.
“It is NOT your fault that the other guy was drunk and got behind the wheel your brother lived his life to the fullest and told you not to blame yourself for what happened to him” Jared pulls me to him again.
“Jared can you just stay with me please” I whisper into his shoulder as I feel the exhaustion of months of crappy sleep wash over me.
“Yes Evalynne I promise I will be here”
I wake up in my bed curled to Jared’s chest. His arms wrapped around me protectively. I smile for the first time in over seven months.
“Good morning sunshine” He says groggily.
“Hey” I cuddle up to him more.
“How did you sleep?”
I lay there and think about it for a minute. This was the first time I have slept correctly in awhile”
“I slept amazing” I answer truthfully.
“Jared you make me feel better” I look into his deep blue eyes.
We get up shower and get dressed. We go down stairs and see my parents in the kitchen making supper.
“Hello dear you are looking better than usual” My mother smiles.
My parents don’t blame me for the death of their son they believe it was his time to go and they pray every day. They are highly religious people.
“Mum, Dad this is my….” I look at him and bit my lip waiting for an answer.
“Mr. and Mrs. Vanhough I am Jared Leto I am Evalynnes boyfriend” The minute that word left his lips I felt butterflies rise up in my stomach.
My dad sticks out his hand.
“It’s nice to meet you Jared you can call me Aidan”
My mom sticks hers out as well.
“And I am Emileigh”
My parents love him I can tell they laugh and joke with him and act like he is part of the family already.
“Well thank you for the amazing dinner now if you will excuse me and your daughter we are going to take a walk” My parents giggle from wine consumption and they wave us off.
We slowly walk down the street the mid summer breeze taking my hair and blowing it behind me.
“So when did you decide we were official” I ask swinging my arms back and forth.
“Since we kissed” He smiles at me and grabs my hand.
I blush a bit and we walk through the streets in silence every once and awhile a car would drive by. Then I noticed the same car had driven by three or four different times.
“Jared is it just me or is that red car the same one that went by three or four times” I ask as I see the car pass by again.
“No you aren’t crazy but don’t worry I have you” He pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead.
We walk back to my house and lay in my bed and talk for hours about some of the stupid things we have done in our life times. we slowly drift off to sleep and the next morning I wake up to something I was dreading.