Come Back To Me It's Almost Easy

It’s been exactly one week since the babies were born and there have already been tons of ups and downs. The first time we tried to feed them Taylor did really well but Tyler couldn’t suck on the bottle at all. That day they had to put a feeding tube in his stomach. All of this was really taking a toll on me. It’s hard to think that your baby can’t eat by himself; a machine has to do it for him.

So, here I was again visiting the hospital. Most of the time I was here everyday, all day as was Mikey. Taylor was doing really well so far. She’s gained two pounds just this week, which means she’s up to five pounds, almost the size of a normal baby. Tyler still wasn’t doing well and hasn’t gained any weight so far.

Mikey and I walked down the white hallway on the way to the NNICU to see our beautiful babies. His hand grasped mine and squeezed it slightly. I looked over to his perfect face and half-smiled.

“I can tell you’re worried.” He said.

“Of course I am my babies aren’t in very good condition right now.” I said.

“I know, I mean they’re my babies too,” I said. “But you have to try and not worry sweetie, I love you too much to see you so worried.”

“I try not to be but I just can’t help it.” I said sighing. We reached the door to the NNICU and Mikey opened it for me. “Thank you.” I said walking in. He walked in after me and we went straight into our routine.

Before we could even get near the babies we had to put on scrubs and wash our hands for what seemed like hours. I didn’t mind though, if it meant there was a lesser chance of my baby getting sick then I would do anything. Once we finished doing that we walked over to where the babies were, I noticed something that frightened me. Tyler wasn’t in his little box, he was gone.

“Where’s Tyler?” I questioned.

“I don’t know, let’s find out.” He said. I looked over to my left and seen a nurse walking toward us.

“Excuse me, where’s my son?” I asked growing impatient.

“Are you the parents of Tyler Way?” She asked.

“Yes.” Mikey said putting an arm around my shoulders protectively. He pulled me close to try and comfort me.

“You’ll have to come with me.” She said. She started walking in the direction she’d came from and we followed her.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Last night we noticed Tyler start getting sick. We did some tests and found out he had pneumonia.” She said. She took us into a small room with on little bed in it. In that bed was my little Tyler. He was struggling to breathe but he had an oxygen mask on. I could feel tears trickle silently down my cheeks.

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked walking over to him.

“We’re afraid that he’s too tiny to fight off the sickness.” She said.

“How long does he have?” I asked trying to keep myself together.

“Just a couple of hours, I’m very sorry.” She said. With that she walked out closing the door. Once she was out I collapsed on the floor.

I let out one very loud sob as Mikey wrapped both of his arms around me. He whispered ‘it’s okay’ in my ear but he was crying to. Tears poured out of my eyes like waterfalls, all I could feel was pain. It felt like something was closing off my air supply, like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to comprehend that my baby boy was going to die at any time. All I could think was that it was my fault.

It was my fault that I met Mikey.
My fault that I fell in love with him.
My fault that I got pregnant.
My fault that the babies came to soon.
My fault that Tyler got sick.
My fault that he was going to die.
It was all just my fault.