His Stoic Mask, Her Bleeding Heart

"I don't want to talk about it, Eli," Elyria said the moment I walked through the apartment door – the eighth time she'd said it in the past week. It had become a bit of a pattern, really. After the first day, after I'd finally pried Kyrianna's body from her arms and had it taken care of, after I'd asked her how she was holding up that very first time, this cycle began: I would enter the apartment, she would feed me that line, she would flee to her bedroom no matter how I persisted, and I would leave her be; I couldn't spend every waking moment with her any longer, not when I was attempting to establish myself as the new head of what remained of the empire.

But after a week of this, it seemed she'd tired of the game. Now, instead of running to her room, she stayed where she was on the couch, a thick, dusty book spread open on her lap. She still wouldn't make eye contact, but she didn't move. That was a step in the right direction, wasn't it?

"Are you sure?" I asked cautiously as I closed the door, my eyes never leaving her impassive face. "I have a feeling you want to talk."

"No," she said simply, turning a page with a flick of a delicate finger. "I want you to leave me alone."

I took a slow step forward, my eyes searching hers for any hint of emotion; but today, her mask rivaled mine. "Then why aren't you leaving the room like you usually do when I come?"

"Because I want you to leave me alone," she said, and I realized she was no longer reading when she turned another page almost immediately, "not leave me alone."

"I don't think I follow," I said, stepping closer to the couch.

Finally, she turned her eyes to me, and I wondered if the annoyance dancing in them was just another part of the facade. "I want you to drop the topic and stay with me."

"You know I can't drop it," I told her, though I carefully lowered myself onto the empty cushion beside her. "You haven't said a word about it since it happened. You haven't said a word at all, really. Don't you want to talk about it? Isn't it bothering you?"

Her empty face broke out in a hard smile. "It is, Eli, but the reasons..." She turned her smile to the book on her lap, her eyes skimming the foreign symbols that covered the pages. "The reasons are selfish. I don't want to talk about it."

"I...don't think I follow."

She was silent for a long moment, her eyes suddenly frozen halfway down the page, but she soon snapped the book shut, the harsh thud shattering the silence. "I keep killing innocent people. That vampire, Derrick; that human, Gabriel; and now, Kyrianna. It feels horrible to know that without my existence, they would all be alive and well. Or, at the very least, they would have died more peacefully." She jerked her eyes to mine, and the hard glint to them sent a shock of feeling through me. "But do you know what feels even worse, Eli? Do you know what feels worse than being the reason that three people and probably more are dead? Realizing that you feel sorry not for them, but for yourself. Realizing that you're not wallowing in sadness because you miss them all, but because you might not be as perfect as you thought you were." She let loose a harsh laugh, lowering her gaze the closed book. "See? I'm doing it right now, just by having this conversation with you. I'm not honoring or remembering Kyrianna; I'm just pitying myself because, oh, poor Elyria, not always getting what she wants. Who cares about the dead! Who cares that entire lives have been wasted!" Her fit of hysteria died as she fell silent, burying her face in her hands, her elbows resting atop the ragged tome upon her lap.

"That's just human nature," I began cautiously when she didn't speak again. I wondered, was she crying behind those hands?

"You forget that I'm not human," she whispered, and the amethyst glow of her eyes swam behind the welling tears as she turned to me. "What nature is this?"

How did I answer that? I could only stare at her for a long moment, unsure. Did I tell her that she'd always been selfish this way? Did I tell her that I understood her skewed feelings, that she was likely just hiding her real emotions behind these ones?

All of it was true. All of it. So what did I say?

"Don't punish yourself this way," I finally said, my voice a barely audible whisper even in the stillness of the room. "Please."

She stood abruptly, the book clenched in a white-knuckled grip, and strode past me. "This is why I don't want to talk about it," she said, her tone empty of emotion as she started down the hallway. "You have nothing conducive to say."

I rose to follow her, a wobbly shadow in the wake of her confident stride. "Conducive, eh?" I mocked nervously. "Since when did you have such a vocabulary?"

She swept into the library at the end of the short passageway, and though it had been ages since the door had even been opened, let alone since I'd been inside, I recognized the old, pleasant smell of the hundred or so books that lined the walls. "I'm sorry," she remarked dryly, standing on tiptoe to slide the tome onto the very top shelf. "Too big for you?"

"Elyria," I said softly, "why are you being this way?"

She dropped from her toes, her fingers slowly sliding away from the creased binding of the book, but she didn't turn. "Do you remember?" she breathed. "Do you remember when he was here? My human? My Gabriel?"

An image of the boy flashed through my mind – copper-colored hair just like mine, strong features, bitter eyes. I'd only seen him a handful of times, but the image of his corpse sprawled across her lap was burned into my mind for all of eternity. I'd never seen her cry before that day. Not like that.

"Yeah," I answered. "He...Yeah."

"I locked him in here for so long." She turned toward me, but her eyes were on the table in the center of the room. "He sat there for so long, alone in the dark. He was miserable here. He was miserable because I made him that way." Her eyes rose to mine, tears rolling down her silvery cheeks. "I should've let him run. He would've had a better chance without me."

"He was doomed the second Terrence took an interest in him," I said with a shake of my head. "You knew that when you took him in. Given the circumstances, his life here was all right."

"And his death?" she asked, her voice growing stronger, louder, more bitter with each syllable. "Was his death 'all right'?"

I lowered my gaze. I didn't realize I was gripping the back of the chair in front of me until I saw my fingers wrapped around the wood, nearly tight enough to snap it. "You saved him from far worse," I whispered. "I can promise you that."

"And Derrick?" Her voice had dropped again, her words barely a whisper, barely a breath. "What did I save him from?"

Tentatively, I met her eyes over the table. I'd expected to find her gaze filled with fiery ire, but there was only an earnest curiosity mingled with a barely muted pain. "His death was my fault, not yours." I remembered his hair tightly gripped on my hand, my muscles straining as I fought to tear flesh from flesh and bone from bone, the cool wave of his blood as I succeeded... "If I had been more in control of myself – if I had been thinking clearly – that wouldn't have happened."

"And what about Kyrianna?" she whispered.

"An evil man with evil intentions, Elyria," I murmured in return. "No fault of yours."

She sank into the chair across the table from me, her head in her hands. "I'm so tired of this life. I'm so, so tired."

I moved closer to her, resting a hand cautiously on her shoulder. "It's over now, all right? You can stop this. You can stop everything – the blood-selling, the fighting, the defending. It's over."

"But not for you," she said, looking up at me, something like worry in her expression. "All of this is just beginning all over again for you."

I offered her my most convincing smile, and I wondered just how crooked it looked. "Not at all. Until a rival vampire shows his ugly face, things should be pretty quiet for me; and even when he does show up, things won't be nearly as bad as before. I promise, I'll take care of you. You won't have to suffer ever again."

She rested her hand atop mine on her shoulder and laughed – soft, nearly broken, but genuine. "Eli, honey, we both know better than that. I'll be the one taking care of your sorry ass when things get rough."

I smiled softly. "Sure, Elyria." The words were sarcastic, but my tone was filled with too much relief to show it. "Sure."

She took her hand from mine and wiped at her tears. "So, how's your work with the empire going? We haven't really had the chance to talk about it. Has much changed? Are you being accepted all right?"

I shrugged, sitting in the chair closest to hers. "There aren't many vampires left to oppose me. Most of them have fled, and the ones who have remained seem to be the ones who were around during Terrence's rule. I'm not sure why, but they seem to support me."

"You killed Terrence," she said, still wiping fruitlessly at her tear-streaked face. It was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen her do, but it was somehow endearing. It was nice to be reminded that she was a person, somewhere beneath her marble, statuesque coating. "Why wouldn't they support you?"

"Because I killed Terrence. How would that garner any support?"

She sighed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, as if this conversation were the most exasperating one she'd ever had. "The one who kills the king always takes his place. That's the mindset of these vampires."

"So why did they let James take power? And Matthias?"

"Because you didn't step up to the challenge, and we both know that they would never let Bethany" – her expression soured as she said the name – "rule them, even if she was the one who finished James."

I ran a hand over my face, the realization of all I still had left to do suddenly sinking in. "I still need to go talk to her. Hale, too."

"Why do you need to talk to her?" she said, a bitterness to her eyes that didn't reach her voice.

"Because I do," I answered, my tone subdued. "I owe her an explanation about everything."

Her eyebrows rose coolly. "And by 'everything,' you mean your feelings for her and where your relationship should go from here."

I could've smacked her for being so purposely obtuse, but I just said, "Something like that, yeah."

"Fine, fine. I won't keep you any longer," she said with a wave of her hand, rising smoothly to her feet. "Go, vamp-boy. Run to your were-lady love." She began to walk past me, but I caught her wrist, effectively tugging her to a stop. She glared down at me. "What?"

"I don't love her, you silly bint," I said, my voice much harsher than I meant it to be. But I had every right to be this way, didn't I? Hadn't she passive-aggressively pushed me enough over this? "I love you. And I want you to tell me right now, in all seriousness, whether you love me too or not. No more joking, no more taunting. I want my answer, here and now."

She frowned, suddenly very uncomfortable. "Eli," she started, trying to pull her hand from my grip though I refused to release her, "you know better than to ask that."

I stood, towering over her, her wrist still gently but firmly in my grasp. "Answer me." I felt my expression soften. "Please."

She looked down at her arm, immobile with my fingers wrapped around it. Her scowl softened, her anger draining away to allow for something kinder, something more earnest. "I do love you, you idiot," she said softly, her eyes finally meeting mine. "I've loved you for years, even back when doing so could've gotten us both killed. Why do I have to say it when you already –" But her argument ended when my lips met hers in a gentle kiss, a kiss which she returned in the same sweet, chaste way. It wasn't her style. It wasn't mine, either. But was love really our style, either?

"Do you want to stay with me?" I whispered as I pulled away, my forehead resting against hers as I looked into her eyes. "Do you want to live with me and be mine?"

"You're starting to sound like a bad card," she murmured back, though I felt her lips curve into a smile. "But yes, Eli, I do. You should've asked sooner."

My hands fell to rest on her hips, and I couldn't keep myself from grinning. I felt like such an idiot, so giddy and happy, like I'd just won the greatest prize of all time, but who cared? At that point, I had won the greatest prize of all time, and I hoped she would be mine forever. "I tried, but you're so stubborn. We could've had this resolved months ago if you just would've been willing to talk."

"Kyrianna was here months ago," she reminded me, and I felt the smile slip from her face. "Terrence was here months ago. James was here months ago."

"That didn't stop you from loving me," I murmured, "and it surely didn't stop me from loving you."

She sighed. "Love is hard to manage in such turmoil."

"Especially if you're not used to it," I added, and she nodded against my forehead. "Look," I began after a brief pause, "I'm going to go talk to Bethany and get everything sorted out. Will you wait for me here? Will you pack your things so we can leave as soon as I return?"

"You're moving me into the mansion?" she asked, surprise plain in her voice and wide eyes.

"Yes," I said, then felt a teasing smirk sneak onto my lips. "Unless you're too scared to live around so many vampires, of course."

Her face hardened. "If anyone here should be scared, it's you."

I leaned back, still smirking down at her. "I bet you ten bucks that I'll have to save your ass before you have to save mine."

"Twenty," she said sharply.

"Deal." My hands slipped from her waist, and a part of me was sad to leave her. "I'll be back soon. Don't get into any trouble while I'm out."

"Same to you," she said as I started for the door, and I smiled to myself as I left.

-?-

I raised my hand to knock, but the door flew open before I got the chance. Bethany rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I've been waiting for you! What took you so long?" She took my hand and tugged me into the mansion, closing the door hurriedly behind me.

"I...uh...Why were you waiting for me?" I asked, thoroughly confused. It wasn't like I'd told her I was coming, and as far as I knew, she wasn't psychic...

"You're taking over the vampires!" she answered, excitement softening her annoyance at my tardiness. She took my hands in hers and smiled at me eagerly. "I knew you'd have to come here eventually, to talk to me – er, Hale, I mean. To talk to Hale." Her cheeks darkened just a hair, but she continued on, still smiling. "It's really good news, by the way. Great news, actually. Eli, the master vampire! It's wonderful, isn't it?" she yammered, completely unaware of the way I frowned at her.

Gently, I extricated my hands from hers and took a small step back. "Is he in his study?" I asked, my voice empty of emotion. I knew I needed to talk to her, to tell her just how wrong her reaction was, how wrong all of her reactions were where I was involved, but I wasn't ready for it. Poor time to realize that, eh? I thought, more than a little aggravated with myself.

Her look of joy rapidly faded, and she nodded dumbly. "Uh, yeah. He's been..." She dropped her gaze. "He's been waiting for you, too."

"Thanks," I said with an attempt – likely failed – at a friendly smile, then started past her toward the stairs.

I'd only made it four steps when she said softly, brokenly, "You smell like her. A lot."

I paused, suddenly as exasperated as she had been, though I didn't let it show. Really? We had to do this now, in the middle of the foyer? Had she not gotten the hint by now? Of course she hadn't, I reminded myself. That's partially why you're here, moron. "I always do, don't I?" I remarked as I turned toward her, my face as vacant as ever.

She met my eyes, though she was obviously hurt. "Look, Eli, I get it. You like her more than you like me. But...but..." She turned to fully face me, taking a step forward, her face suddenly alive with emotion – with hope. "That doesn't mean that we don't have anything, right? That doesn't mean that we don't have a chance...right?" The word trailed off, and the flicker of hope in her eyes died away, doused by whatever was in my tactless expression.

"Bethany, you're a nice girl," I began, careful to keep the feeling from my voice that I already felt written all over my face – regret. "You're strong, too, and gorgeous. One day, you'll make a nice man – a nice werewolf man – incredibly happy. But..." I shrugged, then said as gently as I could, "I'm not for you, and you're not for me."

"Species doesn't matter, Eli," she said harshly, stepping forward until she was only inches away from me. Her hands twitched as she fought the desire to touch me. "Right?" she asked. "Right? Otherwise, Elyria is a worse match for you than I am."

"Species doesn't always matter, no," I said, just barely keeping my tone in check; I was beginning to get aggravated at more than myself, "but –"

"Just in this case, right?" she interrupted, letting loose a laugh that was even louder, even meaner, than her tone. "I can't believe I thought you were a good guy. I can't believe I wanted to be with you. Well, I'm sorry for bothering you." Her voice cracked, but she went on, and – were those tears shining in her eyes? "It was my mistake." She turned and stormed out of the hall.

"Bethany, come on," I called after her. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." But she didn't stop, and I didn't bother to follow. She would have to come around on her own, and she would eventually. I hoped.

"Pissing off my pack again, hm?" came a vaguely amused voice from behind me, and I glanced back to find Hale standing at the bottom of the stairs, his arms folded over his chest and just a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Ah, yeah," I said as I faced him. "I'm sorry I keep doing that."

He shrugged, his smile growing just a bit. "No harm done. She's prone to overreacting a bit to rejection." He chuckled. "You should've seen her the first time I told her she couldn't go on a mission. It was so much worse, but so much more entertaining..." He looked past me, gazing at nothing, and I wondered just what was playing out in his head.

"I take it you've heard of my new position," I said after giving him a moment to reminisce.

He jerked back to alertness immediately, nodding before his eyes had even fully focused on my face. "Yes, and I must say, I'm proud of your decision. I've been waiting for you to step up to the plate for quite some time."

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" I asked, a hint of frustration snaking its way into my tone. "Even Kai said he'd been waiting for it."

He grinned. "It's like you've never met yourself before." I frowned, shaking my head slowly in confusion, and he gladly went on. "You're strong, Eli. You're smart. You know how the empire works. You know how to keep your emotions out of business." He laughed to himself, smirking knowingly. "Well, you know how to do it for the most part. But even so, you're still able to be compassionate enough to let the innocent live, and even as you let the innocent live, you're capable of letting the empire thrive." A small shrug shifted his shoulders, and he eyed me with amusement. "Quite frankly, Eli, I think you're able to be just as good of a leader as I am, maybe even a better one."

"I'm flattered, but I don't think I agree." How could I be as good as Hale? He actually had a clue what he was doing. I was just feeling my way blindly along and hoping that no one popped up to stab me in the back while I was at it.

"You will," he assured me, stepping forward to clap a heavy hand on my shoulder. "And I can't wait to see what you can do for this city once your rule fully takes effect."

"Thank you," I said, bowing my head. "I really appreciate the encouragement."

"Not a problem," he said with a quick nod, taking his hand from my shoulder. "Now, what have you come to talk about? Anything in particular?"

"Really, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with all of this," I said. "And I wanted to let you know that I'm more than willing to offer your pack what assistance I can if you're ever in need of it. After everything you've done for Elyria, for Kyrianna, even for me, I feel like I have quite a debt to repay."

Hale grinned. "Debt? Have you been paying any attention to our interaction over the past few months? We're completely even."

I smiled lightly. "Still. If you ever need anything, I'd be more than happy to help."

"Same to you, Eli," he said, his smile softening. "Same to you."

-?-

"Bethany hasn't burst into the apartment seeking vengeance," Elyria remarked absentmindedly as I entered the apartment for the second time that evening. She had a new book spread open on her lap, though this one was considerably less dusty than the first. "That's a good sign, isn't it?"

I shrugged, quietly shutting the door behind myself. It was weird, finding Elyria alone on the couch when Kyrianna normally would have been at her side, knowing that I wouldn't walk down the hall and find her in the bathroom or the bedroom. Guilt stabbed through me like a knife, and I shook my head in an attempt to clear her face from my mind.

"Isn't it?" Elyria repeated, and I came back to myself to find her eying me curiously.

"I suppose so," I said, making my way to the couch. "She didn't take it too well, though, so don't stop looking over your shoulder just yet."

"Let her come," she said, snapping her book shut and scowling up at me. "I still need to show her that eating a lot did get my boobs back, and I'm still not fat."

I smiled softly down at her. She wasn't exactly wrong... "Maybe you'll see her again someday. Are you ready to go?"

"I packed my clothes, but I can't carry everything I want to take," she told me. "Will you be sending someone back for the rest of my things?"

"What else do you want to take with you?"

"My library," she answered, "the rest of my clothes, maybe the TV and some other furniture." Her eyes drifted from my face, and she nodded, suddenly resolute. "And this table," she said, leaning forward to rest her hands on the glass-topped table before her, her fingers spread wide across the clear surface. "Definitely this table."

"Why?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow down at her.

"The memories," she said simply, then abruptly stood, her book left on the couch beside her. "Now, have you brought a car for us, or will we be walking?"

"A car, of course. Matthias still had a full garage."

She nodded sharply. "Good. I'm starting to get tired of walking everywhere."

"Then maybe you should consider getting a license and a car of your own," I told her as she walked past me, going to where a couple of black bags waited at the end of the hall.

"Maybe," she said absentmindedly as she lifted the bags. "We'll see."

"Are you ready to go, then?" I asked as she straightened, her gaze sweeping across the room. "Are you ready to leave this apartment for good?"

She continued to scan the room. "Clients, fights, old friends, bad news, a return from monster-hood, near-death experience after near-death experience..." Her eyes landed on me, and she smiled, though there was a sad edge to it. "I've never been more ready to leave a place in my life."

She crossed the room, I opened the door for her, and together, we walked out into the hallway. Neither of us looked back.