Learn to Fly

John walked behind the emptying venue, his tired eyes wanting to close. All of the techs were loading up the vans and he was just simply trying to find his before he passed out on the sidewalk beneath him. He had hardly slept the night before because he was up all night fighting with Melissa and he hadn’t gotten a chance for a nap that day.

“John Oh! Andrew is riding in your van so you’re in ours for tonight,” Nick said as he grabbed John’s arm and began walking him to A Rocket to the Moon’s white vehicle.

John got in the sliding door and began crawling through the van. He looked behind the back two rows to find a body lying in the open space in the rear of the van. He hoped that he wouldn’t seem creepy as he crawled over the back seat and lay next to her. Peyton didn’t stir once and he took this as her involuntary okay to him.

He closed his eyes and listened to the rest of the band crawl into the compact van and take their seats. Everyone seemed to be relatively tired that night so the environment was remotely quiet. Nick pulled out of the venue a few moments later and began the long drive to Los Angeles. In a few short days they would be in Las Vegas and then back to Tempe before the tour left for the Midwest and the East Coast.

John looked at his cell phone seeing a text from Melissa.

Hey baby, can you put another person on the guest list for your show in Tempe?

John looked at her text curiously before replying.

Who is it for?

Trent.

John groaned before replying with a simple yes. He thought back to two years ago when Melissa had made her ‘mistake’ that she always refused to talk about. After a year of them dating she had gotten drunk at a party and slept with another guy. It wasn’t as if Melissa was the only girl he had been with so he chose to brush off the mistake, saying that she wouldn’t do it again, but his mind didn’t stop from getting curious about her and Trent’s relationship.

If she cheated on him again he wouldn’t be able to forgive her; he prayed to God that she never would again because he didn’t know if he could let her go. He lost so much of who he was without Melissa. He wouldn’t say that she was his better half but she certainly knew more secrets about him than all of his friends—besides Tanner.

Tanner Bowman and John had been best friends since the first grade. They met while playing tag—both trying to chase the same cute girl. From that day on the two became competitive in everything. Over the years there were many broken arms, many lost games, and a few punches thrown but their friendship grew with each adventure.

In the summer of 2009 Tanner went on a boating trip with one of his friends from California. Beer and other sorts of alcohol were found at the crash site on the rocks—Tanner’s body was found a few miles downstream.

Melissa was the one who had kept John from falling apart at the seams. She took care of him; she pieced him back together with distractions. She stuck with him in the wake of tragedy and helped him grieve and accept. He felt that Melissa was all he had left of his best friend and that’s why he was too scared to let her go.

John closed his eyes before letting his mind tire and drift off to sleep. He wasn’t sure for how long had been asleep but the sun that was beginning to peak over the horizon told him that it had been at least five hours. He looked at the girl next to him and automatically smiled.

Peyton’s blonde hair was hanging in the front of her face and the little amount of sun that shone made it glow bright. Her tanned skin was a deep brown color and it made her legs look as if they were miles long even though she barely stood 5’4.

John watched her as her lips pulled down into a grimace, and her cheeks twitched as if she was wincing in pain. Her leg began to jerk also and a shudder ran down her spine. She instinctively grabbed on to the pillow underneath her head, gripping it until her knuckles were white. He heard soft whimpers from her throat and her mouth opened as she gasped for air.

He barely heard her words the first time she said them, but as she repeated them her voice got progressively louder, “I’m sorry,” she whimpered, “I’m sorry! Georgia!”

Her entire body shuddered and John sat up nervously. Her shouting became louder, “No! I-I I’m sorry!”

Tears were pouring down her face and she seemed as if she was trapped in her dream. John looked over the passenger seats to see that some of the guys were awake, with earphones in their ears. “Nick,” John shouted. He watched his friends eyes turn to him. “Peyton is crying.”

He could see a look of alarm in Nick’s eyes and within a second the van was being jerked off the road. Nick yelled, “Don’t touch her,” and not even a second later he was opening the back door to the van.

John watched as Nick gathered Peyton’s shaking limbs into his arms and ran his hand over his cousin’s hair. “Peyton…Peyton wake up.”

Her small frame kept squirming as more whimpers escaped from her lips. John watched as Eric observed from the seat in front of him and from his lack of worry John assumed that this as a normal occurrence for them. “Peyton!” Nick yelled.

Suddenly the girl’s body shook violently and her eyes opened, her mouth open gasping for breath. She looked up at Nick instantly and fell into his arms, sobs escaping her lips. Nick softly tried to calm her, whispering quiet ‘shh…’s in her ear. “I’m right here, Peyton.”

She pulled away from him and John watched as she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in her hands, “I’m sorry, Nick…”

The red head sighed and took a seat on the back of the van. As the two spoke it was almost as if they had forgotten John was there. “I miss her too, Pey,” Nick said gently. “I loved her too.”

Peyton stared straight ahead of her, “How come I’m the only one that has these dreams?”

John felt his heart beating quickly, saddened at the girl’s demeanor. She usually was so happy and right now she spoke delicately, trying to heal her own breaking heart.

Nick sighed, “It’s only when we’re driving, right? You don’t get them when you’re in a hotel?”

She shook her head in oblige. Tears began drying on her cheeks and Nick shut the van door. John sat there awkwardly not sure of what to do exactly. He watched as the girl looked at him from the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” she whispered quietly.

John observed her red cheeks and puffy eyes, “Are you okay, Peyton?”

She shook her head like she was trying to convince herself of the words she spoke, “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

John looked at her worriedly before reaching out tentatively and grasping her small hand in his larger one, “If you ever need to talk to anyone…I’m here.”

She turned her eyes to his own and sighed, pushing her bangs out of her face, “Thank you, John.”

He gave her a small reassuring smile before releasing her hand and leaving the girl to her own thoughts.

_____

John walked down the hallway to the lounge in the back of the venue quietly drumming his fingers on his legs. He heard A Rocket to the Moon’s music playing from the down the main room and he sang softly to “Not a Second to Waste.”

He walked into the room at the end of the hall that had low lighting making everything seem a light gray. He chuckled as he saw his tour mates scattered on the couches and floor—some on laptops or iPhones, or like Kennedy who was sleeping soundly.

John turned his eyes to the blonde girl who was sitting in the corner of the room looking at the laptop screen in front of her intently. She had her earphones in and she didn’t seem to notice as he sauntered over to her and took a seat.

He could hear the song “Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite” playing from the earphones and he smiled as he heard her singing along quietly. Her voice sounded pretty good even though it was almost impossible for him to hear.

Peyton startled as she looked at him and took out the ear bud, “I didn’t even know you were here,” she laughed.

“Oh wow, geez thanks Peyton nice to see you too!” John yelled playfully.

He watched as her cheeks blushed, enjoying how he could control doing that to her. It was amusing to see her getting nervous. “John, shut the hell up!” Kennedy yelled groaning.

Peyton giggled and he watched as she bit her lip timidly causing him to grin, “What are you doing Miss Hayes?” He looked at the computer screens where a site of Latin words was pulled up. “Do you speak it?” He asked pointing to the screen.

She shook her head, “Not really, but I know some.”

“Like what?”

Peyton looked at him tentatively before using her fingers to slightly move left side of his tank top and then the right, “Unus Amor; one love.”

John gave her a sideways grin and liked the way her small fingers rested on his right shoulder. She looked into his eyes and blushed, looking away instantly. He dipped his head down to face hers that was looking away in embarrassment, “Very good.”

She turned her blue eyes to him shyly a small blush on her cheeks still, “What does it mean to you?”

John smiled remembering the night he had gotten it. He was with Melissa and Tanner and they went out to celebrate by getting tattoos. He had gotten the simple words for her and he never thought that those feelings would fade until now. “It used to be for my girlfriend—but uh, I think to me it started being more about music and how alive I feel when I’m making it,” John smiled. It felt good to say those words out loud; especially to someone he knew was listening.

“Does your girlfriend know you feel that way?” Peyton questioned.

The look on his face was enough to tell her that she didn’t and Peyton nodded her head in understanding. John sighed, “We’re just not good for each other anymore…you know how that is I’m sure.”

“What do you mean?” She asked quietly and John was worried that his question had come out completely wrong.

“I didn’t mean you got around or something,” he cleared up. “I mean that you know, when you’re with someone and then feelings just change. You’ve probably felt that way considering you don’t have a boyfriend right now…Unless you do! And if you do I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful, I just meant..oh God,” John groaned chuckling nervously. He hated that this girl made him stumble over words; words were his strong suit.

Peyton giggled and looked at the blubbering boy, “Yes John, I know what you’re talking about. And no, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Why doesn’t a pretty girl like yourself have a girlfriend?” John wondered aloud.

She narrowed her eyes with a smirk on her lips, “Why does a taken boy like yourself want to know?”

He chuckled, trying not to let his eye go wide. He tried to save face, “Oh you know, uh, I know someone who has a crush on you…” John made up quickly.

Peyton raised her eyebrows and looked around the room. She leaned in close, “Who?”

“I can’t tell you,” John smirked, trying to come up with someone in his mind just in case she begged it out of him. He didn’t know how long he could stand those pleading eyes she was giving.

She jutted out her bottom lip and made her blue eyes wide, “Please Johnny,” she whispered.

He involuntarily got a chill up his spine, “Halvo. Eric Halvorsen has a crush on you,” he lied.

John watched as a blush crept up Peyton’s cheeks and her eyes adverted from his. Did she have a thing for Halvo?

“He doesn’t have a crush on me,” she laughed. “The kid nearly hates me.”

“Maybe your ‘weirdness’ turns him on,” John snickered. “Who knows, he’s a strange kid.”

Peyton chuckled, “That he is.” Suddenly the girl in front of him seemed so much more anxious. She itched her arm uncomfortably before looking at John. “Do you want to get a smoke?”

John smiled and followed the girl outside to the back of the venue. She pulled out a teal box with an Indian on the front: American Spirit Menthols—light. He held out a lighter and she leaned forward and lit the cigarette that was dangling between her lips. She took a long drag before taking it from between her plump, pink lips and handing it to John. He grinned as he followed her pattern. The silence between them was filled with smoke.

John felt his phone vibrating and he pressed it to his ear, “Hey baby.”

Melissa was quiet on the other side of the line for a moment before speaking, “Hi John.”

He could tell almost instantly that she had been crying. He saw a mental picture of eyeliner and mascara washed onto her cheeks from her falling tears, “What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” she stammered.

He rolled his eyes and gave Peyton back the cigarette, “Lissa, I’ve known you for six years. I know when something’s wrong.”

“John, are you sitting down?” Melissa spoke tentatively.

“What’s going on?” He asked worriedly, running a hand through his hair. Melissa spoke the next sentence clearly, trying to gain confidence as she said them. He felt his knees go weak as he listened to her.

“C-Can you repeat that?” John asked, double checking to make sure he heard her correctly. He listened eagerly as she repeated herself and when she did he fell to the cement below him, his phone falling out of his hand as he hit the hard pavement.

Peyton bent down quickly, looking at him anxiously. She took his phone in her small hands and pressed the red end button silencing the quiet calls from the girl on the line.

This couldn’t be happening to him—no, this wasn’t supposed to happen. John looked into Peyton’s blue eyes as she knelt in front of him and put her hands on his cheeks forcing his gaze into hers. He watched as she soaked in every emotion that he held—sadness, denial, and anger.

“John, what happened?”

John stared at her before he opened his mouth and let the words fall out, hoping that he would wake up tomorrow and realize this was just a nightmare, “Melissa’s pregnant.”