One Snap For The Dying

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what think or feel. Nothing seems to be making any sense. What's wrong with me? Was I wrong or right? Why is this happening to me?

I just need to breathe. Yeah that's it, breathe. In. Out. In. Out. It's not helping. Oh god, help please. Go to my happy place. Birds, puppies, kittens. The lake house, no , no, no. Not the lake house! What am I going to do?

Breathe and think, just breathe and think. Count backwards, yeah that always works in the movies. Hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six, ninety-five, ninety-four, ninety-three, ninety-two, ninety-one, ninety…Oh god, what's after ninety? ninety-one, no. Think backwards…eighty-nine! Yeah, that's it!

"Are you Olivia Harp?" The voice was deep and a bit scary. I don't want to look up, I won't. If I can't see him, he can't see me.

"Miss, did you hear me?" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Don't look, don't look. Fuck, I looked. He wasn't alone, he had another man with him, wearing the same uniform. He's a police officer. This can't be good.

"I…I'm Olivia Harp," I gulped, taking in more saliva than I thought. They looked angry.

"Can you please stand up?" It wasn't a question, it was a demand. That much I could tell.

"What did I do?" My voice shook, my bottom lip trembled. I could feel the tears about to fall.

"Olivia Harp, you are under arrest for the murder of Jonathan Lanely. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"