Noises

I didn’t realise it was physically or mentally possible to want someone as much as I wanted Hollie – and it was constant, too. When I was with her, I felt like I was drunk, I guess. My stomach seemed to churn every time she so much as smiled at me, and there was something about the way her small hand clasped onto mine as we were shopping that made my arm tingle with excitement. She made me feel lightheaded, and made my cheeks ac he from smiling continuously. There was something incredibly cheesy about the time we spent together, but I didn’t mind this at all. In fact, it made me feel slightly more comfortable with the way things were going – and at least I knew where I was with Hollie now, or at least I assumed I did.

I had to really concentrate when I eventually said goodbye to Hollie, and remember that we were in a public place. She cuddled into my chest and then looked up to place a small kiss on my jaw, making me grin, “I’ll see you later, Josh,” she whispered as we stood outside her apartment building. I nodded, a lump in my throat forming from the embarrassment at the fact that every time she said my name, especially in her hoarse little whisper, I imagined her moaning it like she had last night. I blushed a little, although it probably wasn’t noticeable with the pinkness of my cheeks and nose due to the cold temperatures.

Once I got into my apartment, I took off my coat – the brand new one that Hollie had bought me out of sympathy and I had allowed her to purchase due to the fact that I was freezing cold and the fact that she said I looked ‘fit’ in it; something that I’d never imaged her to say, let alone about me. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat proud of myself for pulling a girl like Hollie. She was stunning, and although I felt like I didn’t really deserve her, I didn’t dispute it. I must have done something right, and I wasn’t going to ask her what it was, in case it was purely a fluke and she realised upon being questioned.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see Max’s name come up on my caller ID. I smiled and hit answer, “Hello.”

“Oi mate, where the hell did you go last night?”

I had been expecting this, but I hadn’t expected my chest to swell with pride almost instantly, and to feel so fulfilled. The fact that it was Max that had noticed too – he who prided himself on pulling the most beautiful girls – made me feel even better. I grinned to myself, “I went to Hollie’s.”

“She let you in?” he laughed. I smirked to myself, because he didn’t have a clue.

“In more ways than one, mate,” I muttered, before really thinking about it. I felt bad as soon as I had said it, but I couldn’t help it. I felt so happy that Hollie had even paid attention to me, let alone had sex with me. And it was good sex. Great sex. Sex that I could boast about, with a girl that I couldn’t help but boast about. I wondered how long it would be before the boys got so tired of hearing Hollie’s name that they told me to fuck off.

“Fucking hell!” Max cheered loudly, “Josh banged Hollie!” he shouted, probably to whoever was in the room with him. I heard Dan laugh and call out, “Too much information!”

“Sorry, Max, I don’t think they heard you in Edinburgh,” I mumbled, “Anyway, do you guys want to come over? I feel a bit – I don’t know, really.”

“Dan, you want to go over Josh’s? He’s lonely without his bird,” Max shouted, not having the decency to move the phone away from his mouth as he did so, and therefore practically bursting my eardrums and making me flinch, “Yeah mate, we’ll be over in ten.”

“The doors open,” I told him, before hanging up. It was funny how we barely said hello or goodbye to each other – I guess once you’d been friends with someone for that long, and close friends who both had to and chose to spend a lot of time together, you grew out of petty formalities. Maybe it was a bloke thing.

When Max and Dan arrived and let themselves in, I was making a cup of tea for myself. I turned to give them a wave as they came in, and was greeted by Max jumping on my back and rubbing my head with his knuckles, his arm around my neck as he held on to stop himself falling. He laughed, “Our little Joshy is growing up!”

“Yeah,” Dan added with a slightly more subdued tone as he helped himself to a beer from my fridge, “Nice one, Franceswee.”

I had to make sure to tell Hollie that I hated her for telling them the nickname that she had given me all those years ago.

Max let go of my back as soon as he saw there was beer available, and helped himself. I stuck to my tea, still nursing my hangover headache that hadn’t gone, despite Hollie loading me up with paracetamol after she found out. I had joked that it was scientifically proven that sex helped headaches, but she had just laughed and pushed my shoulder slightly. Max, Dan and I moved over to the sofa, and switched on the football game that was starting soon. There wasn’t much talk as the commentators went through the formations and the tactics for the game, as well as expected outcomes and odds of scores- we had to stop Max putting a 32/1 bet on a three-nil outcome.

“So,” Dan said, just as the game was starting, “How was last night?”

I smiled, “Good.”

“Only good?”

I grinned, “Very good.”

Max sipped his beer, “And she was worth all the chasing?”

“She always has been, Max,” I said, “Chris told me not to get too caught up in it in case it was one of those want-what-you-can’t-have situations, but that certainly isn’t the deal. I think I want her more now that we’ve actually…”

“Shagged?” Max offered with another loud sip of his beer. I cleared my throat, and couldn’t help but smirk to myself. I never normally kissed and told, but Hollie was someone I couldn’t help but want to show off.

“Yes, that,” I laughed, “I’m wary that I’ll get all needy now. I can’t help but want to be with her constantly.”

Dan rolled his eyes overdramatically, “I guess that means we’re going to be hearing even more about her?”

I frowned, “I do talk about her too much, don’t I? Are you all annoyed with me?”

Max laughed, “Don’t get all sappy, Franceschi, we don’t even listen to you ninety percent of the time,” he added, “But the ten percent that we do listen to you, we don’t mind.” Just to make me feel better, of course. I didn’t doubt that they didn’t listen to me a good portion of the time, but regardless of that fact it was nice to know that they weren’t annoyed with me – yet.

“So anyway,” Max smirked, “You had a good night?”

“Do you really need to question that?” Dan cut in before I could answer, “Look at the way he’s grinning and smirking like a smug little twat.”

Max nodded, “And to be honest, you only need to look at her to know she’s going to be-“

“Stop right there,” I cut Max off with a laugh. “I really don’t want to talk about this.” Which was, partly, a lie because I constantly wanted to talk about Hollie and now they were bringing it up, but was also partly true because I hated the thought of them thinking about her in that way. I had never been particularly protective before, but she brought out a lot of new feelings in me.

“That’s a lie,” Dan said. I couldn’t tell if he was calling my bluff or if he could actually tell that I was lying, but I didn’t take the chance and question how he knew or something; although I wouldn’t be surprised if he could tell. Dan was probably the one that could definitely read me, and he was probably my best friend of the bunch.

“It is a lie, but I really can’t talk about this,” I grinned, “If she heard me, she’d cut my balls off,” I paused, before adding, “And I’m not even joking,” for emphasis.

“Who would cut your balls off?” I heard a little voice call behind me, hearing a bunch of keys hitting the kitchen surface. Before I could turn around, I had small hands covering my eyes and a body pushed up against my back. I couldn’t help but gulp. Hollie had this perfume that she always wore – a gift from an ex-boyfriend, she mentioned in passing once – and, on top of the sound of her voice and the feel of her hands, I couldn’t help but get goose bumps.

Max laughed as I pulled her hands away from my eyes, turning around to peck her on the lips, “Are your ears burning, Hollie?”

“You were talking about me?” she asked, her eyes flashing with a smile without it reaching her lips – her (extremely effective) way of intimidating me that she seemed to favour, along with using my full name. “Only nice things, I hope.”

Max coughed, but said nothing. She looked at him, and he looked at the floor, a smirk on his face. She looked back up at me, the stupid grin on my face that I always adopted when she was around, and frowned, “What were you saying?”

“What?” I asked, immediately jumping to my own defence because I could hear the tone in her voice, “Nothing bad!”

“Yes,” her eyes had lost some of their shine, apart from the occasional glimmer of threat, “That’s the problem. What were you saying? It’s a pretty simple question, Joshua.”

I looked towards the guys for support, but none was offered. Not a single lie or inch of truth along the lines of, “He didn’t say much.” Max was obviously struggling to keep his laughter in, but Dan had a look of horror on his face – although he still made no effort to back me up. “I didn’t saying anything, Hol!”

“Max just said you were talking about me!” She frowned, “Is this what you do with every girl? Con them into sleeping with you and then tell your friends about it?”

“What?” I exclaimed, feeling the colour drain from my face, “Where did you even get that idea from? Of course I don’t!”

She stepped back from me and crossed her arms, “Well if you aren’t going to tell me what you were saying, then I’m going to assume the worst, aren’t I? I’m only human, Josh, but I haven’t completely fallen for you yet, and I can easily walk out of this,” she turned away and walked towards the kitchen counter where her keys were plopped, “Try and coax some other stupid bird into falling for you. Good luck to you.”

“Are you seriously going to walk out?” I frowned, “Are you just looking for any excuse to get out of this whilst you can?” I turned to Dan, “Mate, tell her that I didn’t say anything!”

Dan held up his hands, “I’m not sure we should get involved in this, man.” I felt my expression break into one of pure pain, because Hollie had reached the door and was opening it. She was leaving. And I knew her – I knew how stubborn she was. She wouldn’t answer her phone for days, weeks, months- if at all. I tried looking back to Dan one more time, who sighed and shrugged, “Hollie, wait.”

She stopped, but only for a split second before turning the door handle.

“Seriously, Hollie, he didn’t say anything. I was trying to get him to spill but he refused,” Max blurt, “Please don’t make us deal with him again, he was agony when he was trying to get hold of you constantly, and he’ll only be worse now.”

“Cheers, Max,” I grumbled with a pout. Hollie had turned the handle and opened the door by now. She was stood, looking at the three of us, as we stared back at her.

“This is ridiculous. I told myself not to get involved with all this bullshit,” Hollie blurted, “Megan kept pushing us together, and you couldn’t stay away- and now you’ve got me hooked into something I didn’t even want!”

“Fucking hell, Hollie, I’m not forcing you to stay. I didn’t fucking force you to shag me last night, did I?” I took a deep breath to try and calm myself down, but it did no good. She moved back towards me, chucking her handbag to the floor and her keys on the same counter as before.

“I don’t know, Josh. You have this irresistible charm, and even now, even though I’m more pissed off with you than I’ve ever been, I still find myself looking at your stupid pout and feeling sorry for you; feeling that I should apologise. Well, I shouldn’t. I’m not a piece of meat, Joshua Franceschi. I am not someone you can shag,” she put a harsh emphasis on my completely inappropriate choice of vocabulary, “and leave. I’m going to leave before you get the fucking chance.”

“Mate, we’re going to head off,” I heard Dan say, but I didn’t even look at him. Instead, I stared at Hollie, trying my hardest not to look hurt and instead look somewhat angry – without pouting.

“I’m going too,” Hollie said.

I sighed, and moved over to my sofa, “Fine.”

“Thanks for nothing, Josh.”

I put my head into my hands, rubbing my eyes with fingers, “Yeah, whatever Hollie.”

She turned and made her way to the door, pulling it open sharply, “I’m going.”

“Look,” I whispered, “If you really want to walk out on this, just leave. I can’t do anything to stop you – you’re so fucking stubborn that you won’t even listen to anything I have to say, despite the fact that you have blown up for no reason,” I paused, “Which, quite frankly, only shows how desperate you are to get out of this anyway. If you want to leave so badly then fucking do it, because, Hollie Caraher, I can’t do any more than I’ve already done.”

“I don’t want to; you’re making me do this, Josh. I’m only young. I don’t need this shit in my life already.”

I looked up at her, my forehead knotted with a mixture of annoyance, hurt and confusion, “You really think this is shit?”

“I didn’t mean that,” she said, taking a step inside the apartment, her voice softening almost instantly, “I really didn’t, Josh.”

“Okay,” was all I could bring myself to mumble as I put my head back into my hands. I heard the door close and looked up, expecting Hollie to be gone. Instead, she was leant against the door.

“I can’t believe I’m already messing this up,” she muttered, moving towards me. She took a seat next to me, perching on the edge of the sofa, “I don’t know why I just did that; I shouldn’t have gone off the handle at you. I just-“

“I don’t need excuses, Hol,” I cut her off; “I just need you.” She nodded and moved closer to me, pulling my arm around her torso.

“You’ve got me.”

“Whether you like it or not,” I added, not being able to help adding a cutting remark in.

She sighed with a small smile, “I hate arguments.” I smiled, and nodded in agreement as she flicked on the television and cuddled up to my chest. I tried to concentrate on the show she chose but couldn’t, focusing on her instead. I placed a kiss on the top of her forehead and smiled slightly, although I couldn’t help but play everything she had said over in my head – from the irresistible charm comment to the stupid pout insult. I also couldn’t help but align my focus to the fact that she was still clearly in two minds about this whole thing. I didn’t know what else I could do for her, but it was obvious that I hadn’t won Hollie over yet.

That was a thought that left me feeling severely deflated.