I'm Finding Me Out

Addison's POV

The room was packed with people. I was glad that Alex had a firm grip of my hand, or I would've got lost in the crowd. We were making our way up to the small stage that the crew had set up for the band. The pre-tour party was in full swing and Matt was trying to quiet everyone down so the band members could make a few short speeches.

Alex kissed me quickly before getting up on the stage with the other band members. Alex and Jack were talking quietly and Zack was cracking jokes with Roxxie. Roxxie and her twin brother, Rian looked totally cute in their matching Glamour Kills tee-shirts.

Matt was still trying hopelessly to get the crowd to shut up. The music had been turned off but everyone was still talking amongst themselves. Alex looked my way and winked at me. My stomach filled with butterflies as I smiled back at him. I couldn't believe he was my boyfriend of eight months. Alex was known to be a total player, but since we got together, he hardly left my side and he never hesitated to tell me how much he loved me. I knew it was a big step for him to openly talk about his feelings to my face, and I couldn't have been more in love with him.

Jack grabbed the microphone from Matt's hand.

"Everyone! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he yelled into the microphone at the top of his lungs. The crowd instantly fell silent and looked over at the stage. Matt took the mic back from Jack, punching him in the arm.

"Thank you everyone for coming tonight! Your support is really important to the band and they all have a little something they'd like to say," Matt said. "Roxxie?"

Roxxie stepped up to the mic.

"Well there goes my speech!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms up. Everyone laughed.

"Rian, get your ass over here!" she said, and Rian joined her at the mic.

“I just wanna say that your support means everything to us and we couldn’t do this without you guys,” Roxxie said, handing the mic to Rian.

“Roxxie’s getting deep!” he said with a laugh. “We love you guys, but you better get your ass into gear and show up at some of our shows!”

“Or we’ll eat your babies,” Roxxie said in a deep voice. Matt took the mic from the twins.

“I think that’s quite enough from you two,” he said, directing a big smile at Roxxie. Zack took the mic next and said a beautiful speech, followed by Jack, who thanked Condoms and various other objects and body parts. Alex was last, and as he brought the mic to his lips, he looked directly at me.

“I just want to thank my beautiful girlfriend, Addison. Without her, I don’t think I woulda’ put up with the guys this long!” he joked. I blushed as he continued, “I love you, baby, don’t ever change”.

I could have melted right then and there.

Matt talked the band into playing a few songs for the guests and they obliged, picking up their instruments that Matt had assembled on the stage earlier. Roxxie opened the song on her guitar and the rest of the band launched into ’Lost In Stereo’.

Roxxie was completely wild, jumping around the stage and head-banging as she played her guitar. Her long, blonde hair steamed behind her as she head-banged along to the music. Rian was just like Roxxie, moving his body to the music as he bashed on the drums. Zack and Jack were lost in the music also, moving freely around the stage. Roxxie sang backing vocals during the chorus.

They were all so energetic, and they put on a great show, but Alex was the star. Alex jumped around the stage with the microphone, singing the lyrics in his perfect voice. He jumped off the stage and went into the crowd as he sang, looping back around to me on his way back to the stage. He winked at me as he got back up onto the stage and the song came to a close.

The crowd started chanting ‘One more song! One more song!’. Alex smiled as he turned to consult with his band mates about what song they would play next. He turned back around and made his way to the front of the stage as the others readied themselves.

“Well, you guys, this is a party. And this...” he trailed off “Is A Party Song”

The crowd cheered and the band played the song. The crowd was getting a little out of control by the end of it, and Alex announced that he was going to calm things down a little bit with an acoustic song. He then invited me onto the stage.

Roxxie’s POV

Alex invited Addison up onto the stage. They’d been dating for a long time, and Alex knew that me and Rian would kick his ass if he hurt our little sister. Zack, Jack, Rian, and I got of the stage and joined Matt at the side to watch Alex perform his acoustic song. He quickly tuned up his guitar and started playing ’Remembering Sunday’.

The whole thing was so completely adorable. Addison couldn't stop smiling, and Alex didn’t take his eyes off of her for the entire song. I could tell that they were really happy together and completely in love. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

Touring around with the band all the time left no room for relationships. My twin brother, Rian, was always there for me, but it was still a bit awkward being the only girl on the bus. When Vinny announced that he was leaving, we’d all been disappointed. Vinny had always been the life of the party and an asset to our crew, no matter how much he acted like a five-year-old sometimes. We were lucky that we found a replacement so fast. Addison was complaining about being away from Alex so much and she joked that she should just be the new merch person. I don’t think she expected to actually get the job. So now, my brother and my sister toured with me. The Dawson’s made up a good part of the band and now we had a crew member as well!

Don’t get me wrong, I loved having my little sister touring with us, but it just got to be a little too much sometimes. She and Alex constantly together...it just made me wish that I had someone, too. I think that it’s harder for girls to be single than it is for guys. But that was just my ‘girl side’ coming out. Most of the time, I was just one of the guys.

Now, I stood next to Matt. Gosh, I’d had a crush on him for what felt like forever. I watched Alex and Addison on stage along with everyone else, but I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head and noticed that Matt was staring at me. I squirmed under his gaze and dropped my eyes first, embarrassed. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, and I tried to stop it, but I was powerless. Matt chuckled when I blushed.

“You look cute when you do that,” he said with a wink. I hated it when he did that. It just got me thinking, Does he like me? He could be so cryptic sometimes, to me, anyway. I just smiled in response because I couldn’t think of anything better to say. I could’ve told him the truth, I guess. That I think he looks cute all the time, but it would give me away. And if he didn’t like me back, I knew the rejection would hurt like hell. Usually, people described me as the ‘gutsy’ girl. But when it came to Matt, my ‘stomach of steel’ transformed into one full of butterflies and all my confidence was thrown out the window.

Alex’s song ended, and he and Addison left the stage together, hand in hand. The cuteness of it all was almost puke-inducing. The crowd had quietened down a bit, but once the music started blaring out of the speakers again, they went crazy.

From then on, the party got out of control. The music was incredibly loud and annoyingly repetitive and everyone got trashed apart from Addison, Jack, Matt and I. I was surprised at Rian. He usually wasn’t like this, but it was a party, so I figured I should just let him have fun and not ruin it for him. Zack had had a few drinks and he was talking non-stop to Addison. Zack wasn’t a jerk when he was drunk. He wasn’t a jerk ever. If anything, alcohol just made him more social. He and Addison were pretty good friends and it looked like they were having a good laugh about something. Rian was off talking to Vinny, who’d come for the party, and I was left leaning against the wall at the edge of the dance floor. Matt made his way over to me.

“Hey Roxxie,” he said. “It’s not like you to be a wallflower.”

“Hey, Matt” I sighed. “I know, I just don’t feel like dancing”

“What’s up?” Matt said, concern flashing across his face.

“Nothing,” I said lamely.

“Yeah, well I’m sure ‘Nothing’ would love a dance,” he said. Before I could protest, he grabbed my hand and took me out on to the dance floor. I found it hard to dance to the upbeat music when I was in such a down mood. A slow song started and the people around us started to pair up for a slow dance. I started to walk away. If Matt didn’t like me like that, then slow dancing was definitely not be a good idea. I’d just get more attached. Matt grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him.

“You’re not getting out of this one,” he said with a smile, putting his hands on my hips. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was surprised at how easy it was to dance with Matt. Usually, I was a total klutz, and the world’s worst dancer. But dancing with Matt felt like the easiest thing in the world. The song came to a close and a fast one started up again. Matt and I broke apart and I looked around the room for Jack. He was just as bad a dancer as I was, and I knew he’d be up for it. He was nowhere in sight. I saw Zack and Addison together, and Rian over dancing with some girls, but I couldn’t see Alex, either.

I started to freak out, turning around multiple times, my eyes searching the room wildly for any sign of Jack or Alex. Matt took my hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“Alex and Jack are gone! You know what they’re like when they’re drunk. Anything could happen!” I said, my voice rising in panic. Matt handed me a key card.

“Alex is probably up in his hotel room trying to sleep it off and Jack didn’t have any drinks tonight at all,” he said.

“I’m gonna go check on Alex,” I said, taking the key card and heading for the third floor.

______

What I saw in Alex’s room made me freeze in shock. He and Jack were making out on the bed. Jack and Alex making out. I couldn’t believe Alex would do this to Addison. I shut the door before they could notice me and ran down the hallway, I ran right into Rian. I was breathing heavy and just about ready to scream. Rian must’ve caught the look on my face.

“Roxxie, what’s up?” Rian said, holding me at arm’s length.

“Alex is cheating on Adi,” I said angrily.

“He’s what?!?, Rian yelled.“I’m gonna kill him!”

“He’s cheating on her with Jack," I said. Rian just stared.

“Are you sure?” he asked me.

“No, there’s just a girl in there with Alex that looks exactly like Jack,” I said sarcastically.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Rian repeated.

“No! Don’t! We can’t let Adi find out. Alex is trashed; he doesn’t know what he’s doing. We can still save their relationship, we just have to keep our mouths shut," I said. Rian nodded in agreement and we made our way back downstairs to the party.

Addison’s POV

I’d been talking with Zack for most of the party and he was being really sweet even though he was a little tipsy. Zack was fun when he was drunk. I talked with him for most of the party, but eventually it just got to be too much for me. The lights, the noise...I just couldn’t take it anymore. I said goodbye to Zack and looked around for Alex. I couldn’t find him anywhere. Roxxie’s face popped up in my line of vision.

“Looking for Alex?” she said brightly.

“Yeah, I think I’m ready to call it a night," I said. “Have you seen him?”

“Alex? Nope! But I’m sure he’s around here somewhere!” Roxxie said. She was being weirder than usual.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to drink tonight,” I pointed out.

“I haven’t been drinking,” Roxxie said. I raised my eyebrows at her but dropped the subject.

“I’m just gonna go up to my hotel room and wait for Alex there,” I said, heading for the elevator. Roxxie blocked my path.

“You can’t go yet! You haven’t had a dance! Come dance with your big sister!” Roxxie said, grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the dance floor. I wriggled out of her grip.

“Roxxie, I’m tired and I’m feeling a bit sick. I’m just gonna go to my room” I said, turning and walking away.

“NO! Wait! You can’t go!” Roxxie yelled. I ignored her and quickened my pace to get to the elevator before she could stop me.

______

I made my way up to the hotel room that Alex had booked for us tonight. It was the smart thing to do. We both knew that he could get carried away sometimes when he was at a party and he was bound to consume large amounts of alcohol. He'd done exactly what I’d expected him to, but I hadn’t seen him for most of the party.

I guessed that he'd made his way up to our hotel room in his drunken state, as he was nowhere to be seen downstairs. I'd been talking with Zack for most of the party, but I grew tired of the noise quickly. I needed sleep. I needed Alex.

I tapped my foot on the elevator floor impatiently on the way to the room Alex had booked for us on the third floor. I couldn't wait to see him, drunk as he was, he was still my Alex and seeing his face could brighten even my darkest days.

The elevator finally made it to the third floor and I stepped out, and walked quickly towards Room 36. I put the key card into the reader on the door and the light went green, allowing me access. I opened the door and what I saw knocked the breath out of me.

Alex and Jack were making out on the bed in the centre of the room. Alex let out a soft moan and I gasped. I stood frozen in the doorway as the tears started to flow freely down my face