I'm Finding Me Out

Addison's POV

Making my way across the large field, I began to lose my interest in playing football. I really couldn’t play in the first place, and I was afraid I’d get tackled by one of the others by accident. Plus, I just really wasn’t in the mood to do much anyway. My feelings were so out of whack lately.

“Alright, the team captains are Alex and Zack,” Matt announced. “I’m not playing, so don’t choose me. Okay, knock yourselves out, kids.”

I saw Roxxie give Matt a longing look before Zack and Alex stepped out in front of the group. Zack started first. “I’ll pick first, and Alex can pick second. I chose Adi.”

He smiled warmly at me as Alex gave him a death glare. The sudden tension between the two boys was really bothering the shit out of me. “Look, I’m not going to play,” I admitted.

“Why?” Alex asked sadly.

“Not in the mood, honestly,” I shrugged. “Have someone else take my place.”

Both sighed as Zack screamed out. “Come here, Jeff!”

Jeff made his way to the large, grassy field as I went over to the sidelines to sit on the bench next to Matt. As I sat down, I noticed that Matt looked abnormally sad and disappointed. I observed him more closely to see his eyes were intently on Roxxie, who was giggling with Jack.

“Hey,” I rubbed my hands in soothing circles on his back. “You okay, Matt? You seem really off.”

He jumped with surprise, but when he realized it was me, he relaxed. “Bad couple of days, that’s all. My mind won’t shut up.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked with real concern in my voice. Even though it seemed as though Matt and I never talked – we really did. We’d kind of grown apart as we got on tour, though. Bu we both still cared for each other.

He looked at me and sighed. “Not right now. I’d burst into tears if I did. I need a few days until I can talk about it. But thanks, Adi.”

I nodded at him as I brought my hands back to my sides and watched the game. Everyone was sending fake threats to each other, trying to psych the other team out. But you could tell no one believed it. Especially Roxxie – who had the toughest attitude of them all.

Just as the game was about to begin, Zack came close to Matt and I and took his shirt off slowly. His abs were very apparent and basically right in my face. He had the most toned body I had ever seen in my entire life. He tossed his shirt at Matt, who caught it in one hand easily. He swished his hair to the side as he smirked at me and went back on the field.

I admired his muscles as they flexed with each movement he made. Most of my confused thoughts were about him and Alex. Zack was just being so sweet lately; I couldn’t help but have some feelings for him. I mean, he was everything a girl could want in a guy and more.

Alex saw the way I was admiring Zack, and he made his way over to Matt and I. That’s when he began to take his shirt off. Though his body was not as impressive as Zack’s – it definitely wasn’t bad. His arms were very toned, and I was really into arms. His stomach was not at all abs, but his cute little belly button made him all the more adorable. I was just as confused about him.

I mean Alex was my boyfriend of eight months until that night not that long ago. He was the best boyfriend I’d ever had, and he treated me like a princess. I never felt a thing missing when I was with him. Then, he cheated on me with Jack and it really hit hard. Especially because I thought Jack was supposed to be a good friend of mine.

Everything on the bus was just terrible. My feelings were messed up to the extreme. Jack and Roxxie had suddenly come across this sudden burst of what seemed like a love affair. Alex wouldn’t leave me alone, and Zack won’t even have sex with a girl. It seemed like Rian, Roxxie, and I were fighting all the time. Every nit-picky thing became a problem with us. And on top of all that – Jack still hadn’t said a word to me.

“What are you looking at?” Matt asked me, breaking me out of my reverie. I hadn’t even known that I was staring at Zack and Alex until he pointed it out.

“Oh, nothing, sorry about spacing out on you,” I said, gently nudging him in the shoulder.

“You’re confused, aren’t you?” Matt smirked at me.

“What would I be confused about?” I said as innocently as possible.

“About Zack and Alex. You like them both; I can tell,” he told me.

“Well it’s pretty damn obvious you like Roxxie,” I snapped in anger. It was a long-shot, and a complete guess.

His face fell and he became quiet. I suddenly realized that I was right and I felt bad about using that against him, so I apologized, “Sorry, Matt. I shouldn’t have used that against you.”

“No, I was being nosy. It’s okay, it’s true anyway,” he admitted.

“That’s why you’re so upset,” I finally fit the pieces together. “You’re sad because Roxxie and Jack are….a thing”

“No,” he corrected me. “They could be a thing. It’s not official.”

I sighed; the poor boy was in denial. “You know I can be brutally honest, and I’m gonna be. It’s obvious they like each other.”

“I know!” Matt pounded his fists against the seat. “Just look at them now.”

I looked up to see Jack‘s arms around Roxxie’s waist. She had the ball, and Jack was trying to get it from her. Though it should have been innocent, you could tell that it wasn’t. Huge smiles covered both of their faces and nobody was trying to interfere like they normally would.

“I’m sorry, Matt,” I spoke to him comfortingly. “You know that I hate that relationship just as much as you do. I mean she just goes out with him after all he’s done to me? Great sister I say.” I finished on a sarcastic tone.

“Do you realize what she’s done for you?” Matt looked at me seriously. “Roxxie has really stretched herself to help you out. Alex and her got into some pretty brutal fights at the beginning of that breakup. And just imagine all the things she’s done for you in the last year, much less your entire lifetime!”

I looked down, ashamed to look at him. He did have a point – but I still did more than enough for her, too. “Sorry, Matt.”

His voice softened. “No, I was harsh, and I’m sorry. You have a right to be mad at her, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t think that this is big enough for you to lose your sister over, just think about that.”

I sighed. "Everything is so messed up," I said.

"It's probably best not to think about it too much," Matt offered. "Just let it go."

"Let it roll!" Matt and I said at the same time.

Matt smiled weakly at me before he walked away to go to the bathroom. I decided to go back to the bus to cool off and think about what he’d said. I had a feeling that Roxxie, Rian, and I all needed to talk things over, and there was no way that was going to happen if I didn’t think about it first.

When I walked onto the bus, I heard whispering coming from the back room. Like the eavesdropper that I am – I decided to listen in on who was talking, and about what.

I heard Zack’s voice first. “Can I ask you something, please?”

“Of course you can,” Roxxie’s voice came next.

“I kinda need some advice about something…” Zack trailed off.

“Tell me,” Roxxie replied.

“Well, there’s this girl – “ Zack started to say, but Roxxie cut him off. She squealed in excitement.

“Who is it? Tell me everything!” she exclaimed.

“That’s kinda why I have to ask you,” Zack said softly.

“Why do you have to ask me?”

“Well, I want to ask her out, but I have no idea how,” he said. I could tell he was nervous by the way he spoke. I could just imagine him twiddling his thumbs.

“Oh, you have enough charm,” Roxxie laughed. “You could totally do it without my help.”

“Well, it’s not exactly help that I’m asking for,” he admitted.

“Then what is it?” Roxxie asked him, obviously just as confused as I was.

“It’s more like permission,” he admitted.

“Permission for what?” she asked.

He sighed. “Permission to ask out Adi.”

I nearly passed out right then and there.