I'm Finding Me Out

I stormed out of the tour bus so quickly that I didn’t even have time to think about where I was headed. Roxxie and Jack were now officially dating? Was Roxxie honestly trying to ruin our relationship even further? She'd accomplished it if that was her goal.

The door slammed against the bus once again. I assumed it was either Zack or Alex; ready to comfort me until I was okay again. I turned around to realize it was neither of them – but Rian. We hadn’t spoken in almost a week, so I had no clue what he was doing there.

Without a single word, he came over and hugged me tightly. At first I stood there awkwardly, but I soon came around and squeezed him tightly. I had really missed him. Usually Roxxie, Rian, and I were constantly together. It was hard to not have either of them.

Once we let go; he looked at me sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Adi.”

“Sorry for what?” I asked curiously. “You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong.”

“We didn’t talk for a really, really stupid reason,” he admitted. “That’s what I’m apologizing for.”

“Then I’m sorry, too,” I said to him. “I shouldn't have been so stubborn.”

"You're just like your sister in that way," Rian said with a sad smile. "I really wish you two could work things out."

“I was going to in a couple of days,” I responded honestly. “But how can I after what she's just done?. She is dating Jack, Rian; Jack! One of the people who hurt me the most in all of this – she starts dating. I just don’t understand how her brain works.”

“You know how Roxxie is,” Rian argued. “She’s very stubborn, and she’s going to do exactly what she wants. But you can see that she's happy where she is right now. If you go in there, I bet she’s smiling from ear to ear. Let her be happy, Adi, she let you.”

“But that’s different,” I protested. “Alex never did anything to Roxxie. Jack did something to me – something really, really bad.”

“Roxxie would never hurt you on purpose. The three of us would never, ever hurt each other purposely,” he said sternly. “But maybe Jack just makes her happy. She didn’t do it to hurt you or get me angry or anything like that. She did it to make herself happy. And if you two were getting along; I’m sure she would have talked to you about it first.”

Rian did have a point. The three of us didn’t hurt each other for just anything. “I suppose you’re right. But I still am going to need some time.”

“And that’s perfectly understandable,” Rian smiled at me. “Take your time, like we took ours, okay?”

“Okay,” I nodded. “So, are we good now?”

He smiled. “Of course we are, squirt.”

Just as we were about to walk back into the bus, Zack came walking out. I smiled widely at him. I really did like Zack but it was weird now to know that the feelings between us were mutual. I didn’t know what I’d say if he ever asked me out.

“Adi,” he called to me. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure,” I said to him as Rian nodded and went back on the bus. “What do you want to talk about?”

He sat down and patted the seat next to him. I sat down beside him – just close enough so our arms could touch gently. The grass scrunched beneath me as I looked into Zack’s hazel eyes. They were serious and focused intently on me. It was a bit intimidating – but also endearing.

“I wanted to talk about us,” he admitted and my heart lifted to my throat. This was it. This was the moment when Zack was going to ask me out. And I honestly had no idea what my answer would be.

“What do you mean, us?” I asked stupidly.

“I mean our feelings for each other,” he stated.

“You feel the same?” I asked.

“I have for a while, honestly,” he admitted. “But I couldn't do anything because of Alex.”

Alex came flooding into my mind. Alex always managed to get in my thoughts somehow. He somehow got into my head, no matter how hard I tried to get him out. Then it would move on to Zack. And my brain would be conflicted and I’d get frustrated. What the hell was I going to do?

“I've always wanted to be more than just your friend, Addison,” Zack said, snapping me out of my reverie.

“I'm not sure...how will everyone else react to this? What will Alex think?” I said, my voice full of worry.

“Who cares? Isn't your happiness what's most important?” he said.

Zack did have a point. People deserved to be happy with who they were with no matter what. I knew that I was now being a hypocrite with the whole Jack and Roxxie thing. I really did need to let that go. And from now on, I was going to try and do so.

“I really like you, Zack, but...” I trailed off.

“Please, let me finish,” Zack pleaded politely. I nodded as he continued on.

“I never thought anything could ever happen between us. I never had the guts to tell you how I felt before you started dating Alex. I thought it was too late. But in the light of everything that's happened, aren't you ready to move on? I could make you happy, Adi,” he spoke softly.

Tears were apparent in his hazel eyes. He sounded so sincere and loving – and at that moment I realised that he was exactly what I wanted. He took my hand and kissed it gently.

“I know that I want this, Zack, but I'm scared. I know I shouldn't worry about what other people think, but...” I responded.

“Forget about everyone else. It's just you and me,” he looked me straight in the eye as he said this.

“Is that possible?” I questioned.

“I'll make it possible. I'd do anything for you,” he said as he tilted my head for me to look at him. “Please will you be mine?

I knew that Zack was easily one of the nicest guys in the entire world. And any girl would be lucky for someone to be treating her like this but I couldn’t help but think of Alex. I knew that I was nowhere near property to Alex, but I almost felt like I – belonged to him and vice versa. That him and I were just going through a rough patch and were going to be back together again eventually.

On the other hand, I knew that what Alex did was wrong. I also knew that forgiving him so easily was not in my nature. And on top of that, I knew for a fact that I had feelings for Zack. Everything about him fascinated me and made me want him more. He was more than just looks, he really understood me, really knew what I was about. And in that moment, I knew my decision.

I squeezed his hand back. “Yes.”

Zack smiled his wide, toothy grin and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back with a smile on my face as well. I knew that this wouldn’t necessarily end well for us. That everyone would be quick to judge and drama would break up. But you know what? I didn’t care. I had no shame in being with him. I didn’t care what other people would think when they found out about us.

I was going to be happy with Zack, no matter what people thought about our relationship. I was completely and totally, shameless.