I'm Finding Me Out

Addison's POV

Jack was sitting on the couch in his usual spot to the right when I sat down. Nothing but thoughts of Jack liking Alex, Roxxie hurting Jack, and the Jack/Roxxie relationship filled my head. I wanted nothing more than to talk to him – but I didn’t know how to say anything to him without it being immensely awkward.

It took all the guts I had to speak to him in that moment. “Jack?”
He looked up at me from the piece of furniture to the left of me. “Yes?”
“Can I, uh, talk to you for a minute?” I questioned nervously. “Outside?”
He stood up awkwardly and replied with a confused look on his face. “Sure.”

He walked alongside me until we got to a quiet place outside the hotel – on the sidewalk. We began to walk in silence for a bit before I finally got the courage to say something. “Jack, I just, I wanted to apologize for the way I’ve been treating you lately.”

He stopped mid-step and looked at me. “Why are you apologizing? I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m so sorry for treating you like nothing since that happened. You didn’t do a thing wrong, I hurt you unintentionally. I should’ve known better than to have gotten that drunk.”

“That drunk?” I questioned curiously. “You were completely sober when this happened. Maybe a beer or two, but nothing more.”
“Adi, I was hammered, what are you talking about?” he chuckled nervously.
“Jack, you don’t have to lie to me,” I whispered. “I know everything.”
A look of fear came across his face as he spoke again. “What do you mean everything?”
“You having a crush on Alex, you dating Roxxie to hide that fact, everything. Now, it’s o-” I began.

“Roxxie told you this?!” Jack yelled at me with a look of pure anger and hurt in his eyes.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t bad. I understand and I won’t tell a soul,” I said frantically. “Jack, you can trust me, really.”
“Dammit, Roxxie,” he told himself, ignoring me completely. “Fuck.”

Without another word coming from his quivering lips – he started to run off. No matter how many times I attempted to call his name, he did nothing but run further and further away from me. At that moment I realized that maybe I shouldn’t have told him anything – that what Roxxie told me was supposed to be kept between the two of us.

I slid down to the ground and wrapped my arms around my knees. I rested my chin on my knees and sighed heavily. Just when I was making up with Roxxie, I had to of course screw it up somehow, someway. Why was it always my fault?

A few tears escaped my eyelids as I began to think about what would happen once Jack and Roxxie talked about this. Roxxie would be a mess, and mad at me. She’d only go to Rian for help while I stood there, completely hopeless.

More tears fell as I sat up. I wanted to find Zack, I needed to. He was the only one to keep me sane when I was sad. I mean, he was my boyfriend. The boyfriend I loved more than anything – no matter my thoughts about Alex, I still loved Zack.

I smiled a weak smile through my tears as I saw him standing alone, drinking an energy drink I couldn’t see from where I was standing. That’s when I walked up to the amazing man that I called my boyfriend.

“Zack,” I called his name.

He turned around to see me crying. I reached out for him and he hugged me slightly, and then pushed me away gently before I was anywhere near done hugging him. I gave him a confused look before speaking.

“What was the cold shoulder for?” I questioned sadly.
He sighed heavily. “It’s nothing.”
“Zack,” I whispered softly. “Talk to me.”
“Why?” he spoke harshly. “It’s not like you ever talk to me.”
“What are you even talking about?” I said with a confused look on my face.
He began shortly after. “Every time something goes wrong, you go straight to Alex. I want to trust you, Adi, I really do - but I can't help but think that there's still something going on between you and Alex.”

I gasped before replying. “There isn't! I love you, Zack. I do!”
“I wish I could honestly believe what you say to me,” he responded, his voice cracking.
“Z-Zack” I stuttered from the tears. “Just give me a chance.”
“I did,” he stated firmly. “But I just can't do it anymore. I can't keep trying to compete with him, Adi, because I know when it comes down to your choice, it'll always be him.”
“No, Zack, don’t, it’s not like that,” I reached out for him.

“It's best if we just stop pretending right now,” he nodded his head to reassure himself. “I can't do this anymore. Just know that I really loved you, Adi, I did.”

Loved. Past tense.

As he began to walk away, I staggered after him and yelled. “Zack, wait!”
He looked over his shoulder at me longingly once more. “I’m done waiting, Addison, I really am. Goodbye.”

With that, he began to run and there was no hope of catching up with him. I reached out stupidly – hoping that there was some chance he’d magically come back to hold me in his arms. To tell me that he still loved me and that this was all some sick joke.

That’s when I began to scream. Scream as loud as my fucking body would let me. That’s when I broke down and cried, just sitting on the dirty ground. I dug my fingers deep into the grass and dirt and just screamed. I’d officially fucked up everything good in my life in a matter of 15 minutes.

What felt like an eternity later, I heard footsteps approaching behind me and I just closed my body up so I didn’t have to look at their face, or them look at mine. I continued to cry and scream as the person wrapped their arms around me and pulled me onto their lap.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong, Adi?” the all-too-familiar male’s voice asked me.

The moment I realized it was Alex, I jumped up from his lap and got as far away from him as I could. This was exactly what Zack was talking about. And I wanted to do everything in my power to prove him wrong – even if he wasn’t around.

“No, come on…tell me, it’s okay,” he told me gingerly as he came closer and helped me up from the ground.

My lip began to quiver as I stared into his gorgeous, brown eyes that I’d gotten to know so well. He pulled me into him as I started to bawl once again – about everything. How I just fucked up with Roxxie, and how Zack and I basically just broke up.

He pushed me away from him – just arms length before smiling weakly at me. He could tell I was hurting and he obviously guessed what was wrong because in that moment, he wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed me square on the lips. The only thing different from every other time that happened on tour? I kissed back.