I'm Finding Me Out

The bus finally came to a stop in New Hampshire – our next stop on this seemingly endless tour. Don’t get me wrong, touring is fun and I enjoy being with everyone; but this tour in particular had caused so much drama. Every tour we always get into some kind of shit somehow, and this has been our worst yet. At least Roxxie and I were on good terms again – that was all I could ask for at this point.

Now, Zack walked by me and my eyes followed after him, admiring everything about him. The way his muscles tightened ever so slightly as he walked. The way his hair fell perfectly around his beautiful, green eyes. I always felt lucky when I could catch them in the light and see the blue tints they had to them. Everything about his looks was flawless – and only few flaws lied below the surface. Unfortunately, I was one of those flaws. A mistake he’d made. Something he probably regretted.

Suddenly, our eyes met. His gaze locked with mine, and we stared at each other without saying anything. But there was something different about the way he looked at me. It wasn’t just staring, it was more like a look of – admiration. I blushed with a smile and looked back down at the magazine I was forcing myself to read. I liked Seventeen,but I couldn’t keep my mind off of the drama I had created.

Jack and Roxxie couldn’t even look at each other these days. I broke the heart of a man who did nothing but love and help me through every rough patch I’d gone through in the past 3 months. Plus, now I was getting feelings for Alex stronger than ever before – after I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t fall back into his arms.

Well, if anything positive has come out of this – Flyzik and Roxxie look happy as ever. They’ve been all lovey dovey and sweet lately. Of course it only breaks Jack’s heart, so they keep it to a minimum when Jack is around. I looked up to see them cuddled on the couch, watching some movie I’d never seen before.

“Adi?” a voice called to me and I jumped from my seat.

I looked up to see it was Jack. “Oh, hey Jack.”

“Can we talk for a minute?” he whispered. “Outside or something – some sort of privacy?”

“Oh, yeah. Sure,” I stated quickly as I set my magazine down on the chair. “Let’s go.”

We walked out of the bus doors and I sneaked a glance at Zack. He was just making a sandwich as per usual, but even while he was doing that, I couldn’t help but feel like I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. I shook the thought from my mind and continued after Jack.

Once he found a place with no people and where he felt comfortable, we sat down. He looked around once more for people before he spoke. “I first wanted to apologize for getting so angry so quickly the last time we talked. It wasn’t fair to you, and I should’ve known Roxxie would tell you. But it doesn’t bother me anymore because I know I can trust you, right?”

“Of course Jack,” I brushed him off easily. “I won’t tell a single soul, I’m good with secrets. Do you remember high school?”

“Oh jeez,” he said with a slight chuckle. “I remember that one time when Jennifer Alcan told only you that she was pregnant and you told the entire school in a matter of two days!”

“Yeah, not one of my best moments,” I laughed along with him. “But seriously, this is way different. I love you like a brother, Jack. I thought Jen was the most annoying bitch I’ve met in my entire life. She was stupid to tell me.”

He gave me a small smile. “I know, I know. I just wanted to apologize.”

“I shouldn’t have put it all on you at once either,” I began. “So, I’m also sorry.”

“You’re forgiven.” His small smile faded after this as I began to get up. I sat right back down
though – because I knew that he wanted to say more to me. I could feel it.

“Hey, is anything else on your mind that you’d like to talk about?” I sat back down, right across from him.

“Well, there is something,” he trailed off, looking away.

I sighed. “Jack, you know you can tell me. I’m here for you, go ahead and tell me.”

He took a deep breath before beginning. “Roxxie, it’s just everything about Roxxie! I’m in love with her and all she cares about is Matt! I’m not gay, I’m not bisexual, I don’t even know what I am!” He got up and kicked the brick wall behind us before continuing. “I just know that I’m in love with her and I just want to be with her and no one else.”

I got up next to him and grabbed his shoulders. “Hey, calm down, deep breaths; tell me what’s going on.”

“I told Roxxie that I’m in love with her and now it’s like she’s just cut me out of her life. It’s like she wants me out because she doesn’t know what to do with me. Almost as if she wants me… dead.” He admitted, his eyes glazing over with tears.

“Roxxie would never want that, Jack!” I told him. “She is probably confused right now. She loves you, anyone could tell you that. But maybe it’s not in the way you want. Who knows? She’s got a lot on her mind right now, and she can’t figure it all out right away, give her time.”

“So, you think I might have a chance still?” His face brightened up with the possibility.

“Well, I didn’t say th-” I began to say.

Jack interrupted me with a monstrous hug. “Oh, this is great! Thank you so much Adi, bye!”

“Jack,” I called to him – but it was too late. He was already skipping merrily around the back of the bus. I knew he wouldn’t go in and scream that he wanted to be with her in front of Matt – but I knew he would try harder, and this scared me. I needed to talk to Roxxie, get her prepared for what she was going to get into.

As I was making my way to the bus to tell her, Alex called to me. I started picking up the pace - trying to avoid any kind of contact with anyone before I would talk to Roxxie. My main priority was talking to Roxxie and getting facts straight with Jack.

Suddenly, I was picked up from my feet from behind and twirled around by Alex. I couldn’t help but giggle at his enthusiasm and charm that basically evaded from his body. He smiled. “Can’t get away from me for too long, Dawson.”

I chuckled. “I know, I know, but I got some things to do and - ”

“Guess who’s here?!” Alex cut me off, a goofy grin on his face.

“Who?” I questioned with curiosity.

“Lisa!” He turned me around and my eyes fell on Lisa Noel Ruocco. She was standing in right in front of me. This was the girl who’d tried to steal Alex away from me on more than one occasion. The girl who’d broken his heart, that I’d tried so hard to mend. The girl who I should be enemies with was right there – mere feet away from me. Things could only get worse from here. I was in deep, deep shit.