I'm Finding Me Out

Roxxie’s POV

I shoved Alex in the chest for emphasis before stomping back to my bunk. I’d probably woken up everyone on the entire bus. I didn’t care. I was so mad, my whole body was trembling. I sat on the floor in front of my bunk and leant my head against the wall. I took in shallow, uneven breaths as I tried to calm myself down.

“You okay, Roxx?”

I turned my head to the side to see Matt sticking his head out of the bunk above mine.

“Fine” I said, pulling the curtain back in front of his face.

“We can talk about this” Matt said from behind the curtain.

“No, we can’t” I said gloomily, getting into my bunk. I went to sleep without another word.

______

I woke with a start when Jack opened the curtain on my bunk and flicked on the light above my head.

“Go away” I groaned, pulling my blanket up over my head. Jack pulled it off and started flicking my ears. He knew how much I hated it when he did that. I batted his hands away from my own and tried to regain possession of my blanket to no avail.

“Roxxie’s not a morning person” Jack said with a laugh. I squinted up at him, my eyes still slightly stinging from the sudden light. He was talking to the camera that Matt was holding.

“What the hell?” I said, tossing my pillow at the camera. It found its target easily and Matt retreated back a few steps.

“Hey! Easy on the hardware!” Matt protested. I rolled my eyes at him and slid out of my bunk.

“What’s with the wake-up call?” I said, making my way out into the main living area.

“You do know what time it is, right?” Jack said, raising his eyebrows at me. I looked around the bus in search of a clock and noticed that no one else was around. Matt had seemingly disappeared into thin air and the rest of the bus was empty. I sat down on the couch and Jack flopped down next to me.

“Did I sleep in again?”

“Dude, we have a photoshoot and interview in forty-five minutes” Jack said. My eyes widened in shock.

“Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?!”

“You’re not a morning person” Jack smirked. I found my phone sitting on the couch. I reached for it and glanced at the time displayed on the screen. It read 12:45.

“It’s afternoon!” I shouted. Jack laughed in response.

“Where are we?” I asked him, suddenly feeling completely disorientated.

“New York City” Jack said, getting up from the couch.

“Where’s the interview?”

“In the hotel. You better get ready, man” Jack said, fiddling with his phone.

“Dude, don’t call me ‘man’ “ I complained.

“Whatever, man”

“Jack!” I yelled, punching him in the arm.

“Ow!” he protested, rubbing the sore spot.

I rolled my eyes at him before dashing to the bathroom on the bus for a quick shower. After I had showered, I took my time blow-drying and straightening my hair and putting on my make-up. That always drove the guys crazy. They always complained that I took too long getting ready and that I took up too much room in the bathroom cabinets with all my stuff. I insisted that I was just making use of the space. They never used it, anyways. They only reason they wanted it was because I had it.

Most of the time we all got along really well like the best friends that we were, but it could definitely get heated between us. There were always times when it felt like they were all my siblings and there were times when I came close to ripping my hair out.

Now, I went through my clothes to select an outfit to wear. I usually didn’t take too long at all, but it was different when we were doing an interview. I decided on a pair of light-blue denim cut-offs, a black Blink-182 tank top, and my bright red high-tops. When I finally emerged from the bathroom a half-hour later, I found Jack watching TV. When he heard me enter the room, he flipped off the TV and turned to look at me.

“You look nice” he said with a smile. His compliment took me off-guard. I had been expecting a sarcastic comment about how long I had taken in the bathroom.

“Thanks” I beamed at him. Jack tossed me my favourite sunglasses and I caught them easily in one hand, putting them on my head.

“I should warn you, there’s a lot of people outside” Jack said. I nodded and retrieved my phone from the couch. I slipped it in my back pocket along with a black sharpie.

“Ready?” Jack asked me. I slipped my sunglasses on and nodded. “Let’s go”

I went out the bus door first and was immediately met with loud screams.

“Roxxie! I love you!” I heard one girl shout. Barriers had been set up to hold back the fans and security guys manned them. I made my way over to the barriers to talk to some of the fans.

“How long we got?” I asked Jack, who was following behind me.

“Fifteen” he said, just as we reached the barrier. I couldn’t hear what most people were saying, it just sounded like constant screaming. Hands and arms grabbed for me, and posters, CDs and items of clothing were being held out for Jack and I to sign.

“Roxxie!” I heard the first screamer call out again. My eyes fell on a tiny girl at the front of the barrier. She had dark brown, curly hair and caramel-coloured skin. She was absolutely gorgeous and couldn’t be older than fifteen.

“Hey beautiful, what’s your name?” I asked her, signing the CD in her hands. A blush worked its way across her cheeks.

“Anna” she said with a shy smile. Her brown eyes were wide and she looked so excited. I couldn’t believe such a loud scream had come from such a small person.

“You coming to the show tonight?” I asked her.

“You bet! I wouldn’t miss it! My older brother drove me here just for the concert! I can’t wait!” Anna said in an excited rush.

“Wow! Where are you from?” I asked her.

“A small town no one’s ever heard of six hours drive away from here” Anna replied.

“And you came all the way here to see us play?” I said in disbelief.

“You bet!” she exclaimed.

“That’s awesome!” I said with a laugh. I could tell that the other fans were getting impatient so I gave Anna a high-five before moving along to the next person. I moved up the line and tried to chat with each person just like I had with Anna, but I found it increasingly difficult. Cameras flashed in my face, some blinding me temporarily. I was glad that I had worn my sunglasses. Jack moved up the line behind me.

I tried to get to the people at the back, but it was impossible to reach everyone. They were all pushing to get to the front and it looked totally brutal. We hadn’t even gotten half-way through when Jack said we had to go. I apologized to the fans and told them that we were off to do a photo shoot and an interview.

“I’ll see you tonight!” I shouted as we walked away, waving at the cheering fans. I was hesitant to leave so Jack looped his arm around my waist, leading me away. I quickly squirmed out of his grip, I didn’t want any rumours to start or anything, but I was more than certain that the contact between us had already been caught on camera and would be all over the internet before we knew it. I sighed as we entered the hotel building the bus was parked in front of.

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked me.

“Nothing! Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I snapped.

“Touchy!”

“Sorry” I said “I guess I have a lot to handle right now”

“Listen, Roxxie, I know it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have dumped all that stuff on you and – “

“Jack, forget it. What are friends for, right?” I said, cutting him off.

“Right” Jack said appreciatively.

“About time!” Rian said as Jack and I entered the lobby where the others were waiting. I laughed and made my way over to him, punching him in the arm.

“Roxxie got chatty with the fans” Jack explained.

“That’d be right!” Rian said with a laugh. I rolled my eyes at him in response.

“Where’s Adi?” I asked him.

“Helping the hair and make-up teams set up for the photo shoot” Rian said.

“She’s keeping herself busy. That’s not even her job! She should be taking it easy” I said.

“Well, I can’t really blame her for wanting to keep herself busy” Rian said, lowering his voice.

I risked a glance over at Alex. He was talking with Matt about something. It seemed everyone was pissed at Alex except Matt. I guess it was his job, though. He had to remain professional, but he was one of our best friends as well. He always tried to keep the peace, as did I, but when it came to my little sister, it was war. I nodded at Rian and greeted the others.

“So, what am I wearing for the photo shoot?” I asked excitedly. The guys all groaned together in response.

______

Rian tapped his foot nervously and played with his drumsticks, tapping them on his knee. We were all waiting backstage while the crew set up for our show. I was really nervous, also. We’d have to pretend to like Alex for over an hour. We had to make the kids believe that everything was alright, even though it wasn’t. I looked over at Alex, who was awkwardly trying to make conversation with Zack.

Zack was polite enough to respond, but busied himself tuning his bass guitar. I turned my bright red electric guitar in my hands and flexed the muscles in my legs nervously. It seemed everyone was pretty nervous and tense, apart from Jack, who was practically bouncing off the walls in excitement.

“Guys! You’re on!” Matt called out to us.

We made our way out onto the darkened stage behind the massive sheet. I stood in the middle next to Alex. Rian sat down behind his drum kit. Jack was to my right and Zack was to my left on the other side of Alex. I looked over at Jack and nodded. He started the intro for Lost in Stereo as the bright lights brought the stage to life. My fingers found their way across the guitar strings and I played alongside Jack, the music so loud in my ears. The music that made me feel alive. I watched my shadow dance along the sheet as I moved my body to the music.

We reached the end of the intro and the sheet dropped, revealing the huge crowds. I launched into Lost in Stereo and Zack sang the backing vocals before Alex started singing the first verse. Matt sang backing vocals from the side of the stage. God, he had an amazing voice. It was just another thing that I loved about him. I messed up a chord while thinking about Matt and I cursed before correcting my mistake and continuing with the song.

I head-banged furiously throughout the song and moved about the stage freely, stepping up on the blocks at the front and shouting out the lyrics to the screaming fans. Alex jumped around the stage and pointed to individuals in the crowd as he sang. He danced around the stage like a total idiot and I couldn’t help but smile. I forgot everything that had happened with Addison. I was playing music with my best friends. I was truly blessed.

After two more songs, we took a break to talk to the crowd.

“New York City! How you feelin’?!” Alex said into his mic. The crowd cheered loudly in response.

“Did anyone else hear Roxxie fuck up in the first song?” Jack said. I glared at him before walking up to my mic.

“Whatever, man. For our new fans who don’t know us too well...this is Jack. He sucks at guitar” I said with a cheeky smile. The crowd laughed and Rian bashed his drums. We played a few more songs before we got to my favourite, Six Feet Under The Stars.

“This next song is actually one of Roxxie’s favourites” Alex addressed the crowd “It’s called Six Feet Under The Stars”

We launched into the song and just as it was coming to a close, I saw a girl fall down in the crowd at the front of the barrier at the foot of the stage. The song ended and I stepped up to my mic.

“Hey! Everyone at the front stop moving! You just there! With the red hat? Move out of the fucking way! There’s a girl down! You’re going to crush her!” I yelled. The guy in the red hat just stared at me blankly, but no one was doing what I asked them to. They were still pushing against each other to get to the front.

“Move out of the fucking way!” Jack yelled in support. I jumped down off the stage and made my way over to the barrier. Arms reached out for me and people tried to jump over the barrier, but were promptly stopped by the security guys. I saw a crumpled form on the ground being stepped all over and I pointed the girl out to the security guy closest to me, who jumped into the crowd and pulled her out. He lifted her over the barrier and I took her hand. As I looked at her face, recognition washed over me.

“Anna?”

“You remember me?” she said in disbelief.

“Hell yes! You’re coming on stage with me” I said, climbing back up on stage. I held my hand out to help Anna up. Alex said hi while I stepped up to my mic.

“Listen up! Here’s what’s gonna happen! If you see someone fall down, you help ‘em up! Anna could’ve been seriously hurt!” I said.

“Watch where the fuck you’re stepping!” Jack added. I gave him an appreciative smile. I didn’t want to go off at the fans, but I didn’t want anybody getting hurt, either. Some of the fans cheered in support. With that, Matt came out on stage and handed me my acoustic guitar. Danny set up three stools. Alex, Anna and I sat down on them and I made sure my guitar was tuned while Danny set up the mic stand in front on all three of us.

“I hope you can sing, Anna” Alex said. A huge smile spread across her face as the realisation hit her. She was going to sing with All Time Low.

“This is an All Time Low show, where we make dreams come true” Alex said as I started to play the song.

During the song, Alex stared at Anna while he sang. I couldn’t help thinking about the party that had changed everything, when Alex had sung for Addison. When they were still together and so in love. When everything was right.

When it came to the girls’ part, Anna sang beautifully. Her sweet voice was quiet at first but got louder as her confidence grew. After the song, the crowd erupted in cheers and the security guys found Anna’s brother in the crowd and returned her to him. The smile never disappeared from her face.

That show was a perfect start to the tour. It was like the moment we stepped on stage, all the shit that had happened behind the scenes was forgotten. We were those five best friends again, playing the music that we loved, the music that made us feel alive.