Change

I shot up out of bed, mind blown at what just happened. The dream was so damn vivid, it frightened me. Ryan was on top of me, caressing me. We were just lying there, smiling at each other, completely happy. His fingers were laced within my own as a burning passion began to grow inside of me. I had no idea what I was doing, not able to comprehend my dream at all, until I had already acted on my imaginary desires. That’s when I awoke.

I was horrified. What was wrong with me? I didn’t think of him at all that way, did I? No, it was impossible. I could feel the sweat building up on my skin, and even though the idea scared and confused me, I didn’t feel at all repulsed by it.

-Ryan’s POV-

The sun was glaring down at my face through the window as I woke up. My hands rubbed my eyes as they were completely unwilling to open. Ugh, Wednesday. Another day of school. I got out of bed, reluctantly of course. School was definitely now my enemy.

Later on, I was about to leave with Brendon, when his father approached us.

“Brendon,” he said, “I heard about what happened yesterday, and I think we need to have a little discussion about it.” His face was full of anguish. I think I knew what was about to happen, and I did not wanna be here for this.

“Uhh… I need to use the restroom.” I bolted out of the room without another word, worried about what was going to happen. Instead of going to the bathroom, I hid in there, stunned, waiting for something to happen.

“Brendon, be honest with me. Are you gay?”

I covered my mouth, afraid of making any noises that showed I was listening.

“What does it matter to you? Huh?” Brendon screamed at his father. Before he even had a chance to respond, I heard Brendon furiously storming out of the house. The house vibrated from the slam of the front door.

I inconspicuously flushed the toilet to make it seem more realistic and made a hasty retreat. “Um… see ya later, Mr. Urie.” I beat it out of that house, faster than lighting. I had a knack for getting out of things just by sheer speed.

I looked up at Brendon. He was waiting for me in his car. I noticed a few tears sliding down his cheeks. Again, this was all my fault. If I hadn’t told his mom about school, well, everything would be just peachy, wouldn’t it? Yesterday, they called him a fag for giving me a goddamn ride. I couldn’t let that happen again. As much as I wanted to comfort him, hold him, and make him feel better, I couldn’t let him go through that again. That would only make things worse. I had to drive myself to school from now on. What a waste of gas over a few low-life ass holes.

I opened the car door and looked up at his face. He had these puppy dog eyes and a pleading stare, but what did he actually want?

“Hey, um… about yesterday… Um…” I couldn’t seem to spit the words out.

“Yeah?” He asked, confused.

I looked up at that sad face again. There was a longing for something in his yes, but what was it exactly?

“Brendon, I think that I should drive myself to school, you know, because of Pete. I don’t want him harassing you anymore just because I’m with you all the time.”

I got no response. In fact, he looked somewhat deflated. I couldn’t understand him and it frustrated the hell out of me. He just nodded, but didn’t speak.

“I guess I’ll see you in home room,” I said.

I shut the passenger door and let him go. I just wanted to hold him. I needed to make him happy, to be there for him. But no, I had to protect him from myself, basically. That killed me inside.

At lunch today, I was already at my wit’s end with Pete and his stupid-ass crew of homophobic fucktards. They were not only boring and repetitive, but relentless and well, loud. Everyone heard it, and I felt completely and utterly vulnerable. I never really was bothered by things like this before, but for some reason, it did this time.

The second I sat down, though, I noticed that Sarah wasn’t at the lunch table. Her annoying little voice was completely absent. I turned to Brendon and asked him, “What happened to Sarah? She was here this morning.”

He pointed to a table in the corner of the lunch room. She was with a group of girls, crying her eyes out. My first impression was that Brendon was being a complete douche bag and ignoring the cries of his girlfriend, who was clearly upset. But Brendon wasn’t like that, at all. He was sweet and caring. He’d do anything for anyone, within reason. Then it hit me.

“Did… did you dump her?” The table fell silent. Brendon looked down at his food with absolutely no response. Nobody talked at all, actually. It was quite depressing and really bizarre. Ugh, whatever. The day dragged on in silence and isolation. I didn’t see Brendon before I left school, but I just had to know why he would do that. Sarah was honestly a really nice girl, and she was gorgeous. Why on earth would he dump her?