Change

Brendon was silent for the entire week. Every day being the same thing, over and over and over again. I drove myself to school every day, and it was lonely. I had been getting used to Brendon being there with me constantly, though it had really only been a few days. It seemed like Pete’s gang was now leaving Brendon alone, assuming he got rid of me because of what happened, and I was satisfied with that aspect of everything. But still, I was completely unsatisfied with how things were going between us and how he was acting.

Finally, It was Friday night, and of course I had no plans. Evidently, neither did Brendon, or so I thought. When I pulled into his driveway, his car was already there. And when I got inside, he was already locked away in his room. His mom looked worried with his recent behavior. He had been lashing out quite often actually, not listening to what she had to say. He wouldn’t listen to anyone.

I had enough of his little isolationist attitude. I needed to talk to him and cheer him up. I immediately ran up to his room and banged on the door with my fists. Probably not the greatest approach possible because when he opened that door, he was absolutely furious.

“What do you even want from me?” He looked at me in disgust, but I could see in his eyes that it was all a sick little façade. What the hell was his problem? Yet, once again, I found myself completely frozen, unable to move of even speak. What was with all of this “freezing up” lately?

“Well?” Impatience was plastered all over his voice. Still, no words escaped my lips. “Look, if you just came here to stare at me, then just get lost.”

I had it. Frozen Ryan was no more. “Brendon, we need to talk.” I thought of Sarah immediately because of that phrase I had chosen, so I involuntarily burst into hysterical laughter, but Brendon was not amused.

“Look,” I started, “you’ve been avoiding me all week. No, you’ve been avoiding everyone all week. Not to mention the way you’ve been treating your parents, as if they don’t deserve any respect.”

“Who says they do?” He just seemed more upset, but not angry, just sad with everything I was saying. Probably because he knew I was right.

“That’s not the point, Brendon. You need to talk to someone.”

He smirked at me, “And you want me to talk to you?” I could sense fake hatred in his voice. He was trying to push me away, and I couldn’t seem to figure out the reasons for it. What the fuck was going on? It was like he hated me or something. The one person that had lent their helping hand to me in a time of need was completely rejecting me, and I just felt sad now.

A lump in my throat formed as I started to speak. “Well, I was just hoping that…” I held back tears and felt heat rushing to my cheeks. I could feel them turning red and just getting brighter with every passing second. That somehow seemed to amuse the shit out of him, and he couldn’t hold his little charade any longer. At least he was smiling again, though. When he smiled, I felt like everything would be okay, you know?

Finally, he let me into his room. I noticed his guitar was lying on his bed and musical notation was scribbled all over lined paper that was sprawled all over the floor. Much of it was either torn or crinkled up in little paper balls.

“You write music?” I asked. It surprised me, actually. I wrote music, too – in the form of lyrics. My heart beat faster and faster when I saw that. I noticed he too had begun to blush. “Hah, gotcha back.”

“Aw, come on, that’s no fair.” He put on the most adorable pouty face. His perfect lips were positioned in a way that made him just too irresistible, but I knew there was no way I’d ever get to feel that.

“So, what’s been with you lately?” I asked. He stared at me blankly and didn’t speak for quite some time. Then something changed, he gasped for just a second and covered his mouth with his right hand.

“Uh… well… I…” was all he could manage. He looked down, then back up on me. I was suddenly attacked, unaware of what was happening until after he had already done it. His lips touched mine. It was just a peck – innocent, yet satisfying. His lips were like velvet on mine. He pulled away form me in shock, mouth agape.

I was also in the same state of shock, but I acted quickly. I wanted more. I grabbed a hold of him and kissed him back. This time there was much more passion involved. He didn’t seem to fight it. Our tongues were intertwined in a wrestling match that neither of seemed to want to end.

This was the first time in my life I had ever felt like this. He eventually came up for air, but still held me in a tight embrace. “Ryan…” he panted. We stood there, holding each other in silence. Remember that night I said I felt completely safe for the first time? I lied. This was what safe really felt like. This was what I needed all along.

He looked into my eyes and smiled. Something about him seemed different. Before, he was always happy, but there was no cheerfulness in his eyes. His happiness seemed fake, but no one seemed to notice. Now they were full of joy. There was some kind of a sparkle that just wasn’t there before, and it was because of me. That gave me the same feeling I could see in his eyes. That feeling of real happiness and pure joy.

Finally, I was wanted.