Love Letter

She watched as he skated closer towards her end of the rink and disappeared behind the brick wall that divided the rink from the concession area.

Though Joanna was sure there were many regulars that frequented the ice rink, Kendall’s face was the only one she felt familiar with. He’d stop by the rink at least once a week, usually sometime during her shift, and spend around an hour just skating laps around the rink. If the rink was relatively empty, he’d whip out his stick and move the puck around or try to score against an imaginary defense.

Joanna had though his routines were odd at first, but she soon grew used to seeing his face and watching him maneuver on the ice. Even the burgundy and gold threads of his Minnesota Wilds jersey were etched in her mind.

He’d always walk into the rink with a smile, though after seeing him so often, Joanna could see the different flashes of frustration, jealousy, or defeat in his eyes that he tried so hard to hide behind his smile. He would come in with his broad shoulders slumped and his muscles tense and ask her for a hot chocolate or a Coke, depending on the temperature outside. Though he usually craved the hot chocolate, the Los Angeles heat made him opt for the Coke instead on numerous occasions.

Sometimes though, Joanna got to make him a cup of steaming hot chocolate. It wasn’t that she was incredibly proud of her cocoa-making abilities, she just felt like she took more time and paid more attention to the little details than the other girls that worked the stand. Especially since Kendall usually came in the middle of the day when no one else was around, she felt like she got to spend more time on him as a customer.

“You know, Joanna, you make some pretty good hot chocolate,” he’d told her one rainy day. “It reminds me of the kind my mom used to make for us back home on the really cold days. Now she says it’s too hot for cocoa, so she never makes it.” He laughed a little to himself, but she could sense how much he missed Minnesota.

They’d talk for a bit while he laced up his skates as he sat on the edge of the rink. It was never anything deep, just back and forth banter, but Joanna could feel herself beginning to fall for him.

She hadn’t been attracted to him at first, but Kendall was the type of guy that grew on you.

With his dirty blonde bowl cut, thick eyebrows, and large nose, Kendall wasn’t exactly the most attractive of the boys that came to Joanna’s stand, but he was the only one that stuck. The other guys were just faces with no substance or personality behind them, at least none that they bothered to show her.

Things were going well for a few months, Kendall and Joanna had their little moments every few days, and Joanna felt like that was all she really needed. It was when Kendall brought her along with him that things started to change.

He’d never mentioned that he had a girlfriend, and though Joanna knew it was none of her business, he’d still caught her off guard.

The thing that hurt the most was how perfect Jo was, how her clothes seemed to fit her slender frame perfectly and how her golden curls fell down her shoulders without a strand out of place. It wasn’t that Joanna felt negatively about herself, she just found it a little hard to compete.

While Kendall went off to go skate, Jo hung back in the concession area and sipped a Starbucks frappucino.

Joanna wanted to be nice to her, she really did, but it was difficult. Anything that Jo did or said would have some negative interpretation in Joanna’s mind. It was hard not to be bias against someone who had something that you wanted.

But Joanna grinned and bared it, making small conversation with Jo about music, movies, and other typical teen topics. It had been the longest hour of her life, and she felt relieved when the pair had left.

The next few weeks brought conflicting emotions, and Joanna found herself becoming Kendall’s go-to, even though she longed not to get involved.

“We just don’t have anything in common,” Kendall had confessed to her over a bowl of chicken noodle soup one afternoon. “I mean, the girl hates hockey, Joanna. I really don’t feel like this can go anywhere.”

Joanna could only listen and offer him a faint smile. She didn’t want to be the manipulative bitch that broke Jo and Kendall up, but she also didn’t want to reassure him that everything would be okay. Her heart just wasn’t in it.

So the girl at the concession stand remained neutral, and she held firmly to her stance until the day Kendall came in and went straight to the ice.

He had looked like hell, black circles under his bloodshot green eyes, his hair clinging in chunks against his forehead. He hadn’t even bothered to muster up a smile or have a drink before strapping on his skates and taking to the ice. Joanna had never seen him like that before, and it bothered her.

Kendall spent three hours out there on the ice, and he didn’t come in until just before Joanna’s shift was over. He slumped down at the counter and asked her for a hot chocolate.

“First you have to tell me what’s going on,” she said, her hands planted on her hips as she stood at the microwave.

Running a hand through his disheveled blonde locks, he mumbled, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Joanna sighed in frustration before giving in and making him a drink. She pushed the mug of cocoa across the counter and, without a word, took a seat on her stool behind the counter.

Kendall took a couple sips, his eyes focused on the hotdogs rotating in the rotisserie in front of him. Then he spoke, almost in a whisper.

“She cheated on me.”

With those four words, Joanna lost grip on her neutrality.

She couldn’t understand why anyone would do something to hurt Kendall. He was such a great guy, and he had tried so hard to make things work with Jo despite their differences. Joanna had never understood the concept of cheating anyway; why not just break up with the person if you didn’t care for them anymore? Kendall deserved so much better than that, and all she wanted was to just take all of this pain and heartbreak off of those broad shoulders.

Placing her hand on his, she softly said, “You deserve so much better than her, Kendall.”

He nodded, but his green eyes refused to meet her stare.

“Thanks Joanna, I guess I’ll see you next week,” he said as he began to rise up from his seat.

On an impulse, she grabbed a scrap of receipt paper and a blue ink pen off of the cluttered counter and scribbled a note as he started to walk away.

“Kendall, wait!” she called out just as he had reached the edge of the area.

He stopped and turned towards her, his eyes filled with curiosity as she held the crumpled scrap of paper over the counter.

Kendall walked slowly back towards the counter and reached for the piece of paper. Joanna could feel her heart pounding in her chest; she’d never been the best at impulsive behavior.

At first, he shoved the piece of paper into the pocket of his jacket, but as he reached the edge of the concession area once again, his curiosity got the better of him.

Joanna watched as his eyes skimmed over the paper. As her words began to sink in, she could have swore she saw a faint smile spread across his lips, but it could have been just wishful thinking.

For what it’s worth, I’ve loved you all along.