Ghost of You

I looked at the figure in front of me. I could hardly recognize her anymore. The girl I once knew more than myself, was now almost unrecognizable.

Her pale face was aimed at me, but her beautiful blue eyes were closed. Her mouth didn't hold her usual big smile, instead it was a permanent grimace. I knew she was going through more pain than I could even imagine. Her long, wavy brown locks were gone, purple bags lay under her eyes, and she was too thin.

She was not the girl I had once loved so much, this wasn't her.

I sat down on the edge of her bed, and began to speak to her, reminiscing on our past.

You were so nervous when you walked down the steps. I remember you stopped and you looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled at the image in front of you. The tiny black dress fit your every curve perfectly and the dress draped on your skin like a piece of thin cloth. You're long hair hit your waist, and it was curled into pretty curls. You're makeup had been carefully applied, and you're shining smile was placed on your face.

Once you made it down the steps, you seemed to have worked up some confidence and grabbed my hand.

I could see it in your eyes that you were very excited. I knew you too well, you couldn't hide anything from me anymore. I've known you for too long.

We made our way out to my truck-the truck that still smells of you. Your small hand was still intertwined with mine, as I opened the passenger door for you.

That night was one of the best nights of my life. We went to a fancy restaurant, and after we sat and watched a firework show. At the Grand Finale, you touched your lips to mine for the first time, and I knew everything between us had changed.

You had always been with me for everything. You were there when I got my first tooth pulled, and you were there for that Christmas day trying out my new snowboard and I broke my arm. You were there the day we started middle school, and high school too. You were my first girlfriend, my first love, and my first heartbreak.

I remember that night you came over to my house, storming into my room, and ripping off your necklace. You threw it at me so hard it left a small bruise. You ran away crying, and I tried to grab your arm, but you just threw it away.

I drove over to your house, and knocked on your door. Your parents thankfully let me in and I sat at your bedroom door all night, and even eventually falling asleep. Finally, at about 4 in the morning you came and got me. Your eyes were bloodshot and makeup smeared, but you let me into your bed with you.

"I'm sorry," You whispered in the darkness.

"I know." I whispered back.

"Stupid hormones." You had said, and I cracked up laughing.

I handed you your necklace back, and we finally fell asleep.

I smiled remembering all of our best memories, and I swear I thought I saw her smile. I knew she heard me, she was in this abyss that she couldn't get out of, but I know she heard me.

But, I remember the worst of our times too. That day you fell over your own two feet, and didn't get back up. It scared the Hell out of me. You just laid there, passed out.

I picked you up and brought you to the hospital, but they didn't find anything. How stupid they were not to have known.

That bruise on your back didn't go away. It stayed for months, I didn't know that then- you hid it from me. You could of just told me you know.

You finally went it to get checked out and you found out what you had, but you still didn't tell me until the day you showed up at my house.

In your hands were a razor, a plastic bag, and your tears. "I couldn't do it." You whispered.

"Couldn't do what, babe?" I asked confused.

She started to sob, and it all came out. That's where the battle started with the dreaded word called Cancer.

That night I forced myself to shave your head against my will. It's because I loved you, otherwise I would have never been able to contain myself. I didn't let myself act scared around you, ever. But, you better have believed that I was scared. The love of my life was slipping away right before my eyes.

The next year of our relationship was hard. It was filled with plenty of hospital visits. I was there through your chemotherapy. I'll never forget that time you threw up all over my new shoes and you cried for hours, and even I couldn't calm you down. So, I just let you cry because I knew this was about more than my shoes.

Through everything we went through, and everything you went through I would never change it for the world. You are the strongest and the most beautiful girl I had ever known. That will never change.

I kissed her forehead as a nurse walked in. "You know she's only holding on for you?"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Any other patient in this stage of Cancer would be gone by now. She's fighting to stay alive, fighting for you. Whenever anyone else talks to her she doesn't do anything. But, when you are here we see her react. She smiles and she twitches, she doesn't do that for anyone else."

I turned back to her. "Babe, I love you and that wont ever stop. You don't have to hold on for me, let go. You can let go, you have my permission. I love you."

The monitor beside her did a shrill, dull sound and as I looked at her I could tell she was gone.

"It wasn't you anymore anyway, It was just the Ghost of You."