Kiss Me

It’s official.

Though I may not want to admit to it or to any part of it, I am in fact, in love with Toppin Denell.

I knew that I liked him; that I was ready for, but this was something completely different. Love itself was completely different. I love Toppin with everything that I have in me, though it took until after he stopped staying with me those few days for me to realize it.

When I had gone home that day about a week ago after dropping him off with Charter, my home felt lonely and depressing. It made me realize that I really didn’t have anyone in my life. I hadn’t talked to my parents in years and had pushed away everyone else I’ve ever met just like I did to them.

At night when it’s cold and I climb into bed, his warmth is not there to press against my side and nestle into me. The second night he stayed in my bed I was awake practically the whole night though he didn’t know and I watched him as he slept, felt him as he pulled at my shirt, trying to get closer to me even in my sleep.

I sat on the couch, staring dully at the T.V. There was no point turning it on as there was nothing to watch. Daytime T.V. sucks.

My phone seemed to be looking at me. I’ve never really felt the loneliness of separation, probably because I’ve never had a heart before but it felt like life was…dull without Toppin here to fill the void. Sure we saw each other at the shoots, but that was only a small part of the day. I want to ask Toppin out.

I let the thought slip by me though. Why would he want to go out with someone after his very first boyfriend had betrayed him like that only a short time ago? I didn’t want to hurt him in any way and rushing him into a relationship, not matter how bad I wanted it, would only do that.

Picking up my phone, I went to call Necalli but instead felt my fingertips dialing another number. I closed my eyes and hit dial, holding the phone to my ear and biting my lip, waiting anxiously to hear if someone would answer. The way I left wasn’t exactly with smiles and giggles.

“Kaylent?” A voice asked in near-disbelief.

“Hi mom.” I murmured, not quite knowing what to say or why I called. “How are you doing?” I tried and she kept quiet.

“Did you get some girl pregnant Kaylent Flavos?” She asked sternly, using my full name.

I chuckled because really, my predicament was quite the opposite. “No, nothing like that. I just….wanted to talk.” I whispered, gnawing on my lip.

Generally I wasn’t one for emotion but when it came down to it, I did have them, for heaven’s sakes I admitted to loving Toppin. What’s that if not feelings and emotions?

“Oh sweetie.” She said and I could practically see her putting her hand to her chest.

“Don’t get all emotional on me,” I began but she was already speaking.

“I thought you would never talk to me again.” The woman said and I swear I heard a few sniffles.

“Well, would you like to go out for dinner tomorrow maybe?” I asked, “you, me and dad?”

“That sounds lovely dear, but I’d prefer if you came over. Do you have a…special friend?” She asked, using the same term she did when I was in high school.

I rolled my eyes. “No, well, kind of…it’s one of the things I want to talk to you about, but no, I won’t be bringing anyone. Just me.” I used to always bring girls to dinner and practically make out with them and treat our ‘family dinners’ as my private dates.

Only now was I realizing how badly I messed up.

“Well how about you come ‘round at seven o’clock?” She questioned.

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then, Bye, l-love you.” I murmured before shutting the phone, smilng as I could imagine her fussing over the house, cleaning everything up. She always did clean the house, even if we were having only family dinners.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest and I smiled at my phone, ready to deal with Necalli and whatever bullshit he wanted to throw at me.

I dialed Necalli’s number and listened as he picked up on the second ring.

“Hello, it’s the love doctor.” He answered and I shook my head, laughing and ignoring how much I wanted to shank him.

“Be serious with me…I…” I put my head in my hands, whispering into the phone, “I’m in love with Toppin, I admit that, but what the hell I am supposed to do? I don’t want to hurt him by rushing him into anything and especially if he doesn’t even like me-” The thought dawned on me and panic set in.

I never thought about what would happen if Toppin said he wouldn’t go out with me.

Necalli laughed, giggling, “Well sweetheart, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to worry about that.” He ambiguously said. “As for the whole ex thing, he needs comfort and support right now. A relationship may be best for him. Not a rebound, but a real, true relationship. You need to go get him and keep him.” He honestly said. “By the way, if you dare hurt my baby, I’ll chop off your-“

“I got it Necalli, thanks.” I said, laughing into the phone and hanging up, going and grabbing my jacket before realizing that Toppin didn’t get out of school for another three hours.

Regardless, today was an amazing day.