Holiday

I should be more happy with the upcoming holiday being Christmas. But in my heart I can’t seem to feel it. I see all the pretty lights, the presents under the tree, people shopping for their loved ones, but I don’t feel a thing.

I know I should, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything. Besides, it’s not like I have a family to spend it with anyways. My family is long gone, I’m the only one left. It’s pretty sad considering I’m only seventeen. But it’s the truth.

Kleo, my boyfriend, was all happy about Christmas. He ran around the house acting like a five year old putting decorations on anything in sight. I found it funny, but never quite got the feeling behind why he was doing it. I guess losing loved ones can do that to you. Or so I’ve heard.

“Lee!” Kleo squealed, running over to where I was sitting on the couch in his living room.

I looked up at him, signalling for him to continue.

“You’ve just got to help me decorate. Or at least help mum with the cookies, or dad with the shopping. You can’t just sit there. It’s Christmas. Get your lazy ass up!” he tugged on my arm but I wouldn’t budge.

“Lee, you’re not being fair.” he whined, drawing out the last half of my name and ‘fair’.

“I’m being perfectly fair Kleo. I’m not into the spirit of the holiday, therefore I won’t do a good job at anything. I think it’s reasonable.” I explained monotonously.

“Come on babe. Please?” he asked, drawing out the last half of his sentence again. And to think, he’s eighteen. Shouldn’t it be me acting like he was?

“No, I’m sorry. I’m just not into the whole Christmas thing anymore.” I mumbled.

“Look, Lee.” he huffed, standing up again. “I understand what you’re going through, and I really do. But it’s been a year. You’ve got to live a little. They’d want you to be happy. Last year you beat me to the decorating at your place, now I have to fight with you to get off the couch? That’s not right.”

I stood up and took a step towards him. “How would you know what they want? They weren’t your parents, they were mine. And you don’t have to fucking remind me how long it’s been, I know that. Or did you think I would forget them? Well newsflash, I won’t. I should be spending Christmas with them like always, but I’m not and do you have any idea how much that is killing me to know that? No, you don’t. You never stop to ask how I’m feeling. You used to, but you haven’t for months. Just…just leave me be Kleo. I don’t want to be a part of this. I have no family to celebrate with, let me do it on my own.” I ranted, turning around and storming off.

“Lee, stop. I’m sorry.” he called after me.

“No, fuck off Kleo.” I made it to mine and his shared room and slammed the door shut.

Who does he think he is bringing that shit up? He has no right. I mean, sure, he cares for me. I live with him for fuck sakes. But that still doesn’t give him the right to just carelessly bring them up. Especially this close to the anniversary of their death.

Why did that drunk driver have to hit them? Why them? Why couldn’t it have been some other couple crossing the street coming back from a New Years Eve party? Fuck, I don’t know what to do without them. Kleo’s family was nice enough to let me live with them, but it didn’t replace my own family. And it never would.

I sighed and flopped back on the bed, staring at the ceiling and willing my tears not to fall. I missed them so much. My mum would always bake things, the house always smelt of cookies. My dad was always there for me, even when I came out. Me and him went to the mall to get some new clothes and he was asking me if I found random guys hot or not. It was the best. He was so understanding, so was mum. I couldn’t have asked for better parents.

But then the accident happened and my life was turned upside down. I now lived with my boyfriend and his parents. Which in all honesty, made it so much harder for me. They tried to treat me as if I was their son, but really I could tell they felt sorry for me.

Kleo knew how close I was to my parents, so he alone understood how I felt. But sometimes he could be so insensitive. Like today. I can’t believe him. He should’ve known better then to say those things to me.

I felt the tears I had been holding back slide down the sides of my face. Fuck I’m such a pussy. I swiped at the pesky drops and got up to have a shower. I made it to the bathroom without Kleo seeing me and was relieved. Turning the hot water on, I stripped and got in.

My muscles ached from all the stress of the past couple weeks, so the water really helped. When I was finished I wrapped a towel around my waist and went back to my room. Kleo was still nowhere to be found, so I decided I would just pull on a pair of boxers and go to bed.

The next morning I woke up to a hand shaking me gently. Opening my eyes, I seen Kleo smiling softly at me.

“Come on babe, get up. It’s Christmas.” he whispered.

I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head.

“Don’t be like that. Get up, just for a little while. Then you can go back to bed.” he wasn’t going to give in was he?

Fuck, I might as well get up. Nothing better to do anyways. I crawled out of bed and slipped on sweat pants and a t-shirt. “Happy?” I asked, turning to Kleo.

“Yeah, now come on. They’re waiting.” he grabbed my hand and led me from the room.

His parents were sitting on the couch waiting for us. I went and sat in one of the armchairs and Kleo sat in the other.

“Here honey.” Kleo’s mum said, handing him a pile of gifts to open.

His dad did the same thing. I sat, picking at a loose thread on my shirt until I felt a pile of things land in my lap.

I looked up to see his parents smiling at me. “You really thought you weren’t getting anything, dear?” his mum asked.

“Honestly? Yes. I’m not part of your family. You shouldn’t be spending money on me.” I said, looking between the two of them.

“Honey, you are part of our family. You always were, just as Kleo was a part of yours. How could you forget?” she continued.

“Well, since I lost my parents…I figured I didn’t have any family left. So, I didn’t expect anything from you.” I admitted, looking at the floor.

“Son, you may not be my flesh and blood, but you’re still my family.” Kleo’s dad spoke up.

“Thanks, sir.” I mumbled, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“Don’t call me that, it makes me feel old.” he laughed.

“See? I told you.” Kleo smiled.

Yeah, he had told me I was part of the family many times. But I guess I never really believed him until now. It was a great feeling, to have people that cared for me when my parents weren’t around to.

I guess what they say is true. Family is everywhere. Your friends are your family. Your friends’ and boyfriends or girlfriends’ family is your family. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. I was happy with Kleo’s family; my family. And I wouldn’t change a thing.