London Calling

We pulled into Sheffield in the early afternoon. I was pretty excited, y'know. I knew barely anything about this place, but Arctic Monkeys came from here so it had to be wicked awesome. I was ready for everything and anything. Shorts and a cut up T-shirt and some crazy amounts of deodorant to fight the early July heat. Today would be perfect. I was going out with Thoa for lunch right about now, and she was gonna fix up my hair for the show. Yes, this is all good.

As soon as we parked in the lot of the hotel we were staying at (such luxury!) I leaped out and practically killed Thoa with my body weight. She and the other techies had gotten there about an hour ago to start getting everything put together, and were now on lunch break. Trying to regain balance by grabbing me around the waist and spinning about like an idiot, she eventually gained her footing and put me down.

“Sumone's eager,” she grinned.

“Shut up, it was an accident and you know it.”

“Yeh, okay.”

Punching her softly on the arm and waving goodbye to the guys, we ventured out into the city. Thoa had a whole plan of what she wanted to do, and I was completely fine to just go along. First was lunch, obviously. We were both starved, and she dragged me down two blocks to this little sandwich shop she insisted was the best place ever.

I have to admit she was right. That was the best panini I have ever put in my mouth.

She dragged me all around the place, up back streets and through little curio shops. It was amazing to see things like Thoa saw them. She'd point out little oddities about buildings and know exact spots where things happened. She'd just ramble on and on, a never ending monologue of excitement as she held my hand and rushed through the city.

We finally sat down outside a cafe, thirsty and hot. I clutched my iced tea and pressed it to my neck. I was sweating like a pig, and it was gross. But it was totally worth it. Thoa and I had wandered, gotten lost, found our way, and even found matching hair clips to wear whenever we felt like it. It was beautiful outside, and no one had bothered either of us for autographs or anything. It was perfect. Glancing over at Thoa, I found her scanning through her phone, a light line of concern etched across her brow.

“Someone's popular?”

“Eh. Jus' Evvie.”

“Do you need to go back?” I didn't really want our time to end, but she did have a job to do, “We've been out and about for a while.”

“Noh,” she said quickly, shaking her head, “Noh, ih's fine. We can stay out for a bi' longer. No' like I really have a job outside the merch table.”

“Okay.”

She smiled at me, that ridiculous infectious smile that could catch everyone except grumpy ol' Sam in it's grip. Thoa was just so perfect sometimes, I couldn't believe she was real. It was like she was a faerie from a story and she'd disappear at any moment. I wanted to know more about her. I wanted to be her best friend, because she was pretty close to being mine.

“I'm sorry, but I have to ask this. How was school for you? I'm completely hopeless and haven't stepped into a building for education once in my life.”

The smile dropped and I immediately felt horrible. What did I do? It was a simple question, I didn't think it would offend her or anything. Oh my god, what is wrong with me, I kill everything I touch.

“I'm sorry, if you don't want to talk about it, I didn't mean to pry or anything-”

“Noh, it's fine. Ah jus', well, school wasn't...great. Ah had to go up to Dublin fer school, an' it wahs Catholic, and...well, mah...'lifestyle' wasn't something they promoted at the time. Or ever. Ah wahs in trouble all the time, like Ah told yeh. They didn't like the rumors goin' 'round 'bout meh, watched meh like a hawk.”

“Oh,” I nodded, “Right, yeah.”

“I wahs soh glad to get out of there.”

And she left it at that. I didn't really know what to say to her to make it okay again. Thoa unhappy was something that I didn't like to see, but I couldn't change the look on her face, I didn't know how.

“Well, at least you didn't have your over-protective mother breathing down your neck as you tried to learn math,” I offered.

She smiled slightly, but it was forced and didn't reach her eyes. Standing up suddenly, Thoa took my hand and pulled me down the street. I couldn't do anything but follow and try to keep my tea from falling out of my hand. Her pace was quick and desperate, as if she was trying to leave the almost-discussion behind us at the cafe. And she never once let go of my hand. Her grip was firm, fingers laced in-between mine.

We walked for a long time, neither of us saying anything, Thoa intent and me concerned. Finally, almost making me crash into her back, Thoa stopped in front of an old brick building. I had no idea why we were here, it didn't look all that special to me. Just an old building.

“So, uh, why are we here?”

She gave me a look that obviously read 'what the fuck is wrong with you.'

“Seriously I don't know what this is.”

“This is Leadmill, where you're playing?”

“Oh, okay.”

“Ahlisohn,” she said, giving me a disbelieving look, “This is Leadmill.”

“I heard you the first time,” I responded, slightly annoyed.

Thoa turned in a tight, frustrated circle, then grabbed my shoulders and held me at arms' length. “Leadmill Ahlisohn! This is teh real deal! Big bands play here! Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, The Killers!”

The realization slowly hit me, and I dropped my tea. It hit the sidewalk and exploded all over my shoes but I didn't even feel the liquid seep into my toes. If big bands played here, then that meant that we were big. Bigger than we thought. We were still pegged as openers, but kids came for us as much as they came for Adam After Eve. Which meant Casanova On Call was as big as Adam After Eve, at least, and they were pretty big. I didn't even realize I was shrieking in delight until I noticed that Thoa was happy jumping with me.

“THOA WE'RE PLAYING WHERE ARCTIC MONKEYS PLAYED.”

“AH KNOW.”

I immediately froze, “Oh my god, Thoa. What am I going to wear? How is my hair going to look? What do I do?”

“Jus' be yourself,” Thoa smiled, pushing my happy-jumped hair away from my face, “Yer perfect tha' way.”

She stood there for a moment, her hand still hovering close to my ear. I barely saw her eyes flick down to my lips before her face moved in and she was kissing me, fingers lightly holding my jaw and eyes closed. In my shock I registered that her lips were pressed against mine in an almost desperate fashion, as if she had been analyzing this for days and was just trying to get it out. I had kissed some boys before, but never like this, never this anxiously desperate. My eyes stayed open the whole time, and I could vaguely see the blurred, too-close outline of the bridge of her nose and her perfectly plucked eyebrows.

When she pulled away I tried to compose my face into something other than sheer shock, but I just couldn't. Thoa herself was flushed pink under her copper hair, and she couldn't stop looking at the ground.

“Uh, yeh,” she mumbled, twisting a lock of hair around her finger.

“Um, wow, Thoa, I don't know what to say.”

“Don' say anythin' then. I jus' wanted teh get it out of teh way. So we could move on from teh awkward firs' kiss stage-”

“What,” I blurted out. This was the exact opposite of what my understanding of our relationship was. When did this happen? Why was I not informed? Had there been signals that I just wasn't aware of?

“Y'know,” Thoa said, sounding confused now, “Since we've been goin' on all these dates and-”

“I thought we were just hanging out,” I was trying to be careful with what I was saying, this was getting to careful topics that I didn't want to fuck up entirely, “I didn't know that we...or that you...”

“Oh my God. Oh, oh my god,” she put a hand over her mouth, as if trying to take back what had just happened, “Bu' you, you were so excited abou' us going ou', and you always smile when you see meh, and, oh my god.”

“Because I was excited about having a friend who was a girl for once,” I said, reaching out to touch her shoulder, but she moved away, “Thoa I'm so sorry, I didn't even know-”

“Noh, don'. Don' worry abou' it,” she said, trying to smile but I could see that she was hurt and I hated myself, “Ah should've known. Ah'm sorreh, Ah, um, Ah have stuff to do. Evvie and work calls.”

“Thoa, wait-”

But she was already headed inside the building. I could hear her trying to hold back the tears with frequent, choked sobs as she pushed open the doors and disappeared. I wanted to follow her, try to talk this out, but I couldn't make my feet move. For a long time I just stood there, staring at the door that she had disappeared behind, feeling horrible for what I had just done. Then my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it's Chris.”

“Yeah,” I said, wiping away the tears I hadn't been fully aware were falling down my cheeks, “What.”

“Well, Thoa just showed up, and you weren't with her, so-”

“Oh, no, no I'm outside. I just wanted some fresh air.”

“Oh. Okay. Do you know what's up with her, because she looks pretty upset.”

“No, I don't,” I lied, hating myself even more.

“Okay. Well, come inside, we've got sound check.”

“Yeah, in a minute.”

I hung up, still staring at the door. I had just royally fucked up something with Thoa. How had I not known? I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I stood there for a long time, trying to think of what I could do. Finally, resolved to fix what I had broken, I walked into the building for sound check.