All But Forgotten

I reread the letter again, remembering the night when I sat at my desk and wrote it. For a short period of time, I couldn't believe she was back. It didn't process in my mind. Charlotte was back. The girl I had dated 4 years earlier. She had been 19 when I was first introduced to her. I was older than her, at age 24. My first rule was to only date girls who were in their twenty's at least. But there was just something about her.

One of my best friends, Patrick, introduced us. At first I didn't take a liking to her. She was to shy,and she basically stayed glued to Patrick's side, like I was going to attack her or something. It would be safe to say that at first I really didn't like her. Never in a million years would I have looked at her like a girlfriend. We were just to different.

The more Patrick and I hung out, the more I was with her. Soon, I found out she was a nerd. Not the kind of nerd like me. I'm the guy who knows random bits of knowledge, but has absolutely no common sense. Charlotte got straight A's and she had been accepted to Harvard. She wore her long black hair back in a ponytail. It hung straight down her back, and stopped in the middle. One day i finally asked why she used a black ribbon to tie it up instead of a rubber band our something. It was that day that she finally opened up a little. Her mother had died the year before. She had been an amazing ballet dancer who was always in a play. And whenever she was to appear in one, she wore that ribbon. Charlotte joked and said she was to clumsy to be a ballet dancer, but she touched the ribbon at that very moment and I knew how much it meant to her.

It wasn't until 6 months after we first meant that we hung out alone. We talked about everything. From philosophy, to music, and to our families. I had never opened up to anyone that way. Only Patrick.
That night I went home and thought about her. I couldn't keep her off my mind, and I told her that. She had blushed and said she felt the same way. We started dating, and suddenly I was closest to her than anyone else. Whenever i wrote some lyrics I asked her opinion before anyone. Charlotte was happy with me, when I told her I was going to be in a band. She told me to do whatever made me happy.

God I loved the girl.

Until one day when she got upset because I spent time with the band instead of her. The following three days were hell, considering we argued constantly. I knew where she was coming from later on, but at that moment I was mad. It had felt like she was trying to keep me on a leash, and that wasn't OK with me.

Suddenly every time I went out she'd give me those sad green eyes. I didn't feel guilty like I should. Until i heard what her friends had been saying about me. They all wanted Charlotte and I to break up. Apparently I was a terrible influence on her studies and in the end I was going to break her heart. Instead of going to Harvard like her original plan, she had stayed and went to Columbia in Chicago. I was the 'heart breaker' who didn't deserve her.

It really pissed me off to hear these kids talking about me like they knew me. It was even worse because I never thought Charlotte looked at me that way. She never came out and said it, but I had the feeling she never fully trusted me for the fear of getting hurt.

After dating for a year I decided that the topic of the band should come up. She didn't want to hear any of it.

"You're going to travel around in a beat up van with three other guys? I just don't understand, Pete."

I had made the mistake of yelling at her.

"Of course you don't understand. You don't love anything the way I love music."
We argued on and off until it came down to her telling me to do whatever the hell i wanted. And then the biggest blow came.

"Don't expect me to be sitting here waiting for you though. I love you, Pete. But I'm sick of coming in second."

She left that night, packed her bags and stayed at her dorm for the first time in months. It was that night I left her the note.


Charlie,
I'm sorry that's the way you feel. I never intended this relationship to end like this. I want you to know that you mean alot to me...but music means more. You never trusted me to begin with, so why should you be number one? If you can't trust me, maybe we never should've started dating. Maybe this has all been a mistake. And if it was, I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Love-Pete

I dropped it off at her dorm, and I left.

* * *

That was four years ago. And now here i was, running my fingers over the paper. Charlotte had forwarded it to me, writing in big red Sharpie:

Fuck You Wentz.
I gave you everything and got nothing in return. Thanks for breaking my heart. Write some songs about that, I'm sure they will be your number one hits. At least you'll know what you're talking about.

I sighed and folded the paper again.
Patrick entered the room, followed by Andy and Joe.
"Dude..what's up?"

"You aren't going to believe who I saw today."

"Who?"

Patrick spoke up with interest as he sat down on the couch.
"Charlie."

"Who the hell is Charlie?"

Joe picked up a Granny Smith apple and took a bite out of it.

"You know...Charlotte.."

The room grew silent and Patrick looked around, stopping at my face.

"Did you...say anything to her?"

"Hell no. I ran the other way. What am i suppose to say to her?"

"I don't know. Maybe 'I'm sorry for running away and breaking your heart.'"

Andy spoke up with a frown on his face. He and Charlotte had been really close. He didn't talk to me for two months after he found out what had happened.

"Andy.."

"Hope i can find her. Where was she?"

"Walking around in the city. She was over by Borders."

"There's alot of apartments there."

"Maybe she lives in one of them."

"You can't go looking for her."

Andy's head snapped toward me, and his eyebrows raised.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not ready to face her yet...i mean I-"

"For God sakes, Pete. It's not all about you. Maybe we want to talk to her."

I shouldn't have told them that she was here. I should've kept my big mouth shut and maybe none of the future events would've happened.