Warped Reflections

I’ve got a secret, from the tip of my tongue,
To the back of my lungs,
I’m going to keep it!
I know somet-

My hand slammed down on the alarm, a string of profanities falling from my lips as I rolled over to face the ceiling.

My back fucking hurt. My legs fucking hurt. My arms fucking hurt. My head fucking hurt.

My life fucking hurt.

I rolled out of bed, setting my feet down on the floor none too gently and groaning at the time. Too fucking early.

Groaning again I pulled myself up and grabbed the closest pair of leather jeans and tugged them on, trying to hop towards my wardrobe at the same time to retrieve a white v-neck.

Mornings weren’t my thing. They were so fucking blurry, and loud, and head-achingly fast.

I grabbed my leather jacket from the hook on the door and wandered into the bathroom, running my hands through my hair. I could hear my brother singing softly to himself in his room. I was fucking glad we had separate rooms. Identical my ass.

Tugging my lenses out of a cupboard I peeled the lids off, and ran my hands under the tap before picking the delicate slide up and placing it in my eye, blinking to adjust it over the correct place. I did the same with the other eye.

God knows why it always took so long to do my hair every morning. In theory it should take ten minutes, but my hair was always so shit it never looked good, and 20 minutes extra work never paid off.

Why did I even fucking bother?

I snarled at myself in the mirror and slapped myself around the face, glorifying in the sting on my cheek. Self pity is not a option.

Man up. I’m like my brother sometimes.

My eyes closed for a moment as I evened out my breathing. Physco. I was physco. Fucking insane, nuts, mad.

Not even my own brother liked me.

But I didn’t like him, so that was fine.

Chewing my lip violently I turned round and left the bathroom, not giving the mirror a second glance. Vanity was pointless.

With barely a glance at the state of my room I grasped my phone from my bed and sat down pressing it to my ear while pressing the 7- the number to speed call Lenny.

“Yeah?”

“Get the fuck over here”

“I’m almost there man” I hung up and pushed the phone into my pocket. I didn’t need to say goodbye, what was he, ten? I damn well wasn’t.

With another growl at myself I pulled some bracelets and necklaces on and stepped back out of my room, iPod earphones already pressed deep into my ears- Amity Affliction blocking out the faint singing of my brother.

I didn’t even think I liked them. But they were loud- and that’s all I really needed them to be.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

~Daryl~

I stood on at the edge of the road, waiting for Kate and Brad to make an appearance like they did every morning. Today they were late; and I just wished they would hurry up. I know for a fact that Oli and his friends walked this way, and that they usually came by at this time.

My brother wouldn’t stop his friends from pushing me around- pushing me into a car even. He wouldn’t object to anything they did. He really didn’t care.

I was nothing.

Just shut up, I told myself, just shut up. It was stupid. I was stupid. Stop thinking. Shut up.

Oli told me pity was stupid, and he wasn’t just saying it- he really thought it. I’d accidently walked in on him when he was doing his hair one morning and he slapped himself, saying ‘Shut the fuck up’. It scared me, that he did that to himself.

I was pretty sure he was perfect the way he was. Everyone knew he was.

A sigh escaped my lips. I wanted to be like him- impressive and awe-inspiring, someone people aspired to be like, someone people admired. The only think that admired me was our cat, and that was because I never failed to feed it like everyone else did.

Too depressing. Just shut up. Stop wallowing.

Before I murmured the words out loud I heard the unmistakable giggle of Kate and looked up so see her hanging onto Brad’s arm, legs splayed out and her other arm waving in the air in an attempt to regain balance.

With a grin Brad reached his other arm round her waist and pulled her up into a respectable position, she sighed loudly and dusted off her trousers, straightening up and smirking up at me.

“Daryl-bear!” I grinned as she enveloped me in a delicate hug. I always noticed that, like I was made of china. Brad gave me a small smile from behind Kate and we were on our way, Kate talking non-stop about the concert she has gone to three nights ago- more for Brad than me, I’d heard all about it when I was round hers.

As I watched Brad and Kate talk, I couldn’t help but feel they were meant to be together. They were always so touchy-feely, and not to mention flirty with each-other. I like to think they were like that with me too, but I was treated like a doll and they were a lot more rough-and-tumble with each-other. The signs were obvious, but they seemed oblivious to them all, or in complete denial.

Or they both harboured one of those heart-ripping, gut-wrenching, stomach-churning crushes for each other. The ones that made everyday a living pain, because you were so certain that they didn’t like you back or maybe even hated you. Because you couldn’t look at them without thinking ‘mine’, because every time they were with anyone else you can’t stand it, because every time they walk past, your heart stops.

My mind had switched to Oli and I felt like ripping my hair out. This was about Brad and Kate, not my tragic relationship with my brother that hated every single fibre of my being. This was not about how Oli couldn’t even look at me, and was physically repulsed by my touch, or how he was so obviously disgusted by the fact we were supposed to be twins.

This wasn’t about my life.