The Girl He Wasn't Supposed to Love
Her secret
Red hues blemished the perfect milky white clouds..beneath them laying on a tied-dyed blanket hayley isabella was sprawled out...seafoam green eyes tranfixed on the passing earth above.Her crimson lips aghast at the marvel displayed before her.It was late in the evening and she should really be returning home the sun was slowly vanishing behind the sill of the ocean that was too far to see.Cupping her stuff she began to walk away from the sunset and onto her street that led her home.The streetlights were coming on one by one as she passed them.Her clunky combat boots beating harder and harder against the pavement as her stride became fast pace.Finally she made it to her house it was red brick wit a spacious front yard and a stone walkway.
Surprisingly the door was open and the sound of my brothers guitar blared out making the whole house tremble.Gud thing i learned how to tune that out.
*I lived wit my brother Georg hes 19 and he works for this band tokio hotel actually its his managers house that all 5 of us living in 2gether its pretty roomy so u rarely notice they're there...thats how we paid the bills...i worked at a near by coffee shop waiting tables at night while i went to school in the am until he insisted that i should just focus on my schoolwork and i had 2 quit.Our parents if u can call them that went through a messy divorce in which left me stuck in between the two.It was horrible i couldnt take it anymore so Georg let me live wit him .Even though hes barely here becuz he is always wit the band.*
Dumping the blanket on a nearby couch i sought out for my brother whose loud guitar would keep me up for the rest of the night.Walking through the corridor i came up empty until i heard that the sound was beneath me.''Gud grief its late and i dont think u playing loud and obnoxiously is gonna help u be famous,quite frankly i dont even kno why u are i think all of ur fans are tone-deaf''snickering her lips quirked into a smile.Everything stopped and georg's eyes glared at her.''Hehehe very funny,what do u want izzy''annoyance dripping in his words.The basement was a mess big ginormous amps,pools of different colored cords black,yellow,red,orange.The other bandmates seemed exhausted,gustav the drummer was short and stumpy,rustled blonde hair that didnt fit his complexion well.My brothers long tint orange hair pulled back in a tight ponytail,strands lazily drooping on the sides of his face.Wearily pale green eyes lost in his own mind.As for the twins bill and tom they were the oddest of them all.Alike in everyway but different simultaneusly.You know how when u see a pair of twins u automatically think awwwww super kawaii identical twin brothers....well they were a complete contridiction.Tom was tan, about medium height baggy clothes that hung off of his obviously skinny body dark brown eyes,Long dirty blonde spaghetti dreads that were always hidden behind the usual baseball cap.In his warped mind he believes hes a thug listenings to nothing but sammy delux(rapper).And last but not least there is bill no pigment whatsoever on his body dark raven silk black hair sleeked to the sides of his face.Tight black skinny jeans,cropped shirt that hugged hes fragile body,star tattoo on his right hip peeking meekly between the thin space of where his shirt stopped and pants began.The depths of his eyes were dark golden brown but the iris of them were emerald green.Bill was the hyper one of the bunch always flashing a smile whenever he could,good thing hes teeth are flawless.Georg told me a few months back that they both had a crush on me but i never believed him and plus even tho he is neutral and doesnt try to run my life hes still a total prick when it comes to dating....so even if i did like them there was no chance wit him around.''Izzy since your so worried about our music why dont you come down and tell me what u think of this song'',breaking me out of my observation,''I would love to sit and damage my ear drums by ur deaf tone rock but i got a chem report to do so laters''jetting up the steps as fast as i could but georgs words caught up to me.''Hayley Isabella listing you owe me''he smiled menacingly while the rest of the guys gasped at the announcement of my full goverment.Trudging backwards down the stairs i shot him a death glare''Whatever u say Moritz''poking out my tongue i slumped in the chair in front of the indoor stage they built when i was 13.They all stood there paralyzed like i was one of their fans....Everyone stood still i guess they were waiting for bill's cue.Nodding 2 tom...a soft but striking ballad begans to sorround the small space.I didnt recognize the song becuz i really didnt pay much attention when they were in the studio.But nonetheless it showed me a different perspective.....they were actually good..me bagging on them had really showed me up.The words so captivating took me by storm.Perfectly manicured nails tightly gripped the mic as hes eyes shut and he sung the words.Thats how u can tell when a song is personal i seen alot of my favorite singers do it....its kinda like their in there zone.Not realizing but a smile crept up the corners of my mouth as i swayed to the music taking it all in.It was a beautifull song that was sung from the heart.But as it went on i began to recognize that the song was about me
*....when georg had first left for the band i was still little a preteen i had trouble..with mom always gone dad on business trips me always being left alone to fend for myself. Walking home from the lake one night our neighbor Mr.Hagen had told me that my parents were on an overnight important business trip so he recommened that i stay wit him until they came back the next day so i did.He was a trusting guy or whatnot me and georg always used to stay over there when were too little to be home alone.I was sleeping soundly in the guest bed.....the door creaked open Mr.Hagen's silloutte stretched out to the length of the door way.He crept into my bed with me..stroking my hair wrapping his hands all around me..Being that i was only 12 doesnt mean i didnt understand that was completely innapropiate to touch a young girl...but he didnt stop cold clammy hands rubbed my inner thigh tracing small circles as it ventured for my private.Holding my breath i was afraid to let him know that i was awake,proping himself he layed on top entering me,moaning.After climaxing he gently wished me a good night wit a kiss.Telling my parents wasnt optional anyway how could i they were never home.Bad nightmares started couldnt sleep i became an isominac cut myself to release the pain.One time i cut so deep i hit a vein and had to be sent to the hospital i almost died then the thearpy started they figure it would better than just plainly asking their daughter what was wrong.She was nice Ms.Johns an american that had transferred over here to germany to help broaded her horizon in her carreer.About 20 blonde hair with black hightlights it was cut into a bob it stopped at her chin.Honest warm brown eyes were so trusting but then she made me have a conference with my parents.''Tell them what you told me''Ms.johns rubbing me softly on my back to support the heavy weight on my shoulders.My head was down twirling my fingers in my lap.Knowning the accusing eyes were watching my words were stuck in my throat.''Remember that day when u went on the business trip in leipzig and i had to stay with Mr.Hagen?''my parents nodded intently almost trying to full understand.My hands played with the length of my hair tangling it anxiously continuing on''He kinda had his way with me''now chewing at the ends of my hair almost muffling what i said next''As in you kno had sex with me''a lump in my throat the size of a fist as i choked on the last of my horrific tale.Mom's fully round dark green eyes stared agape.....dad lolled his back as if to think this was typical of me.''I cant believe you two just sit there like zombies as i ur fucking daughter just told u about the most horrible day of my life i got raped by someone i trusted''ranting jumping out of my seat eyes leaking with tears that seemed to have a mind of their own and ran down my face.Not one to be chastise''Well you have been acting a lil slutty lately''dad retored blankly as if that was the perfect reason for me being touched.Yea after that i did start sleeping wit other guys and being known as the girl who gets around....but what else could i depend on?my parents were never there and as much as my listless body hated the routine of picking some guy at random and letting him have his way with me but in my warped mind that was the closest i ever had 2 actually having someone love me.....though it was only for one night it felt good to atleast make myself think that the person above me sweating ,panting like a dog had some ounce of love for me.''Whatever...see i told u it wouldnt matter much they are both so absorbed in their own work to careless about precious me being fondled by some old pervert''turning to ms.johns as she just stared caught up in her own self disqust about my parents reaction.Heading towards the door i abid her a small nod of gratitude.Things went on as usual i was always home alone expect only this time any chance i tried to grasp to having a normal life and just going out they always found away to make it seem like i was out prostituting myself.So I got tired of it I tried hard enough to make them see that I wasn’t the way they thought I was but nothing worked. “maybe they’re lives would be better without me they wouldn’t have to worry anymore…its not like they do now! All they care about is work and keeping up their so called “image” well im tired of it!!!” I thought heading out the door knowing what had to be done now. Walking with my head down looking at the ground I made my way to the lake that I love to go to once I got there I sat just wondering how I should do it “should I drown myself?...no I know that once i cant hold my breath anymore im going to come back up” I thought sighing then I got it quickly and pulled out the razor that I always kept with me “perfect” I said aloud I just have to cut deep enough to hit a vain and it should be quick and mostly painless. I looked out at the lake and at the sunset this is the only thing I would miss…my lake. “fuck everyone else” I said as I slid the sharp razor across my flesh and saw the red blood coming out of it, I cut myself 2 more times and then started to feel dizzy and weak, I sat down in the grass and looked at the damage I did. The red liquid like substance covered my arm fully and I smiled happy that all of this would be over soon. My eyes started to get heavy and I I heard my heart rate slow,I leaned back in the grass and the last thing I saw before everything went black was the sun disappear into the lake water.
Surprisingly the door was open and the sound of my brothers guitar blared out making the whole house tremble.Gud thing i learned how to tune that out.
*I lived wit my brother Georg hes 19 and he works for this band tokio hotel actually its his managers house that all 5 of us living in 2gether its pretty roomy so u rarely notice they're there...thats how we paid the bills...i worked at a near by coffee shop waiting tables at night while i went to school in the am until he insisted that i should just focus on my schoolwork and i had 2 quit.Our parents if u can call them that went through a messy divorce in which left me stuck in between the two.It was horrible i couldnt take it anymore so Georg let me live wit him .Even though hes barely here becuz he is always wit the band.*
Dumping the blanket on a nearby couch i sought out for my brother whose loud guitar would keep me up for the rest of the night.Walking through the corridor i came up empty until i heard that the sound was beneath me.''Gud grief its late and i dont think u playing loud and obnoxiously is gonna help u be famous,quite frankly i dont even kno why u are i think all of ur fans are tone-deaf''snickering her lips quirked into a smile.Everything stopped and georg's eyes glared at her.''Hehehe very funny,what do u want izzy''annoyance dripping in his words.The basement was a mess big ginormous amps,pools of different colored cords black,yellow,red,orange.The other bandmates seemed exhausted,gustav the drummer was short and stumpy,rustled blonde hair that didnt fit his complexion well.My brothers long tint orange hair pulled back in a tight ponytail,strands lazily drooping on the sides of his face.Wearily pale green eyes lost in his own mind.As for the twins bill and tom they were the oddest of them all.Alike in everyway but different simultaneusly.You know how when u see a pair of twins u automatically think awwwww super kawaii identical twin brothers....well they were a complete contridiction.Tom was tan, about medium height baggy clothes that hung off of his obviously skinny body dark brown eyes,Long dirty blonde spaghetti dreads that were always hidden behind the usual baseball cap.In his warped mind he believes hes a thug listenings to nothing but sammy delux(rapper).And last but not least there is bill no pigment whatsoever on his body dark raven silk black hair sleeked to the sides of his face.Tight black skinny jeans,cropped shirt that hugged hes fragile body,star tattoo on his right hip peeking meekly between the thin space of where his shirt stopped and pants began.The depths of his eyes were dark golden brown but the iris of them were emerald green.Bill was the hyper one of the bunch always flashing a smile whenever he could,good thing hes teeth are flawless.Georg told me a few months back that they both had a crush on me but i never believed him and plus even tho he is neutral and doesnt try to run my life hes still a total prick when it comes to dating....so even if i did like them there was no chance wit him around.''Izzy since your so worried about our music why dont you come down and tell me what u think of this song'',breaking me out of my observation,''I would love to sit and damage my ear drums by ur deaf tone rock but i got a chem report to do so laters''jetting up the steps as fast as i could but georgs words caught up to me.''Hayley Isabella listing you owe me''he smiled menacingly while the rest of the guys gasped at the announcement of my full goverment.Trudging backwards down the stairs i shot him a death glare''Whatever u say Moritz''poking out my tongue i slumped in the chair in front of the indoor stage they built when i was 13.They all stood there paralyzed like i was one of their fans....Everyone stood still i guess they were waiting for bill's cue.Nodding 2 tom...a soft but striking ballad begans to sorround the small space.I didnt recognize the song becuz i really didnt pay much attention when they were in the studio.But nonetheless it showed me a different perspective.....they were actually good..me bagging on them had really showed me up.The words so captivating took me by storm.Perfectly manicured nails tightly gripped the mic as hes eyes shut and he sung the words.Thats how u can tell when a song is personal i seen alot of my favorite singers do it....its kinda like their in there zone.Not realizing but a smile crept up the corners of my mouth as i swayed to the music taking it all in.It was a beautifull song that was sung from the heart.But as it went on i began to recognize that the song was about me
*....when georg had first left for the band i was still little a preteen i had trouble..with mom always gone dad on business trips me always being left alone to fend for myself. Walking home from the lake one night our neighbor Mr.Hagen had told me that my parents were on an overnight important business trip so he recommened that i stay wit him until they came back the next day so i did.He was a trusting guy or whatnot me and georg always used to stay over there when were too little to be home alone.I was sleeping soundly in the guest bed.....the door creaked open Mr.Hagen's silloutte stretched out to the length of the door way.He crept into my bed with me..stroking my hair wrapping his hands all around me..Being that i was only 12 doesnt mean i didnt understand that was completely innapropiate to touch a young girl...but he didnt stop cold clammy hands rubbed my inner thigh tracing small circles as it ventured for my private.Holding my breath i was afraid to let him know that i was awake,proping himself he layed on top entering me,moaning.After climaxing he gently wished me a good night wit a kiss.Telling my parents wasnt optional anyway how could i they were never home.Bad nightmares started couldnt sleep i became an isominac cut myself to release the pain.One time i cut so deep i hit a vein and had to be sent to the hospital i almost died then the thearpy started they figure it would better than just plainly asking their daughter what was wrong.She was nice Ms.Johns an american that had transferred over here to germany to help broaded her horizon in her carreer.About 20 blonde hair with black hightlights it was cut into a bob it stopped at her chin.Honest warm brown eyes were so trusting but then she made me have a conference with my parents.''Tell them what you told me''Ms.johns rubbing me softly on my back to support the heavy weight on my shoulders.My head was down twirling my fingers in my lap.Knowning the accusing eyes were watching my words were stuck in my throat.''Remember that day when u went on the business trip in leipzig and i had to stay with Mr.Hagen?''my parents nodded intently almost trying to full understand.My hands played with the length of my hair tangling it anxiously continuing on''He kinda had his way with me''now chewing at the ends of my hair almost muffling what i said next''As in you kno had sex with me''a lump in my throat the size of a fist as i choked on the last of my horrific tale.Mom's fully round dark green eyes stared agape.....dad lolled his back as if to think this was typical of me.''I cant believe you two just sit there like zombies as i ur fucking daughter just told u about the most horrible day of my life i got raped by someone i trusted''ranting jumping out of my seat eyes leaking with tears that seemed to have a mind of their own and ran down my face.Not one to be chastise''Well you have been acting a lil slutty lately''dad retored blankly as if that was the perfect reason for me being touched.Yea after that i did start sleeping wit other guys and being known as the girl who gets around....but what else could i depend on?my parents were never there and as much as my listless body hated the routine of picking some guy at random and letting him have his way with me but in my warped mind that was the closest i ever had 2 actually having someone love me.....though it was only for one night it felt good to atleast make myself think that the person above me sweating ,panting like a dog had some ounce of love for me.''Whatever...see i told u it wouldnt matter much they are both so absorbed in their own work to careless about precious me being fondled by some old pervert''turning to ms.johns as she just stared caught up in her own self disqust about my parents reaction.Heading towards the door i abid her a small nod of gratitude.Things went on as usual i was always home alone expect only this time any chance i tried to grasp to having a normal life and just going out they always found away to make it seem like i was out prostituting myself.So I got tired of it I tried hard enough to make them see that I wasn’t the way they thought I was but nothing worked. “maybe they’re lives would be better without me they wouldn’t have to worry anymore…its not like they do now! All they care about is work and keeping up their so called “image” well im tired of it!!!” I thought heading out the door knowing what had to be done now. Walking with my head down looking at the ground I made my way to the lake that I love to go to once I got there I sat just wondering how I should do it “should I drown myself?...no I know that once i cant hold my breath anymore im going to come back up” I thought sighing then I got it quickly and pulled out the razor that I always kept with me “perfect” I said aloud I just have to cut deep enough to hit a vain and it should be quick and mostly painless. I looked out at the lake and at the sunset this is the only thing I would miss…my lake. “fuck everyone else” I said as I slid the sharp razor across my flesh and saw the red blood coming out of it, I cut myself 2 more times and then started to feel dizzy and weak, I sat down in the grass and looked at the damage I did. The red liquid like substance covered my arm fully and I smiled happy that all of this would be over soon. My eyes started to get heavy and I I heard my heart rate slow,I leaned back in the grass and the last thing I saw before everything went black was the sun disappear into the lake water.
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments r <3