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Sequel: The King ›
Love Is Watching Someone Die
001/001
Her green eyes said it all; they betrayed her and gave away to the world the hurt and sadness that really lay in her heart. Though they gave it all away no one ever stuck around long enough to notice it. They took her practiced smiles, airy laugh, and carefully constructed sentences as signs that everything was all right in her world. How wrong they were, how very, very wrong they all were. Behind her facade of practiced happiness in a mirror lay a destroyed woman, beaten from years of hardships and heart break; leaving her empty and gasping for breath, and always the one to clean up the mess everyone left behind.
But he saw; he saw it all. The pain, the hurt, the suffering. He saw it, watched it as she battled it in her mind. He sees her somedays sitting behind her desk in her office, hands tangled in her hair, gnawing on her bottom lip, tears glittering her eyes rolling down her cheeks and splashing on the hardwood. Every time he looked into her emerald eyes he wanted to gather her up and hold her so tight that maybe he could absorbed some of her pain, take some of it away from her; no one deserves to hurt as much as she did. He never did; he could never get up the nerve to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. He just watched from a distance, watching as she unraveled.
She lay in her bathtub hot water surrounding her body as she tried to scrub away her pain; as if she tried hard enough it would wash down the drain with the soap and water. It never did; it was always there, it always would be. She’s given up hope so long ago, but it had become a routine to at least try to scrub it off. Sobs racked through her body; her ribs aching from the amount of tears she shed, but that had become routine as well. Once she stepped through the doors of her apartment her facade dropped and the tears ran down her face, not stopping until she had fallen asleep. Mother was a name she did not know, and father was something he did not deserve. Brother, who had once kept her together had died in the line of duty, and sister was something she never had. Love did not exist in her world after he had taken her heart and given it back in tiny pieces, too tiny to be put back together, and children is something that was dead from birth; never even given a chance to breath. She couldn’t recall the last time she had truly smiled, or laughed along with someone. All she longed for, if only just once, was for someone to take care of her, to fuck her, to hold her, to tell her those three little words every girl wants to hear at least once before they die.
He was watching her again, as she weaved through her employees, headed for the elevator, and for the first time he decided to follow her in hopes of talking to her, so that maybe she’d let him in to her world and let him take away some of the hurt she held. He followed her to the roof of the building, standing a safe distance as always, though fear sped through his heart as he watched her stand dangerously close to edge. Her hair whipped around her face, and her eyes were shut, though he could see the tear stains down her pink cheek. He sucked in a deep breath and took a few steps closer to her, quickening his pace as he saw her shuffle even closer to the bustling street below. He grabbed her wrist just in time, before she let her body fall. She let out a surprised scream at the sudden contact.
“What were you thinking?” He huffed holding her close to him, her sent intoxicating his mind. She didn’t answer him, she curled into him sobbing. He didn’t say much more, he merely held her. They were up there for hours, even past sunset but her tears didn’t stop, and he didn’t make any signs of moving. Finally, she looked up at him her green eyes shining even in the dark.
“Why did you stop me?” she asked her voice an angelic whisper.
“I love you,” He said finally; those three words that had been dancing in his mouth forever were finally out.
“But you barely know me,”
“You’re wrong,” She looked at him confused, “I’m the only one that knows you,” She backed away from him a little, her eyes full of so many questions.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m the only one that sees how much pain you are really in,” He said his hand slowly reaching out and cupping her face, the pad of his thumb brushing along her cheek bone. New tears rimmed her eyes. She moved closer to him again curling back into his side.
“Let me take you home,” he said finally standing up and offering his hand to her. She took it without hesitation and followed him.
That was a year ago, and it had been the best year of her life, her eyes shined so green and so bright she made the stars jealous. God had other plans though, plans that made it seem like he didn’t want her to be happy. The glint in her eyes had died, and the smile she had worn so proud had been wiped off her beautiful face. She now faced a new ache; Leukemia. It didn’t seem fair, she had struggled for so long to be happy and now this. She lay weak in a hospital bed her batch of chemo drugs running through her body. Her once beautiful brown locks now gone, a scarf now covering her bald head. Tears running down her paled face and over her chapped lips. She questioned what the world had against her, what had she ever done to deserve such pain? Why her? Why now once she had finally found happiness and love?
“Sh,” he tried comforting her his thumb gently wiping away her tears, “we will get through this,” He sounded so confident about it, but she knew that he was even trying to convince himself at this point.
“Why me?” she croaked, her voice raw from the constant flow of vomit.
“I do not know,” he whispered sadly. She shook even more and new tears graced her face, he had to bite his lip to keep his own from falling. He had to stay strong for her. She suddenly lurched forward gripping at her stomach, he new what was coming and grabbed the bucket from beside her bed holding it for her, as the chemical contents of her stomach came back up. He sighed as she sat back still crying. He placed the bowl back on the floor and grabbed a tissue wiping the remnants from her face. Tossing the soiled cloth into the trash he picked up her water and held the straw out for her as she sipped it.
“You look too sick to go home tonight,” he sighed, “I’ll arrange with the nurse for you to stay,”
“No,” she cried, “don’t leave me here alone tonight,” He smiled sadly at her; still even after all this time and everything he had been through with her, she still thought he was going to leave her.
“Don’t be silly,” he chuckled, “I would never even think of leaving your side, not when you need me the most,”
“How did I get so lucky?” she questioned looking up at him with so much love in her eyes, it made the pain even worse knowing she could be gone in a blink.
“I think the real question is how did I get so lucky?” he smiled kissing her forehead, this time he couldn’t hold back the tears, “I love you so much,” he whispered kissing her lips this time, “So fucking much it hurts,” he cried; she cried with him, holding him so closely, in fear that if she let go he’d disappear.
He had only be gone a few minutes to arrange for her to stay the evening and to get a coffee. when he returned to her room the emergency bell was ringing and nurses and doctors alike where rushing into her room. The styrofoam cup slipped from his hand, the brown liquid splashing and staining the sterile tiles. He rushed towards her door and tried to get past the medical staff to get to his love. He was pushed back by to male nurses.
“Sir you cannot be in here,”
“I’m her boyfriend! I need to be in there!” he screamed pushing against them, “What is going on?” he cried.
“Sir, you need to calm down,” the other nurse said as he pushed back against the frantic man.
“Calm down! How can I calm down! What is wrong with her!” He gave up on fighting against them and slumped to the ground cradling his head in his hands. One of the nurses crouched
in front of him while the other went back in to her room.
“Sir,” He said softly placing a hand on the sobbing mans shoulder, “you need to go to the waiting room, the doctor will be out as soon as he can to explain the situation in full,” He looked up to the nurse with bloodshot eyes, tear stains dripping his face, bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep; disheveled.
“Why can’t you just tell me now? Is she alright? What’s going on?” new tears running down his face, snot dribbling down his nose, his body shaking with new terrors; the thought of loosing her ripping apart his heart shredding it to pieces.
“I cannot tell you, because I don’t know the severity of it all. I am not aloud to give you information that could be incorrect,”
“I just want to know if she’s alright,”
“When the doctor knows you will know,” the nurse said calmly, “Let’s get you to the waiting room,” The nurse stood and helped him up directing him to the room, where you wait for only
bad news and only to say good-bye. He dropped his weight into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs and cupped his head in his hands once more. The minutes went on like hours, and his heart broke a little more every time a doctor came out, but not to talk to him. His phone beeped in his pocket, he shifted a little and pulled it from his pocket, looking a the LCD screen his sisters name flashed across it. He flipped it open and pressed it to his ear. Without even saying hello, he began in on what had happened that day.
“Oh my baby brother,” she cooed, trying to hold back her own tears; over the year she had grown close to her as well, and it pained her to hear she might have said her last goodbye.
“I wish I had words to say,” she said softly, “but I’m at a loss,”
“It’s just good to hear you’re voice,” he said running a hand through his mated locks, there was a pause on the line, before his sister finally said something.
“Love is watching someone die,” she said quietly, her voice cracking slightly at the end.
“So who’s going to watch me die?” he questioned, “If it’s my turn to watch her? Who is going to watch me?” he huffed wiping the back of his nose with his sweater sleeve. His sister didn’t have an answer to that. There were no good-byes in their conversation, he simply shut his phone and slipped it back into his pockets. He looked around the room, his eyes scanning over all the waiters. Some where pacing waiting for the bad new, others nervously looking down at the old tiles only looking up when a nurse walked through the room, or a doctor came out to deliver bad news. The T.V. blathering on about nothing to no one.
He must have fallen asleep in the chair, because the next thing he knew he was being shaken awake by the doctor a soft smile on his face.
“How is she?” he asked groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. The doctor sighed and sat down beside him.
“Her kidneys failed, the chemo has shot them,” He let out a deep sigh.
“So what does that mean?”
“That her body has gotten, weaker and that the cancer has gotten stronger,” tears feel from
his eyes.
“How long does she have?” the doctor took his time to answer.
“A month maybe,” he said softly; more tears feel.
“Can I see her?”
“Of course,” He followed the doctor back through the halls to her room, he nodded at the doctor and walked into her room, sitting down beside her, he grabbed her hand and ran his fingers gently of her knuckles.
“Hi,” she smiled sadly,
“Hey,” he smiled back, tears rolling down both their cheeks.
“I’ll miss you,” she cried.
“Don’t talk like that,” he said angrily.
“We have to face the truth, I know I don’t have long,”
“Stop it,”
“I want you to know that you made my life complete you were my angle, who saved me from
myself, more than one,”
“Stop, please!”
“I’m so happy I got to call you mine,”
“No” he shook his head.
“When I die I want you to move on and be happy, find a girl that make you smile as much as
you made me,”
“Anna,” he cried “Stop,”
“I love you so much,”
“I love you more,” He crawled into the bed with her and held her close, kissing her chapped
lips.
“I’m so grateful that I’ve gotten to lain beside you, that not at all,” she whispered softly.
“Sleep,” he whispered, caressing her cheek softly, “You need your strength to fight this,”
“I’m done fighting,”
“No, no, no, don’t talk like that, just sleep,” he kissed her again, “sleep,” he whispered softly. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He watched the LCD screen on her heart monitor, and it peaked and descended, knowing that decedents were taking her father away from him. Tears soaking her hair as it stop peaking and descending and moved slowly at a flat line. His sisters words ringing through his ears.
Love is watching someone die.
If that was love is, than it’s a cruel truth
So who’s gonna watch you die?
But he saw; he saw it all. The pain, the hurt, the suffering. He saw it, watched it as she battled it in her mind. He sees her somedays sitting behind her desk in her office, hands tangled in her hair, gnawing on her bottom lip, tears glittering her eyes rolling down her cheeks and splashing on the hardwood. Every time he looked into her emerald eyes he wanted to gather her up and hold her so tight that maybe he could absorbed some of her pain, take some of it away from her; no one deserves to hurt as much as she did. He never did; he could never get up the nerve to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. He just watched from a distance, watching as she unraveled.
She lay in her bathtub hot water surrounding her body as she tried to scrub away her pain; as if she tried hard enough it would wash down the drain with the soap and water. It never did; it was always there, it always would be. She’s given up hope so long ago, but it had become a routine to at least try to scrub it off. Sobs racked through her body; her ribs aching from the amount of tears she shed, but that had become routine as well. Once she stepped through the doors of her apartment her facade dropped and the tears ran down her face, not stopping until she had fallen asleep. Mother was a name she did not know, and father was something he did not deserve. Brother, who had once kept her together had died in the line of duty, and sister was something she never had. Love did not exist in her world after he had taken her heart and given it back in tiny pieces, too tiny to be put back together, and children is something that was dead from birth; never even given a chance to breath. She couldn’t recall the last time she had truly smiled, or laughed along with someone. All she longed for, if only just once, was for someone to take care of her, to fuck her, to hold her, to tell her those three little words every girl wants to hear at least once before they die.
He was watching her again, as she weaved through her employees, headed for the elevator, and for the first time he decided to follow her in hopes of talking to her, so that maybe she’d let him in to her world and let him take away some of the hurt she held. He followed her to the roof of the building, standing a safe distance as always, though fear sped through his heart as he watched her stand dangerously close to edge. Her hair whipped around her face, and her eyes were shut, though he could see the tear stains down her pink cheek. He sucked in a deep breath and took a few steps closer to her, quickening his pace as he saw her shuffle even closer to the bustling street below. He grabbed her wrist just in time, before she let her body fall. She let out a surprised scream at the sudden contact.
“What were you thinking?” He huffed holding her close to him, her sent intoxicating his mind. She didn’t answer him, she curled into him sobbing. He didn’t say much more, he merely held her. They were up there for hours, even past sunset but her tears didn’t stop, and he didn’t make any signs of moving. Finally, she looked up at him her green eyes shining even in the dark.
“Why did you stop me?” she asked her voice an angelic whisper.
“I love you,” He said finally; those three words that had been dancing in his mouth forever were finally out.
“But you barely know me,”
“You’re wrong,” She looked at him confused, “I’m the only one that knows you,” She backed away from him a little, her eyes full of so many questions.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m the only one that sees how much pain you are really in,” He said his hand slowly reaching out and cupping her face, the pad of his thumb brushing along her cheek bone. New tears rimmed her eyes. She moved closer to him again curling back into his side.
“Let me take you home,” he said finally standing up and offering his hand to her. She took it without hesitation and followed him.
That was a year ago, and it had been the best year of her life, her eyes shined so green and so bright she made the stars jealous. God had other plans though, plans that made it seem like he didn’t want her to be happy. The glint in her eyes had died, and the smile she had worn so proud had been wiped off her beautiful face. She now faced a new ache; Leukemia. It didn’t seem fair, she had struggled for so long to be happy and now this. She lay weak in a hospital bed her batch of chemo drugs running through her body. Her once beautiful brown locks now gone, a scarf now covering her bald head. Tears running down her paled face and over her chapped lips. She questioned what the world had against her, what had she ever done to deserve such pain? Why her? Why now once she had finally found happiness and love?
“Sh,” he tried comforting her his thumb gently wiping away her tears, “we will get through this,” He sounded so confident about it, but she knew that he was even trying to convince himself at this point.
“Why me?” she croaked, her voice raw from the constant flow of vomit.
“I do not know,” he whispered sadly. She shook even more and new tears graced her face, he had to bite his lip to keep his own from falling. He had to stay strong for her. She suddenly lurched forward gripping at her stomach, he new what was coming and grabbed the bucket from beside her bed holding it for her, as the chemical contents of her stomach came back up. He sighed as she sat back still crying. He placed the bowl back on the floor and grabbed a tissue wiping the remnants from her face. Tossing the soiled cloth into the trash he picked up her water and held the straw out for her as she sipped it.
“You look too sick to go home tonight,” he sighed, “I’ll arrange with the nurse for you to stay,”
“No,” she cried, “don’t leave me here alone tonight,” He smiled sadly at her; still even after all this time and everything he had been through with her, she still thought he was going to leave her.
“Don’t be silly,” he chuckled, “I would never even think of leaving your side, not when you need me the most,”
“How did I get so lucky?” she questioned looking up at him with so much love in her eyes, it made the pain even worse knowing she could be gone in a blink.
“I think the real question is how did I get so lucky?” he smiled kissing her forehead, this time he couldn’t hold back the tears, “I love you so much,” he whispered kissing her lips this time, “So fucking much it hurts,” he cried; she cried with him, holding him so closely, in fear that if she let go he’d disappear.
He had only be gone a few minutes to arrange for her to stay the evening and to get a coffee. when he returned to her room the emergency bell was ringing and nurses and doctors alike where rushing into her room. The styrofoam cup slipped from his hand, the brown liquid splashing and staining the sterile tiles. He rushed towards her door and tried to get past the medical staff to get to his love. He was pushed back by to male nurses.
“Sir you cannot be in here,”
“I’m her boyfriend! I need to be in there!” he screamed pushing against them, “What is going on?” he cried.
“Sir, you need to calm down,” the other nurse said as he pushed back against the frantic man.
“Calm down! How can I calm down! What is wrong with her!” He gave up on fighting against them and slumped to the ground cradling his head in his hands. One of the nurses crouched
in front of him while the other went back in to her room.
“Sir,” He said softly placing a hand on the sobbing mans shoulder, “you need to go to the waiting room, the doctor will be out as soon as he can to explain the situation in full,” He looked up to the nurse with bloodshot eyes, tear stains dripping his face, bags under his eyes from the lack of sleep; disheveled.
“Why can’t you just tell me now? Is she alright? What’s going on?” new tears running down his face, snot dribbling down his nose, his body shaking with new terrors; the thought of loosing her ripping apart his heart shredding it to pieces.
“I cannot tell you, because I don’t know the severity of it all. I am not aloud to give you information that could be incorrect,”
“I just want to know if she’s alright,”
“When the doctor knows you will know,” the nurse said calmly, “Let’s get you to the waiting room,” The nurse stood and helped him up directing him to the room, where you wait for only
bad news and only to say good-bye. He dropped his weight into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs and cupped his head in his hands once more. The minutes went on like hours, and his heart broke a little more every time a doctor came out, but not to talk to him. His phone beeped in his pocket, he shifted a little and pulled it from his pocket, looking a the LCD screen his sisters name flashed across it. He flipped it open and pressed it to his ear. Without even saying hello, he began in on what had happened that day.
“Oh my baby brother,” she cooed, trying to hold back her own tears; over the year she had grown close to her as well, and it pained her to hear she might have said her last goodbye.
“I wish I had words to say,” she said softly, “but I’m at a loss,”
“It’s just good to hear you’re voice,” he said running a hand through his mated locks, there was a pause on the line, before his sister finally said something.
“Love is watching someone die,” she said quietly, her voice cracking slightly at the end.
“So who’s going to watch me die?” he questioned, “If it’s my turn to watch her? Who is going to watch me?” he huffed wiping the back of his nose with his sweater sleeve. His sister didn’t have an answer to that. There were no good-byes in their conversation, he simply shut his phone and slipped it back into his pockets. He looked around the room, his eyes scanning over all the waiters. Some where pacing waiting for the bad new, others nervously looking down at the old tiles only looking up when a nurse walked through the room, or a doctor came out to deliver bad news. The T.V. blathering on about nothing to no one.
He must have fallen asleep in the chair, because the next thing he knew he was being shaken awake by the doctor a soft smile on his face.
“How is she?” he asked groggily, wiping the sleep from his eyes. The doctor sighed and sat down beside him.
“Her kidneys failed, the chemo has shot them,” He let out a deep sigh.
“So what does that mean?”
“That her body has gotten, weaker and that the cancer has gotten stronger,” tears feel from
his eyes.
“How long does she have?” the doctor took his time to answer.
“A month maybe,” he said softly; more tears feel.
“Can I see her?”
“Of course,” He followed the doctor back through the halls to her room, he nodded at the doctor and walked into her room, sitting down beside her, he grabbed her hand and ran his fingers gently of her knuckles.
“Hi,” she smiled sadly,
“Hey,” he smiled back, tears rolling down both their cheeks.
“I’ll miss you,” she cried.
“Don’t talk like that,” he said angrily.
“We have to face the truth, I know I don’t have long,”
“Stop it,”
“I want you to know that you made my life complete you were my angle, who saved me from
myself, more than one,”
“Stop, please!”
“I’m so happy I got to call you mine,”
“No” he shook his head.
“When I die I want you to move on and be happy, find a girl that make you smile as much as
you made me,”
“Anna,” he cried “Stop,”
“I love you so much,”
“I love you more,” He crawled into the bed with her and held her close, kissing her chapped
lips.
“I’m so grateful that I’ve gotten to lain beside you, that not at all,” she whispered softly.
“Sleep,” he whispered, caressing her cheek softly, “You need your strength to fight this,”
“I’m done fighting,”
“No, no, no, don’t talk like that, just sleep,” he kissed her again, “sleep,” he whispered softly. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. He watched the LCD screen on her heart monitor, and it peaked and descended, knowing that decedents were taking her father away from him. Tears soaking her hair as it stop peaking and descending and moved slowly at a flat line. His sisters words ringing through his ears.
Love is watching someone die.
If that was love is, than it’s a cruel truth
So who’s gonna watch you die?