Status: Who do you blame when someone dies? Was it really your fault? And when the fingers are pointed at you do they ask Where were you?
Where Were You?
Who's to blame?
Fire burned into my brain as I slept, my dreams were of darkness then suddenly fire. In the center of the darkness a blazing fire burned, tempting to burn down the city. I could hear a faint scream and so I tried to find out where it had come from. Running and running but always coming back to the fire the scream got louder. It peirced my ears as it rang out into the night. My heart beat louder and louder and I could feel panic taking over me.
The city revealed itself at last and in there in a dark alleyway I stood. orange and yellow flames lit the darkness of the night. Snow lay on the ground and I tried to find who was scream. As I took my first step I felt something hidden in the snow. Bending down I began to uncover a body. Her eyes were open and her tears were in blood.
Scared I knew this body in front of me, her deep eyes and dark brown hair. Even though her face was covered in dark make up I could still recognize her. "Ally," I said seeing my breath in the air. Her mouth was closed but her eyes open and she stared off into the night. I bent down and lifted her into my arms to hold her one last time.
My eyes opened and a minute later my alarm clock went off. Slowly I turned it off and tried to shake off the dream. I followed my normal routine and went downstairs to see my parents watching the news. I didn't really care about the news so I began making a bowl of cereal. It wasn't until I poured my milk into the bowl that I heard her name. Maybe I was going crazy but I thought I'd heard them mention her on the TV.
"That's so terrible," said my mother looking at me.
"What's terrible?" I asked sitting down at the table.
"They found a girl dead today in New york," said my father,"She used to go to your school her name was.."
"Ally," I cut him off.
"Yeah," said my mom,"Did you know her?"
My mind was in a haze and then I lied,"No I just knew of her."
"Well I just feel aweful for her family, apparently she'd run away and went to New York," my mom said walking over and patting my back.
Immediately I got dressed and ready for school happy to be out of my house. Ally's face burned in my mind, her open eyes staring at me. As hard as I try I couldn't shake her out of my mind. I wanted to just forget the whole the whole thing. Sadly I knew this would be something I wouldn't forget.
As I walked into the school I could hear people whispering, mostly using my name. I pretended not to notice but once I got to my friends they all looked at me with a how could you face. Nobody talked to me the whole day. What had I done to make everyone hate me? It wasn't until I later when my name was mentioned with Ally that I put two and two together. Her death was on my hands.
People had remembered Ally and I dating and then she just left. But it wasn't my fauth she left, was it? She and I had broken up and well it wasn't a happy ending. I guess I'd hurt her pretty badly, but she didn't want me to apologize to her. She only wanted the truth and now I felt bad for not being honest with her. It didn't mean I was the bad guy, everyone goes through a break up.
"This is her fault," I told myself,"Yeah she did this to herself and I am not to blame." I still wasn't convinced as I headed home from school. My parents were waiting with disappointment written on their faces.
"You said you didn't know her," my mom said her eyes had been red from crying.
"I didn't," I said still clinging to the lie.
"Don't lie to us, we know about you and her," said my father in a stern voice.
"I'm not lying," I said.
"Stop it!" my mom shouted,"I don't want to hear from you anymore, you lied to us. I heard today that she was your girlfriend for months."
I put my head down,"It wasn't my fault that she died."
"But you act like you don't even care. Her life is gone and it may as well be your fault," my father said.
I'd heard enough, so I walked up to my room. Her face kept haunting me that night even in my dreams. I could hear her screaming ,"Where were you?" into the night and the alleyway burst into flames around me. The next day the police said the body was going to be brought back here so that her parents could give her a proper burrial. More and more that week my classmate started giving me a harder time.
Shoving me and pushing me as I walked passed them. As if their stares weren't enough they had to really hit me where it hurt. Ally's voice filled my head and I wanted it to stop, but the more and more I was accused the more and more I began to believe it was true. I kept thinking about how I could have saved her, if I hadn't been a dick. It was my fault she'd left and so it was my fault she was dead.
Sunday on a dark and cloudy day in decemember Ally's body was put to rest. I sat in the church waiting for my turn to go look upon her. Finally I stood and I gazed upon her. It was like a terrible nightmare as she got up and with a look of anger stared at me.
"Where were you?" she screamed at me,"Where were you?"
Tears fell down my face as I opened my eyes to her dead body. She looked peaceful and her white dress hide the place where she'd been stabbed. I touched her hand and felt the coldness of her lifeless body. I looked at her beautiful face, she was just like I remembered her. It was like she was asleep and at any moment would wake up smiling at me. All of me wished she was sleeping and that she would look at me with her eyes.
My hand turned cold against hers, and I realized that I had loved her. Since that day I got the courage to sit by her. She'd always been so different, so wonderful and amazing. Now I missed her, I'd been afraid to show it but I missed her. Crying at her side I wished I had been there for her, I'd wished I'd been there to save her. Someone tapped my shoulder and I squeezed her hand bending down to whisper in her ear.
"I'm sorry," I said and I walked back to my seat.
The week before I had begged Ally's parents to let me be a pall beare for Ally's coffin. Kindly they had let me and I stood holding part of the coffin. It was the last thing I could to for Ally. The one thing I should have done, I was there for her. And being there for her was what I needed to do, more than that what I wanted to do. We walked to the black hurst.
We all walked slowly behind the car, but I found myself right behind it. My hand touched the window, I'm not sure why I did that though. Maybe it was just to be sure she was still there. When the car stopped we all grabbed the coffin again and began to walk to the grave. A deep hole was visible up ahead, the dirt inside was brown showing it was freshly dug.
The funeral began and the preacher spoke some words about Ally. Mostly about her life and how God decides when to take his children. He said it was God's will for Ally to die and that she was in a better place. Her mother cried on her father's shoulder as people put flowers on Ally's coffin. I was the last to place a red tulip on her coffin. I lingered there for a moment and thought about all the times we'd had.
Slowly I turned to face her father. He was a tough looking man with Ally's dark hair. I gave him a small smile, he didn't return the smile. Instead I could see his red eyes, he'd been crying.
"The cops found this in Ally's stuff," He said as calmly as he could,"I thought you should have it."
Holding out my hands he placed a small journal in them,"I couldn't bear to read it," He said,"But I read the dates and they are mostly a month before she left until she died."
"Thank you," was all I could say looking at the white cover with black splatters of paint on it.
I went home and began reading it. It was the last part of Ally that I would ever have so I read her private thoughts alone in my room. The first half was of the time we dated, and it talked about how I made her happy. She talked about how alone she'd felt before me and how she never wanted to be alone again. The tears rolled down my cheeks as she described all the moments we'd shared. Finally I got to her life in New York.
These were the darkest pages I'd ever read. Ally talked about all the things she'd gotten into, the people she'd been involved in. She seemed like a totally different person in this half. It was like she was two face, the good Ally was hiding and the bad one had come out to take over her. On the last page it was a letter to me.
Deceiever,
I'm sorry I left, I shouldn't have left my home. I just didn't want to be alone again, I was afraid and didn't know what else to do. So I went to New York and changed who I was. I've become someone I'm not and I have to tell you that she scares me. This Ally doesn't know when to stop. The sad thing that keeps her going is knowing that I can't get what I once had. I miss you, and I miss having you to talk to. I wanted to apologize for leaving. I hope you can forgive me and I hope you know me running away wasn't your fault. This was my choice and I will have to learn from my mistakes. I love you and I hope your doing well.
Love,
Ally
The city revealed itself at last and in there in a dark alleyway I stood. orange and yellow flames lit the darkness of the night. Snow lay on the ground and I tried to find who was scream. As I took my first step I felt something hidden in the snow. Bending down I began to uncover a body. Her eyes were open and her tears were in blood.
Scared I knew this body in front of me, her deep eyes and dark brown hair. Even though her face was covered in dark make up I could still recognize her. "Ally," I said seeing my breath in the air. Her mouth was closed but her eyes open and she stared off into the night. I bent down and lifted her into my arms to hold her one last time.
My eyes opened and a minute later my alarm clock went off. Slowly I turned it off and tried to shake off the dream. I followed my normal routine and went downstairs to see my parents watching the news. I didn't really care about the news so I began making a bowl of cereal. It wasn't until I poured my milk into the bowl that I heard her name. Maybe I was going crazy but I thought I'd heard them mention her on the TV.
"That's so terrible," said my mother looking at me.
"What's terrible?" I asked sitting down at the table.
"They found a girl dead today in New york," said my father,"She used to go to your school her name was.."
"Ally," I cut him off.
"Yeah," said my mom,"Did you know her?"
My mind was in a haze and then I lied,"No I just knew of her."
"Well I just feel aweful for her family, apparently she'd run away and went to New York," my mom said walking over and patting my back.
Immediately I got dressed and ready for school happy to be out of my house. Ally's face burned in my mind, her open eyes staring at me. As hard as I try I couldn't shake her out of my mind. I wanted to just forget the whole the whole thing. Sadly I knew this would be something I wouldn't forget.
As I walked into the school I could hear people whispering, mostly using my name. I pretended not to notice but once I got to my friends they all looked at me with a how could you face. Nobody talked to me the whole day. What had I done to make everyone hate me? It wasn't until I later when my name was mentioned with Ally that I put two and two together. Her death was on my hands.
People had remembered Ally and I dating and then she just left. But it wasn't my fauth she left, was it? She and I had broken up and well it wasn't a happy ending. I guess I'd hurt her pretty badly, but she didn't want me to apologize to her. She only wanted the truth and now I felt bad for not being honest with her. It didn't mean I was the bad guy, everyone goes through a break up.
"This is her fault," I told myself,"Yeah she did this to herself and I am not to blame." I still wasn't convinced as I headed home from school. My parents were waiting with disappointment written on their faces.
"You said you didn't know her," my mom said her eyes had been red from crying.
"I didn't," I said still clinging to the lie.
"Don't lie to us, we know about you and her," said my father in a stern voice.
"I'm not lying," I said.
"Stop it!" my mom shouted,"I don't want to hear from you anymore, you lied to us. I heard today that she was your girlfriend for months."
I put my head down,"It wasn't my fault that she died."
"But you act like you don't even care. Her life is gone and it may as well be your fault," my father said.
I'd heard enough, so I walked up to my room. Her face kept haunting me that night even in my dreams. I could hear her screaming ,"Where were you?" into the night and the alleyway burst into flames around me. The next day the police said the body was going to be brought back here so that her parents could give her a proper burrial. More and more that week my classmate started giving me a harder time.
Shoving me and pushing me as I walked passed them. As if their stares weren't enough they had to really hit me where it hurt. Ally's voice filled my head and I wanted it to stop, but the more and more I was accused the more and more I began to believe it was true. I kept thinking about how I could have saved her, if I hadn't been a dick. It was my fault she'd left and so it was my fault she was dead.
Sunday on a dark and cloudy day in decemember Ally's body was put to rest. I sat in the church waiting for my turn to go look upon her. Finally I stood and I gazed upon her. It was like a terrible nightmare as she got up and with a look of anger stared at me.
"Where were you?" she screamed at me,"Where were you?"
Tears fell down my face as I opened my eyes to her dead body. She looked peaceful and her white dress hide the place where she'd been stabbed. I touched her hand and felt the coldness of her lifeless body. I looked at her beautiful face, she was just like I remembered her. It was like she was asleep and at any moment would wake up smiling at me. All of me wished she was sleeping and that she would look at me with her eyes.
My hand turned cold against hers, and I realized that I had loved her. Since that day I got the courage to sit by her. She'd always been so different, so wonderful and amazing. Now I missed her, I'd been afraid to show it but I missed her. Crying at her side I wished I had been there for her, I'd wished I'd been there to save her. Someone tapped my shoulder and I squeezed her hand bending down to whisper in her ear.
"I'm sorry," I said and I walked back to my seat.
The week before I had begged Ally's parents to let me be a pall beare for Ally's coffin. Kindly they had let me and I stood holding part of the coffin. It was the last thing I could to for Ally. The one thing I should have done, I was there for her. And being there for her was what I needed to do, more than that what I wanted to do. We walked to the black hurst.
We all walked slowly behind the car, but I found myself right behind it. My hand touched the window, I'm not sure why I did that though. Maybe it was just to be sure she was still there. When the car stopped we all grabbed the coffin again and began to walk to the grave. A deep hole was visible up ahead, the dirt inside was brown showing it was freshly dug.
The funeral began and the preacher spoke some words about Ally. Mostly about her life and how God decides when to take his children. He said it was God's will for Ally to die and that she was in a better place. Her mother cried on her father's shoulder as people put flowers on Ally's coffin. I was the last to place a red tulip on her coffin. I lingered there for a moment and thought about all the times we'd had.
Slowly I turned to face her father. He was a tough looking man with Ally's dark hair. I gave him a small smile, he didn't return the smile. Instead I could see his red eyes, he'd been crying.
"The cops found this in Ally's stuff," He said as calmly as he could,"I thought you should have it."
Holding out my hands he placed a small journal in them,"I couldn't bear to read it," He said,"But I read the dates and they are mostly a month before she left until she died."
"Thank you," was all I could say looking at the white cover with black splatters of paint on it.
I went home and began reading it. It was the last part of Ally that I would ever have so I read her private thoughts alone in my room. The first half was of the time we dated, and it talked about how I made her happy. She talked about how alone she'd felt before me and how she never wanted to be alone again. The tears rolled down my cheeks as she described all the moments we'd shared. Finally I got to her life in New York.
These were the darkest pages I'd ever read. Ally talked about all the things she'd gotten into, the people she'd been involved in. She seemed like a totally different person in this half. It was like she was two face, the good Ally was hiding and the bad one had come out to take over her. On the last page it was a letter to me.
Deceiever,
I'm sorry I left, I shouldn't have left my home. I just didn't want to be alone again, I was afraid and didn't know what else to do. So I went to New York and changed who I was. I've become someone I'm not and I have to tell you that she scares me. This Ally doesn't know when to stop. The sad thing that keeps her going is knowing that I can't get what I once had. I miss you, and I miss having you to talk to. I wanted to apologize for leaving. I hope you can forgive me and I hope you know me running away wasn't your fault. This was my choice and I will have to learn from my mistakes. I love you and I hope your doing well.
Love,
Ally