Shards of Glass

A dramatic sigh escapes my lips. I feel a pair of eyes linger across my face, searching my eyes for a reason for such a melodramatic sigh. I do not have a reason for him, however. This reason is dug so deep that I am afraid to open my mouth even a millimeter, for I may break down in tears yet again.

His voice drifts in my ear a moment later. “Please tell me what happened,” he whispers, touching my cheek with his hand. I close my eyes for a second, just taking pleasure in the way it feels to have his fingers stroke my cheek once again. “I love you,” he tells me. I look over at him, catching a glimpse of his beautiful blue eyes. A smile curls itself on my lips as I look at him. He smiles at me in that way that shows just how much he loves me. He will love me until the end.

“I love you, too,” I whisper, smiling at him for a second. I reach over and place my hand behind his neck. I lean forward to give him a soft, slow kiss. He’s happy to kiss me back, though a little hesitantly. I pull back, smiling a quick smile before he leans down to give me a handful of butterfly kisses across my neck.

When he pulls back, I sit up and lean against his shoulder, avoiding his eyes. He starts rubbing my back softly, one of my favorite things.

I sigh dramatically again and fall onto my back on his bed. He looks down at me and smiles.

“On second thought, maybe we should do this instead,” he smirks, before leaning down and giving me another kiss, much longer and much deeper. I wrap my arms around his neck and feel his hand slid across my stomach to my hip. I smile as I feel myself relax. My muscles are no longer tense and I feel my body give into the tranquil mood in the air. This is normal and usual and won’t ever change. That is why it’s comforting.

He pulls away to look at me for a second, before presses his lips to my neck. I smile to myself, closing my eyes. This is why I came.

After kissing my neck, he leans up enough to look me in the eyes. “You are so beautiful. I love you,” he whispers. I cannot help but smile widely. There is nothing better than hearing him say he thinks I am beautiful, or that he loves me. I lean forward to give him a small peck. I rest my head back on his bed, but he leans forward to continue the kiss.

In this moment, I feel whole. I feel alive. Nothing can scare me when I’m in his arms. I feel confident and free and happy. I feel happy for once in a long time. Nothing can ruin this moment.

He pulls away slowly and looks at me. “Better?” he asks. I smile at him and give him a small, lazy nod. He can always make me feel better. “Will you please tell me what happened to you?” he asks yet again. “You were gone for two weeks and no one will tell me what happened. Andrea doesn’t even know. Or at least, she won’t tell me,” he says.

“Andrea doesn’t know,” I whisper, thinking of my best friend. She texted me several times a day, worrying where I was and if I was okay. I only found out after the fact, when I got my phone back. She was worried I was dead.

“Please tell me, baby. I was worried something had happened,” he whispers. “And it did. You aren’t the same,” he says. I close my eyes and turn my head away.

“I can’t tell you,” I whisper, tears threatening to pour out of my eyes, just like the secrets locked away in my heart. Those secrets were about to burst and I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t take him knowing. I couldn’t take anyone knowing what had happened to me. I can’t tell him.

I push away from him and stand up. He looks at me with worried blue eyes and a sad expression.

“You can tell me anything. You know that,” he says. I wipe at my eyes and turn away from him.

“I have to go,” I whisper, heading toward his door. I press my hand to the handle and then pause. How can I leave him? He is the reason that I am here right now. Without him, I wouldn’t have survived those two weeks. “I can’t,” I whisper. My hand drops to my side almost without my own conscious consent. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and lower myself onto his floor. I sit there for a while, eyes closed, holding back all my tears and my feelings and bottling everything up. “Please. Just please don’t make me tell you,” I whisper. I bring my knees to my chest and press my face into them. I wrap my arms around my knees and close my eyes as tightly as I can. And push back everything else.

I feel his strong arms wrap around my quivering frame and pull me up. I stand up with shaky legs and let him lead me to his bed. I lay down and look up at him; my angel. He doesn’t say a word as he climbs into bed next to me and holds me close.

Suddenly, I am so tired and so worn out that I cannot keep my eyes open. I nestle closer to him and close my tired eyes and let my worn-out body rest. Through that all, no words are exchanged while I slowly fall asleep.

When I wake, I am alone in his room. It is dark in there. The shades are up, and outside, it is dark and the moon is out. It is a big, full moon visible through the open window. I sit up, and pull the black blanket closer around me. I am not as tired as I was, but still drained and completely broken. I need someone—him— to hold me together.

I hear someone walk up the stairs outside his door. I hold my breath, remembering similar footsteps from my nightmares. But he is the one to open the door, holding two mugs of steaming hot chocolate. He always makes me hot cocoa when I don’t feel well. He knows me so well.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he smiles. I smile back and reach out to him. He puts down the mugs and pulls me into a hug.

“Thank you,” I whisper. I press my face to his chest and sigh. He is so good to me. “What time is it?” I ask.

“Nine, at night. I called your mom,” he whispers. I nod a thank you and take my hot chocolate from his nightstand. I take a small sip and smile at him. “Am I ever going to find out where you were?” he asks. I shrug.

“Maybe,” I say. “Let’s not talk about it. I have to go see Andrea, so I need to go soon. Let’s spend the last few minutes…” I pause, trying to think of the right wording.

“Doing this?” he asks, leaning over and take my face in his hands. I smirk and nod my head.

“Exactly,” I smile. I lean the rest of the way and press my lips to his. His hands trail down to rest on my hips again as I keep one of my arms for support, the other draped over his shoulders.

“You can stay overnight, baby,” he says. I look at him and smile.

“I know, but I have to see Andrea,” he say. I slid into my car and he leans down so we’re still at eye level.

“She can wait until tomorrow,” he says. “Please,” he says, pouting his lips. I reach up and put my hand on his neck.

“One more kiss,” I sigh. He leans down and gives me a kiss. I deepen it quickly, weakening my determination to see Andrea tonight. I feel his hands take hold of my waist again and pull me from my car, hardly breaking the kiss.

“Stay. We’ll just sleep,” he says. I knew we were just going to sleep. I haven’t actually slept with him and I still don’t plan to for a while. “My dad isn’t home and my sister won’t care,” he says against my lips. I sigh and know I can’t leave now. I press my lips to his once more and then disentangle myself from him, just to tease him a bit. I turn around toward my car and catch his eyes. I laugh as I close my door. He smiles widely and pulls me back into his house.

And then we sleep.