Shards of Glass
TWO
I take a big breath as I knock on Andrea’s door. I know that she’ll be the only one home, unless her boyfriend is there.
She opens the door and gasps. And then she curses and looks angry.
“Where the hell were you? I thought you died, god dammit!” she says. I sigh. I had known she’d be angry. “God fucking dammit!” she yells. I roll my eyes and wait. She looks at me for a long time and then sighs and it seems that she’s done.
“I’m fine,” I say.
“You could have answered one of my texts or something! Your boyfriend was more worried,” she says.
“I saw him last night,” I say.
“Well, tell me what the hell happened,” she says, finally letting me in. I can’t tell whether her boyfriend, Dave is here or not. He may be upstairs in her room. I sigh and look around her kitchen.
“I can’t,” I say. I wait for her to explode again.
“Why the hell not?” she asks. “I’m your best friend,” she says.
“I didn’t tell anyone. No one knows. I don’t plan to tell anyone,” I say.
“What about your mother?” she asks. I nod my head.
“She knows,” I say.
“And your dad? And your brother and sister?” she asks. Brother and sister hit me hard. I close my eyes and think of a specific person.
“They know,” I say. I want to say they’ve known, but I bite my tongue. That’d give away too much. I take a deep breath and look at Andrea. She still looks angry.
“Fine. Why the hell would you tell me anyway? I’ve just been there for you since we were eight,” she rants.
“Please, Andrea. I want to tell you. I can’t. I can’t tell anyone,” I whisper. She looks at me and sighs. She looks like the old Andrea, now only looking worried for me.
“Are you okay? Will you be okay?” she asks. I nod my head.
“Of course,” I say automatically, though it may now be true. I’m not even sure anymore.
Thinking back to all the things that happened these past two weeks, I realize just how much I need Andrea. She has been my best friend for so long and for the next few weeks, her and Daniel would be one of the many people I would need to get through whatever comes next. And not knowing what comes next is ever worse. If I knew I was truly safe and okay and nothing bad would ever happen like that again, than maybe it would be a little easier to get over what has happened. But life doesn’t always work out like you want it to.
“Well, you scared the shit outta me. I thought you died. And it’s practically killing me that I don’t know what happened. But I guess I can’t make you tell me,” she says. I sigh and look away. How I wish I could tell her, but I can’t. If the wrong people knew Andrea and knew that I had told Andrea, matters would only be made worse.
“I’m sorry. I’m fine now,” Lie. Scars would always remain and I’m not sure I’ll ever be better.
It almost hurt that Andrea didn’t catch that lie. She should have been able to. She would’ve caught any other lie. I wished she would have saw right through that lie and gave me a hug because that’s just what I needed at that moment. The weight of the world seems to be pressing down on my shoulders and no one can make it any better. I feel alone and vulnerable and unprotected and afraid. I am terrified that this nightmare isn’t over.
She opens the door and gasps. And then she curses and looks angry.
“Where the hell were you? I thought you died, god dammit!” she says. I sigh. I had known she’d be angry. “God fucking dammit!” she yells. I roll my eyes and wait. She looks at me for a long time and then sighs and it seems that she’s done.
“I’m fine,” I say.
“You could have answered one of my texts or something! Your boyfriend was more worried,” she says.
“I saw him last night,” I say.
“Well, tell me what the hell happened,” she says, finally letting me in. I can’t tell whether her boyfriend, Dave is here or not. He may be upstairs in her room. I sigh and look around her kitchen.
“I can’t,” I say. I wait for her to explode again.
“Why the hell not?” she asks. “I’m your best friend,” she says.
“I didn’t tell anyone. No one knows. I don’t plan to tell anyone,” I say.
“What about your mother?” she asks. I nod my head.
“She knows,” I say.
“And your dad? And your brother and sister?” she asks. Brother and sister hit me hard. I close my eyes and think of a specific person.
“They know,” I say. I want to say they’ve known, but I bite my tongue. That’d give away too much. I take a deep breath and look at Andrea. She still looks angry.
“Fine. Why the hell would you tell me anyway? I’ve just been there for you since we were eight,” she rants.
“Please, Andrea. I want to tell you. I can’t. I can’t tell anyone,” I whisper. She looks at me and sighs. She looks like the old Andrea, now only looking worried for me.
“Are you okay? Will you be okay?” she asks. I nod my head.
“Of course,” I say automatically, though it may now be true. I’m not even sure anymore.
Thinking back to all the things that happened these past two weeks, I realize just how much I need Andrea. She has been my best friend for so long and for the next few weeks, her and Daniel would be one of the many people I would need to get through whatever comes next. And not knowing what comes next is ever worse. If I knew I was truly safe and okay and nothing bad would ever happen like that again, than maybe it would be a little easier to get over what has happened. But life doesn’t always work out like you want it to.
“Well, you scared the shit outta me. I thought you died. And it’s practically killing me that I don’t know what happened. But I guess I can’t make you tell me,” she says. I sigh and look away. How I wish I could tell her, but I can’t. If the wrong people knew Andrea and knew that I had told Andrea, matters would only be made worse.
“I’m sorry. I’m fine now,” Lie. Scars would always remain and I’m not sure I’ll ever be better.
It almost hurt that Andrea didn’t catch that lie. She should have been able to. She would’ve caught any other lie. I wished she would have saw right through that lie and gave me a hug because that’s just what I needed at that moment. The weight of the world seems to be pressing down on my shoulders and no one can make it any better. I feel alone and vulnerable and unprotected and afraid. I am terrified that this nightmare isn’t over.