Only in My Nightmares

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby, there's no other superstar, you know that I'll be
Your papa, paparazzi
-Lady Gaga, Paparazzi

Flashes exploded from the bulbs and imprinted themselves behind her eyelids. Katrin smiled faintly from behind her oversized sunglasses. She loved her outfit today, and normally when she looked good, she felt good. But she had always been intimidated by the paparazzi and their uncanny ability to pop up anywhere, anytime. And it wasn’t always the paparazzi necessarily, but the pictures they were taking that would be sent to magazine and put online that would then in turn be viewed by millions of people (if they even knew who Katrin Klein was). It was a scary prospect and it honestly freaked her out.
So she smiled and pretended they weren’t there.
Just a couple of minutes ago she had stepped out of a cab and was greeted with a bodyguard. Radio City and Tokio Hotel were appearing on the ‘Karlie Klipper Show’. Jost had taken Robert under his wing and Robert was a little starstruck, to say the least (“He’s a genius!”). They both agreed that it would be good to promote the shows. So two days ago they did a late night show and today they would be doing an early morning talk show. Tokio Hotel would be leaving for America right after the show to go to L.A. and promote the tour there while Radio City would fly out to New York, meeting Tokio Hotel who would do TRL while Radio City did some radio interviews. Overall, it was a crazy schedule that guaranteed sleep loss.
Katrin walked into the studio, the bodyguard dropped the hand he had on her back as he guided her through the paparazzi. She smiled a thanks and took a step forward before crashing into a woman with a clipboard. The woman was tiny and Katrin felt like a giant next to her.
Maybe I shouldn’t have worn heels today, Katrin thought.
“Miss Klein! You’re here! Fantastic! This way, please.” The woman was surprisingly fast and Kat had difficulties keeping up with her.
“Uh, yeah, I apologize for being late; there was traffic, and-“
“Ah, yes, it’s alright.” She led her into the dressing room area and plopped her down into a chair in front of a brightly-lit mirror. “Just sit tight and Alecia and Mark will be right with you to do you hair and makeup.”
“Ah – yeah. OK.” Katrin started but was cut off when the woman bustled out the door. She sat there, at a loss for what to do and where the guys were when the makeup and hair people burst into the room. She was caught in a whirlwind of combs and curlers and makeup brushes. Then she was lead into a changing stall. They gave her a dress, Katrin tried it on and they decided no. Then Kat was given some dark jeans and black heals and some purple shirt. In the end, she felt overwhelmed and fake and stuffed into an outfit she didn’t even like. So it was a pretty good day.
Even if Kat didn’t feel the best, she was grateful for the opportunity. She was going on national TV to promote her band opening for Tokio Hotel. She was extremely lucky and she didn’t want to complain about anything.
After she was dressed and made up and deemed ready, Katie was lead down another hallway. Exasperated, she was about to say no to any other outfits or makeup when they opened the door into a lounge room with a couch containing her three favorite people.
“Ach mein Gott, are you kidding me?” She breathed, plopping in between Dani and Haider, resting her head on the latter’s shoulder.
Gray scoffed, “You’re the one who was late.”
“Hey, hey, hey!” Katrin yelled, raising her head from Haider’s shoulder. “Don’t be hating. Besides, I was tired.” She whined settling herself back onto his shoulder. “Then I got a cab but the traffic was bad.”
“Maybe if you actually slept once in a while you wouldn’t always be so tired.”
Katrin quieted, “Shut up Gray,” she mumbled.
The whole room was silenced as they knew what she was hinting at. And they stayed that way until one of the show’s staff came to put their microphones on and shoo them out the door.
Deciding to break the silence, Katrin piped up, “So where’s Tokio Hotel?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Gray sneered.
Katrin smacked the back of his head while Dani said, “What is up with you today? And they’re already out there. We were talking to them and Bill was asking about you…but you were late.”
She gaped at him and he smirked at her.
“He wanted to talk to me? You guys…”
Dani and Haider chuckled as she whined, but Gray just stalked down the hall moodily.
“What’s up his ass?” Dani whispered. Kat barked out a laugh then punched him on the shoulder.
“Shut up.” She said seriously while wearing a grin. Though she found the comment funny, Gray was her best friend, and she protected him.
They reached the end of the hall, and people surrounded them, telling them where to go and what their cue would be. A couple of girls flitted around them, adding final touches on makeup. Haider swatted them away, mumbling something like “Real men don’t wear makeup.” Katrin smiled at the comment and her bandmate’s attitude towards anything feminine. The girls paused at her and retouched her makeup. She stayed still and even bent her knees a little. Being tall and wearing heels does not help the short makeup artists.
“Happy faces everyone!” She called, and even though she was in front of them, she knew Dani gave Gray a pointed stare. She rolled her eyes. They were such boys.
“3,2,1, go, go!” the man with the headset whispered.
Butterflies erupted and suddenly Katrin felt as though she were about to throw up. But she put on her most charming smile and took a step into the blinding light. And after the first step, she was golden.
She reached the couches without falling (Thank God for that) and was met with four glowing faces (maybe not glowing necessarily, but Katrin was excited, and she tended to over exaggerate when she was excited) and one Karlie Klipper looking all smiley.
Katrin went through all of the Tokio Hotel members, greeting each with a hug. The boys behind her were shaking hands except for Dani who pulled each unwilling member into a tight hug (except for Gray and Tom, who tactfully ‘forgot’ to shake each other’s hands).
Then Katrin got up to Bill, and she paused before hugging him.
“Hi,” she said, smiling brightly.
“Hi.”
They held onto each other, maybe for a moment too long. Katrin pulled away and regained composure before smiling and pulling Karlie into a quick hug.
Katie lightly sat down. “So,” said Karlie, “How does it feel to be thrown into fame so quickly? Your first real album was number one in Germany for three consecutive weeks, then being asked to tour North America with Tokio Hotel, the biggest act out of Germany since Nena…I mean, how does that feel?” She directed the question at me, but Gray answered instead. Kat may be the front man for the band, but they all had a voice.
“It’s been unreal. We never expected this, we just wanted to make our music and making a living off of that seemed pretty cool. All of this was unexpected, but, uh, we gladly took it.”
“Now correct me if I’m wrong, but, you four come from pretty humble beginnings, don’t you?”
Katrin started to squirm but put on her happy face. She knew the boys were proud of how far they’d come, but the past was in the past and she hated talking about it.
“No, you’re right,” she responded, “We grew up in a really tough part of Berlin. I was raised alone, by my Opa. It was really hard. We were dirt poor, struggling a lot; the school system was crap. I’ll spare the details but it was a bad place to live in, let alone grow up in.”
Katrin tried to ignore Bill’s eyes, which were glued on her the entire time she spoke.
She failed.
“Can you tell us a little about yourselves? What got you so into music?”
She hesitated. How much did she want to reveal on national television?
“When I first came to Berlin, I was really lonely for a couple years. I was even bullied for a long time.”
“Really?” Karlie seemed surprised.
Katrin half-smiled, “Oh yeah. I have gaps in my teeth.” She gestured to her crooked grin, “And I was made fun of a lot because of my square jaw.”
“So you turned to music?”
“Definitely. Music was there for me, especially when I felt no one else could. So we wanted, as the band, to make our music the same way; to relate to real people and be there for them.”
“Alright, we have to cut to a commercial break, but right after Radio City will be performing live in the studio, stay tuned!”
The members of Radio City got up and thanked Karlie and vice versa, adjusted their mics, and left Tokio Hotel behind to chat with her.
Set up with her microphone, Katrin started to get nervous up at the front. She felt how her underarms were slightly…sweaty, and she felt so fidgety.
Could it be…? No, she thought. Not possible. It couldn’t be because…Bill was there, could it? No. No way.
Maybe.
She couldn’t help but look over at him and when they locked eyes she freaked (was he looking at me?) But Bill gave her a double thumbs up with a grin from ear to ear plastered on his face. Katrin laughed and gave a thumbs up back.
The camera flashed red and Katrin prepared herself while Karlie announced:
“This is Radio City performing ‘Night Time’ from their new album!”
The music started, and the rest of her uneasiness washed away.
Gray started with the acoustic guitar, delicately plucking the strings; then came the pitter patter of Haider using brushes on his drums; then Dani, gently guiding the melody on piano. Beautiful.
And it was Katrin’s turn.
“Train tracks,
On an empty road.
Night falls,
You and me are all alone.

I want
to tell you the truth the reason behind my strange
actions.
But I can’t.

City lights,
From an empty window.
Night falls,
I’m feeling so alone.

I need
To tell you the truth
But how can I tell the truth
When I hardly know the truth myself.
So I don’t.

Hot tears
Run down my face.
Night falls
And I am feeling so unsure.

I should
Tell you everything,
Shouldn’t I?
So I try.

And I
Sit you down!
And I
Tell you everything!
I’ve ever known
I’ve ever head
I’ve ever seen.
And you
just
love
me.

Cityscape
On the roof of our favorite window.
Dawn breaks,
And I don’t feel so alone.”