Only in My Nightmares

These little town blues, are melting away
I'll make a brand new start of it - in old New York
If i can make it there, I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you - New York, New York

New York, New York
I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps
And find I'm a number one, top of the list
King of the hill, a number one

-Frank Sinatra; New York, New York

Katrin opened her mouth and yawned, stretching her arms so high her shirt rode up to reveal her pale stomach. The boy standing in the aisle next to her poked her stomach. She swatted his hand away tiredly.
“< Come on slowpoke, everybody’s off! >” Dani said. By off he meant off the plane. They were alone, and the stewardess was speaking gentle words for them to leave. “One moment.” Dani attempted to speak in very broken English.
The stewardess rolled her eyes and walked away, muttering to her fellow stewards.
“< I’m coming. >” Said Katrin. “< I’m so tired. >” She muttered as she reached up for her carry-on. It wasn’t a stretch, she was very tall.
“< Well maybe if you ever went to sleep. >” He teased and shoved her shoulder as they left the plane.
She didn’t respond.
“< Where are the boys? >”
“< Waiting for you at the shuttle, >” Dani responded.
The two walked over to find the rest of the band, chatting occasionally but usually silent. The couple went through security, which Katrin found to be quite annoying (Some officer had to pat her down!). They made it through though, and it wasn’t hard to find the shuttle.
“< Katrin! >” Yelled a boy who couldn’t have been out of his teens, but was wearing a pressed charcoal suit with a shocking red tie. “< Hurry up! We need to check in at the hotel in thirty minutes, which will be difficult at this hour of the day depending on traffic – >”
“< Rob, calm yourself. >”
Robert took a deep breath and calmed the throbbing vein in his neck.
The odd-looking German crew loaded themselves onto the bus: the tall female beauty; the smoldering-eyed man; the one who looked like a bodyguard; the one who looked like a child; and the infinitely strange boy in the grown-up suit.
When the shuttle arrived at their Luggage Claim, Robert efficiently ushered them out and lead them to the monstrous conveyor belt. Gray and Haider picked up their luggage as Katrin identified it and Dani texted on his cell phone.
Once they had all their items, Robert started to walk away and expected everyone to follow. Katrin threw an arm out and stopped him.
“< Rob, I’m not going outside looking like this, >” She gestured to herself and shuddered.
“< Why? >” Gray said dryly.
Dani chirped, “< Yeah, you look great! >”
She smiled affectionately and ruffled his hair. His smile dropped and he attempted to smooth it out. “< You’re sweet, but no. Gray, can you hand me my bag? >”
“< Which one? >” He asked, a snarky little smirk playing on his lips.
She shoved his shoulder, “< Haha, you’re hilarious. >” Sarcasm penetrated her German.
Katrin grabbed her luggage and handed her carry-on bag to Gray. He rolled his eyes, but took it.
Katrin made a face at the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shoe and stamped it off. She peered into the mirror and snorted. You look great my ass, she thought.
She lugged the suitcase up onto the counter, unlocked the zipper and opened it. She poured through all the clothes she packed, which hardly made up half her entire wardrobe (and she brought a lot!). Katrin also brought an empty suitcase to America. She knew herself, and she knew she would need space for all the clothes she would buy. It was inevitable.
She extracted a skirt, tights, a shirt, and almost squealed when she saw the shoes. Perfect. She was almost as excited as when she wrote a great song. That’s what great clothes did to her.
It wasn’t about the labels or the designers. It wasn’t about the price tag. It was the thrill of putting the perfect outfit together. It was walking down the street and feeling beautiful.
Katrin grabbed her clothes, dragged the suitcase off the counter, and walked into a stall.
There wasn’t much room, especially with the suitcase, but she managed to rip off her skinny jeans and pull her shirt over her head, getting her arms tangled in the process. She wrenched her long, gangly legs into black tights, slipped, and fell on her ass.
She landed on the dirty bathroom floor and laughed out loud; tights halfway up her legs, in her bra and underwear. She heaved herself off the floor and put on the rest of her clothes. She smiled down at her heels and slipped them on. There. She felt much better.
Katrin kneeled down and packed up her clothes again and pulled her makeup bag out. She opened the door to the stall and dropped her plastic makeup bag onto the counter. After applying her makeup and pulling her hair from her ponytail, she paused and looked in the mirror.
Now she was ready to see New York.
“< Katrin, hurry up. Everyone’s waiting outside for you in the car. >” Said Gray, still at Baggage Claim.
“< Ooh, we have a car? >”
Gray rolled his eyes, “< Time and place, Katrin. >”
“< Right, sorry. >”
Katrin and Gray walked side by side, and she turned to look around JFK Airport. She was amazed by the medley of races, occupations, families, and languages swimming around her. She had never been in a room so diverse before. She also had never really been in an airport before.
Katrin steadied herself as she followed Gray out the automatic doors. It was her first step in America, the first time anyone in her family ever came to America. She couldn’t have been more excited.
She walked outside and inhaled. It wasn’t much to look at – it was a pickup station for the airport, and shuttle buses and cars were zooming in and out by the minute. But it had rained, and a light sheen hung over the asphalt, producing a miniscule rainbow each time a vehicle rolled by.
“< Oh Gray this is so exciting. >” She whispered while walking over to the black, tinted window car that appeared to be theirs. She shivered in the cold.
Gray noticed, rolled his eyes, and shrugged off his coat to hand to her. She accepted it without a word. This was a common theme between them.
The couple clambered into the car. Gray climbed into the far back with Dani, leaving Haider (who needed the room) and Katrin in the two seats in the front of the back of the car. The driver pulled away from the curb without a word. Robert, who sat next to him in the passenger seat, was clacking on his BlackBerry.
“< Robert! We’re going into Manhattan; put your goddamn phone away! >” Dani yelled with a laugh.
Robert grumbled but complied.
They crossed the bridge and Katrin bit her lip in anticipation. Her stomach was in knots.
The black SUV rolled into Times Square and Katrin rolled down her window. The bright lights reflected in her eyes like stars. Gray scooted next to her and they hung their heads out side by side. A bottle of Coca Cola bubbled on a shimmering LED, and a stark white backdrop hung before the peacock of the Today Show.
Katrin scrambled from the window, gestured to the driver, and hoisted herself up through the sunroof. Her long hair whipped around her and stung her cheeks. So many people, so many cars…it was here. Her dream was here, right in front of her, materialized, so tangible she could touch it. So wondrous she could taste it.
New York, New York.

“Whoo!” She screamed, bare feet running down the hallway, heels in hand. Dani was right behind her, letting his laughter fly through the air and back to two left, who trailed behind with the ghost of a smile on their lips as they watched the innocent play.
Katrin skidded to a stop and jumped up and down, pointing to a door. “< 351! That’s ours! Gray, this is our room! >” She screamed, volume building with each word.
He jogged up to her and put his finger to his lips. She giggled and nodded.
Dani jumped up to Haider. “< And this is ours! You and me, bro! >” He lifted his hand up for a high five. “< Don’t leave me hanging! >” Haider let a smile hang off his lips and lifted his hand. Dani jumped up to reach and twirled around.
Katrin buried her face into Gray’s shoulder to hide her laughter.
Dani kept yelling, “< Whoo! We’re gonna have a bachelor party! >” He danced around the two (her arm was now linked in his) and gyrated his hips next to Katrin.
Katrin barked out a laugh, “< Ew, go away! >” And slapped him on the shoulder.
“< Come on, >” Gray mumbled in her ear.
She waved like a little kid, “< Bye Haider! >”
Gray slid in the key card and opened the door after the click.
She gasped.
Two queen beds lay side by side, perfectly manicured with downy white duvets and fluffy pillows. A small kitchen was to her right, with polished countertops and a stainless steel sink. A flat screen T.V. stood across from the beds, and the bathroom door was open, revealing a porcelain white bathtub and a marble counter.
Katrin dropped her orange shoes and launched herself at one of the pristine beds. She squealed and jumped around a bit, throwing her head back and laughing. Gray stood by the door, now closed, and watched his best friend run to the window to see the view.
This wasn’t the real Katrin. This was a lie; the happier side of Katrin that she preferred everyone to see. He knew the real Katrin; the one who was always lying beneath the surface; the one who came to him, every night, with terror in her eyes. She was just a scared little girl, hiding behind a façade, and no one but Gray cared enough to peel back the layers and see what she was really like.
“< What are you doing? >” Gray asked. He hadn’t even noticed that she ran back to the bed and was tidying the sheets she displaced. “< Katrin, what’s wrong? >”
She looked up through a curtain of hair and he spotted tears in her eyes. “< I forgot we were guests and – and I didn’t think and – I was excited – >”
Gray walked over and gathered her in his arms. “< It’s okay, it’s okay, shh. This is our life now. This is yours, all yours. You don’t have to be worried or nervous or ashamed. You’ve earned this. >”
Katrin nodded and buried her face deeper in his hair. “Ich liebe dich.”
“Ich liebe dich auch.”