Let Them Speak

When I got home, Lacey was there again, looking chipper. I let my lips stretch into a smile and let her wrap her arms around me. And when she kissed me, I felt like I was kissing a doll or something surreal. I still had the effects of what had just happened.

“Have you kissed someone?” Lacey asked, kissing my lips again and I forgot about Addison for a moment, he definitely tasted different then Lacey, she probably noticed it.

“Nope. No one but you baby,” I said and kissed her again.

Then we went into my house and lounged in the living room. But we didn’t do much more then that, I really wasn’t in the mood. Even though Lacey clearly was.

“Hey, Lacey, I’m tired, I’ll see you tomorrow?” I said, silently ushering her from my dwelling.

I walked her to the front door, kissed her then retreated to my room.

Addison was addicting, I’ll give him that. I closed my eyes and laid back on my bed.

I searched out and for the first time in a long time, tested my limits. I could feel Addison and I hated it. He was miserable and I tasted a twist of jealousy.

“Hey, Darryn,” my father said from the doorway, knocking on the doorframe. I opened an eye and looked at him expectedly.

“We’re getting Chinese food, what do you want?” I could see the phone nestled next to his ear. Probably put on hold.

“Some coconut chicken and garlic rice please,” I mustered a smile. He nodded and returned back downstairs, I could hear him blabbing away on the phone.

I needed to end Lacey and I, this was just getting too complicated. Then her little groupies would come after me with countless questions.

Why'd you break up with Lacey?

Who else were you seeing?

Who are you seeing now?

Was she not good enough?

What about you and I? Do we have a chance?

And the best of all: Are you gay or something?

I almost grinned at how bad that situation could and would get. They’d find out I really was gay, then about Addison and then go after him with torches and pitchforks. They’d make his life a living hell. I could deal with anything they threw at me, I wasn’t so sure about Addison.

I ground my teeth together in frustration.

Now that would get to me, if they did do something to Addison, because I broke up with Lacey. I’d blame myself for a long time.

I got off my bed, trudged around and changed into baggy sweats and an old shirt, then lumbered downstairs and sat at the table with my dad as we waited for the delivery boy to arrive. My dad was reading the paper and I filled the time by counted the paint-flakes missing on the wall opposite of me.

Then the doorbell rang and we both shot out of our seats and raced to the door, opened it quickly, raped the bags from the little china-man and threw the money to him, then retreated into the house like savages. He was still standing on the porch, dazed when we sat at the table.

I grabbed my boxes and a pair of chopsticks. Then we dug in, not bothering to talk. It was a comfortable silence, plentifully filled with moans and munches.

And once we were done that, we returned to what we had been doing before: he went to the living room to watch TV and I returned to my bedroom.

That night, I was surprised I had fallen asleep, I was way too restless, let alone dream. But I did.

I ran through the thick trees, branches snapped at my face and scratched at my skin. But I needed to get there. I knew where I was going, but at the same time I didn’t. My legs would carry me there, even if my eyes couldn’t see where it was we were going.

I rushed through the trees and into a clearing and there he was. Addison.

But the ground around him was coated in blood, his lips were in a smile though. I ran over and squeezed his hand.

“Addii?” I squeaked and when I received no response, got up and left him there. Instead I went to a little cottage on a cliff and filled it with gas, lit that with screaming people inside, then lept from the cliff. Halfway through, wings sprouted from my back and lifted me above the clouds.

Addison was there when I arrived and I clung to him for dear life.

“I love you,” I whispered into his shoulder and the words tasted right.

But out here was real life and the words didn’t add up, they tasted bitter on my tongue when spoken to anyone other then the dead.