Let Them Speak

I was the first one over to where Addison was squirming on the ground, I nearly turned away but I didn’t. Raw fear and pain suffocated me and collapsed every other link I had made with anyone in the room, I nearly throttled the boy to still his emotions.

“Addison, calm the fuck down,” I growled in his ear when I took hold of his sunglasses and slipped them back onto his face.

I let his emotions wash over me for a moment, my breathing coming out in short gasps, then I shot it back toward him, only in reverse, to that he felt safe and unharmed.

Once everything had settled down, I helped Addison to his feet and slapped him on the back, but my vision was starting to blur and black spots were dancing behind my eyes.

“Good acting man,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear then made it seem as if everyone believed it, and soon everyone was laughing.

I turned and walked from the room, then stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. I held myself up on the sink. This was crazy, how could I have overdone it, I had helped Addison. But then again, it had felt as if I was going to die or something, all that fear.

I splashed water onto my face to calm myself down some more and went back to class. It would wear down, I’d get better, I just couldn’t use much more energy. I had to eat something, or else I’d collapse.

I sat in the back and barely paid attention to the rest of the notes we were supposed to be taking, and when the bell rang, I signed myself out at the front office and walked to some fast food joint that was a 5 minute walk from the school. I ordered some fries and a burger, paid for it, then took my food to a table off to the side. I devoured everything in less then 10 minutes, then walked home for the afternoon.

No one was home when I got in, that was good. I couldn’t deal with anything else now, it felt like a thunder cloud was looming over my head, ready to drench my entire day in depression. It was terrible.

I flopped down on the couch and the moment I shut my eyes, I was out like a light.

"Darryn, you can't keep going on like this," she whispered and her cold fingertips trailed up my stomach, they made me tremble.

“What are you talking about?” I asked but when she tightened her hold on me, I didn't resist the slightest.

How many times had I had this dream? Too many to count, it was always her. No matter what.

"If you keep wearing yourself out like this, when you can barely move, it's going to kill you," she whispered and I hissed when she dug her nails into my shoulders.

“And if you keep coming to meet me secretly, your boyfriend is going to kill you,” I replied dryly and sat up, my joints groaning in resistance.

“It’s not like we’re doing anything. You’re gay and I’m straight, you don’t even feel anything for me,” she said and I detected pain in her voice.

“You know I love you right? Just not like that,” I whispered and cupped her face in my hands, stroking her cheek with the pads of my thumbs.

“Yeah I know,” she murmured. Then her skin took on an orange glow and she burst into flames in my arms. She didn't scream, she didn't cry, she just let go and turned to ash in my arms.

I woke up shuddering and to the house phone ringing. I picked it up and pressed it to my ear.

“Hello?” My voice was shaky, the dream of Chris still tearing at my emotional state.

“Dan~! Wanna come over tonight? My mom is out for the night and I’m awfully lonely here in this big house,” Lacey whined and I smiled. She was so easily amused, and so easily fooled, it was almost sad to think that she was in love with me.

“Sure babe, just give me 20 minutes okay?” I said and hung up after I recited an “I Love You” for her.

I stayed at Lacey’s house when I wasn’t at mine. One night, when I came home around 3am on a school night, my father was in the living room waiting for me.

“Where were you?” He snapped and I yawned, but I could feel his bubbling anger brimming at the surface.

“I was with Lacey.” I replied and his anger seemed to cool.

“Just get some rest,” he said and went to bed.

He didn’t mind if I was out with Lacey. I guess since my “gay-phase” had passed when I started to date Lacey, he was completely fine with everything I did, as long as I wasn’t gay. God forbid I was.

I packed a new set of clothes for the next day, my toothbrush and a few condoms, though I was sure Lacey had some beside her bed.

I walked to her house, I walked everywhere, but Lacey only lived 10 minutes away from me, so why not walk? I knocked on the door and it was flung open a minute latre, Lacey leaped into my arms, planting little kisses all over my face.

“Hey Lacey,” I whispered, then forced her inside and shut the door behind us. Lacey usually took control of situations like these, she removed the clothing, she did most of the kissing, she did most of the work, I just had to play along and act for her. I kinda felt like a lion in the circus and she made sure I didn’t eat any of the audience members.

Once everything had calmed down and we were both laying in her bed, naked, panting and tired, she rolled onto her elbow and gave me a full on kiss on the lips. I kissed back and smiled lazily at her.

“I love you,” she whispered and then nuzzled my chest and fell asleep. Lacey was easy to keep happy because she didn’t have to hear my lies, I didn’t have to tell her I loved her when I really didn’t.