Tragedy

BRENDON’S POV

I tried lifting my hand, but I guess I wasn’t really trying hard enough, and this time I was sure I could not open my eyes as well. I had to move somehow, it was starting to get really cold. Where I was, I didn’t know. I couldn’t remember.

I couldn’t even remember my name. And if someone was trying to talk to me right now, that person would be either the one who did something to me or the one who would try to help me.

All I could do was hope that someone really was going to be there for me, and that whoever that was, I hope he hadn’t or had never left me.

RYAN’S POV

If someone could see me right now, I swore I’d be embarrassed. I looked stupid. I sounded stupid. And if Brendon could hear me right now, I’d sound ridiculous and pathetic. But I was actually wishing he’d hear what kind of embarrassment I was right now. Because if he heard me, no matter how ridiculous I sounded, I wouldn’t care, because it meant he was awake.

But the thing was… he wasn’t.

If he was awake he would be breathing on his own. If he was awake he wouldn’t have ignored my voice. And if he was awake he would be convincing me everything would be fine.

I took a few steps forward. It was hard. I didn’t know walking a few steps could be this hard.
But I walked towards where he lay anyway, because it was the only thing I could do at the moment. There was nothing else I could do, right?

I could either go near him or stay where I was, completely frozen. But that would make two men completely frozen on the opposite sides of the room.

I realized now what people said about how you would have do something not because it was necessary, not because it was good, and not because it would actually do anything, but because you had faith.

And if you couldn’t see my point, maybe because you had not experienced what I was experiencing.

Whoever first thought of the word ‘faith’ must have dealt with too much, too.

Because I never really realized what faith meant until now. It was just unfortunate that I had to realize what it was by having to have faith in the possibility that one of my closest friends could defy death.
.
.
I felt my knees literally give up on me. Good thing I was able to bring myself to the chair on time. I reached for Brendon’s hand and tried to trace his fingers with mine, not wanting to talk, not wanting to sound stupid, only to realize that I was starting to behave stupidly.

“I’m sorry it took a long time,” I took a deep breath. After having uttered seven words I felt as if I had just ran seven miles. “To, you know, get myself to talk to you. It’s Ryan here by the way. In case you… no longer remember my voice. But it wasn’t your fault; it’s mine because you know—”

I had spent the last two years avoiding you.

I was literally breaking down. Way to freaking go. I continued anyway, to end this already.

Just why did people have to be so vulnerable in the most awkward situations ever?

“I’m sorry I’m late,”

What the fuck, Ryan.

“I mean, I’m sorry it… I’m sorry I came just now. I… well…” I let go of his hand and brought my two fists softly against my lips, suppressing the strongest emotions I had ever felt in my life. I let out no sound as I continued trying to stop myself from making any, but the emotions came out through my eyes anyway. Tears were flowing like waterfalls. I didn’t know why I couldn’t get myself to say what I really wanted to say, when really… what I only wanted him to know was,

I missed him too much.