Mansions to Maths Class

Chapter 2

“What, man, defy the devil. Consider, he's an enemy to mankind.”

William Shakespeare

“Maria! This is atrocious! The silver looks absolutely disgraceful. You cannot tell me you have already shined this! And Hector! There is an absolutely dreadful stain on this table cloth, please change it to something more appropriate and above all, hygienic before I become really very mad. What do you mean? You have no time to change it? Huh? You cannot really expect me to change it myself. I have no time for a servant’s chore.” Lucifer and I listened to Daemon drone on and on from behind the door. We were avoiding the set up at all costs, or at least the parts where Daemon was involved.

We had done our own setting up. It was ingenious, if I do say so myself. Let’s just say, Daemon was going to be getting a bit of a surprise tonight. Hee hee. I am giddy already, and the party has not even started yet.

“Your side done yet?” Lucifer whispered to me, walking closer.

“Yeah, yours?” He nodded in response, grinning.

“Daemon is going to absolutely freak when he finds out.” Guess I was not the only giddy one. Lucifer looked very eager too and that just egged my excitement on. Lucifer and I were like two pieces of a puzzle, piece them together and you get one, bigger and better puzzle. Just like that, the energy radiating off us combined was extraordinary. Man, I’m so pumped.
"Yeah, I know. I am just dying to see his face when he sees." Lucifer said, leaning against the door, chuckling at his elder brothers pointless drowning.

Ding Dong Ding Dong.

The doorbell went off, then silence. You could have dropped a spiderweb and heard it, it was that silent. I could even hear Daemon's laboured breathing from my hiding place behind the door.

"Well don't just stand there! Do something Alfred! Get the door, dear fellow. Take their coats, kiss their children, lick their shoes, whatever. Just do something!" Daemon shrieked. Lucifer chuckled again. Seriously, Daemon shrieked like a girl. Worse than a girl, actually. You would never suspect he had already supposedly gone through puberty. His voice was so many more octaves higher than it should be in his panicked state.

I could hear mother's eight inch heels clicking down the stairs, followed by my fathers stomps, although as he was lacking massive heels on his shoes, his steps made a much less prominent sound to my ears.

"Bellatrix! Lucifer! Daemon's guests are here. Make yourselves present in the dining room this instant." Mother called, her floaty voice drawing closer as she neared the dining room.
"You ready?" Lucifer asked, taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze with his own, much larger hand.

"Luc, I was born ready." I said, squeezing his hand back.

"I know you are," He said, opening the door we had been leaning on that lead to the dining room, "but is Daemon?"

"Ahhh, Daemon, these must be your brother and sister. Do introduce us. I am Lanius, this is my beloved wife Umbra, and my charming son, Malik." A short, round, middle aged man said. I presumed that was Mr Hawthorne, Daemon's boss.

"Wow. Who spiked his pomelo juice?" Lucifer muttered to me. I just managed to supress my giggles, but that just made me appear slightly constipated in the face. Oh well, it all added to the effect.

Lucifer was so right, though. Lanius Hawthorne looked too happy, kind of plastic. But the contrast between him and his wife and son was astounding. It seemed like he sucked out all the happy from them. The wife and son looked fairly similar, whilst the father and husband was their complete opposite. While Lanius had greying, golden hair, clear blue eyes, and a rather plump figure, his wife and son look like they had both been through a stretch machine that dragged their skeletons upwards. Umbra and Malik were both tall and extremely thin. Creepy thin. They had dark hair, dark eyes, and faces that looked to never had smiled once in their lifetimes. What did Mr Hawthorne say about his son being charming? I'm sorry, did he have more children coming, or did he have some misperception that the word 'charming' meant sullen, and sulky, and downright creepy? Because if not, I highly suggest to Mr Hawthorne that he rapidly acquire a dictionary. They really are very helpful resources.

"It would be my pleasure," Daemon said, looking at Luc and I like we were the crown jewels or something. I'll admit he was a pretty convincing actor, "These are my younger brother and sister, Lucifer Demetrius, and Bellatrix Desdemona. They are twins." His proud look instantly turned to shock as he registered our actions.

I was stretching out in a massive yawn. Seriously, you could probably see my tonsils if you really wanted to.

Beside me, Lucifer was removing an imaginary speck of something from his perfect, straight, blemish free teeth with his finger.

"Uhh..." Daemon stuttered, looking surprisingly flustered. We thought it would take a little longer at least, for Daemon to loose his cool.

"Oh, how very rude of me," I said way too loudly as I approached Mr Hawthorne, "Like Daemon said, I'm Bellatrix, or Ella, isn't that right 'Pumpkin cakes?'" Daemon flushed beetroot at the mention of the pet name our mother often used for him. I then looked down at Mr Hawthorne's now slightly shaking, extended, right hand. I grinned internally, perceiving Daemon's reaction to the stunt I was about to pull.

Loudly, I spat on my own hand, and before he could return his hand, I grabbed onto it, squeezing it tightly, watching Lanius's face crease in disgust. But did I stop? Hell no! As he tried to end the handshake, I griped onto his pudgy fingers even tighter, feeling my saliva mesh between our fingers.

As I finally released Lanius, although I admit, it was not much of a release, for Lucifer was approaching to greet him now, I looked over at Daemon, Mother and Father.

They were all shell shocked, their faces frozen on faces of disgust and confusion. I giggled quietly before moving from Mr Hawthorne to his wife, grabbing her in a tight bear hug. I was a little worried about potentially snapping her bones, she was that thin. But luckily, there were no broken bones (we wanted to scare them, not kill them! Lucifer and I weren't that evil), but it did force her back a few paces, resulting with her tripping over an end table and dropping her expensive looking purse, spilling the contents all over the floor.

"Oh, I'm so dreadfully sorry! Don't you pick it up," I scolded, pushing away the frightened looking Umbra and bending over to her bag, "I'll do it."

Slowly, I began placing all the fallen objects back in her handbag, grinning widely as I saw one of the fallen contents.

"Are those Guinevere tampons good? I think I tried them once, but it constantly felt like the tampon was raping me..." I trailed off, looking up at Umbra who was blushing profoundly, her sullen face showing emotion for the first time that evening, "Oh there's no reason to be embarrassed Miss, all us girls have to go through with it. I personally prefer the Petunia Carter range, you can hardly feel them at all, and they work so well. No drops of blood ever get through! But if you're using the Guinevere line I suppose I should try-"

My tampon rant was cut short by Daemon's coughing.

"Oh, I beg your pardon, here's your bag. I completely forgot I was yet to properly introduce myself to your son!" I made my way to their petrified son. He looked so frightened, I almost considered taking pity on him. Almost.

"I'm Bellatrix! But you can call me Ella, or Trix, or babe, or whatever you feel like moaning out. You got a girlfriend? Although, I suppose that doesn’t really matter, we don’t need to be exclusive. Just casual intimate partners is fine.” I watched, containing my laughter as I watched Malik’s Adams apple bob up and down. He swallowed loudly, but above all, he looked pretty terrified.

“Uh, perhaps we should take a seat and Justin can bring in the entrees.” Daemon said anxiously, hurrying to draw Umbra’s chair from the table, holding it out for her as she stiffly sat, before rushing back to his place and prepared to take a seat. Wow. He already sounded so nervous, Lucifer and I had expected that it would take him at least a little longer before he started having a nervous breakdown. At least he was yet to pee his pants. It would be no fun if he died too early in the game.

Lucifer and I, already seated, looked at each other and grinned in anticipation. As Daemon took his seat, a loud squelching sounded from his chair. He shuffled in his seat, more loud farting sounds rang through the room.

“That is, uh, not what you think…” Daemon muttered, reaching from beneath him and tossing the whoopee cushion away.

Lucifer and I giggled silently, our plan was working. Daemon already looked like an idiot in front of Mr. Hawthorne and his family. There was no way he was getting this promotion now.
Lanius Hawthorne looked as if he was going to say something, but before he had the chance to, Justin, one of the servers, brought in the entrees. He set one in front of each of us, then stepped towards Umbra Hawthorne, removing the cloche from her plate in a flourish.

“Ahhhhhh!!!” Umbra shrieked as the live rat scurried around her plate, “Ge-get that horrid vermin away from me! That is hardly hygienic!” She looked up at Lucifer and I and shrieked again. We each had the tails hanging out of our mouths.

“Yum! What a delicacy!” I trilled happily, slurping up the tail into my mouth.

“I agree! The disease it has is just amazing. It adds such a zing to the flavour. What do you think it was this time, Ella?” He answered, as if oblivious to the shell shocked faces staring at us from around the table.

“Hmm…” I pretended to think, resting a hand on my chin, and tilting my head sideways, “I’m not sure about yours, Luc, but I think mine had pneumonia… What about yours Mrs. Hawthorne? I think by the look on your rats eyes, it has rabies… But I’m not quite sure. The rabies look can commonly be confused with the plague, and I’m no expert. So I’m not quite sure… But I could definitely say it’s either the plague or rabies. Enjoy! They are by far, the tastiest.” Malik looked like he was about to throw up. Quickly, he stood from his chair, but he was too late. He threw up all over his still screeching mother, and then everybody started screaming.

In all of the confusion, Lucifer and I spat out the rubber mice from our mouths without being detected and smiled wide smiles at each other. I turned my head, feeling as if someone was looking at me.

My eyes met Daemon’s dark ones. They were cold. Angry. Murderous even. I smiled sweetly.
“Don’t frown like that Daemon, it makes you look ten years older. Maybe you should try some of Mrs. Hawthorne’s anti wrinkle cream. It obviously works magic.” I said in a cutesy voice.

“How dare you speak of me that way?” Umbra screeched at me.

“Uh, Miss, it was a complement… You’re wrinkles are all covered up! The cream is amazing, it must take at least ten years off you. Seriously, you don’t look a day over sixty now.” Umbra gasped at my statement.

“That is it!” She screamed, stamping her foot on the ground. Her son’s vomit still dripping off her dress, “Lanius, I am leaving this instant, I cannot take this insanity a moment longer. I will be waiting in the coach.” She stormed out of the dining room, and down the stairs that lead to the tunnel that lead under the forest.

“Wait for me, I am coming too, Mother!” Malik yelled, hurrying after her, tripping over some knocked over furniture on his way.

“Uh, I had better go. Daemon, I have considered this seriously, and I do not believe that you would a good manager in Crawford’s old position. You can barely handle your own family, let alone an entire faculty in the ministry! I will be seeing you at work. Do not forget to file in my reservation at the Thorn Tree restaurant for this Sunday.” And with that, Lanius followed after his wife and son.

Daemon stared after his boss, he did not move for what seemed like an eternity. He just sat their frozen like stone to his seat, the rat from Umbra’s plate still running around his ankles. Suddenly he snapped back to life, his face turning red, preparing to holler something so very loud out.

“Lucifer! Bellatrix!”