Before The Storm

The cool autumn breeze gently blew as I slumped myself on my porch. I lifted my hands to rub the sudden goose bumps that appeared on my bare arms. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my short arms around them. I sighed with a bit of frustration and a hint of sadness. I looked out to my overgrown front yard as a tiny red car flew by on my road. Whoosh, whoosh. The little car was gone.

“Everyone is going somewhere,” I thought quietly to myself. “Where am I going?” I groaned, shaking my head. I squeezed my eyes tight to keep the tears from falling, and I tried to think of something happy, something that was not depressing. I tried so hard to think of something, anything, but I felt no warm.

I slowly opened my eyes as if I was scared that the view in front of me was not what I wanted. It wasn’t. I got up and started to walk towards my mail box, bare foot. With each step, my throat seemed to close tighter and tighter. Pebbles embedded themselves within the soles of my feet. But I couldn’t stop walking. My eyes became blurry as the tears quickly formed in my eyes. I wouldn’t let them fall. That would mean defeat and I wasn’t going to accept it.

The wind picked up, and the sky blackened in a manner of minutes. I tripped and fell to the ground. Pain shot up in my right knee. I clutched my knee, blood smearing my hands. The tears involuntarily fell down my cheeks as rain poured from the sky. I cursed under my breath. “Why am I doing this? What is wrong with me?” I thought to myself. “What did I do for this to happen? What happened to me? Why am I like this?” But I knew the answer. It was plain and simple. He came into my life.

A familiar Star Wars ring tone rang as I sipped my strawberries and cream coffee. I cocked my head to the side and carefully put down the romance book that I was reading. I swung my small black Coach bag around from the back of my chair. I rummaged through my cluttered purse to locate my Droid R2D2 phone. I smiled at my odd phone. It was just like me. Different, unique, a tad bit crazy.

I saw my mom’s caller ID flashing on the screen. I shook my head in amusement. “Hello Mother. How is Jersey without me? I’ve only been in Los Angeles for two whole days! I promise I’ll be home when summer ends,” I jokily said, as I answered the phone. I took a big gulp of my delicious coffee.

“Camille,” my mom sobbed. Her voice was shaking, and her cries came out short. “Camille, please…no.” Her voice became incoherent as she kept hysterically crying.

As soon as she talked, I realized something was definitely wrong. Then, I began to panic. “Mom! What is the matter? Hello? Mom, what’s wrong?” I held the phone tightly in my hand, pressing it close against my ear.

“Honey, honey, let me talk to her,” I heard my dad’s voice somewhere in the background. I heard some fumbling and then my dad’s deep voice said, “Camille, I’m sorry about your mother. She is having a hard time right now.” He deeply sighed, which worried me even more than my mom’s crying. My dad never got serious. He was the fun, goofy one who never had a care in the world.

“Dad, what happened? Why is mom crying? Can you please just tell me what the heck is going on?” I semi-shouted into the phone. People began to give me awkward stares, but I didn’t care at all. Something was happening, and I was getting scared.

My dad sighed again and said, “Well, this isn’t the easiest thing to say, Camille.” He took a long, agonizing pause. “Your brother got into a car accident, and he is in the hospital. He is fine. Just it was a scare.”

I gasped, dropping the phone. The phone rattled as it hit the hardwood floor of Starbucks. “No,” I silently thought to myself. “Not Kyle. No, it can’t be.” I shook my head in disbelief, although tears began to form in my eyes. I quickly grabbed the phone from the floor. “Dad, should I come home? Is he going to be okay?” I whispered.

“No, Camille,” my dad firmly said. “You can’t come home now. You are supposed to be in L.A. for the summer. This is your first time away before you go to college at Princeton. You can’t throw away your summer to come home.” He sighed again. “Plus, we don’t have any money to send you home right now. Just try to relax and have fun over there. I promise your mother and I will call you when there is news about Kyle. Don’t worry, sweetie. You know your brother. He will be fine.”

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice. Of course, my dad couldn’t see me do this, so I said, “Okay, Daddy. Kiss Kyle for me. Tell him I’m praying for him.” My voice cracked, and my throat tightened as I tried to keep the tears from falling.

“I will, pumpkin. Go to your apartment and relax. I love you. Talk to you soon. Bye,” my dad said, hanging up the phone. I held my chest as if trying to keep the sobs from flowing out.

Suddenly, I threw my phone and book into my purse. Putting the bag on my shoulder, I grabbed my coffee and ran out the door. I quickly walked through the streets of L.A., tears streaming down my face. I looked down, focusing on walking and not making eye contact with anyone.

“Oh my god, what am I going to do?” I thought frenetically to myself. “I can’t think straight. My brother is in the hospital for Christ’s sake! I need to get to my apartment. Everyone is probably looking at me like I’m a crazy, lunatic. What the heck am I―” My frantic thought process came to a halt when I ran into someone.

It wasn’t one of those lightly nudges. It was one of those BAM! you hit and someone ends up on the floor. Yeah, that was me.

“Oomph!” I yelled as I fell to the ground. My makeup and lip gloss fell out of my purse onto the hard sidewalk. “Ugh, why now? Why?” I groaned as I tried to pick up my stuff.

“I am so sorry. Let me help,” I heard a deep stop voice mumble. I nodded my head and proceeded to stuff my compacts of makeup into my purse. The mystery man who collided into me passed me my mango strawberry lip gloss.

I mumbled a “thank you” as the tears that I tried so hard to stop began to pour from my eyes. “Shoot,” I whispered as I tried to wipe my eyes.

“Oh hey, I am sorry for knocking into you. Are you okay? Are you hurt? Why are you crying?” the man said. I finally looked up to see this mystery man. He wasn’t a man but a guy who was around my age. He had dark brown curly hair. He was wearing gray Ray-Ban sunglasses, a plain white T-shirt and dark blue skinny jeans. He looked so familiar, but I couldn’t think of where I saw him.

I sniffled. “Yeah, yeah. I am fine. Just having a pretty horrible day,” I explained as we stood up. Usually, I would get really shy around people I didn’t know, but seeing how he just knocked me to my feet, this was an exception.

The guy gave me an apologetic look. I sighed and shrugged. I really didn’t know what to do after then. Did I leave? Did I stay and talk? I honestly didn’t care in the moment so I said, “Umm, well I guess I’ll get going. I have to go find my apartment. I just feel like poopie. But I don’t know. I really don’t want to be alone.” I sighed again, feeling defeated and just plain tired.

“Poopie?” he said, laughing. I just realized that I just said the word “poopie” to an extremely attractive guy, and my cheeks got all red. He just kept laughing and after a bit, I couldn’t help but giggle at my silliness.

After the laughing subsided, I smiled. A genuine actually happy smile. “Thanks,” I said to Mister Mystery. “You literally just made my day. Thanks. I’m Camille.” I stuck my hand out for him to shake it. A big, masculine hand shook my hand. Firm and strong.

“My name is,” he paused. “Um, Nick.” He seemed unsure of the name he was telling me. Then, I realized where I knew him from. Nick Jonas I gave him a hard stare as I tried hard not to scream, faint or both. He looked at me, and he knew I knew.

“I won’t scream if that is the reaction you are waiting for,” I whispered to him. He gave me a sigh of relief. I nodded and tried to keep my inner fan girl from coming out.

“Well, thank you,” Nick said. “Hey, I have an idea. Since I just knocked you down, why don’t I bring you to your apartment? You said it yourself that you didn’t want to be alone.” I looked at him like he grew three heads. I was going to nod my head ‘no’ but I decided that I really didn’t want to be alone today.

“If you really don’t mind, I would love it if you did. I really don’t want to be alone,” I said as we started walking down the street. “I have only been in L.A. two days so I still don’t really know where I am going.” He gave me an odd look. “What?” I laughed.

“Only two days?” he said. “If you don’t mind, I would like to show you my city. L.A. is beautiful and you seem to need to be cheered up. Cmon, you know you want to!” I gave him a look like ‘are you high or something?’ but I ended up nodding in agreement. He just laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me along.

As he pulled me along, I noticed that I had no idea where we were going. “Um, Nick? Where are we going?” His brown eyes seemed to twinkle. He wasn’t going to tell me. He just kept dragging me along, and surprisingly I let him do it.

We spent the whole day together. Nick showed me L.A. It was absolutely wonderful even though I had gotten terrible news that day too. It was basically the first time I saw the city, and with Nick, he knew exactly where a tourist would like to see and where his favorite places to be were. It was a wonderful combination. I never had so much fun with someone I didn’t know. I got to know Nick in a short amount of time, and there are no words that begin to describe how amazing he was. He was sweet, charming and became my bestfriend in the course of one day. Truthfully, he was my only friend in L.A. In one day, we also basically learned each others’ stories. Our memories, our goals, our dreams. I didn’t want the day to end. I was having too much fun.

But all good things come to an end. It got late, and Nick was forced to bring me back to my apartment. “Thank you so much, Nick,” I said as he walked me to my door. “I am so glad that I met you. I mean this day started out terrible, and I don’t know what I would have done without you. Thanks again.”

He smiled at me. “Well, um…I will hopefully see you around. Thanks for just spending the day with some random stranger,” I proceeded to say, laughing. “Go back to being a superstar. I’ll be sure to buy your CDs.”

I stuck the key into my door and just expected Nick to leave my life, just as quickly as he entered it. I mean why would a superstar have any obligations to stay in my life? He didn’t.

“Hey, hey Camille. Don’t think you are getting rid of me that fast,” Nick said, grabbing my arm. I looked at him, wondering what he meant. “Well, I know we just met. But today was one of the most enjoyable days I have had in a long time. I mean the way we met was unorthodox, I must admit, but things happen for a reason, right? And I know I’ve only known you for less than a day but…” he trailed off, not completely his sentence.

“Yes?” I questioned. I didn’t understand where this was going. He began to fidget with his hands and looked down at his shoes. “Here Nick,” I said, as I passed him my phone from my pocket. “I thought that you wouldn’t really want to keep in touch. Cmon, you are a rock star, and I am just plain ol’ me. But if you feel so passionate about it, we can stay in touch.” I winked at him, getting rid of all the tension between us.

Nick gave me a lopsided grin, as he input his number into my Droid. “There,” he said. “Told you that you couldn’t get rid of me.” I shook my head, giggling. He was so silly. I didn’t understand why he was supposed to be the serious one.

“Eh, maybe I just won’t talk to you from this day, Jonas,” I teased, as I took my phone back. “Maybe, I’ll disappear mysteriously, and you will never hear from me again. Mwahahahaha!” I twirled around in a circle, until I started getting dizzy. I started laughing and used the door frame to keep me from falling.

Nick laughed at the sight of me. “You are crazy, did you know that?” He shook his head at me as if jokingly disapproving of my oddness.

“Being normal is vastly overrated,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him. It was getting late, so I added, “Well, I should go inside and call my parents to see how my brother is. So I will maybe talk to you later?”

Nick shook his head in agreement. “Yeah, it is getting late. But um Camille, before you go…” Again, he didn’t finish his sentence.

“Yes, Nick?” I said as I leaned against the door frame again. “You should really spit out what is bothering you. I am getting curious to what you want to say.” I gave him a puppy dog look to try to get him to confess what was on his mind.

“You know curiosity killed the cat, right?” he said. He crossed his arms. He thought he won. What a smart aleck. But he had another thing coming.

“Well, satisfaction bought it back! Ha! I win, Nick,” I said. I smirked. “Cough it up, Jonas. What is on your mind?” It was getting to me now. I really wanted to know what he was thinking.

“Ugh, fine. Well, I know we have only known each other for less than a day, but…” Nick started but he didn’t finish his sentence. He seemed to have an internal battle in his mind.

“Yes…?” I urged him to continue. “C’mon, Nick. Tell me. You seriously need to tell me because it is getting late.” As if to prove my point, my phone buzzed as it turned eleven o’ clock. “See?”

Nick groaned. “Well, I know we have only known each other for less than a day, but would you like to go on a date with me?” he quickly said, almost impossible to understand what he was saying. Thankfully for me, I am one of those people who talk really, really fast, so I understood what he said.

I stood there in shock. “No way,” I thought. “Nick Jonas did not just ask me on a date.” I gave him a look of disbelief. I stared at him as if I was trying to figure him out. He looked at me sheepishly and rubbed his neck. His cheeks were turning bright red.

With candor, I asked, “Are you serious, Nick?” He shook his head ‘yes’ as his cheeks turned redder. “Well, usually I wouldn’t say yes to someone I haven’t known for a long time…” Nick looked down at his feet, as if he understood the rejection. “But I would love to go on a date with you.”

His head snapped up in excitement. I giggled at his silliness. “Really?” he asked. I nodded my head. “That’s great. Well, tomorrow at seven. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to dinner.” His face seemed to light up.

“Okay, Nick,” I said. “I will see you tomorrow. Now, leave.” I stuck my tongue out. “Goodnight, Jonas.” He said goodnight, and I went into my apartment. I leaned against the door to keep me from falling to the floor.

“No way,” I thought to myself. “I have a date with Nick Jonas. Oh no, this is not happening. Oh my god. ” But it was happening. Happening to a girl like me.

Dear Lex,

You will not believe what happened. I know writing letters are overrated, and no one does that anymore. But I need to write, I can’t type this! I am so hyper. Okay, so guess who I met on my second day here in L.A.? You will never guess. Nick Jonas YEAH! He bumped into me the day I found out that Kyle was in the hospital. Thank god, he is okay now. But besides that point, Nick asked me out on a date. YESH A DATE, LEX! AHHHHHHHHH. I mean you know I had the biggest crush on this child since forever, but he is so nice, dude. He is like the nicest person I have ever met, and we became friends so quickly. It was so weird and amazing at the same time. Lex, you know I fall for someone too fast in the short amount of time. I’m trying so hard not to. But I can’t help it. I have to tell you about our first date, and you will understand why I can’t help but fall in love with him.

He picked me up at seven sharp. He wasn’t a minute late. He was there at exactly seven. What a gentleman, right Lex? Hehe. I wore that black halter dress that we got from Forever 21 before I left for California. I curled my hair, even though it took forever to curl my uber straight hair. I know you hate it when I curl my hair because you think I look prettier with it natural. But I couldn’t help it. Oops I am rambling. Okay, back to the date. So he bought me to this luxurious restaurant called Le Petit France. Oh my god, it was so romantic, Lex. He got us a table in the back where no one was because obviously someone would have recognized him. We ate and talked. The conversation flowed so smoothly. There were no awkward silences.

After, he bought me to a boardwalk. We walked and played some games. He won me a big panda teddy bear. He is adorkable , dude. His name is Po, like from Kung Fu Panda. I know I’m weird. Shush, stop judging me, Lex! Nick gave me his jacket to wear because it got cold. It was the cutest thing. He held my hand, too. He is so sweet and just AH. I can’t believe I just went on a date with him. He is so down to earth and it is so crazy.

When he bought me back to his apartment, he kissed me. YEAH KISSED ME! Usually, I don’t kiss on first dates. But oh my god, it was fireworks. I couldn’t breathe. It was one kiss. One sweet kiss. And it was mind-blowing. I really, really like him, Lex. I don’t know if I love him yet because obviously I have only known him for a short amount of time. But he is making me feel like I’m special. Like I belong somewhere. He asked me on another date. Wish me luck, Lex. I’ll keep you updated. EEP.

Hugs & Kisses,
Camille

The rest of the summer came and went so quickly. Nick asked me to be his girlfriend. And of course, I agreed. I fell in love with him. I was completely and utterly in love with him. But there came a time where I had to say goodbye. And I knew it wasn’t going to work. I was going to college in New Jersey, and he was going to travel the world. How would we make this work? We wouldn’t.

“Nick, I’m breaking up with you,” I softly said as I let these words out of my mouth. I had to do it. No matter how much it hurt me, I had to do it for him. “I know you aren’t happy. I know that things aren’t the same anymore. I know that you are just letting me hold onto you, because you don’t want to hurt me. But by keeping me, I’m hurting myself and I’m hurting you. We can’t be together. I’ll be in college, and you are famous for Christ’s sake! I know I will forever love you. But I will let you go so you can be happy.” I shut my eyes, hoping he would say anything to make me regret what I was saying. But he didn’t. “You are right. This is for the better. We can still be friends,” he softly said back to me. Right then and there, he broke my heart. He wasn’t going to say it was all a big mistake and that we could work things out. He wasn’t going to say he wanted to keep me and that he still loved me. He wasn’t going to fight for me. And I ran. I went home, but I left my heart in California.

“Why am I doing this? What is wrong with me?” I thought to myself. “What did I do for this to happen? What happened to me? Why am I like this?” But I knew the answer. It was plain and simple. He came into my life.

I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. “Gosh, why am I such an idiot? Why did I have to fall in love? Why?” I screamed to the darkened sky, as the rain began to pour. “Why? Why me? Why did it have to be me?” Tears blinded my sight, but I couldn’t stop crying. My chest heaved as my lungs struggled to get oxygen in, so I could breathe. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to breathe. My head began to pound as my lungs were dying from lack of air, banging against my broken heart…

I gasped for air, as I held my chest, crying, sobbing. “Why, oh why did I have to meet him? Why?” I silently cried to myself. “Why did I have to fall in love? Please, please take the pain away. Please.” I curled my knees to my chest and sobbed. My lungs screamed for air, yet none was coming to them. I shut my eyes tightly to try to stop the falling tears. Yet, the sobs got louder as I began to think about us…

His hand softly brushed up against mine. I looked up at Nick and smiled, nodding my head with permission. He laughed, intertwining his hand with mine. A perfect fit. Nick smiled back at me with his goofy smile that just made my heart skip a beat. I laughed as I ran, dragging him with me. I let go of his hand, running, making him chase me. He caught up and playfully tackled me to the ground. Nick began to tickle me, and I was laughing hysterically. I pushed his hands away and pecked his lips softly. His brown eyes sparkled as he looked at me. A sparkle that showed me that he loved me. That I wasn’t going to fight the world alone. A look that said “I’m here for you forever.” And that look was only for me.

My breathing started to even out, as I finally opened my eyes to see where I was. I let my bangs fall on my tearstained face. I took a big breath of air to satisfy my lungs. Yet, my heart ached with sorrow. “How can the perfect guy break my heart?” I thought sadly. I rubbed my hands over my arms, because it was freezing outside. The rain still came down, harder as ever. The heavens seemed to be crying, too. Then, I thought about another memory…

He held my hand as we walked down the road. It began to rain, just ever so slightly. I started to laugh. “Dance with me in the rain!” I giggled. Nick laughed and grabbed my hands, starting to dance. I started to hum our song. I felt like a princess, and he was my prince. “Thank you for dancing with me. Even though we are soaking wet,” I said, laughing. “I would do anything for you. Just ask and I’ll get you anything you want. If you want the moon, I’ll get it for you. You deserve everything and anything you want, my angel,” Nick softly whispered to me. My heart just stopped right there. And then I said the three words that I wholly meant. “I love you…” My breath hitched as I spoke those three words. Three words was all it took to risk it all. Three words that held more meaning that anything in the world. I was giving my soul, my body, my heart to him. I held my breath. “I love you, too.”

I loved him. No, I love him. I still do and forever will. Nick was my first love. The first to hold my hand. The first one to give me a kiss. The first one that I trusted with my heart. Yet, he was the first to break my heart. And how will I ever put back the pieces? I miss Nick. I miss his smile. I miss holding his hand. I miss his kisses. I miss him laughing at the silly things I do. I miss him telling me that he loved me. I miss him being my bestfriend. How did it all change?...

Falling in love is a tricky thing. Because with falling in love, I gave up everything to let him in. I let Nick know everything about me, and there were no secrets. He loved me for me and he said he would never change a thing about me. I loved him for him and I said I would never change a thing about him. He used to say I was perfect the way I was. I believed him. I used to say he was perfect the way he was. I trusted Nick with my heart and now I feel as if someone took it and smashed it to little pieces. I loved him enough to let him go. I guess he didn’t love me enough to try to get me back.

I sat there on my driveway, feeling lonely and defeated. I just wanted the pain to go away. I just wanted to feel better.

“Yeah...Woah... I know this isn't what I wanted. I never thought it'd come this far. Just thinking back to where we started. And how we lost all that we are,” I sang to myself. The voice came out raspy, but the words and feelings were all the same.

Then, I heard his voice, singing the next words.

“We were young and times were easy. But I could see it's not the same. I'm standing here but you don't see me. I'd give it all for that to change. And I don't want to lose her. I don't wanna let her go.” I saw Nick walk up my driveway. He was singing with me. I couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t here. He couldn’t be.

I began to sing the chorus of the well-known tune that Nick had written about us.

“Standing out in the rain. Need to know if it's over. 'Cause I will leave you alone”

The rain kept pouring. We got soaked head to toe, but it didn’t matter. This was really happening. It needed to happen.

“Flooded with all this pain. Knowing that I'll never hold her,” he belted out. Tears freely flowed down his cheeks. I sat on the driveway, unable to get up. I still felt pain in my knee, but it didn’t matter.

Because our voices came together.

Like I did before the storm. Before the Storm

He continued on with the song. We couldn’t stop. There was no way we were both backing down now. “With every strike of lightning.”

I sang the verse that came after his. “Comes a memory that lasts. So many memories of ours. One summer could change us both. And we knew it.

Singing together, we belted out. “Not a word is left unspoken. As the thunder starts to crash.”

Then I sang the part that my heart needed so desparely to say. “Maybe I should give up…”

I continued on with the chorus. “I’m standing out in the rain. I need to know if it’s over.” I needed to know. Was it over? Was there no chance for our love to survive?

He continued with the song that described us so well. “’Cause I will leave you alone. Flooded with all this pain. Knowing that I’ll never hold her. Like I did before the storm.”

I belted it out with all my emotions put into this very song. “Trying to keep the light from going out.”

Nick joined me as we sang the bridge of the song. “And the clouds from ripping out my broken heart. We always say a heart is not home without the one. Who gets you through the storm.”

We needed to finish the song. And we did. We belted the song with all the feelings and emotions that were too long hidden within ourselves.

“Standing out in the rain, knowing that it's really over. Please don't leave me alone , flooded with all this pain. Knowing that I'll never hold you, like I did before the storm. Yeah. Like a did before the storm.”

The rain stopped. Nick stood there, breathing heavily. I still sat on the ground, clutching my knee. I looked up at him, trying to read his brown eyes. I didn’t know what to say to him. We hadn’t talked since that day I left California. I was too scared to try to talk to him. How could someone who I used to talk to nonstop for hours turn into someone I was terrified to talk to?

But I found my voice. “Nick, what are you doing here?” I whispered, as if my voice would shake the Earth to its core. But it didn’t. My words came out soft and delicate. Just like how I felt at the moment.

He told a deep breath. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was miserable without you. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. All I wanted to do was to be with you. To kiss you. To hug you. To keep you close to me. To love you. But I didn’t know how I was going to do that. I thought you hated me, and you didn’t want to see me. You left California. You left me. But I couldn’t resist the urge to find you. I love you, Camille. I’m in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have something special. I don’t want to throw away something that could last a lifetime.” He stopped rambling and looked at me. Really, really looked at me. Right through me into my soul.

I found my voice again. “Do you really think we can go back to what we were before, Nick? It has been weeks since we’ve seen each other. How are we going to make this work? I live in New Jersey, and you are famous! You are a rock star, who will always be gone. How am I going to compete with all the other celebrities who want to be with you? What if we drift apart? I love you so much, Nick. I can’t bare to be away from you. How are we going to do this? I don’t know if we can, Nick. I really, really want this to work. But how? How…”

Before I could even go on about how it couldn’t work, he walked up to me. He bent down, cupped my face and gave me a mind-blowing kiss. I couldn’t breathe. Fireworks were going off in my head. I grabbed onto him for dear life. A hunger overwhelmed me. Perfection. It was pure perfection.

“We will make it. We can. With our love, nothing is impossible. We will face the world together. Nothing and no one can tear us apart. We will live happily ever after. I love you forever and always. We’ll go back to how we were before the storm. ”