We're Going Down, Down in an Earlier Square?
047
"See she is here," Jackob cried.
"H-Hello," I said getting up. They didn't answer.
"Jackob," Adie said acidly, "Go upstairs."
"Okay...." Jackob hung his head low, and went back up the stairs.
"I have lemonade," Billie exclaimed, as he entered the room with the drinks. "Adie!" he nearly dropped them, but quickly caught himself.
"What is she doing here," she asked.
"We're talking.... That's all." Billie gave me a glass of lemonade.
"About what," she asked, looking at me.
"Nothing in particular," I answered.
"Hm...."
"Adrienne," I said, "Billie doesn't love me. And if he did, I would try my hardest to avoid him as much as possible."
"Why?"
"Because I can't stand to love any body," I said.
"What?" Mike looked at me in confusion.
"I'm beginning to have a heart of ice," I answered, "I don't wanna fall in love.... Any more." I looked to the ground, then back at the three of the adults.
"I don't understand."
"I'm afraid to love," I answered, "So if your.... If Billie came to me and said that he loved me, I would turn him down every time he said that.
"He loves you. He's loved you ever since.... you're first meeting. He's written songs about your first kiss, about his love for you, about how to him saying that 'I love you' wasn't enough to express how much he cared about you and his children, and he's loved you even though you left him.
"He loves you so much, that he's willing to start over, to... be the man he used to be before all of the mishaps. He wants nothing more than to be with you, and only you. Why the hell can't you see that? Are you really that blind?" Adrienne made to say something, but I cut in first, "And an other thing. The only reason he told Mike that he did have feelings for me, was because in some way, I reminded him of you. Think about it."
Adie couldn't say anything now.
"How do we know you're not lying," asked Tre.
"Shut up," Mike said, hitting him.
"Ooww...." Tre rubbed his arm. A silence fell over us, and we all stood there, pointing glances at each other.
It was like that scene in the third Matrix movie. Where they're all pointing guns at each other. If one of them pulled the trigger, they would all pull. That's what's going to happen. If one of us says something, everyone will object, or talk at once.
I picked up my bag, and made for the door, "If you don't want me here, I'll just go."
"Wait!" Billie latched onto my waist.
"What are you doing," I asked, struggling against him.
"We need you here too, this is about you also," he said. I sighed.
"Well, if they don't talk soon, I'm leaving," I said, crossing my arms.
"Are you telling me the truth," Adrienne asked.
"About what," I said.
"Billie."
"Ask him yourself." Adie turned her head from me to Billie, and looked at him anxiously.
"Billie," she asked. He nodded. She gasped, and then smiled, "I'm so sorry!" she ran over to him, and wrapped him in her arms. He stiffened in shock, but eventually hugged her back.
Smiling, I turned to leave again.
"Wait," Mike said, running up to me and grabbing my arm.
"What?"
"May I talk to you," he asked.
"May we talk to you," corrected Billie pulling away from Adie, and grabbing Tre by the arm.
"Why?"
"You'll see." was all they said. I sighed, and surrendered.
"Do you want me to stay," asked Adie, "Or is this a teacher student thing?"
"I think it's a friend to friend thing," Billie said, looking at me.
.:In Mike's Room:.
I sat on Mike's bed, the same bed I had been forced out of the night I had to spend the night. Mike was at the edge of the bed, and Billie and Tre were on either side of him.
"What did you want to talk about," I asked.
"You said you were afraid to love," Billie said, "What the hell was that about?"
"It's a long story."
"It's just after school. We have time."
"I have home work," I said.
"We have time," Billie answered. I sighed.
"Are you ready to tell us," Tre asked.
"No."
"Why?"
"It's nothing."
"When you say that you don't wanna fall in love, it is something," Mike said, "Every one should fall in love."
"No...." I looked at my feet, not daring to look up.
"Please," Billie said, reaching out and placing his hand on my foot.
I took a deep breath, "When I was younger, I was abused. Not in the verbal or physical way.... Well.... Maybe in the verbal.... My mother would always blame things on me, telling me that everything was my fault. She would always say that she never really loved me....
"I was doing the bills at fourteen, and I was doing three jobs all day during the summer, and then only two after school. When I was eighteen, she died.
"I lived by myself until I meat Mikey, and.... He was the first one in a long time how made me feel loved. Then.... When it didn't work out, his brother Gerard took me in under his wing, and then...." I didn't finish.
"Pete.... Was the one... he was the one I wanted... I was the one he wanted. He always told me that he loved me. He was perfect.... Then... he got a letter in the mail, along with a picture. The picture was of me and Mike, and it wasn't very well taken for it made it have the wrong impression.
"It was of the time you came over and had whispered the plan of getting Adie to the lower parts of California to me. The picture was horrible.... Pete got it, and accused me of cheating on him... he broke up with me then.... It was horrible...." I had a weird feeling come over me, a feeling of numbness, "I think I am numb." I said more to myself than to them.
"You're not numb," Billie said.
"You can still feel," Mike agreed.
"Don't be afraid to love," Tre answered, "That's the whole reason love lives on, we do get our hearts broken every now and then, but...." he trailed off.... "Did you say that you were doing the bills when you were fourteen?"
I nodded, "I balanced three jobs a day over the summer." the three of them just stared at me.
"What was she doing the entire time?"
"She was just on the couch every day and night, drinking, and getting high," I said.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault," I answered.
"And it's not yours either," Billie said. He leaned forward, and gave me a hug, followed Mike, and Tre. Tears slipped out of my eyes no matter how hard I fought them back.
"H-Hello," I said getting up. They didn't answer.
"Jackob," Adie said acidly, "Go upstairs."
"Okay...." Jackob hung his head low, and went back up the stairs.
"I have lemonade," Billie exclaimed, as he entered the room with the drinks. "Adie!" he nearly dropped them, but quickly caught himself.
"What is she doing here," she asked.
"We're talking.... That's all." Billie gave me a glass of lemonade.
"About what," she asked, looking at me.
"Nothing in particular," I answered.
"Hm...."
"Adrienne," I said, "Billie doesn't love me. And if he did, I would try my hardest to avoid him as much as possible."
"Why?"
"Because I can't stand to love any body," I said.
"What?" Mike looked at me in confusion.
"I'm beginning to have a heart of ice," I answered, "I don't wanna fall in love.... Any more." I looked to the ground, then back at the three of the adults.
"I don't understand."
"I'm afraid to love," I answered, "So if your.... If Billie came to me and said that he loved me, I would turn him down every time he said that.
"He loves you. He's loved you ever since.... you're first meeting. He's written songs about your first kiss, about his love for you, about how to him saying that 'I love you' wasn't enough to express how much he cared about you and his children, and he's loved you even though you left him.
"He loves you so much, that he's willing to start over, to... be the man he used to be before all of the mishaps. He wants nothing more than to be with you, and only you. Why the hell can't you see that? Are you really that blind?" Adrienne made to say something, but I cut in first, "And an other thing. The only reason he told Mike that he did have feelings for me, was because in some way, I reminded him of you. Think about it."
Adie couldn't say anything now.
"How do we know you're not lying," asked Tre.
"Shut up," Mike said, hitting him.
"Ooww...." Tre rubbed his arm. A silence fell over us, and we all stood there, pointing glances at each other.
It was like that scene in the third Matrix movie. Where they're all pointing guns at each other. If one of them pulled the trigger, they would all pull. That's what's going to happen. If one of us says something, everyone will object, or talk at once.
I picked up my bag, and made for the door, "If you don't want me here, I'll just go."
"Wait!" Billie latched onto my waist.
"What are you doing," I asked, struggling against him.
"We need you here too, this is about you also," he said. I sighed.
"Well, if they don't talk soon, I'm leaving," I said, crossing my arms.
"Are you telling me the truth," Adrienne asked.
"About what," I said.
"Billie."
"Ask him yourself." Adie turned her head from me to Billie, and looked at him anxiously.
"Billie," she asked. He nodded. She gasped, and then smiled, "I'm so sorry!" she ran over to him, and wrapped him in her arms. He stiffened in shock, but eventually hugged her back.
Smiling, I turned to leave again.
"Wait," Mike said, running up to me and grabbing my arm.
"What?"
"May I talk to you," he asked.
"May we talk to you," corrected Billie pulling away from Adie, and grabbing Tre by the arm.
"Why?"
"You'll see." was all they said. I sighed, and surrendered.
"Do you want me to stay," asked Adie, "Or is this a teacher student thing?"
"I think it's a friend to friend thing," Billie said, looking at me.
.:In Mike's Room:.
I sat on Mike's bed, the same bed I had been forced out of the night I had to spend the night. Mike was at the edge of the bed, and Billie and Tre were on either side of him.
"What did you want to talk about," I asked.
"You said you were afraid to love," Billie said, "What the hell was that about?"
"It's a long story."
"It's just after school. We have time."
"I have home work," I said.
"We have time," Billie answered. I sighed.
"Are you ready to tell us," Tre asked.
"No."
"Why?"
"It's nothing."
"When you say that you don't wanna fall in love, it is something," Mike said, "Every one should fall in love."
"No...." I looked at my feet, not daring to look up.
"Please," Billie said, reaching out and placing his hand on my foot.
I took a deep breath, "When I was younger, I was abused. Not in the verbal or physical way.... Well.... Maybe in the verbal.... My mother would always blame things on me, telling me that everything was my fault. She would always say that she never really loved me....
"I was doing the bills at fourteen, and I was doing three jobs all day during the summer, and then only two after school. When I was eighteen, she died.
"I lived by myself until I meat Mikey, and.... He was the first one in a long time how made me feel loved. Then.... When it didn't work out, his brother Gerard took me in under his wing, and then...." I didn't finish.
"Pete.... Was the one... he was the one I wanted... I was the one he wanted. He always told me that he loved me. He was perfect.... Then... he got a letter in the mail, along with a picture. The picture was of me and Mike, and it wasn't very well taken for it made it have the wrong impression.
"It was of the time you came over and had whispered the plan of getting Adie to the lower parts of California to me. The picture was horrible.... Pete got it, and accused me of cheating on him... he broke up with me then.... It was horrible...." I had a weird feeling come over me, a feeling of numbness, "I think I am numb." I said more to myself than to them.
"You're not numb," Billie said.
"You can still feel," Mike agreed.
"Don't be afraid to love," Tre answered, "That's the whole reason love lives on, we do get our hearts broken every now and then, but...." he trailed off.... "Did you say that you were doing the bills when you were fourteen?"
I nodded, "I balanced three jobs a day over the summer." the three of them just stared at me.
"What was she doing the entire time?"
"She was just on the couch every day and night, drinking, and getting high," I said.
"I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault," I answered.
"And it's not yours either," Billie said. He leaned forward, and gave me a hug, followed Mike, and Tre. Tears slipped out of my eyes no matter how hard I fought them back.