Fade Away

The next few days passed slowly. Maika didn't talk all that much, not even when our parents came home on Tuesday morning. He spent his days hiding out in his room, only leaving to eat or shower. I'll admit, I was worried about him. Maika was never the quiet type. He was always out and about and enjoying himself, especially since it was summer vacation. If he was truly okay, he wouldn't be holed up in his room. He'd be out having fun and causing trouble with his friends.

I spent my days going out with friends and enjoying my last summer in the city. I knew I should be a good sister and spend some time with my brother, but I really didn't feel like letting his mood bring me down. We were both going away to college in a two short months and our schools were only an hour away from each other. It wasn't like I wouldn't have plenty of time to be a good sister. He can't balme me for wanting to enjoy myself.

The last day of July however, I had had enough of Maika's little depression. I stomped into his room without even knocking and dropped onto his bed. Maika was sitting at his desk, focused intently on something on his laptop screen. I was fast enough to see him switch windows upon my enterence.

"What the hell, Taryn?" he snapped as he turned to look at me.

"Oh don't give me that. What's your problem?" I said, giving my own attitude to match his.

"I don't /have/ a problem. Now get out."

"Why have you been locked in here for weeks?" I asked. I stood up and walked toward him, hoping to get a good look at his computer screen. "What are you doing that's so much more important that actually living?"

Maika snapped his laptop closed. "Whatever I feel like doing. Is that a problem?"

"Yes! This isn't like you! Since when do you put yourself in front of a laptop for days on end?"

"Why do you care? Don't you have a party to go to? Or some packing to do?"

"I could say the same for you! Have you even thought about what you're going to need to bring with you to your dorm?" I said. Looking around his room, everything was the same as always. Nothing was touched. I would think that he'd at least have started taking down his posters or something.

Maika looked at me for a moment before his voice dropped back to a regular level. "I'm not going," he said. looking away from me.

"You're what? What are you talking about? Of course you're going," I said. He had to be insane if he thought he wasn't going to school. What else would he do? Work at a gas station his entire life?

"No, Tari, I'm not. And don't tell anyone. I mean it. Especially not Mom and Dad."

"Maika, I don't understand."

"I don't want to go, Tari. So I'm not going. Mom and Dad don't get it and they never will. Haven't you ever wanted something so bad that you'd do whatever it takes to get it? What about that time your soccer team made it to sectionals? Remember how bad you wanted that win? You played with a twisted ankle and ended up causing more damage to it in the process. But you won, remember? And remember how good you felt about it? That's what I want, Tari. I want to go for the win no matter what it takes. Going to college for me would be like if you got benched for that game. Don't do that to me, Tari."

Maika was serious about this. I thought he'd been kidding but he was serious. He wasn't going to college and I was. Were going to be separated, each living our own separate lives. "But what about me? What are you going to do? Maika, you can't just leave me alone without letting me know what's going on."

"Tari, let it go. I'll still see you. I... I can't tell you what I'm doing. Not yet. I will, just give me time. And don't worry about it, okay? Who knows? I might end up going to school anyway. I have a few weeks left to decide."

"Fine. It's whatever, I guess," I said as I stood up to leave. Maika openned his mouth to say something but I shot him a look telling him drop it before I left the room, closing the door with an unintentional slam.

I went to my room and laid down on my own bed, thinking about what Maika had just said. We'd spent our entire lives by each other's side. It had taken all I had to be comfortable with being an hour away from him. He was my brother and my best friend and now he was leaving me. What if I was having a bad day? What if I let yet another guy break my heart? Maika wasn't going to be there to save the day anymore. The very thought terrified me.