Fade Away

I sat stirring my cereal absent-mindedly for what felt like forever. Hushed voices could be heard coming from the living room. They acted as if I didn't know what they were talking about. Maika had been gone for five days now. His phone went straight to voicemail and no one had seen or heard from him. The cops had been brought in since the day after I had assumed Maika had only snuck out. But this wasn't the case. Of course, even then I figured he was just out with his friends so I called them. None of them had seen him either.

As the voices continued, I felt more and more scared and more and more guilty. I had been the last one to talk to him. I was fighting with him about not going to school. What if something really did happen to him? The last thing we'd done was fight. The guilt was nausiating.

I pushed my cereal bowl to the center of the counter, not willing to eat any of it, and laid my head on my arms. I was strainging to hear what my parents were saying in the other room. I was pretty sure my aunt was here too. Everyone was expecting the worse. It was Maika, the perfect student with the perfect manners and honest intentions. Obviously if he was gone without notice something was seriously wrong. That's what caused me to doubt everything. I knew Maika better than everyone else. He wasn't as perfect as everyone always made him out to be and he hated to always be called perfect. He had flaws and he loved every one of them. There was a feeling in my gut that Maika was truly fine. That he'd just gone out to get a little bit of a breather and be himself. Still, if that was the case, he could have at least filled me in. I groaned in confusion. I just wanted some answers.

I got up and walked to my room, collapsing on my bed and burying my face in my pillow. After several minutes of laying like that, I snatched my phone of the bedside table and dialed Maika's number one more time.

"Hey. It's Maika. I'm not here right now. Leave it, and I'll get back to you."

I sighed and dialed another number that was just as familiar to me.

"Hey, you've reached Chris. I'm not answering my phone right now so leave a message."

"Chris! Come onnnnn," I whined although hanging up before the voicemail could record it. I hated being sent straight to voicemail. Especially when I was calling Maika or his friends. His friends were my friends too. When we were younger, Maika hated that fact. But now that we were older, we found that having the same group of friends made everything easier. Of course it helped that I'd always been more of a tomboy. His friends just got me a lot better than the girls at our school. Chris was the listener out of Maika's friends. Christian was there for a good laugh and Jay was there to help you loosen up. But Chris listened. He was the one who talked to me when I was upset about this guy or that guy. So in a time like this, it made perfect sense for me to want to talk to him. So why wasn't he answering his damn phone?

I dialed Maika's number again and this time, I decided to leave him a message.

"Hey. It's Maika. I'm not here right now. Leave it, and I'll get back to you."

After the beep, I said, "Maika Haini Maile. Maybe you remember me. You know, your twin sister? If you don't answer this god damn phone and tell me where you are I'm going to hate you forever. I mean it Maika. This isn't funny--" I hung up abruptly at my voice started to crack. I slammed my hands agressively against my eyes and pressed down to prevent myself from crying. This was stupid. Maika was just fine. No reason to cry over it.

I was losing the battle with my tears and I slammed my head into m pillow again. I said over and over again that I hated Maika and Chris and everyone I could think of. I knew I didn't truly hate them but my emotions were speaking now. Why couldn't Maika tell me, his twin sister, his best friend, where he was? And why couldn't Chris at least tell me to breathe and that my brother was fine? Was a simple support system too much to ask for? Did they really expect her to take this lightly? I just wanted my brother.