Fade Away

"You know, I'm so glad you're my best friend. Really. I don't know what I would do without you," I said to Chris as we laid on the couch and watched "It's Kind of a Funny Story." I knew we were laying oddly close for just best friends but at the moment, I didn't care. Chris had been there for me through this whole thing. I still didn't know where my brother was and the start of college was edging closer and closer. Why should I be judge for getting close to the only person who had kept me strong through the whole thing? And it is not like Chris Kamrada was a particularly difficult person to want to be close to. He just had... it. You know, that it that draws people to him? Yeah, that it.

"I'm glad you're my best friend, too, Tari," he said with a laugh. I smiled and turned away from the movie and buried my face in his chest. He didn't say anything but he held me to him for a long time. I still don't know how he understood me so well. It seemed like he always knew exactly what I needed or wanted or meant. The only other person in the world who gets me that well is Maika.

It was just so easy to allow myself to be comfortable around Chris. No matter what the occasion, happy, sad, frightening, of plain boring, Chris and I always found a way to make the most out of it. I think that's why the more time I spent with him, the less I worried about Maika. Of course, I never forgot that he was missing. But when I wasted hour after hour out with Chris or even just at his house, I always seemed to forget that something bad could have happened. I don't know if that is just naive of me or if it's a clue that I do not need to worry because Maika's fine, I do not know.

What I do know is that whatever was causing me to forget about my worries was also making me remember that I was just an average teenage girl.

Maybe that's why I kissed Chris in the first place.

I promise it's not what you think. I wasn't playing a woe is me card and I wasn't being a confused suffering girl. No. When I kissed him, I was completely fine. I was happy. I was laughing. I wasn't giving a single thought to Maika. It was just me and Chris, alone and having fun. He was making jokes and I was laughing at every one of them; even the bad ones. And then it just sort of... happened. Chris didn't really seem to mind either. He went with it. And even though I was a bit embarrassed afterward, he wasn't. We don't talk about it and we haven't necessarily repeated the action, but I do think it woke us both up to something we weren't aware of. After that kiss, we grew even closer, basically inseparable. We weren't dating or anything like that. We were just two best friends who, to a passing stranger, probably appeared to be more.