Heard There's Peace Just on the Other Side
foREVer
I was dreaming. That was the only logical explanation for any of this. There was no way that Jimmy, my Jimmy, was gone. The world couldn’t exist without him. It wasn’t possible. How could life go on without him? He was everything. The only person that made everything right. The only person that made everything okay. The only person that I made sense to. Gone.
I didn’t even get to say good bye.
The night that I met him flooded back to me.
The five of them entered the bar. You could tell, just by looking at them, that they were best friends.
“It’s perfectly fine to look!” Jimmy had yelled, grabbing Matt’s head in his hands.
I stood nervously behind the bar. It was my first night working solo, and I was terrified I’d mess everything up. I had yet to meet this group of guys, but I’d heard all about them from the owner of the bar. They were regulars.
“Rev,” Matt said, pushing Jimmy’s hands off his head. “I don’t want to look.”
“What?” Jimmy was clearly confused. “How could you not want to look at pretty women?!”
Matt just shrugged. Jimmy shook his head at his friend before heading towards the bar. My hands started to sweat. He did a double take when he saw me.
“Well hello there beautiful,” He said; his clear blue eyes slightly unfocused. “Are you new around here?”
I nodded slowly.
“Well I’m Jimmy,” He said, extending his hand towards me.
“I’m Beth,” I said quietly, shaking his hand. His hands were callused.
“Beth,” He repeated my name. I liked the way it sounded in his voice. “Is that short for Elizabeth? Or Bethany?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m just Beth.”
“Well, just Beth, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ll take five jack and cokes.”
I nodded as I silently got to work on the drinks. Jimmy walked away. When he returned he wasn’t alone. He leaned on the bar, both hands palm down on it.
“This is Matt,” He said. “Matt this is just Beth. She’s a new bartender here.”
Matt nodded his hello, and I did the same.
“Matt’s getting married tomorrow,” Jimmy explained.
“Congratulations,” I said, putting the drinks up on the bar.
“Thanks,” Matt said.
“But the problem is,” Jimmy continued, acting as if he had never stopped talking. “That we took him to a strip club, and he wouldn’t even look at the strippers.”
Matt rolled his eyes as he grabbed two drinks and walked away. He came back and grabbed two more before he turned to Jimmy.
“Are you coming?” Matt asked.
Jimmy shook his head. “No way man,” He said, as if it was obvious. “I’m staying here.” His eyes flickered to me for a second. “Unlike you, I want to look at pretty women.”
A new wave of sadness hit me. There was no place for me without Jimmy. We were meant to be together.
My phone rang.
“Hello?” My voice sounded weird. I realized I was crying.
“Hey girl,” It was Val. “I was just calling to see if you needed anything.”
I felt bad for worrying Val. It was evident in her voice that she had been crying, and I suddenly felt guilty. Val along with everyone else in the group had known Jimmy way longer than I had. They had all lost a brother; a part of their family. I should be consoling them.
“Do you need anything?” I asked.
“I need you to be okay,” She said without hesitation. “I know that’s not going to happen for a little while, so please just remember that I’m always here no matter what time it is or whatever.”
“Thanks Val,” I said softly.
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow? All the guys are coming over. We would all love to see you. We really haven’t seen you since the…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. But she didn’t have to. They hadn’t seen me since the… funeral. No one had. I hadn’t left my bed. Jimmy’s bed.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be there tomorrow. What time?”
“Six.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
I hung up and put my phone back on the night stand. Jimmy’s phone sat next to it. His last outgoing call had been to me. I remembered looking the other night. I flipped his phone open and pressed the call button. I sighed as his call list popped up. At the top of the list was me. He had refused to put me in his phone as Beth. Instead, it said LoveOfMyLife. I couldn’t help but frown. I had missed that phone call. Jimmy had left me a voicemail. The shortest voicemail he had ever left me. It was only three words.
I love you.
“Happy anniversary baby!”
I blinked open my eyes, still half asleep. Jimmy stood on the end of my bed, jumping up and down.
“How did you get in?” I grumbled.
He smiled down at me. “The landlord lady let me in. I told her I had called you a million times and you hadn’t answered, and that I was really worried. She seemed surprised when I said I was your boyfriend.”
I rolled over, covering my head with my blanket. I heard Jimmy laugh before he flopped down on the bed.
“Wake up,” he said.
“No.”
He pulled the blanket off my face slowly.
“Please wake up,” He said. “We have to celebrate our anniversary.”
“Why do you have to be so cute?” I asked.
He laughed again. “I can’t help it. You on the other hand need to stop being so beautiful. I’m tired of other guys looking at you. You’re mine.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not nice to lie, you know.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes this time. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. He pulled away and smiled.
“Happy seven months, Beth,” He said as he handed me an envelope. I sat up and opened it slowly. Inside was a gift certificate to go for a spa day. I smiled.
“This is awesome Jimmy!” I said as I hugged him. “I love it.”
Jimmy smiled. “Good.” He said.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, as I handed him a box.
“You just did,” He said seriously, opening his present. He smiled down at the watch I had given him. He kissed my lips once. “Thank you,” He said, still smiling. “I love it.”
“You’re welcome,” I said as I smiled.
Jimmy laughed. “What did you want to ask me?” He said.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “I was just curious as to why you wanted us to celebrate this specific month anniversary.”
He shrugged. “There’s been something I wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon or not. But then I decided I didn’t give a fuck. And once I decided that, I knew I wanted to tell you on a special day, and the next special day happened to be our seven month anniversary. That’s all.”
I stared at him, confused. I opened my mouth to say something, but Jimmy silenced me with a kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled.
“I love you,” He said.
I had loved Jimmy since the moment I had met him. When he told me he loved me, I could’ve screamed in happiness. After that day, Jimmy made sure to begin and end each and every day by telling each other how much we love one another.
I sighed as I lay in bed. I looked up at the ceiling, pretending I could see Jimmy.
“Good night, Jimmy,” I whispered, stupidly hoping that where ever he was right now, he could hear me. “I love you.”
The next morning was the same as the ones before it. I didn’t want to leave the bed. But it had been days since I showered and I figured it was about time I fixed that.
When I was finished showering, I put on some clean clothes and headed out of the room; another first in days.
It wasn’t until I entered the kitchen that I realized how hungry I was. I opened the fridge. The only thing in there was a bag of grapes. I smiled as Jimmy’s voice played in my head.
Grapes in your mouth make you happy down south.
I walked back towards the living room, frowning as I saw the hole in the wall above the couch. I thought about the stupid fight that Jimmy and I had gotten into a few weeks ago. God, had he been here just a few weeks ago? It seemed like an eternity since I’d seen his perfect face.
“Jimmy,” I said.
“What?” He spat.
“I’m tired of being used as a maid.”
“A maid?” He growled. “You’re joking, right?”
“Why would I be joking?”
“Because if you were a maid, you’d definitely be fired. This place is a mess.”
“This place is a mess because you’re a slob. I clean all the time but you never notice because the second you come home you throw your shit everywhere.”
“Please,” He scoffed. “More than half of this shit is yours.”
“Bullshit.”
Jimmy moved to the couch.
“This is yours,” He said, picking up my jacket off the couch, and tossing it to the floor.
He moved to the coffee table. “Yours,” He said, as he picked up my pursed and chucked it onto the couch.
He stood up and walked to the other side of the room. “Yours,” he said, throwing my sneakers at the couch. “Yours.” He threw my heels towards the couch; however, one of them flew over the couch, the heel going through the wall.
Jimmy paused as he looked at the wall. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Jimmy laughed too.
I stood in the hallway, frozen in front of a picture hanging on the wall. It was from two years ago. The guys had been on Warped Tour. I was beyond wasted, and Jimmy was carrying me over his shoulder. When the picture had been taken, Jimmy’s back was to the camera, but his head was turned. You could see that he was laughing. I was thrown over his shoulder, my face towards the camera. A drunken smile lit up my face, and I was holding a can of beer in my hand. Moments after the picture was taken, I’d poured the beer down the back of Jimmy’s pants.
I’d spent the rest of the day crying. Eventually I cleaned myself up, making sure I looked presentable. I didn’t want to worry Val anymore then I already had. It was five thirty when I left the house.
I thought sadly about how Jimmy always insisted on driving because he said I never paid attention. I always paid-
“Beth, baby, open your eyes.”
“No,” I said. “It’s too bright in here.”
A laugh. His laugh. My eyes flew open.
“Jimmy!” I yelled. I blinked once, twice, three times.
He pulled me into his arms. It felt so real. I prayed I wouldn’t wake up. He pressed his lips to mine.
“I’ve missed you.” Jimmy whispered against my lips.
“I’ll be sad when I wake up,” I admitted.
“Beth, I don’t think you understand.”
He looked behind me. I followed his gaze, and gasped. I saw myself. Paramedics surrounded me, working on my lifeless body.
“I’m dead?”
Jimmy nodded. “I told you that you never pay attention.”
I was about to say something about it being a bad time to joke, but then I realized I could be with Jimmy again, forever. I knew the world couldn’t exist without him.
“They’re going to miss you,” He said.
“They do miss you,” I said. “But they’ll know we’re together again. Just like we’re supposed to be.”
“I love you Mrs. Sullivan,” He said.
“I love you too.”
I smiled. I’d found peace, just on the other side.
I didn’t even get to say good bye.
The night that I met him flooded back to me.
The five of them entered the bar. You could tell, just by looking at them, that they were best friends.
“It’s perfectly fine to look!” Jimmy had yelled, grabbing Matt’s head in his hands.
I stood nervously behind the bar. It was my first night working solo, and I was terrified I’d mess everything up. I had yet to meet this group of guys, but I’d heard all about them from the owner of the bar. They were regulars.
“Rev,” Matt said, pushing Jimmy’s hands off his head. “I don’t want to look.”
“What?” Jimmy was clearly confused. “How could you not want to look at pretty women?!”
Matt just shrugged. Jimmy shook his head at his friend before heading towards the bar. My hands started to sweat. He did a double take when he saw me.
“Well hello there beautiful,” He said; his clear blue eyes slightly unfocused. “Are you new around here?”
I nodded slowly.
“Well I’m Jimmy,” He said, extending his hand towards me.
“I’m Beth,” I said quietly, shaking his hand. His hands were callused.
“Beth,” He repeated my name. I liked the way it sounded in his voice. “Is that short for Elizabeth? Or Bethany?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’m just Beth.”
“Well, just Beth, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ll take five jack and cokes.”
I nodded as I silently got to work on the drinks. Jimmy walked away. When he returned he wasn’t alone. He leaned on the bar, both hands palm down on it.
“This is Matt,” He said. “Matt this is just Beth. She’s a new bartender here.”
Matt nodded his hello, and I did the same.
“Matt’s getting married tomorrow,” Jimmy explained.
“Congratulations,” I said, putting the drinks up on the bar.
“Thanks,” Matt said.
“But the problem is,” Jimmy continued, acting as if he had never stopped talking. “That we took him to a strip club, and he wouldn’t even look at the strippers.”
Matt rolled his eyes as he grabbed two drinks and walked away. He came back and grabbed two more before he turned to Jimmy.
“Are you coming?” Matt asked.
Jimmy shook his head. “No way man,” He said, as if it was obvious. “I’m staying here.” His eyes flickered to me for a second. “Unlike you, I want to look at pretty women.”
A new wave of sadness hit me. There was no place for me without Jimmy. We were meant to be together.
My phone rang.
“Hello?” My voice sounded weird. I realized I was crying.
“Hey girl,” It was Val. “I was just calling to see if you needed anything.”
I felt bad for worrying Val. It was evident in her voice that she had been crying, and I suddenly felt guilty. Val along with everyone else in the group had known Jimmy way longer than I had. They had all lost a brother; a part of their family. I should be consoling them.
“Do you need anything?” I asked.
“I need you to be okay,” She said without hesitation. “I know that’s not going to happen for a little while, so please just remember that I’m always here no matter what time it is or whatever.”
“Thanks Val,” I said softly.
“Why don’t you come over tomorrow? All the guys are coming over. We would all love to see you. We really haven’t seen you since the…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. But she didn’t have to. They hadn’t seen me since the… funeral. No one had. I hadn’t left my bed. Jimmy’s bed.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll be there tomorrow. What time?”
“Six.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.”
I hung up and put my phone back on the night stand. Jimmy’s phone sat next to it. His last outgoing call had been to me. I remembered looking the other night. I flipped his phone open and pressed the call button. I sighed as his call list popped up. At the top of the list was me. He had refused to put me in his phone as Beth. Instead, it said LoveOfMyLife. I couldn’t help but frown. I had missed that phone call. Jimmy had left me a voicemail. The shortest voicemail he had ever left me. It was only three words.
I love you.
“Happy anniversary baby!”
I blinked open my eyes, still half asleep. Jimmy stood on the end of my bed, jumping up and down.
“How did you get in?” I grumbled.
He smiled down at me. “The landlord lady let me in. I told her I had called you a million times and you hadn’t answered, and that I was really worried. She seemed surprised when I said I was your boyfriend.”
I rolled over, covering my head with my blanket. I heard Jimmy laugh before he flopped down on the bed.
“Wake up,” he said.
“No.”
He pulled the blanket off my face slowly.
“Please wake up,” He said. “We have to celebrate our anniversary.”
“Why do you have to be so cute?” I asked.
He laughed again. “I can’t help it. You on the other hand need to stop being so beautiful. I’m tired of other guys looking at you. You’re mine.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not nice to lie, you know.”
Jimmy rolled his eyes this time. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. He pulled away and smiled.
“Happy seven months, Beth,” He said as he handed me an envelope. I sat up and opened it slowly. Inside was a gift certificate to go for a spa day. I smiled.
“This is awesome Jimmy!” I said as I hugged him. “I love it.”
Jimmy smiled. “Good.” He said.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, as I handed him a box.
“You just did,” He said seriously, opening his present. He smiled down at the watch I had given him. He kissed my lips once. “Thank you,” He said, still smiling. “I love it.”
“You’re welcome,” I said as I smiled.
Jimmy laughed. “What did you want to ask me?” He said.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “I was just curious as to why you wanted us to celebrate this specific month anniversary.”
He shrugged. “There’s been something I wanted to tell you, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon or not. But then I decided I didn’t give a fuck. And once I decided that, I knew I wanted to tell you on a special day, and the next special day happened to be our seven month anniversary. That’s all.”
I stared at him, confused. I opened my mouth to say something, but Jimmy silenced me with a kiss. When he pulled away, he smiled.
“I love you,” He said.
I had loved Jimmy since the moment I had met him. When he told me he loved me, I could’ve screamed in happiness. After that day, Jimmy made sure to begin and end each and every day by telling each other how much we love one another.
I sighed as I lay in bed. I looked up at the ceiling, pretending I could see Jimmy.
“Good night, Jimmy,” I whispered, stupidly hoping that where ever he was right now, he could hear me. “I love you.”
The next morning was the same as the ones before it. I didn’t want to leave the bed. But it had been days since I showered and I figured it was about time I fixed that.
When I was finished showering, I put on some clean clothes and headed out of the room; another first in days.
It wasn’t until I entered the kitchen that I realized how hungry I was. I opened the fridge. The only thing in there was a bag of grapes. I smiled as Jimmy’s voice played in my head.
Grapes in your mouth make you happy down south.
I walked back towards the living room, frowning as I saw the hole in the wall above the couch. I thought about the stupid fight that Jimmy and I had gotten into a few weeks ago. God, had he been here just a few weeks ago? It seemed like an eternity since I’d seen his perfect face.
“Jimmy,” I said.
“What?” He spat.
“I’m tired of being used as a maid.”
“A maid?” He growled. “You’re joking, right?”
“Why would I be joking?”
“Because if you were a maid, you’d definitely be fired. This place is a mess.”
“This place is a mess because you’re a slob. I clean all the time but you never notice because the second you come home you throw your shit everywhere.”
“Please,” He scoffed. “More than half of this shit is yours.”
“Bullshit.”
Jimmy moved to the couch.
“This is yours,” He said, picking up my jacket off the couch, and tossing it to the floor.
He moved to the coffee table. “Yours,” He said, as he picked up my pursed and chucked it onto the couch.
He stood up and walked to the other side of the room. “Yours,” he said, throwing my sneakers at the couch. “Yours.” He threw my heels towards the couch; however, one of them flew over the couch, the heel going through the wall.
Jimmy paused as he looked at the wall. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Jimmy laughed too.
I stood in the hallway, frozen in front of a picture hanging on the wall. It was from two years ago. The guys had been on Warped Tour. I was beyond wasted, and Jimmy was carrying me over his shoulder. When the picture had been taken, Jimmy’s back was to the camera, but his head was turned. You could see that he was laughing. I was thrown over his shoulder, my face towards the camera. A drunken smile lit up my face, and I was holding a can of beer in my hand. Moments after the picture was taken, I’d poured the beer down the back of Jimmy’s pants.
I’d spent the rest of the day crying. Eventually I cleaned myself up, making sure I looked presentable. I didn’t want to worry Val anymore then I already had. It was five thirty when I left the house.
I thought sadly about how Jimmy always insisted on driving because he said I never paid attention. I always paid-
“Beth, baby, open your eyes.”
“No,” I said. “It’s too bright in here.”
A laugh. His laugh. My eyes flew open.
“Jimmy!” I yelled. I blinked once, twice, three times.
He pulled me into his arms. It felt so real. I prayed I wouldn’t wake up. He pressed his lips to mine.
“I’ve missed you.” Jimmy whispered against my lips.
“I’ll be sad when I wake up,” I admitted.
“Beth, I don’t think you understand.”
He looked behind me. I followed his gaze, and gasped. I saw myself. Paramedics surrounded me, working on my lifeless body.
“I’m dead?”
Jimmy nodded. “I told you that you never pay attention.”
I was about to say something about it being a bad time to joke, but then I realized I could be with Jimmy again, forever. I knew the world couldn’t exist without him.
“They’re going to miss you,” He said.
“They do miss you,” I said. “But they’ll know we’re together again. Just like we’re supposed to be.”
“I love you Mrs. Sullivan,” He said.
“I love you too.”
I smiled. I’d found peace, just on the other side.
♠ ♠ ♠
<3