Real World: Malibu

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since the day I had sex with Alex for the first time, and since I've talked to Alex.

I talked to everyone like I would normally, but they could all tell that I was dying inside and I wasn't happy at all.

I found myself spending more and more time in the secret room in under the window seat, in the exercise room for hours, or at the piano or with a guitar, playing any and every song that came into my head.

I didn't like talking to anyone unless they started talking to me. But there would be those few times where I felt better than I normally did, not happy, not even neutral, but just a bit better than what I found ‘normal’ those two weeks.

I sighed. Today me and Chett had work. We didn’t have to leave for a few hours, so I walked to the kitchen and grabbed some oreos.

The phone rang, and I waited a moment to see if anyone would get it, but when I didn’t hear footsteps, I sighed and trudged to the phone.

“Helllllo. ?” I answered.

“Hey it’s Grieco. Is Alex there. ?”

“Oh, so Grieco doesn’t wanna talk to me. ? Well, fine then. !” I teased.

“Kay, you know I love you. ! “ He screamed, “But I seriously need to talk to Alex.” He laughed.

“Okay, I’ll get someone to get him.”

I heard him sigh. “Are you still not talking to him. ?”

“Grieco, How can I fucking talk to him without breaking down. ? I can BARELY deal with hearing his name.”

“Well, you guys need to figure it out because you guys are in that house together for another, what 3 months. ?”

“Yeah, I think so. But no need to worry about it. Okay. ? I’ll go get him. I love you guys.”

“Love you too Kay.”

I put the phone down on the couch and walked through the house, trying to find Alex.

I found Bry in the music room. “Hey Bry, can you find Alex and tell him Grieco’s on the phone for him .?”

“Yeah, sure.” He put the bass down and walked around looking for him.

I walked back into my room, deciding to just change into my work clothes and see if Chett wanted to leave early a bit.

I pulled out white skinny jeans and a bright blue tank top. I changed before pulling out bright blue LoTops, and put on rings and slipped back on Alex’s necklace, and Same’s dogtags. I slipped on one of Same’s old hoodie and after pinning my bangs back, I dubbed myself done

I didn’t know what to do, so I walked down to the grand piano and sat down.

I could hear Alex talking to Grieco.

I thought about what song I should play and decided on one of The Maine’s from Can’t Stop Won’t Stop.

I started the keys to ’Time To Go’ and started singing along with it. Before I even got to the chorus, Kenny joined me, guitar in hand.

He started strumming and singing along with me.

We finished the song and I smiled at him.

“Hey Ken.”

“Hey Kay.” He smiled back, but said nothing else.

He started to play a song, that I quickly recognized to be We All Roll Along.

I played the song with him and we both sang it again. Afterwards, we played We’ll All Be…

I smiled at Kenny.

“I love playing with you.” I said, leaning into him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

He just smiled and hugged me tightly.

“I love you Kennedy. You always know when to not say anything.”

“I try.” He chuckled.

I pulled away and kissed his cheek before walking into the kitchen to grab oreos again.

“CHESTER. ! CAN WE LEAVE FOR WORK YET. ?” I screamed into the house, hoping that he was done getting ready.

“I don’t know why you get away with calling me Chester.” He sighed.

“Cause you love meeee.” I sing-songed since I was in one of those ‘better’ moods.

I grabbed more oreos before hoping on Chett’s back.

“Onward to the mall. !”

He chuckled before grabbing my thighs to make sure I didn’t fall and we made our way to one of the cars.

We hung out for an hour or so once we got to the mall before heading off to work.

“Hey Shawn.” I smiled.

“Hey Kay.”

I sat next to him on the floor where he was restocking some shirts.

We talked for a few minutes before I had to get up to ring up a customer.

Today, I was in charge of the music playing overhead. Did I take advantage of that. ? Fuck yeah. !

I play such a variation of music, and I danced around to each song, and sometimes danced with Shawn.

I was still in a good mood. Today would be one of the better days, I thought to myself.

8 hours later, and me and Chett met outside the food court. Lately, I’ve been calling him Chester. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why he let me.

We joked as we walked back to the car. I decided to enjoy this time where I’m in a good mood because I knew later I would crash and be the most depressed I’ve ever been.

On the way home we stopped by WalMart and picked up a bunch of candy. Then we stopped at Guitar Center and picked up some guitar picks.

When we got home, I took the candy and walked into my room. I changed into shorts and threw off Same’s hoodie and slipped into flip flops. I put my contacts in before throwing on my aviators. I threw my hair up into a sloppy bun. I grabbed the candy again and picked up Same’s acoustic and walked upstairs.

I found the guys, minus Alex in the living room playing Xbox while the girls were in the kitchen talking.

I leaned up against the kitchen counter.

“You guys wanna go jam out on the beach. ?” I asked See, Lee and Cass.

“Sure.” They smiled before heading downstairs to get guitars and sunglasses.

I walked over to the guys and sprawled myself on all of them.

“The girls and me are going to the beach and jamming out. Ohtay. ?” They were about to answer before I cut them off. “No you guys can’t come, and I was telling you so that you knew where we are and I wasn't really asking for permission.” I smiled and got up.

I grabbed my guitar from where it was on the counter and the bag of candy before I joined the girls as we walked down the beach a little, away from the house.

We settled down in the sand, thinking about what song to play.

I smiled and started playing Stupid Love Letter by The Friday Night Boys. They quickly caught on and we started singing along with it together.

We played more songs including Paramore, Hey Monday, VersaEmerge, The Summer Set, A Rocket To The Moon, Boys Like Girls, The Maine and All Time Low. Yeah, we were out there for literally hours.

Little kids came in front of us and danced as we smiled at them before their parents came and retrieved them.

After about 2 and a half hours, we heard clapping and turned to see Chett, Kenny, Bry and …. Alex.

We laughed and I continued to strum on my guitar without thinking about it.

The girls started playing Remembering Sunday, and I sighed but played along with the sing nonetheless.

Alex surprised us all and was the one who started singing.

When it came to Juiliet Simm’s part, I surprised everyone, including myself by singing it. When we finished the song noone said anything.

Suddenly, I started playing a Do You Feel by The Rocket Summer and all of us sang with it.

We called it a day, and See, Lee and Cass handed off the guitarsto the boys to carry, but I swung mine around so that it was on my back.

We walked back to the house as the boys ate the rest of the candy we had brought along with us.

When we got back to the house I went into my room, put the guitar away then changed into Same’s basketball shorts and put my aviators away.

I walked back upstairs and started dinner which I decided would be lasagna. When it was done, I set the table and grabbed myself a soda and sat down.

“DINNER’S READY. !” I yelled into the house.

Within 30 seconds, everyone was seated.

We laughed and joked around and when we were done, I made the guys do the dishes.

I sat myself on the counter and watched as they cleaned up. They asked me for help, but I just laughed and sipped my soda.

When they were done I skipped down to my room.

I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed the paper with everyone’s number on it. I skipped back upstairs and got on the phone, dialing Garrett’s number.

“GARE GARE.” I screamed once he answered.

“Hey Kay. !” He chuckled. “What’s wrong. ?”

“Oh, so something has to be wrong for me to call my best friend. ?” I asked. “Fine, then I’ll just go.”

“No. ! No. No. !” He said rapidly. “I’m just kidding. How are you Kay.” He asked, referring to the whole Alex situation.

“Yeah. Gary, it was strange. I actually felt .. Good today. I don’t know why, but I was pretty close to happy. And it felt amazing.”

“That’s awesome Kay. ! I’m beyond happy for you.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

We talked for a while; I went through my day and he went through his. After about 20 minutes, we hung up.
I went back to my room and put in my headphones and turned my iPod on.

I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to go to bed, grabbing Chace’s teddy bear off my side table.

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I woke up suddenly, sweating and panting. I just had the worst nightmare.

I checked the time.

3:27

I sighed, and found Chett next to me, sound asleep.

I quietly got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

I splashed water out of my face and willed the memories of the nightmare to go away.

I sat on the window seat with my head in my hands.

In the nightmare, we were all on the beach. Everyone. ATL, BLG, The Maine, WTK, Hey Monday, VE, Paramore and the various friends and Chett. We were having an amazing time.

Then, all of a sudden, they all started disappearing, leaving only a note behind. And all the notes basically said the same thing.

I left you. I’m not your friend anymore. I never was. You’re alone in this world, Kay. With noone left to lean on. You’re alone.

And when I went back inside, the house was spotless. Like when I first stepped into the house that first day.

Noone was around. And I had the sudden urge to play on the piano. So that’s what I did. I played a few random keys before playing a random song I forgot the name to.

Then all of a sudden, Alex showed up.

“Alex. Thank god you’re here. Where is everyone. ?” I cocked my head to the side.

Then he looked up. And I couldn’t help but gasp. He looked dead. He was dead. He was a zombie.

“Kay, you broke my heart. Look at it.”

I stared in horror as he ripped apart his chest and laid his heart out on the table. It was in thousands of small pieces.

“Now, you say I broke your heart. Let’s have a look at it.”

I tried to get away, but it was no use. I watched as Alex ripped my heart out and laid it on the piano top. It looked much like Alex’s on the table.

I collapsed and expected to get up, and be a zombie like Alex. But that didn’t happen.

“Goodnight my sweet Kay.” Alex said softly. “Forever.”

Okay, yes I know that if I literally got my heart ripped out I would die instantaneously, but still. My worst nightmare. And it added on the pressure of knowing I hurt Alex that much.

I couldn’t think straight. I felt hot tears run down my face. I saw something shine in the moonlight out of the corner of my eye.

I looked and found it to be a razor.

I knew I shouldn’t touch it, but I found myself getting up and gripping it in my hand.

I walked to the sink hesitantly, running the water.

I positioned it on my wrist and closed my eyes as I slid it down.

I grunted and ran it under the water, cleaning the blood up.

The cut wasn’t deep, but it crossed over my old scar like an ‘X’.

I grabbed a hand towel and pressed it against the cut while I walked up into one the closets near the kitchen. I rummaged through it and finally found the first aid kit.

I set it on the counter and took out the gauze and wrap.

I bandaged up my wrist, put the first aid kit away and walked back to the bathroom with the bloody towel.

I wrapped the razor in the towel before going through the secret room to outside.

I walked to the trash can and dumped it in. I walked back through the secret door and got through the window seat.

I sighed.

I told myself I wouldn’t cut again. But I did.

I got back into bed and silently cried myself back to sleep.